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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

peak

Scholar
Joined
Apr 29, 2006
Messages
134
Location
Meshuggah City
<a href="http://youtubedoubler.com/?video1=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fv%2FgvRRIY3YGFU&video2=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fv%2FZnHmskwqCCQ">hai guis look what i made</a>
 

1eyedking

Erudite
Joined
Dec 10, 2007
Messages
3,591
Location
Argentina
Andyman Messiah said:
Eldritch said:
Work? I thought you were a wild horse.
These carrots aren't going to eat themselves, dammit!
Flawless!

Also, I can't believe you're 52 pages in and STILL only gone through disk one. You really do have the constitution of a horse, at least.
 
Joined
Apr 4, 2007
Messages
3,585
Location
Motherfuckerville
Damn. You have some serious endurance to not only be able to play through this "game", but keep making the funnahs consistently.

I really should finish the Quest 64 LP. Maybe that'll sate people for a bit, even though it's nowhere near as good as this or the Sailor Moon LP.

Also the added text in the death scene was hilarious.
 

Gragt

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Nov 1, 2007
Messages
1,864,860
Location
Dans Ton Cul
Serpent in the Staglands Divinity: Original Sin
Edward_R_Murrow said:
Maybe that'll sate people for a bit, even though it's nowhere near as good as this or the Sailor Moon LP.

To be honest, my source material is already very lulz worthy.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
1eyedking said:
Also, I can't believe you're 52 pages in and STILL only gone through disk one.
It's a miracle it didn't take much longer as I was busy as fuck (and still is) and didn't really have time to play shitty games for the amusement of internet people. I maintain that this thread will end somewhere between 100-150 pages if people also keep posting catchphrases, bumps and occasional praise.

Edward_R_Murrow said:
I really should finish the Quest 64 LP. Maybe that'll sate people for a bit, even though it's nowhere near as good as this or the Sailor Moon LP.
You really should finish it because I was reading and enjoying it.

An update is on the way.
 

Imbecile

Arbiter
Joined
Oct 15, 2005
Messages
1,267
Location
Bristol, England
1188409083559_walkMower17.jpg
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Yesterday, my folks decided to send me to the glue factory. Currently hiding in a phone booth somewhere in Norway.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Hey, guess what I found under my pillow? A sparklingly sparkling new update of everyone's favorite crap jrpg let's play! Thumbs up, alright!!

Time to get the fuck started with this again. Aeris is dead. Her plan to stop an elite trained killing machine with the power of prayer failed, proving once and for all that Bon Jovi's famous one hit wonder "Livin' on a prayer" is all bullshit. Time to start running after Sephiroth again.

0001_anewbeginning.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Cloud, do you have any mindfuckery or hallucination that might help us deduct which one of the two exits out of this place Sephiroth could have taken?
barretwallace.jpg
He definitely said something about just abandoning this stupid search for the promised land and heading south, back to Costa Del Sol and buy the entire beach and drink mojitos all day and all night and sometimes even when the day turns into the night and it gets kinda cold and you really have to go in and put on a pair of extra pants and temporarily interupt your mojito on the beach sampling but you don't really want to because it's really nice even if it's really cold and--
cloudstrife.jpg
...
barretwallace.jpg
Yeah, yeah, definitely Costa Del Sol!
tifalockhart.jpg
...
barretwallace.jpg
So come on, dawgs! He's getting away!
cloudstrife.jpg
..I think he headed north...
tifalockhart.jpg
Yeah, I think so too.
barretwallace.jpg
Man, you white folks always trynna keep a nigga down!

So our heroes headed north!

barretwallace.jpg
Muthafucka racist shit!

Into the snowy vastness of snowy vastness!

cloudstrife.jpg
That's some poetry right there.

Shut up, you!

Anyway! After a very straight and narrow one-path-dungeon with over 9000 treasure chests to open, our heroes soon found a teleporter!

cloudstrife.jpg
No, we didn't!

Quiet, you! A teleporter which had the awesome power to warp them to civilization!

cloudstrife.jpg
No, we found a couple of ladders!

Quiet you!

cloudstrife.jpg
:cry: STOP CALLING ME A JEW!! :cry:

Look! A new town!

0002_icicleinn.jpg


Welcome to Icicle Inn. A town famous for it's snow, ice, snowmen and occasional klan meetings (they blend in really well). The shop to the left has all the latest in weapons-for-odd-people-travelling-by so be sure to take a look if you give a fuck. The enemies outside town should give you all the money you need to properly outfit our lovable rapscallions. Once you're done it's time to investigate houses, so let's do that! Come on, let's do it! Let's fucking do it!

0003_hmmasnowboard.jpg


In this house the mother of a nine year old is complaining that her son hurt his ass when he tried out his sparklingly extreme new snowboard.

cloudstrife.jpg
Snowboards are awesome. I hope I'll get a chance to ride it down a mountain and collect balloons some time soon!
tifalockhart.jpg
I think snowboards are the Spawn of Satan and should be destroyed in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour.
cloudstrife.jpg
What?
tifalockhart.jpg
You will burn in hell, Cloud. Together with all your snowboard-loving friends.
cloudstrife.jpg
Jeez, that's pretty harsh. Would it help if I went down on you?
tifalockhart.jpg
No, sorry. There's just something about snowboards that turns me into a religious freak. Don't worry about it. Just don't ever bring up... that... again.
barretwallace.jpg
Muthafuckin' duly noted, you crazy bitch!

0004_hmmamap.jpg


In this house, and its surroundings, we hear that should we ever want to climb up a mountain we should not come unprepared as it's really dangerous. They also tell us to take the map hanging on the wall so we do just that.

cloudstrife.jpg
Wow, I can't wait to climb up a mountain! And I hope I'll get a chance to use a map too!
tifalockhart.jpg
Don't forget to practice rubbing your hands together to warm yourself.
cloudstrife.jpg
No need to practice there, girl. I got excellent circulation.
barretwallace.jpg
Yeah. Stuff jus' cums 'round with Cloud.
cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah, I'm.. Wait, what? What did you say?
barretwallace.jpg
Nuthin'.

In Icicle Inn of Icicle Inn, we activate a conversation between two guys and one of them mentions that a Cetra once lived in this town.

0005_hmmacetra.jpg


Apparently she was abducted by the Shinra. DUN DUN DUHHHH!!!!!

cloudstrife.jpg
QUICKLY! LET'S INVESTIGATE!
barretwallace.jpg
Yo, can I get a beer instead?
cloudstrife.jpg
Sure.

BARRET LEFT THE PARTY!

cloudstrife.jpg
HEY CID!
cidhighwind.jpg
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, YOU DOG RAPING, SEMEN DRINKING, MIDGET KICKING, ASS WIPING, BUTT SUCKING, COCK BLOCKING, SALAD EATING, PISS TAKING, DOUBLE BITCHING, TRIPLE FISTING, PRINGLES FARTING LITTLE "#¤%&!!!!!!!!
cloudstrife.jpg
Join our party?
cidhighwind.jpg
Sure, what the heck.

CID JOINED THE PARTY!

cloudstrife.jpg
I really need to go to the bathroom before we do anything else.

0006_hmmamantakingadump.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Wow!

CLOUD GOT NEW FETISH!

0007_hmmamantakingadump2.jpg


AlWright99.jpg
He sure is, Dump Taking Man! He sure is!
cloudstrife.jpg
Al Wright!? What the hell are you doing here?
AlWright99.jpg
Just keeping an eye on things.
cloudstrife.jpg
Right.
AlWright99.jpg
Catch any new pokemon?
cloudstrife.jpg
Get the hell outta here.

So with Cid and Tifa inside of him, Cloud ran as fast as he could to the only house he didn't investigate and stumbled upon... a laboratory with real flashing lights!!

0008_hmmaweirdlaboratory.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Wicked awesome, dude!

With confidential security camera footage just waiting to get totally watched!!

0009_hmmsurewhythefucknot.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Wow, we're totally gonna watch confidential security camera footage!

And the weirdest wall decoration ever!

0010_hmmismellshit.jpg


cidhighwind.jpg
Motherfucking shit on a shitcovered shitbrick, that's some weird motherfucking wall decoration alright!

Yeah, seriously.

cidhighwind.jpg
Ain't got no clue what cumdrainingly sluttastic mushroom induced fever dream that could have inspired that shit.

Is that two spears and a shield?

cidhighwind.jpg
Spears and a shield?! I was talking about the yellow ring!

I drew a circle around it to draw attention to and emphazizzle the weirdness of the spears and the shield!

cidhighwind.jpg
The spears and shield ain't weird, you uncultured fuckfaced hobosmelling cunt! It just means whoever lives here's into culture and shit. Provided, of course, that's really what we think it is. I mean, we're looking at it and we see a spear and shield, but it could be packet of raisins!!

Raisins?

cidhighwind.jpg
Well, you don't know how they pack "#¤%&!! raisins in other countries!!

No, I guess I don't.

cidhighwind.jpg
That's right you don't, you cockrobbing buttplugger. And that circle was fucking ugly as shit too. Ugly as a shit laid in the afternoon.
tifalockhart.jpg
Guys We got confidential security camera footage here!
cloudstrife.jpg
Alright, what should we watch?
cidhighwind.jpg
Start from the goddamn fucking beginning, you cranberry juice drinking seamonster molesters!
cloudstrife.jpg
Alright!
AlWright99.jpg
Yeeeeesssss???
cloudstrife.jpg
Al Wright, get the fuck outta here! Trying to watch a movie here for christs sake!

Right now, someone is masturbating.


--THE ORIGINAL CRISIS--

0011_hmmilikepr0n.jpg

0012_hmmireallylikepr0n.jpg


ifalna.png
2000 years ago, our ancestors, the Cetra, heard the cries of the Planet. The first ones to discover the Planet's wounds were the Cetra at the Knowlespole.
gast.png
Tell us, Ifalna. Where is the land called Knowlespole?
ifalna.png
Knowlespole refers to this area. The Cetra then began a planet-reading.
gast.png
Ifalna, exactly what does planet-reading entail?

0013_NOREALLY.jpg


ifalna.png
It said something fell from the sky making a large wound. Thousands of Cetra pulled together, trying to heal the Planet... But due to the severity of the wound, it was only able to heal itself, over many years.
gast.png
Do the Ancients, rather, the Cetra, have special powers to heal the planet.

No, they just patted it on its back and prayed really hard.

Seriously.

0014_alrightimbored.jpg


ifalna.png
The Cetra tried desperately to cultivate the land so as to not diminish the needed energy.
gast.png
Hmm... Even here so close to the North Cave, the snow never melts.
bauerarmed.jpg
THE NORTH CAVE?!! SNOW THAT NEVER MELTS?!!
gast.png
Get out of here, Sutherland!
bauerarmed.jpg
Sorry, just came by to borrow... A CUP OF MILK!!
gast.png
You're ruining the recording!
bauerarmed.jpg
Sorry.
gast.png
Stupid prick. Please continue, Ifalna. Is it because the planet's energy is gathered here to heal its injury?

0015_alrightimREALLYbored.jpg


ifalna.png
The Planet tried to persuade the Cetra to leave the Knowlespole, but... When the Cetra... were preparing to part with the land they loved...

0016_DUHDUHDUNNNN.jpg


DUH DUH DUNNNNN!!!!

ifalna.png
It looked like...our...our dead mothers...and our dead brothers...

AND OUR DEAD FATHERS AND OUR DEAD AUNTS AND OUR DEAD CAR SALESMEN AND OUR DEAD MATTRESSES AND OUR DEAD SHOES AND OUR DEAD SEMEN STAINED FUTONS AND OUR DEAD DEADITES AND OUR DEAD BURN VICTIMS AND OUR...

That's enough, Caps Lock-narrator.

ALRIGHT.

ifalna.png
...Showing us spectres of their pasts.

0017_ctotheuntctotheockctotheebeege.jpg


New catchphrase, muthafuckas. I have't any idea! I HAVE'T ANY IDEA!!

ifalna.png
That's when the one who injured the Planet... or the 'crisis from the sky', as we call him, came. He first approached as a friend, deceived them, and finally......gave them the virus. The Cetra were attacked by the virus and went mad...transforming into monsters. Then, just as he had at the Knowlespole. He approached other Cetra clans..... infecting them with.... the virus...
gast.png
You don't look well. Let's call it a day.

--END OF RECORDING--


cidhighwind.jpg
Aeris mom is "#¤%&! hot!
cloudstrife.jpg
Next video, please.


TO BE CONTINUED!

IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF LET'S PLAY FINAL FANTASY 7: EVEN MORE INCREDIBLY AWESOME PLOT EXPLANATIONS!
 

GarfunkeL

Racism Expert
Joined
Nov 7, 2008
Messages
15,463
Location
Insert clever insult here
OMG, I need to claw my eyes out and bleach my brain after that Sephiroth pic. Fucking hell.

And yes, my new favourite curse is "you cockrobbing buttplugger". Awesome.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Demnogonis Saastuttaja said:
If memory serves, you're getting to the two or maybe three suckiest parts of the game in a row. So be prepared with at least a bottle of beer per hour, maybe two.
It's going to take a helluva lot more than just a couple of beers per hour. We are talking about the shittiest, suckiest, most cyanide capsule desiring part of the entire fucking game. I have half a mind of getting a couple dots of mescaline just for the occasion.
 

Gragt

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Nov 1, 2007
Messages
1,864,860
Location
Dans Ton Cul
Serpent in the Staglands Divinity: Original Sin
When I updated my SM thread in a couple of days, I expect Andyman Messiah to spam it with futa pics of Sailor Moon.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Gragt said:
When I updated my SM thread in a couple of days, I expect Andyman Messiah to spam it with futa pics of Sailor Moon.
Why do you expect such a horrible thing from such a nice guy? I am probably the nicest guy on Codex. The only shit I do is semi-cute, semi-weird drunken behaviour. Maybe I can post some topless pictures of Samantha Fox or something...

Andyman, please continue the LP - otherwise remember that I have a history of litigating.
It's alright. I have a history of littering.

I'm actually putting together an update right now of the last two plot expositions. I'm so sober I can feel the tapeworm.
 

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