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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Sckarecrow92

Educated
Joined
Apr 15, 2009
Messages
286
skyway said:
That's because Andyman plays shit games so we don't have to.

Nuhh uhh
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Everytime I update it's like someone's nailing me to a cross. With a Quake-styled, Trent Reznor-engineered Nail Gun.

After FF7 I'm thinking about doing Baldur's Gate.
 

Monocause

Arcane
Joined
Aug 15, 2008
Messages
3,656
BTW, how's your Witcher review cooking?

Case someone wanders in: Andyman is up to his ears in SERIOUSLY REVIEWING The Witcher right now, and now he needs your help! Both his reviews so far have lacked in the department of "certain issues". For example he didn't bring up the lackluster AI in Mass Effect (not that there was anything to talk about, but still...). So, people: Stuff in TW:EE you want him to go angry cunt mode on. Let's hear it.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
2013: Baldur's Gate LP abandoned! The Witcher review continued!

It's coming along just fine. Should be done soon, actually.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Hi, guys and vagina-guys! Update time.

Now, about this cliff climbing stuff. I thought about doing a video of it so you could hear how awesome it is to mash buttons but then I thought "no, that would be dumb" so I decided that the best intercourse of action would be to just draw a picture while our heroes, off screen, packed their asses in my convenient let's skip the whole fucking thing-elevator! Let's go!

01_hotclimbingaction.jpg


And there we go. Picture has been drawn and our hapless trapless capless hackysackless heroes are up!

cloudstrife.jpg
Wow! That was cheesy! Even for this LP...
cidhighwind.jpg
Cheesy like a frenchman in february!
tifalockhart.jpg
You two be quiet! Be thankful that this nice man...horse.. let us ride in his elevator while he drew a pretty picture!
cloudstrife.jpg
It's not even a picture! It's just a white... square!
tifalockhart.jpg
It symbolizes the nothingness he feels whenever he see a minigame.
cloudstrife.jpg
Right. Where are we now?
tifalockhart.jpg
We're in a cave, stupid.
cloudstrife.jpg
Alright, how do we get through the cave?
tifalockhart.jpg
We just run on the ground until we get to the exit.

Yes, or we can just get inside my huge fucking drill and ACTUALLY GO THROUGH the fucking place!

tifalockhart.jpg
Yes, or we can just do that!
cloudstrife.jpg
Man, talk about cheap!
tifalockhart.jpg
No, Cloud. Talk about horse!
cidhighwind.jpg
Whatever. "#¤%&!! More climbing!

02_morehotclimbingaction.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
What does this picture symbolize, Tifa?
tifalockhart.jpg
It symbolize how he saw red when he realized he wasn't done with the stupid button mashing cliff climbing the first time he played this game.
cloudstrife.jpg
Of course...
cidhighwind.jpg
Just get on the fucking elevator, you "#¤%&!!
cloudstrife.jpg
Alright.

MOMENT LATERS!!

cloudstrife.jpg
Where are now?
tifalockhart.jpg
Cave.
cloudstrife.jpg
Cave?
tifalockhart.jpg
Cave.
cloudstrife.jpg
Alright.
cidhighwind.jpg
Get in the fucking drill, you "#¤%&!!!

LATER MOMENTS!!

cloudstrife.jpg
Where are we now?

03_evenmorehotclimbingaction.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Let me guess, even more hot climbing action?
tifalockhart.jpg
Yes. This picture symbolizes the color of Andyman's diarrhea after he was done with this portion of the game.
cloudstrife.jpg
Butthurt detected.
tifalockhart.jpg
Oh, quite so, Cloud! Quite so...
cidhighwind.jpg
GET TO THE ELEVATOR, YOU "#¤%&!!!!!!

LAMENTS MATER!!

04_savespot.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Where are we n.. Oh hey, actual screenshot! I like.
cidhighwind.jpg
Yeah, I bet you do, you "#¤%&! faggot.
cloudstrife.jpg
Well, let's just save our game and head to the right and--OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

05_ohholyfuckingshit.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
IT'S A DRAGON!!
tifalockhart.jpg
Haven't we killed like five hundred dragons so far?
cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah, but this dragon has two heads! That's like TWO DRAGONS!
tifalockhart.jpg
So what, you got two cocks or something?
cloudstrife.jpg
I wish.
cidhighwind.jpg
I'm too old for this shit.

EVEN MORE MOMENTS LATER OUR HEROES FIND THEMSELVES AT THE VERY LAST CLIFF CLIMBING MINIGAME!!!!!!!!!!!

tifalockhart.jpg
And there's no temperature timer thing!
cidhighwind.jpg
Great.
cloudstrife.jpg
Well, let's just go up and--OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

06_ohholyfuckingshitpartdeux.jpg


cidhighwind.jpg
It's a crater... with a "#¤%&!! whirlwind locked inside it... or something...
tifalockhart.jpg
Yeah...
cloudstrife.jpg
THAT WHIRLWIND IS RAPING THAT CRATER!!!
tifalockhart.jpg
What?

07_RAPEWIND.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
WE HAVE TO RESCUE IT!!! NO RAPE ON MY WATCH!!
tifalockhart.jpg
Wait, Cloud. I'm sure it's just the planet trying to heal itself or something.
cloudstrife.jpg
..really?
tifalockhart.jpg
Yeah, remember. Something fell from the sky and made this huge hole and now the planet's trying to heal itself.
cloudstrife.jpg
So that big whirl's like a bandage or something?
tifalockhart.jpg
Or something.
cloudstrife.jpg
Hmm... What do you think, Cid?

08_ohsoitsnotRAPEINPROGRESSthen.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Yeah, exactly what I said.
cloudstrife.jpg
I bet this is the power Sephiroth is trying to use to call Meteor!
tifalockhart.jpg
Yeah, it's never wrong to remind ourselves about that every now and then.
cloudstrife.jpg
Holy shit! I bet not even a rapewind can stop the unholy skullfucking of a huge rock from outer space!!
tifalockhart.jpg
No, I don't think so eith..
cloudstrife.jpg
WE HAVE TO HELP THE PLANET!! NO SKULLFUCKING ON MY WATCH!!
tifalockhart.jpg
Wait! Cloud!
cloudstrife.jpg
I can't hear you, Tifa! I'm already miles from you and Cid!
tifalockhart.jpg
That... stupid... fucking... AARHGHGHGH!!!!!!
cidhighwind.jpg
...
tifalockhart.jpg
...
cidhighwind.jpg
...
tifalockhart.jpg
WHAT?!
cidhighwind.jpg
So uh... I hear you two used to fuck or something?
tifalockhart.jpg
:evil:
cidhighwind.jpg
Eeep...

LATER! ON THE GROUND!

tifalockhart.jpg
Thanks for waiting, Cloud. :roll:
cloudstrife.jpg
WE HAVE TO HURRY!

09_wewillthroatfuckhimtodeath.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
YES! BUT WE HAVE TO HURRY!

10_WEHAVETOHURRY.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
YES! BUT WE HAVE TO HURRY!

11_YESBUTWEHAVETOHURRY.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
YES! BUT WE HAVE TO.. oh, well let's go then!

12_hereweseeasuicide.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
HOLY SHIT THAT GUY JUST COMMITED SUICIDE!!
cidhighwind.jpg
Lucky him..

13_holyshitwejustgotNEOBAHAMUTSUMMO.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
HOLY SHIT WE JUST GOT NEO BAHAMUT SUMMON MATERIA!!
tifalockhart.jpg
Lucky us..

SUDDENLYTHEAIRSHIP.jpg


SUDDENLY THE SHINRA AIRSHIP OF TERROR, DOOM, PESTILENCE, DEATH, DESTRUCTION, GREED, POWER AND OCCASIONAL CHICKEN FUCKING APPEARED!!

cloudstrife.jpg
HOLY SHIT THAT'S THE SHINRA AIRSHIP OF TERROR, DOOM, PESTILENCE, DEATH, DESTRUCTION, GREED, POWER AND OCCASIONAL CHICKEN FUCKING!! IT APPEARED SUDDENLY!!
cidhighwind.jpg
Holy jumping bible buffet, son! Where?! I can't see it!
cloudstrife.jpg
Of course you can't see it. It's too big to be seen!
tifalockhart.jpg
But that doesn't make sense!
cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah, well YOU DON'T MAKE SENSE!

SUDDENLY MEANWHILE ON THE AIRSHIP!

SINISTER LAUGHS!!
14_SINISTERLAUGHS.jpg


EVEN MORE SINISTER LAUGHS!!
15_SINISTERLAUGHS.jpg


EVEN EVEN MORE SINISTER LAUGHS!!
16_SINISTERLAUGHS.jpg


EVEN EVEN MORE MORE SINISTER LAUGHS!!
17_SINISTERLAUGHS.jpg


NOTHING CAN STOP THE SINISTER LAUGH PARADE!!
18_SINISTERLAUGHS.jpg


19_whydoihearlaughing-1.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Why do I hear giggling?
cidhighwind.jpg
No goddamn idea...
cloudstrife.jpg
Maybe they're fucking each other in the ass but they're extremely ticklish in the butt so they're giggling?
tifalockhart.jpg
Yeah, or maybe they're just retar..
cloudstrife.jpg
Good point, Tifa! Well, let's move on.

20_cantwejustgohome.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Can't we just go home?
cidhighwind.jpg
Not when we're this close to the end, you dumbfucked thumbduck! Look!

21_sephiroth.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Sephiroth!
sephiroth.jpg
What? Only one exclamation mark? Man, that really hurts, Cloud.
cloudstrife.jpg
Sorry, let me try again. Ahem... A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four...

22_sephirothwiththreeexclamationmar.jpg


sephiroth.jpg
Much better!
cloudstrife.jpg
This is the end, Sephiroth!!!
sephiroth.jpg
Yes. You're right. This is the end of this body's usefulness!!
cloudstrife.jpg
What?!

23_SMOKESANDMIRRORS.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
It's a trick! He's gotta be around here somewhere.
sephiroth.jpg
Of course I am, you unwashed ass cleavage! Now listen to me speak spooky stuff to Cloud!
cloudstrife.jpg
Cool!

24_okay.jpg


25_our.jpg


26_those.jpg


27_master.jpg


28_ofcourse.jpg


29_SINISTERLAUGHINGRETURNS.jpg


cidhighwind.jpg
I don't think I like where this is going...
tifalockhart.jpg
Neither am I. Everytime C-Loud and Sephie talk spooky shit with each other it always ends with some bad shit coming down our ears.
cloudstrife.jpg
You're overreacting, Tifa. Nothing bad's going to come down our... hey, what's this shadow all of a sudd--OHHOLYSHIT!!

30_HOLYSHIT.jpg


31_ohwell.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Cloud?
cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah?
tifalockhart.jpg
I'm gonna kill you.
cloudstrife.jpg
Can it wait til after the boss fight?
tifalockhart.jpg
Yeah.
cloudstrife.jpg
Cool.
cidhighwind.jpg
"#¤%&!!!

32_BOSSFIGHTACTIVATE.jpg


BOSS FIGHT ACTIVATE!!

Behold a new color of the same old Jenova monster we have fought and defeated at least three times now!

33_uhhuh.jpg


Well, let's see if it stays down this time.

AFTER THE MOST THRILLING, MOST EXCITING, REPEAT-BOSSFIGHT EVER!!! Our heroes find themselves completely collected, staring at the awesome awesomeness of...

34_afterthebossfight.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Huh.. So that's what it's about... The Jenova Reunion.
tifalockhart.jpg
Not Sephiroth?! You mean all this time it wasn't Sephiroth we've been after?
cloudstrife.jpg
I didn't say it wasn't Sephiroth. You're really good at guessing. Anyway, I'll explain later. Right now the only thing I'm thinking about is defeating Sephiroth!!
tifalockhart.jpg
But Sephiroth is...
cloudstrife.jpg
He's here. The real Sephiroth is just beyond here. It's both incredibly wicked and cruel... but it's releasing a powerfully strong will from deep within this planet's wound.

35_incredibly.jpg


cidhighwind.jpg
For now at least.
cloudstrife.jpg
Hey!
tifalockhart.jpg
We better not take it with us when we go to defeat Sephiroth, Cloud.
cidhighwind.jpg
Yes, nevermind that he got a really nasty habit of getting possessed by evil forces and handing over vital items to our enemies.
tifalockhart.jpg
Oh right, well, let's not just hide it under a rock or something then. Let someone else take care of it for now.
cloudstrife.jpg
Good plan, Tifa! And that person will be...

36_notcid.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
...not Cid. Hey, Barret!
barretwallace.jpg
Yeah?
cloudstrife.jpg
I choose you!

37_sureisbarrmeister.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Sure is. Anything else you want to say?

38_agreecompletely.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Great. Well then, let's go meet Sephiroth.

39_yay.jpg


OUR HEROES BRAVELY CROSSED ANOTHER WINDY CROSSING AND SUDDENLY!!

40_SUDDENLY.jpg


cidhighwind.jpg
Nibelheim?! Why "#¤%&!! Nibelheim?
tifalockhart.jpg
You'd prefer Rocket Town?
cidhighwind.jpg
I'd prefer my own asshole! Least it'd make sense! Why are we in fuckin' Nibelheim all of a sudden? Where's that samurai douche faggot?
cloudstrife.jpg
This is just an illusion created by Sephiroth to confuse us. As long as we know it's an illusion we have nothing to be afraid of. I'm sure that as long as we close our eyes and pretend we're walking on a beach made out of olive branches, whatever that happen won't fuck with our heads or lead to a crisis of some sort where I have to rediscover myself and accept who I really am. I mean, that'd be silly!
tifalockhart.jpg
Um, well, you see... I kinda...

41_ohmy.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Oh shit.
cloudstrife.jpg
You say something, Tifa? I'm too busy closing my eyes, you know.
tifalockhart.jpg
I said "oh shit."
cloudstrife.jpg
Oh shit?
tifalockhart.jpg
Yeah...

42_duhduhduhhhhh.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Oh shit... :|


TO BE CONTINUED.
 

Quilty

Magister
Joined
Apr 11, 2008
Messages
2,406
Your dedication and endurance are now officially the stuff of legends.
 

Fat Dragon

Arbiter
Joined
May 24, 2007
Messages
3,499
Location
local brothel
I lol'd at the last screenshotl. Poor bastards, their scalps must hurt like a motherfucker when trying to grow out that hair. Seriously, what makes anime artists think shit like that looks "cool"?
 

Sckarecrow92

Educated
Joined
Apr 15, 2009
Messages
286
I've noticed that there's more charicterizashun in these signature thingies than in the actual games...

Final Fantasy fans have real imagination, y'know. Literary geniuses, n' stuff. It's a shame all their creative influence is used to justify their worship of these horrible games.

Edit: but they're nothing compared to Metal Gear Solid fans.
 

ghostdog

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Dec 31, 2007
Messages
11,079
Didn't you just say, in another thread, that you keep returning to FF7? Time to return horse. :twisted:
 

MetalCraze

Arcane
Joined
Jul 3, 2007
Messages
21,104
Location
Urkanistan
April 22

"BTW, how's your Witcher review cooking?"
"It's coming along just fine. Should be done soon, actually."

Kyaa haa hah
 

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