Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

MAN, WE JUST GOT SEPHIROTHED!!

Holy fucking shit ! Awesome update man, one of the best you've done so far. The Kiefer/Sephiroth thing was pure genius...

KIEFEROTH ??!!

Andyman...

I truly appreciate you putting yourself through this for us. This is so beautiful... and so painful to watch. I'll pour out some liquor for you when this is all over.

Flying Spaghetti Monster said:

Andyman...

I truly appreciate you putting yourself through this for us. This is so beautiful... and so painful to watch. I'll pour out some liquor for you when this is all over.

Click to expand...

Indeed.

This update was good. It almost makes me want to make a good LP, although it makes me feel unable to make a good LP at the same time. I don't know whether to love or hate you, or just think you're entertaining on the internet.

Compared to this, anyone can make a good lp thread.

This LP is pretty epic, and I've read some epic LPs.

I was thinking of just making a really bad game in RPG maker called Mystic Quest and continue playing that in the Let's Play Mystic Quest thread and make shit up as I go along

Do it. I'll bet you anything* half the audience won't be able to tell the difference.

*nothing

HOLY SHIT KIEFER SUTHERLAND IS EDDIE IZZARD?!?!

HE IS ALSO JAMES MASON AS GOD!

Does this mean that Colin Pharell is Sean Connery as Noah?

That TWIST by the end of the update was beyond awesome. Bioware should learn from you.

If Sephiroth is Kiefer Sutherland from The Lost Boys, wouldn't that make Cloud Jason Patric?

Or Corey Haim?

This is where I stopped playing. The awesomeness was just impossible to comprehend any longer

MetalCraze said:

Bioware should learn from you.

Click to expand...

They probably did for ME3

Man, I thought my FFVII Screenshot LP was in depth (check it out on the Penny Arcade forums if you care), but you've been at this over a year. I applaud your perseverance. Not very surprising we've made some of the same jokes. The game really does lend itself to some obvious slappings.

Hope you finish.

I feel weird when people praise this lp because it's not like I put in any effort whatsoever really, but thanks anyway. I'll be sure to check out your FF7-adventures.

This is pretty good playthrough from the perspective of someone who never played JRPG before. But yeah FF7 was my first JRPG too, and it was quite maddening to have all these 'just press X to continue' events in the game.

I never finished it though, cause the third disc went missing. I'm counting on you to let me see the ending man! Go for it!

So when the update is coming? That plot twist was a one shocking revelation.

I will update next month.

Andyman Messiah said:

I will update next month.

Click to expand...

FUUUUUU-

Is it bad when an LP has you on the edge of your seat when no game or movie has been able to in years?

You've got some hell of a drive keeping it up for this long with fresh material.

Carry on, Threepwood!

Alright, let's finish the dismantling of an androgynous man in this loooooooooooooooooooooooooong fucking update. Welcome back, friends, to the fucking of a mind - Final Fantasy VII.



Professor Hojo... I don't have a number... You didn't give me one because you said I was a failed experiment.
What the--? You mean only a failure made it here?
Professor... give me a number. Please, Professor...
Shut up, miserable failure...

Oh man! Well, let's see how he handles rejection.



He... goes into the foetal position and... floats up into the sky... and makes us all blind. Right. Of course.

He seems to handle shit really well.

Shut up, Cid.



Oh hey, this is the main reason why you shouldn't play games in a dark room. We're going to be in whitescreen dialog limbo for almost all of eternity and I will make you suffer just as much as I did by showing you all of it.

...He's a Sephiroth-clone I created after the real Sephiroth died five years ago. Jenova cells and Mako, with my knowledge and skills, have been combined with science and nature to bring him to life.



FACT: This particular shot is only shown for less than a second before the game takes you back to whitescreen limbo.









I WILL MAKE YOU HURT.











Alright, we're back to normal. Well, as normal as this shit is anyway... You may open your eyes without fear of going blind.

Sephiroth is not just content to diffuse his will into the Lifestream; he wants to manipulate the Clones himself.



You missed it but Cid actually rushed over to Tifa and is now busy touching her leg. I presume he will help her up soon as he's done.

Heh. Sure...

Good enough for me.

I wondered where the clones were going, but I was never able to figure it out.
(I couldn't figure it out either.)
The one thing that I did know was that Sephiroth was at their final destination.
(I wasn't pursuing Sephiroth.)



All the anger and hatred I bore him, made it impossible for me to ever forget him. That and what he gave me.



What?! Barret, shoot that fucking traitor!

Can't. Muthafucka's too high up.

Just fire that fucking gun!

What if l hit someone?

What? Like fucking Sephiroth? You've been firing that fucking thing several times. Shoot, you big brown pussy! Go berserk!

No, I don't want to.

Pussy.

Show yourself to me! Where are you?!



Oh.



He is waiting for you, Cloud Farrell. Touch the magic crystal egg and let our Master be reborn!
I will, Sutherroth. Hail Sephiroth!
Hail Sephiroth!
Man, being possessed sure sucks!
You be quiet!
Yeah!
...
Alright, let's see how this-- whoops!
Man, look what you did!







Should we run?
Nah, let's stay here and see if Sephiroth really is inside that crystal egg.
Alright.



Man, what a torso.
Shame about the dick, though.
...



This is perfect! Both Jenova's Reunion and Sephiroth's will! They won't be diffused into the Lifestream, but gathered here! Mwa, haa, ha, ......

FACT: "Mwa, haa, ha, ......." is now officially the coolest laugh ever.

What are you so happy about, Professor? You know what this means, don't you?
What, you mean the end of the world? Meh.
Sephiroth is going to summon Meteor! Every single person on the Planet is going to die!
Yes, but think of the SCIENCE!



I want you all to come with me. There is still much more I want to hear.
Alright!
Do we all get personal cells?
Of course! Personal torture chambers too!
Man, you can count on the Shinra to lock you up in style! :D
You sure can! Any last words you want to tell that... guy before we take you away for interrogation?



Uh huh.



Colin Stryfe does not care, Cloud Farrell only wants to float in the air, resurrect old army buddy Sephiroth! Friend Sephiroth, please take revitalizing rejuvenating reinitializing reboot restoration thingy.









RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!
What, again?!



RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!
*sigh* Okay. RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!



RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!
HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT?!



FLY AWAY FLY AWAY!!!



HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT!?



FLY AWAY FLY AWAY!!!



That is one pissed off supermechagodzilla!
FLY AWAY FLY AWAY!!!





YOU'RE CONFUSING US WITH THE POWER RANGERS, YOU BIG STUPID PIECE OF FUCK!! LEAVE US ALONE!!
HOLD ON, I'M GONNA SHOOT THAT MUTHAFUCKA IN THE FACE!!
NO!! DON'T DO THAT, YOU'LL---
SHIT!! EVERYONE GET SOMETHING TO HOLD ONTO!!!



AIEEEE!!



OH NO I'M FALLING!!

FACT: Yes, they bounce.



Ooof!!



AARGHH!! BARRET TRAMPLE PUNY WOMAN!!

BUT SUDDENLY!!



Huh! Pretty light?!



Preeeeeeetty liiiiight...



Whoaaaaaaa....
Shut the fuck up and help me get up, Barret.
Hey, are all my prisoners okay?
Y-yeah!
Can't torture you if you're dead, you know!
We're fine! But I think that "#¤%&!! Cloud Colin clone guy got himself killed or something.
Uh huh.



YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



EPILOGUE







I didn't know what to do. I was always like that.





I like to imagine that the guard is extremely afraid of Tifa.





CLOUD JUST CAME IN PANTS!









FACT: This is exactly what happens when you turn your back on people for no apparent reason.

Is it really you, Cloud? I never thought I'd find you here.
Yeah, it's been a while.
What happened to you? You don't look well.
..Yeah? Well, it's nothing. I'm okay.





Damn it, Tifa! Stop looking away when Cloud's having his episodes!



......
What is it?
...it's really been a long time.



FACT: Oh snap.

You got your wish and joined SOLDIER, quit after the Sephiroth incident, and now you're a mercenary. You told me a lot about what happened after you left Nibelheim, but... Something was wrong. I felt there was something strange about the things you talked about. All the things you didn't know that you should, and other things that you shouldn't know that you did. I wanted to make sure... But then I heard... you were going far away... And I didn't want that... I didn't know what to do. So, I thought I needed more time. And that's why I told you about the AVALANCHE job. Because I wanted to be with you... Watch you...

..................

..................




To be continued.

Ding!

......hehehe. You're so close to the ending. Just a few more boss fights. No more twists man. It's Fortress of Regrets time.

Won't be anymore twists since I killed off Colin and Kiefer now.

Well, unless I bring back God, Bubbles and Flappyjack... Hmm... Ideas...

Oh man.

This 'game' is full of shit.

Andyman, you're a true patriot :eagletear:

There's no ending until you kill all the weapons. :twisted: