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Let's Play Skyrim: Anders Breivik Victorious

Admiral jimbob

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Wasteland 2
Honestly, this is a really bad questline, but it's a decent game. I think it is, anyway. I'm having fun with it, at least. It shines where it shines... which is to say, not in the character interaction and plot development. And by shines I mean glows faintly if you squint.

Anyway, turns out I have one Fort left to take! Just imagine the next update four times over and you have the wonderful, politically nuanced civil war in all its glory.
 

Admiral jimbob

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It's ended up being an entire questline of that really boring part of the Shiverwinter Islepeaks LP where I was just being sent to generic dungeons over and over. Sorry bros :( that's the peril of blind LPs, I guess.
 

Admiral jimbob

gay as all hell
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The war is on in earnest. Our brave Aryan hero takes fort after fort in the most stunningly recycled series of quests since the Shivering Isles dungeons, liberating the remaining Holds of Skyrim and bringing the Stormcloaks closer to the dread Imperial capital of Solitude. General Blair, the reigning peace ambassador to Skyrim of the hated Empire, quakes in his delicate girly-man boots.

As I posted above, FRAPS farted out when I undertook this campaign and saved nothing. Thankfully, I still have one fort left to do...

skyrimqueef2.jpg



One fort remains between us and the hated enemy. Honestly, you didn't miss much. Even the dialogue is bloody identical, word for word. There was one semi-interesting quest involving sneaking into a fort's prison, but it boiled down to hugging some hills, entering an underground passage then killing everyone in the fort in an identical manner to what you're about to see. I can't even attempt to construct any wit or story around it. It's shit.

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See? Look. "The fort". The same dialogue line as the last three forts. I'm not fucking kidding. And no, these aren't radiant quests, this is a fixed questline.


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Same line.



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Same line.


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Even the homoerotic flavour line is the fucking same. God this is an awful questline.


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Here we can see the updated map of Skyrim, with the Stormcloaks' blue flags almost in complete control. Ignore the red bit at the bottom. It's... not supposed to be red. This is a substantial improvement on Ulfric's own map, however, as the Jarl seems to be suffering from mild dementia and believes we have yet to conquer anywhere, including Whiterun.


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I'll be honest, this is the most boring assault yet from a visual perspective. We're taken a couple of castles perched atop crags in midnight raids, and it at least looked semi-MAJESTIC. This... doesn't.


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Anders enters with his standard setup - ironskin to buff and a summoned Dremora Lord for help. I would come up with something suitably LARPy but honestly I don't give a shit this update.


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Once again, Anders summons the Storm of Skyrim!

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Note the bodies still disappearing. Enemy soldiers also spawn out of thin air. Mount and Blade does castle battles better than this, and Mount and Blade's sieges are about as enjoyable as getting an enema from Liberal. At least Liberal shows a willingness to improve.


skyrimqueef15.jpg


"Nuh" is the clearly appropriate response to being struck by lightning.


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Just to spice things up and in the hope that, if he can't provide a remotely entertaining update, he can at least provide pretty explosions, Anders lures the remnants of the garrison to the tower roof and prepares a master-level destruction spell...

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...walks away for ten seconds and the last guards spawn directly behind him out of thin air. They didn't even have the decency to put a trapdoor on the roof or something. They just don't care. And neither do I.

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Thank god for that. The surviving Imperials flee the fort and despawn. This being Bethesda, some new Imperials spawn to replace the ones I kill, and proceed to also flee the fort and despawn.

skyrimqueef1.jpg


:yeah:

Next update: will something interesting happen? Will the hated General Blair be toppled? Will I give up on this shoddy questline and take Anders Breivik to his own dark destiny and final reckoning? Please keep reading.
 

DwarvenFood

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Strap Yourselves In Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Wasteland 2 Codex USB, 2014 Divinity: Original Sin 2 BattleTech Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire
Sorry man.. root is right.

Even you cannot make a good LP out of this shit material :( Have to stop reading now. Looking forward to upcoming comic, if ever.
 

Luzur

Good Sir
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rest well this night, for tomorrow you will start on the comic, instead.

*sticks torch into a pot of sand*
 

Majestic47

Learned
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I might take a shot at the Imperial on my next char reroll. :salute: magic looks awesome. But I never used it past tutorial.

Edit: Actually this LP can be great. It's just that Jimbob is skipping from objectives to objectives. Knowing Bethesda, the wildlife is more interesting than the plot. Suppose if Jimbob actually document his horse ride between camps and such...it would make a more interesting read.

Really. No bull.
 

Admiral jimbob

gay as all hell
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Majestic47 said:
I might take a shot at the Imperial on my next char reroll. :salute: magic looks awesome. But I never used it past tutorial.

Edit: Actually this LP can be great. It's just that Jimbob is skipping from objectives to objectives. Knowing Bethesda, the wildlife is more interesting than the plot. Suppose if Jimbob actually document his horse ride between camps and such...it would make a more interesting read.

Really. No bull.
This is definitely true, the strength of the game clearly isn't in its questlines - I'd venture to say they're one of the few aspects universally worse than Oblivion's. This is by far the worst, though, it's just so damn sterile. How do you make a raging civil war boring?
I wasn't really up for making a sprawling, freeform LP, and Baronjohn got there first, but after the civil war is wrapped up, we might see Anders go on to further and hopefully more interesting things. He still has an orphanage to visit, after all.

Next update will finish off the rebellion questline.
 

RK47

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Oh yeah I finished the same questline a few hours ago....goddamn. This is worse than Battlefield 3 campaign. :lol:

Personally, the trip to the fort was 5x more interesting than the fucking battle itself. Swear to God.
 

Admiral jimbob

gay as all hell
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skyrimsolitude2.jpg

The day is grim and moody. Our weary hero fixes his unwavering gaze upon the dark, gritty city-fortress of Solitude. Perched on a high cliff, with only one narrow route of access, Skyrim's capital is a beseiging army's nightmare. The battle looks likely to be long, gritty and bloody, with neither side willing to give an inch and rivers of blood pooling down the cracks in the cliff face to pollute the harbour below. Thicker than water.


skyrimsolitude3.jpg


49.gif
: LOLOLOL HAD YOU GOING THERE BROS


Anders cheerfully waltzes up the path to the city with no resistance. At some point along the walk, the objective "get your orders from Ulfric" is auto-completed. I'm not sure why, or what they are, but somehow I can hazard a guess.

skyrimsolitude4.jpg


They could even handwave this part by saying Ulfric used his BROshout to blast the defenders asunder. Hell, in the lore, that's what they generally wheeled out the BROS for, there's precedent. But nope. That would require a modicum of thought put into this banal dreck. They didn't even place fucking seige equipment. They did that at Whiterun! For fuck's sake.

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Djuql.jpg
: Though you may be my hated enemy, I can only be... amazed by your radiant perceptiveness.

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Anders is not too late! :retarded:, Ulfric and... three Stormcloak soldiers charge into the heart of the city. Can such a mighty invasion force be repelled?


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Ulfric falls! This quest is more difficult than it looks, as the player must simultaneously fight their way around the city to open the gate to the castle while protecting Ulfric from damage. If he falls, the rebellion collapses from within, and Solitude soon falls to a recapturing Imperial for-
49.gif
: HOW SURREAL
Ulfric gets back up and continues fighting. Sighing, Anders proceeds to the castle.

skyrimsolitude10.jpg


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Anders, Ulfric and :retarded: alone proceed into the main castle. They are met by only two foes... the hated Imperial diplomats to Skyrim, puppets of alien interests and figureheads of the multikult order.

skyrimsolitude15.jpg


Tt7JD.jpg
: you're wrong. Ulfric. We need the Empire. Without it Skyrim will surely fall to the Dominion.

:retarded: you were there with us. You saw it. The day the Empire signed that damn treaty was the day the Empire died.

Tt7JD.jpg
: you're a damn fool.

1T96r.jpg
: he is, really.

Djuql.jpg
: can't argue there.

:retarded: : if I were capable of anything approaching coherency I would express rage. As it is, I am merely filled with an impotent desire to kill. Stand aside, Cherie!

skyrimsolitude20.jpg


6zExU.jpg
: being married to a shrieking harpy she-devil will do that.

Tt7JD.jpg
: Tony! I've stood by you thick and thin!

6zExU.jpg
: You bought two flats in Riften from Wilders!

1T96r.jpg
: ahem. Cherie. Go. You're free to leave. We know you're a true Nord at heart.

Tt7JD.jpg
: It is not fair to Tony or to the Government that the entire focus of political debate at the moment is about me. I know I'm in a very special position, I'm the wife of the Prime Minister, I have an interesting job and a wonderful family, but I also know I am not Superwoman. The reality of my daily life is that I'm juggling a lot of balls in the air. Some of you must experience that.

Djuql.jpg
: oh, I'll bet you are.

Tt7JD.jpg
: this is what you wanted, Geert? Shield-brothers and sisters killing each other? This is the Skyrim you want?!

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Tt7JD.jpg
: Tony! Get up here! We're the last line of defence against this hairy viking mob! Are you just going to sit there and let me do all the work again?

Tt7JD.jpg
: aaaaargh!

skyrimsolitude32.jpg


1T96r.jpg
: stabbing your own spouse in the back? A good, honest Divines worshipper like you? Never thought I'd see the day, General Blair.

6zExU.jpg
: Sometimes, and in particular dealing with Cherie Blair, the only chance of peace is a readiness for mariticide.

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6zExU.jpg
: the Jews. They stirred up trouble here. Forced us to divert needed resources and throw away good soldiers quelling this rebellion. White-Gold Tower was a false flag, you fools. We've played... right into their hands... once again.

skyrimsolitude38.jpg


:retarded: : heh.


No, really, he said that.

6zExU.jpg
: we aren't the bad guys you know.

1T96r.jpg
: maybe not, but you certainly aren't the good guys.

6zExU.jpg
: perhaps you're right. But then what does that make you?

1T96r.jpg
: you just said it yourself.

:retarded: : it makes us right.

Djuql.jpg
: I think child murder is a subtle, nuanced way of delivering a political message and this conversation is still too fucking dumb for me to bear.

6zExU.jpg
: and if I surrender?

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: the Empire I knew never surrendered.

:retarded: : that Empire is dead. And so are you.

1T96r.jpg
: me?

Djuql.jpg
: isn't the fact that the Empire surrendered to the White-Gold Concordant the entire reason for this... wait... what?

6zExU.jpg
: does that mean I get to go home?

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Anders just wouldn't be Anders if he turned down this opportunity, would he?

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49.gif
: MAJESTIC TAKEDOWN BROSEIDON :bro:

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: it was you who fought a dying Empire who sunk its claws into our land, trying to drag us down with it.

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: it was you who fought the Thalmor and their puppets who would have us deny our gods and our heritage, except for the huge parts of our religion which have been Cyrodiilicised at some point between games, because that's different.

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: it was you who fought our kin who didn't understand our cause, weren't willing to pay the price for our freedom.

Djuql.jpg
: sir? What are you... staring at?

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Geert's utterly, completely inexplicable slow 180 degree rotation is complete, and he spends the rest of his speech with his back to his audience. I've heard some shoegaze bands do this. That is about all I can offer by way of explanation.

1T96r.jpg
: will she swear fealty to me, so all may know that we are at peace, and a new day has dawned?

uglychick.gif
: I will!

1T96r.jpg
: then it is settled. The Jarl will continue to rule Solitude, I will garrison armies here to ward off Imperial attempts to retake the city.

1T96r.jpg
: and in due time, the Moot will meet, and settle the claim to High King once and for all.

1T96r.jpg
: a great darkness is growing, and soon we will be called to fight it, on these shores or abroad. Make no mistake; the Jills in the night are closing in. The Jew may have defeated the Empire, but it has not defeated Skyrim!

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1T96r.jpg
: why does everyone in my army have Down's syndrome? That felt wasted. For fuck's sake.

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And so Anders sets out, Skyrim freed from the clutches of the race traitors. He still has much to do himself, but first of all... in times of peace, the heart of a strong Aryan warrior turns to thoughts of love. The only suitable lover for one with battle in his heart is another who shares his fire, and so Anders journeys forth to the hall of the Companions of Ysgramor, the noble warriors of Whiterun who keep Nordic traditions alive in their hearts and minds, bringing a little touch of Valhalla to Earth.

There, he will meet his man.
 

laclongquan

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Derpy!

Well, since I dont expect good writing out of this game I am not disappointed.

But damn! The whole last scene requires some tits or ass or it looks so bleak. Practically playing female is a must.
 

RK47

collides like two planets pulled by gravity
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Yeah saw this scene and I was like.....'that's it? How about a fucking mansion? A city named after me? HUH?! A fucking statue?'
 

lightbane

Arcane
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Messages
10,156
Well, that was... I can't express it with words, I need a good emote to convey it. Ah, there it is:


negativeman.gif



Granted, it's still better than Oblivion, you can see Todd tried as hard as he could, but the game still falls apart (literally!)

skyrimsolitude5.jpg
 

Wyrmlord

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An epic war won against the empire using as many soldiers as one can count on the fingers of a hand.
 

Vaarna_Aarne

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Bethesda should really look into something called "abstraction." NWN2 OC did a pretty good job in the Battle of Crossroad Keep in making it seem like a big battle by simple things like having countless torches burn and arrows fly in the background. Or the way the Battle of Telos was handled in KotOR2.

Bottomline is, if your engine can't handle mass combat, don't set the PC in the mass-combat part of the battle!
 

Wyrmlord

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Outside of strategy games, no genre can do mass battles well.

I remember playing an LotR game on Playstation 2 many many years ago, and to recreate the battles, they really did put hundreds of orcs against the player. The problem was that it became like work and it was incredibly tedious running from wall to wall, and hacking them down like routine mechanical work.
 

Wyrmlord

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Messages
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Yes, it does.

Ignore all the people who complain about indoor textures; they are correct, but they are highly selective in criticism.

A broader, outdoor look of this game brings an experience that would make you envy anyone in real life who ever experienced it - large, open mountain valleys with snowy peaks on both sides. Reminds one of pictures of Scottish highlands.
 

Vaarna_Aarne

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Wyrmlord said:
Outside of strategy games, no genre can do mass battles well.

I remember playing an LotR game on Playstation 2 many many years ago, and to recreate the battles, they really did put hundreds of orcs against the player. The problem was that it became like work and it was incredibly tedious running from wall to wall, and hacking them down like routine mechanical work.
Those were just Dynasty Warriors knock-off games anyway. They lack the necessary cheese factor for the whole thing to work.
 

Sceptic

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Divinity: Original Sin
OK, that was terrible. I was starting to think that maybe I should give Skyrim a try, but now I'm back to "fuck this shit".

This time even Jimbob's LP skills couldn't salvage the horrible source material. Good try though :salute:
 

Lumpy

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Vaarna_Aarne said:
Bottomline is, if your engine can't handle mass combat, don't set the PC in the mass-combat part of the battle!
That's just a silly excuse. The only reason the engine might fail to handle mass combat, is if you insist on every soldier being a genuine NPC - you could easily have a couple dozen fake NPCs with animations and little else. You could separate the player from them with an invisible wall were it really necessary.

And yes invisible walls would be better for immersion than the grand battle being fought by one single guy.

But then again this is still a whole of a lot fucking better than Gothic 3, where you were fighting all the battles on your own.
 

Lumpy

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Vaarna_Aarne said:
Bottomline is, if your engine can't handle mass combat, don't set the PC in the mass-combat part of the battle!
That's just a silly excuse. The only reason the engine might fail to handle mass combat, is if you insist on every soldier being a genuine NPC - you could easily have a couple dozen fake NPCs with animations and little else. You could separate the player from them with an invisible wall were it really necessary.

And yes invisible walls would be better for immersion than the grand battle being fought by one single guy.

But then again this is still a whole of a lot fucking better than Gothic 3, where you were fighting all the battles on your own.
 

Majestic47

Learned
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Messages
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No really, from a gamer perspective, the whole victory would've meant THINGS change. But the devs seemed to be content with just giving a short speech some NPCs replaced while insisting the whole major quests elsewhere involving the Empire MAY STILL be carried out.

If you really must know, I did the Stormcloak line first before starting the Dark Brotherhood and not a lot of the latter questlines made a lick of sense. Because it involves taking out several key members of the Empire that had no reason to be there after Skyrim fell under control of the Stormcloaks.
 

Admiral jimbob

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Sceptic said:
OK, that was terrible. I was starting to think that maybe I should give Skyrim a try, but now I'm back to "fuck this shit".

This time even Jimbob's LP skills couldn't salvage the horrible source material. Good try though :salute:
I feel bad at how awful a light I showed the game in - this questline feels like it was phoned in by a third-rate modder compared to the rest of the content. It's not a great game by any means, but other than this dreadful tacked-on aside, it's a huge improvement over Oblivion in just about every way. If Morrowind was a 10/10 (which it's not, I know, but for purposes of comparison) and Oblivion a 4/10, Skyrim is a solid 7.

Just... avoid the civil war. Please don't let Anders Breivik's struggle be in vain.
 

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