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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

A user named cat

Guest
I wouldn't have a problem playing through FF 7 again, probably because I actually enjoyed it and like me some PSX jRPGs. Doing a whole LP thread though, too much work. People should get paid for doing these. Yes, even horses.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Phantasmal said:
I wouldn't have a problem playing through FF 7 again, probably because I actually enjoyed it and like me some PSX jRPGs. Doing a whole LP thread though, too much work. People should get paid for doing these. Yes, even horses.
Heh, it's just a hobby. I'm not expecting to get anything out of this. Not money, not fame, not anything. If people get a few chuckles out of it, for whatever reason, that's great.
 

DefJam101

Arcane
Joined
Nov 11, 2007
Messages
8,047
Location
Cybernegro HQ
przewalskis-horse.jpg
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Them horses there're a little bit too... BROWN... for my tastes, Garfunkel.

I mean, I'm more of a light brown/slightly orange/slightly lightish red color.
 

Sovy Kurosei

Erudite
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
1,535
I just noticed Low Q added caption to the filenames of the images when I checked the last three updates.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
HAY GUYS UPDATE TIEM!!

When we last left our heroes... DANGEROUS DANGER DUNGEON!!

1043_youbastard.jpg


FACT: For all of you nerds out there, the filename is "1043_youbastard.jpg".

Well, looks like we gotta get down and dirty inside this ancient cavern of mysteries! First we gotta climb down!

1044_themostannoyingclimbdownever.jpg


Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Going down the cave!
cloudstrife.jpg
Shouldn't that be "Going back in time"?
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
...
cloudstrife.jpg
Colin?
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
*push!*
cloudstrife.jpg
AHHHH!!!
aeris_portrait.jpg
What happened to Cloud?
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
He slipped and fell.
bauerarmed.jpg
Damn hairgel.

1045_holyshitthisisonespookycavern.jpg


Welcome to spooky cave. Cooky cave is really not that much trouble. It's easy to navigate. The enemies are ghosts. There's nothing worthwhile to get. You can really just run right through the Gooky cave.

1046_smashrocks.jpg


Occasionally you run into stones that can be cracked open. Do this if you want to fight more enemies. If you don't want to fight more enemies, leave them the fuck alone.

Before every every screen transition, Bugenhagen will stop and explain stuff to you.

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bauerarmed.jpg
A CERTAIN BATTLE!!?

FACT: This is Kiefer's only real function in the LP.

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bauerarmed.jpg
Hey! Don't steal my lines, you redheaded stepchild of a great dane.

Moving on, the next area is a bit tricky.

1049_oiloilinmyff7.jpg


See that? That's oil.

cloudstrife.jpg
OIL?
bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
That's what he said, Cloud. Oil.
cloudstrife.jpg
OIL IN MY FF7?!!
bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
Yes, Cloud. Oil in your... FF7.
cloudstrife.jpg
I had oil in my FF7 once!
bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
I'm sure you did, Cloud.
cloudstrife.jpg
I like oil!
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
...
cloudstrife.jpg
Uh, Colin?
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
*push*
cloudstrife.jpg
AHHH!!!!

And if you run on it...

1050_AARGHH.jpg


Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
See if you like oil now, bitch!
aeris_portrait.jpg
What happened to Cloud?
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
He slipped and fell.
cloudstrife.jpg
I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!
aeris_portrait.jpg
Stop slipping and felling, dumbass! :D

...you're gonna get hurt!

AlWright99.jpg
I bet you fought with all of your might to resist posting this image, Andyman.

yougonnaget.jpg


Not really, I concentrated and fought YOUR MIND so you would do it for me. Thanks, God!

AlWright99.jpg
Damn you, Andyman Messiah!

Moving on:

1051_somanydoors.jpg


So many, many pretty doors! Alright, go in somewhere and come out somewhere else. I'm not going to show you how to get through this puzzle. If you spend more than five minutes on it (and that's a fucking stretch!), rest assured:

yougonnaget.jpg


Rape is horrible but it feels slightly better when a cute kitten is the penetrating perpetrator. Not that I'd *cough* know... ANYWAY!

1053_canipleasespoilitfornanakibuge.jpg


bauerarmed.jpg
ALL ALONE!?

1054_ohheybraingrowth.jpg


bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
Hoo hoo! Time for a boss fight!

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Hmm... an empty room except for a door with an evil looking face on it.

1056_helloboss.jpg


1057_dontmakethatfacebitch.jpg


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Alright, boss fight. Meet The Ghost of Native American Nightmares. That's probably not his name but I'm too lazy to check. He's the easiest boss of the game. Why? Because he's undead and dislike Holy magic like a double cheeseburger without any cheese. Throw a fucking cure spell on him and watch him go into the light accompanied by huge explosion. Eventually. NEXT!

1059_noprobdude.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah, no prob.
Redxiii.jpg
It was Aeris' magic that did mos...
cloudstrife.jpg
NO PROBLEM, BUGGY! I'M HAPPY TO HELP!
aeris_portrait.jpg
...
bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
Glad to hear we can count on you, Cloud!

Moving on, we finally reach the plot point we've all been dying to see!

1060_lookhowSTONEDheishahahaha.jpg

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cloudstrife.jpg
Hey, Nanaki! Looks like your father's a bit STONED!! AHAHAHA!!!
Redxiii.jpg
Daddy... :cry:
cloudstrife.jpg
AHAHAHA!!!!!! STONED!!! AHAHA!! I'M A FUCKING GENIUS!!
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
...
cloudstrife.jpg
Huh?
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
*push*
cloudstrife.jpg
AHHHH!!!
Redxiii.jpg
Thanks, Colin!
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Don't thank me, rape tiger. Thank Aeris.
Redxiii.jpg
Thanks Aeris!
aeris_portrait.jpg
Don't worry about it, Nanaki!
cloudstrife.jpg
Hey, Sutherland! Why don't you help me?!
bauerarmed.jpg
Meh.
bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
Nanaki, your father held off countless armies on his own. He is a true native american tiger hero.

1062_hellyeahseto.jpg


bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
You should be proud of him.
Redxiii.jpg
Father...
bauerarmed.jpg
Looks like a private moment. Let's wait outside.
cloudstrife.jpg
But I wanna hear!
aeris_portrait.jpg
*push*
cloudstrife.jpg
AHHH!!
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Fuck yeah, Aeris!

1063_cloudheardthatandyellsWHAT.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
WHAT?! OH HELL NO YOU DO--
bauerarmed.jpg
*VIOLENT PUSH*
cloudstrife.jpg
AHHH!!!!!!
Redxiii.jpg
What was that, grandpa?
bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
Just the wind, Nanaki. Just the wind.

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1065_becausehonestlyidontthinkitcan.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
UMFTBBKRZZZ!!!!
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
TIE HIM UP!! GAG HIM, GAG HIM!!!!!
Redxiii.jpg
Boy that wind sure is violent!
bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
It sure is, Nanaki. It sure is. Must be a storm brewing! But... about the misson, let's be honest here! Even if they stop every reactor on the planet, it's only going to postpone the inevitable. Even if they stop Sephiroth, everything will perish. But hey...

1068_iguess.jpg


1069_weneedtokillhimnow.jpg


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Redxiii.jpg
I will do this! I will save the planet! Yeah, baby! AWOOO!!!! HOWL TO THE MOON, YEAH!!! AWOOOO!!!
bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
Sounds like an air raid siren..
Redxiii.jpg
AWOOOO!!!
bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
Nanaki! Stop howling! You'll wake the dead!
Redxiii.jpg
AWOOOOO!!!!!!!

1072_damnguysstillalive.jpg


bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
Your father is crying, Nanaki!
Redxiii.jpg
He must be touched to have such a good son! Let's howl together, father! AWOOOO!!!

*SOME TIME LATER! AWOOO!!!*

1073_howconvenient.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
That's convenient.
barretwallace.jpg
Convenient, your ass, white boy.
cloudstrife.jpg
Don't... talk about my ass... please.
barretwallace.jpg
...?
aeris_portrait.jpg
Whistle, whistle.

1074_ohwell.jpg


1075_wellbebacknever.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah, don't... don't fucking count on it...
aeris_portrait.jpg
I thought you liked oil? :D
cloudstrife.jpg
I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!
bugenhagen_great_dane_02.jpg
What a fascinating group of heroes. Oh well.


TO BE CONTINUED!

In the next update: NIBELFUCKHEIM!

1076_timetogotofortcondorbutwedont.jpg
 

Fat Dragon

Arbiter
Joined
May 24, 2007
Messages
3,499
Location
local brothel
Nice update, was very humorous. Congratulations on being the first horse to ever make Cosmo Canyon an entertaining place. :)

Ummmgah out to the sunset, majestic steed.
 

dragonfk

Erudite
Joined
Jun 19, 2007
Messages
2,487
What the fuck Locue?

I left you at 12 page and on 43 Aeris is still alive? Move baby, move !! I want her dead! DEAD!
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
dragonfk said:
What the fuck Locue?

I left you at 12 page and on 43 Aeris is still alive? Move baby, move !! I want her dead! DEAD!
This LP is strictly following the chapter system from the Caves of Narshe walkthrough.
No, it isn't.
I had to fiddle a bit with the chapter numbers but we're on schedule again.
You're just fucked up.

The checklist is something like this:

1: Nibelheim (get Vincent).
2: Nibelheim mountains (get pissed off).
3: Rocket Town (get Cid, the wifebeating, cursing astronaut wannabe, and celebrate).
4: Date night (get a date with Aeris).
5: Temple of Ancients (get pissed off).
6: Black Materia hunt (get slightly less pissed off, actually).
7: The forest that sleeps or whatever it's called (get drunk).
8: Forgotten Ancient City of the Ancients City Builders or whatthefuck (watch Aeris get killed).

So that's like eight hundred updates. Patience!
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
PlanHex said:
Andyman Messiah said:
4: Date night (get a date with Aeris).
I say we all boycott this LP until we get that date with Barrett that was initially agreed upon.
I'm going to hack the game (read as: edit the screenshot in Ms Paint) and switch out Aeris with Cid.
 

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