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Let's Play Oblivion: The Adventures of Snails!!!!1! (Finito)
- Thread starter Elzair
- Start date
Elzair
Cipher
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2009
- Messages
- 2,254
Chapter 4: Aw Hell! Not More Sewers An' Caves An' Shit!
Chapter 4: Aw Hell! Not More Sewers An' Caves An' Shit!
Does dis mean I have to go speelunking?
Find out and see!
YEEEEEE!!!!!
When we last left our hero, he had just barely escaped the Jaws of Oblivion.
Big deal! I have been in much worse situations.
Go away West!
You diabolical derelict!
Now, let's make sure the whiny bitch ...er Martin is alright.
So now he sort of believes me. Hooray! </sarcasm>
Come with me to Weynon Priory.
Well! Let's get our asses in gear
Who da hell is dat?!
He's the one who gave you the horse!
That horse is slow as shit! Bitch got what he deserves!
Let's ruffle these ruffians!
After a somewhat fierce fight in the chapel, we find Jauffre.
They attacked without warning. I was praying in the Chapel when I heard Prior Maborel shout. I had just time to arm myself.
The Amulet of Kings! I fear that was the target of this attack. I kept it in a secret room in Weynon House.
We need to go see if it safe.
We go back to Weynon House, and, lo and behold ....
Martin cannot stay here. We have driven them off, but they will be back once they learn of Martin's survival. Which they will.
Hold it, fool! How the hell did they even know the Amulet of Kings was here to begin with?
Let's not talk about that.
What do you mean, fool? One of your men is a rat!
Well, not really, it's kind of embarassing ... You see, being a preacher guy is kind of lonely ....
Go on.
A few days ago, this hot little nun came by, and we kind of hit it off. I showed her my Amulet of Kings to get her riled up so I could show her my Rod of Kings.
Don't worry, it happens to the best of us.
Let's just get to Cloud Ruler Temple.
Alright. We finally arrive at Cloud Ruler Temple.
First we have to sit through the ceremony.
But there is yet hope. Here is Martin Septim, the son of Uriel Septim.
I know you all expect me to be Emperor. I'll do my best. But this is all new to me.
I'm not used to giving speeches...
Aw hell! When someone says dat, dey gonna' ramble on fo'ever!
... But I wanted you to know that I appreciate your welcome here.
I hope I prove myself worthy of your loyalty in the coming days. That's it. Thank you.
Whew!
I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I know I would be dead by now if it weren't for you. Thank you.
What the hell is he going on about?
But everyone expects me to suddenly know what to do. How to behave.
They want an emperor to tell them what to do. And I haven't the faintest idea ...
I mean, my adopted father ruled Gondor and everything, but I mostly just cut shit with swords.
I knew you looked familiar! You were from the movie by some Tolkeen or some shit!
In any case, we need the Amulet first. Maybe Jauffre will know where to start.
We speak to Jauffre.
As the Grandmaster of the Blades, I would be honored to accept you into our order. Will you join us?
I will pick the fourth option.
Sorry, negro. We just need you to do one more litte job for us ....
I know what 'dis gonna be!
We just need you to retrieve the Amulet of Kings for us.
YEEEEEEEH!!!!
You should go back to the Imperial City. Baurus may have learned something about the assassins.
You'll find Baurus at Luther Broad's Boarding House in the Elven Gardens district of the Imperial City.
We fast travel to the Elven Gardens district of Cyrodiil. The horse automatically waits in the stables, which is a useful feature.
Alrighty, then. Let's see what happens.
Surprise! Surprise! The guy following him was part of the Mythic Dawn!
So, basically, this furry (well scaly) scholar tells me I need to find the four volumes of "Commentaries on the Mysterium Xarxes" to find the Mythic Dawn's lair. The hitman had the first one, and this scaly bitch has the second one, and she suggests trying First Edition in the Market District for volumes 3 & 4.
We travel there.
We've known each other for five seconds, and he already pisses me off!
So now we have to wait around for 'Gwinas' to show up.
Whoopie!
After 'reasoning' with him, the little bitch decides he doesn't want anything more to do with the Mythic Dawn.
So now, we go back to Baurus, and he decides to accompany us into the sewers to retrieve the fourth volume.
Not more sewers! YEEEEEEEH!!
Shut up Snails!
He may be an annoying house brother ....
You aren't?!
Shut yo' mouth!
... but brothers gotta stick together!
Alright, I set the difficulty on easy, so I can kill these motherfuckers quickly to keep Baurus alive.
Well, here is Baurus all alone.
When suddenly, a new figure emerges. They discuss handing over the book.
Meanwhile, two more Red Dawn agents approach from uptop.
I'm tired o' dis shit! Let's pound those mutafuckas!
This is the coolest combat shot I took. Isn't it a beaut!
After the battle, Baurus tells me to grab the book from one of the corpses.
Anyway, we get the book, and Snails gets out of there to take a shower.
Now that we have the four volumes of "Commentaries on the Mysterium Xarxes", we need to know what to do with them. Snails goes back to Tar-Meena, and, after a few days, she finds out that the first word in every paragraph spells out this message: "Green Emperor Way Where Tower Touches Midday Sun."
Green Emperor Way is the path encircling the Imperial Palace in the center of Cyrodill.
It marks the location on my map, so I fast travel to Bravil and head north.
At the entrance to the cave, Snails is approached by a hooded man.
What about willing dicks? Is dere some bitches around here?
Are you outta your fuckin' mind?
It is the only way to get past without a fight, Snails.
YEEEEEEE!!!
"Praise be to your Brothers and Sisters! Great shall be their reward in Paradise!"
"When I walk the earth again, the Faithful among you shall receive your reward: to be set above all other Mortals forever."
"As for the rest: the weak shall be winnowed; the timid shall be cast down; the mighty shall tremble at my feet and pray for pardon."
So sayeth the Lord Dagon. Praise be.
What's with all these bitches and bein' a windbag?
Your reward, Brothers and Sisters! The time of Cleansing draws nigh. I go now to Paradise. I shall return with Lord Dagon at the coming of the Dawn!
Well, shit! Mankar Cameron has flown the coop! Ah well, let's get that book up there.
I like red wine too!
I don't think that is the kind of red-drink she's talking about, Snails.
Aw hell!
So, Dagon wants some red-drink, huh? He is about to get more than enough of it!
Since we don't have any other weapon, we might as well take the dagger. We will come back for the Mysterium Xarxes, but first let's get some help!
I then slay that Harrow guy to get my stuff back, and I immeadiately pound on all these bitches!
Apparently, the battle was too much for the poor scaly-guy!
Better him than me!
Now we proceed through the Living Quarters on a merry killing spree!
This bitch kept running away and making me chase him! That pussy was annoying as fuck!
Here is some weird ass note!
Shhh! He's sleeping.
Wakey! Wakey!
People hide the damndest things!
Finally! I find the exit! Another update will be coming whenever I find the time to get to it.
Chapter 4: Aw Hell! Not More Sewers An' Caves An' Shit!
Find out and see!
When we last left our hero, he had just barely escaped the Jaws of Oblivion.
Go away West!
Now, let's make sure the whiny bitch ...er Martin is alright.
Well! Let's get our asses in gear
He's the one who gave you the horse!
After a somewhat fierce fight in the chapel, we find Jauffre.
We go back to Weynon House, and, lo and behold ....
Alright. We finally arrive at Cloud Ruler Temple.
First we have to sit through the ceremony.
What the hell is he going on about?
We speak to Jauffre.
I will pick the fourth option.
We fast travel to the Elven Gardens district of Cyrodiil. The horse automatically waits in the stables, which is a useful feature.
Alrighty, then. Let's see what happens.
Surprise! Surprise! The guy following him was part of the Mythic Dawn!
So, basically, this furry (well scaly) scholar tells me I need to find the four volumes of "Commentaries on the Mysterium Xarxes" to find the Mythic Dawn's lair. The hitman had the first one, and this scaly bitch has the second one, and she suggests trying First Edition in the Market District for volumes 3 & 4.
We travel there.
So now we have to wait around for 'Gwinas' to show up.
After 'reasoning' with him, the little bitch decides he doesn't want anything more to do with the Mythic Dawn.
So now, we go back to Baurus, and he decides to accompany us into the sewers to retrieve the fourth volume.
Shut up Snails!
You aren't?!
Alright, I set the difficulty on easy, so I can kill these motherfuckers quickly to keep Baurus alive.
Well, here is Baurus all alone.
When suddenly, a new figure emerges. They discuss handing over the book.
Meanwhile, two more Red Dawn agents approach from uptop.
This is the coolest combat shot I took. Isn't it a beaut!
After the battle, Baurus tells me to grab the book from one of the corpses.
Anyway, we get the book, and Snails gets out of there to take a shower.
Now that we have the four volumes of "Commentaries on the Mysterium Xarxes", we need to know what to do with them. Snails goes back to Tar-Meena, and, after a few days, she finds out that the first word in every paragraph spells out this message: "Green Emperor Way Where Tower Touches Midday Sun."
Green Emperor Way is the path encircling the Imperial Palace in the center of Cyrodill.
It marks the location on my map, so I fast travel to Bravil and head north.
At the entrance to the cave, Snails is approached by a hooded man.
It is the only way to get past without a fight, Snails.
Well, shit! Mankar Cameron has flown the coop! Ah well, let's get that book up there.
I don't think that is the kind of red-drink she's talking about, Snails.
So, Dagon wants some red-drink, huh? He is about to get more than enough of it!
Since we don't have any other weapon, we might as well take the dagger. We will come back for the Mysterium Xarxes, but first let's get some help!
I then slay that Harrow guy to get my stuff back, and I immeadiately pound on all these bitches!
Apparently, the battle was too much for the poor scaly-guy!
Now we proceed through the Living Quarters on a merry killing spree!
Here is some weird ass note!
Shhh! He's sleeping.
Finally! I find the exit! Another update will be coming whenever I find the time to get to it.
Last edited:
Data4
Arcane
I want to see Snails' take on Hackdirt. 
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