'Ey, babes and boys, we be coming back from the lands of de dead to bring you more japanese-jamaican roleplaying shenanigans!
When we last left off, Cloud and Yuffie got into some kind of weird argument about Oasis and I promised the following!
Lying motherfucker said:
Edit: I'll chime in here with an edit that updates will be a lot more regular from now on. At least I'll try harder. We'll see how it goes.
My heart is filled with the blackest of all shame.
Hey!
Uh, WHITEST of all shame!
Thas' muthafuckin' better!
Yes, as you can see, my co-commentator for the update is none other than the brownest of all black men: Barret "Machine Gun Man" Wallace!
Thank you, white boy.
So when we last left you guys...
We were standing 'round an' list'ning to some muthafuckin' nazi parade music while you were jerkin' to Blackie Lawless.
Ah yes. Good memory, Barry!
Barry?
Barret. I said Barret.
Could have sworn you said Barry.
Nope.
'Cause if ya did, lemme tell ya... the other guy who called me Barry I dropped down a muthafuckin' canyon! Got that, white boy?
Got it.
Good. Well, us black men are like elephants, ya know? We don't forget nuthin'! An' you know what else I remember? The last time I heard this nazi type music, the Shinra president were goin' through town on a big car. I knew what the fuck was goin' on!
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No, fucker escaped in a helicopter 'fore I could finish him off.
That's so fuckin' typical of you, spikey! You always let 'em bad dudes escape in fuckin' helicopters!
Didn't have much to do with it.
Typical!
I'm telling you he jumped five meters up and grabbed hold of the helicopter with one hand while holding a big shotgun with the other!
How could he do that?
Handjobs.
ZING!
DING!
CHING!
???
Oh really?
Or so I heard.
So that muthafucker Rufus gives handjobs?
I get the feeling we should try and crash that parade ASAP!
Yeah, you're right, Cloud. ASAP!
You don't know what ASAP means, do you, flower girl?
ASAP!
What the fuck is up with you and climbing shit all the time, Barret?
Hey, climbing is my life!
Right. Anyway, I don't think we can all climb up.
What? We're actually GONNA climb all the way up?
It sounds like a good plan.
But there's a fucking elevator right over there!
Yeah, but there's a guard.
Not following you.
We can't risk it.
WE'VE KILLED HUNDRED THOUSANDS OF GUARDS SO FAR! YOU WOULD'VE THOUGHT IT WOULD'VE DRAWN ATTENTION TO US AFTER THE FIRST HUNDRED AND FIFTYTHREE AND A HALF!
That doesn't make it right, Cloud.
I'm outta here!
What? No, you have to climb up.
What? Give me one reason why I should climb up!
Well, I only got one good arm, whitey!
And I'm frail.
You're not frail!
I am!
Whatever, what about you, Yuffster?
Can't risk my testosterone treatment.
Your what?
Uh, I mean it's that time of the month again.
Hey, that's even better. Yeah, it all starts leaking terribly if I do any kind of climbing, Cloud. Why risk it?
Yeah, me too. Why risk it?
Women! How about you, Nanaki?
...
Oh right, I almost forgot you were a talking tiger.
So you see now, Cloud? You have to do it.
*sigh*
Alright, how do I do this? Priscilla, you look like you know how this can be done.
Well, you can't just climb up from the ground.
Why?
The water is lava!
No, it's not.
No, you're right. But the structure is, like, electrified or something.
Wouldn't that mean the water is...
No.
But surely...
No.
Alright, so how do we do this?
Mr. Dolphin can catapult you up to a safe ledge.
WHAT?!
Good luck, Cloud.
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So the plan was that Cloud would use a dolphin to catapult himself to the top?
Sure was, white boy. I came with him to send him off.
To send him off?
None of us thought he'd actually make it and I drew the shortest straw.
________________
This is bullshit.
This is the most intelligent creature in the world.
Guess that's why he ran away as soon he saw that monster.
*Swam* away.
Whatever. I have a strange urge to go back to Fort Condor and kill stuff right now.
What? Now?!
Yes, now. I'll be back in a sec.
Will you be back later?
Yeah, yeah.
Ah, the glory of tank rushing! Well, guess I gotta go back and play with that shark now.
Alright, let's do this!
Finally!
*FLIP!*
Ta-dah!!
Good job, Cloud! We'll meet you upstairs as soon as possible!
ASAP!
How will you do that?
I dunno! We'll kill that guard by the elevator or something!
YOU WHAT?!
Keep going! You're doing good!
I'LL KILL YOU ALL!
*much climbing later!*
That's one fucking big airship.
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That’s one fucking small white ass, HAR HAR HAR!!
You’re such a nasty old black man.
__________________
Wonder if I ever get to fly it around the world some day? Fuck, where do I go? A door, a door... Ah, a door!
Whoops!
How lucky am I to be taken for a new Shinra recruit when I'm actually infiltrating the place? Thumbs up, man!
___________________
To be muthafuckin' continued!
Fo' shizzle!
Damn straight, homie! Tomorrah!