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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Before we go to Cosmo Canyon to light our enments, I think we should take a moment to clarify something that I think should be CLARIFIED!

themanwiththeoutrageoushair.jpg


Gob and his hair lives on FOREVAH! to illustrate exactly how you manage to think back on past events. (Btw, if there's a Warhammer campaign in the works, Gob would very much like to participate the shit out of it and drink fruity umbrella drinks in it.)

Anyway, let's run the usual let's fucking do this intro and get the party started. Let's do it!

Welcome to the continuation/bananaramafication of Chapter 32 - It's like I'm not even trying! My name is not Reed Rundgreen and this is not Let's play Mario Paint! This is motherfucking Let's play Final Fantasy VII and I am motherfucking Morgan Freeman! Let's fucking do this! Let's fucking play Final Fantasy VII! Oh yeah!

In this particular update we investigate exactly what happened on the Gold Saucer when the girl we all thought was the actual Bubbles but later was revealed to be an impostor got shot in the head by Dio and Flappyjack simply vanished!

There's a huge black hole in the time weave!

Because, see, we somehow managed to go from

01_timeparadox.jpg


to this!

02_timeparadox.jpg


Do you see what's wrong? I somehow managed to ditch the Emerald party just shortly after getting them!

Of course, I have my own theories as to how this could have happened...

03_duhduhduhhhhh.jpg


But what's most important is exactly what happened when...

cloudstrife.jpg
We decided to split up.
aeris_portrait.jpg
Scooby-Doo style! :D

What, really?

cloudstrife.jpg
Me and Aeris continued the plot while those other... uh, people went to play minigames.

Really?

cloudstrife.jpg
Yes. Flappyjack went to the chocobo races.

He did?

cloudstrife.jpg
Yes. Unfortunately he died off-camera when a screaming John McCain came out of nowhere with a calculator sticking out of his ass.
AlWright99.jpg
The poor mudkip was trampled.
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It was like the wild west all over again!

'Kay... What about Bubbles then?

yuffie.jpg
The fake, you mean!

Yes... I suppose... I guess...

yuffie.jpg
Well, she went to the battle square!
AlWright99.jpg
Haha, she sure did, Bubbles! She sure did!

So what happened to her?

yuffie.jpg
I'm sure Cloud and Al Wright can answer that.
cloudstrife.jpg
AlWright99.jpg
Haha, we sure can, Bubbles! We sure can!

Oh God.

AlWright99.jpg
Yes indeed, Andyman! Yes indeed!
cloudstrife.jpg
Let's not wear that joke out, Al.
AlWright99.jpg
Too late, Cloud! Too late!
cloudstrife.jpg
Anyway, as you probably know...

Probably...

cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah... As you probably know, God joined Tifa at the arcade.

04_duhduhduhhhhh.jpg


Redxiii.jpg
And saved me from getting mouthraped!
yuffie.jpg
*cough!*

Riiiiiiiiiight...

cloudstrife.jpg
Yes, and then Yuffie was revealed to be Bubbles!

How does that even make sense?

AlWright99.jpg
Maybe we'll find out if we play Final Fantasy VII?

I doubt it. Hey, are you're certain that Yuffie is Bubbles?

AlWright99.jpg
Absolutely, positively, mechagrandely! I knew, the moment I saw "Yuffie" here, that she was the Bubbles I once tutored in the ways of exploiting animals for money!

And you're really, really certain about that?

AlWright99.jpg
Absolutely.

Yuffie, do you remember being a pokemon master? At all?

yuffie.jpg
No, but I'm used to it.

Used to it?

yuffie.jpg
Elderly men always tell me who I am. I can be a school girl. I can be a ninja girl. I can be a girl who catches animals by throwing balls at them. I'm okay with it!
AlWright99.jpg
Haha, you sure are, Bubbles! You sure are!

Okay, whatever, what happened to the fake Bubbles?

AlWright99.jpg
Well...

05_duhduhduhhhhh.jpg


What's that supposed to be?

AlWright99.jpg
Secret code word killswitch activation thingie!

Really?

AlWright99.jpg
Oh yes. Look again.

06_duhduhduhhhhh.jpg


Wow, now that's sinister!

AlWright99.jpg
Do you like it? 5000 hours in photoshop.

Get out of here!

AlWright99.jpg
It's true, I tell you!
cloudstrife.jpg
It really is!

You don't even know what photoshop is!

cloudstrife.jpg
I do too! I eat it everyday!

Right.

AlWright99.jpg
So anyway, the moment when I said that particular sentence, Cloud, Aeris and that... marshmallow was running to the battle square.
puppet.jpg
And we were commited for a crime we didn't even arrest!

But the Bubbles-impostor was killed by Dio's guards.

AlWright99.jpg
Of course she was. When I gave Dio the command, he answered and put the sweet impostor princess to sleep!

stuff.jpg


Uh huh.

Redxiii.jpg
Wow, it all makes sense!
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Now that's good writing!
puppet.jpg
Hug!
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Aww!!
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Come here, you big blueberry pie you!

Whatever, let's just get out of exposition land before David Caruso shows up.

aeris_portrait.jpg
Oh I love that guy!
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Of course you do.
aeris_portrait.jpg
What?
tifalockhart.jpg
Whore!
aeris_portrait.jpg
:(


And that's how that shit went down.

Next: Fuck Cosmo Canyon!
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
I used to really like Cosmo Canyon. But it's got the lamest "dungeon" ever, though dungeons in late (post FF7) FF games are mostly areas with enemies you have to run through.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
I just wanted to let you guys know that I really fucking hate Cosmo Canyon, Nibelheim and the Nibelheim mountains. I really fucking do.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Motherfucker! I'll use cereal on myself and MAKE myself skip it!

Seriously, fuck this game. What the fuck did I think when I started this bullshit? This is never going to end! It's the thread that keeps going and going and going! Like a fucking duracell drummer bunny boy! Haha HA! DD BB !!

*sigh*
 

ghostdog

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Dec 31, 2007
Messages
11,079
Lithuanian Hitmen are waiting for confirmation.
Target : Andyman Messiah AKA Locue
Method of Killing : Swift Death

ergrc0.png
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
How dare you use my own meme against me, ghostdog?!

I can't escape the wrath of lithuanian hitmen so I guess I have no choice. Call them back, you ghostly canine dude you. I'll get some update out, one way or another...
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
sportforredneck said:
Andyman Messiah said:
I'll get some update out, one way or another...
That means the next update is Andyman ejaculating on a picture of me photoshopped up as a rabbi. That is awesome! Do it! Do it!
Superdupermega-fixed, dude! :D
 

ghostdog

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Dec 31, 2007
Messages
11,079
Andyman Messiah said:
How dare you use my own meme against me, ghostdog?!

I can't escape the wrath of lithuanian hitmen so I guess I have no choice. Call them back, you ghostly canine dude you. I'll get some update out, one way or another...

Sometimes a meme can come back to haunt you...
Sometimes a meme can kill...

Lithuanian Hitmen will fade back to the shadows ... for now.

This LP can continue being awesome.
 

LarsTheSurly

Scholar
Joined
Aug 1, 2008
Messages
137
Location
Surrounded by idiots
Thought you could let this slip through the cracks?

Get back to work. I expect to see a half-assed Cosmo Canyon update on here within the hour.
 

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