Sorry bros, I'm doing mages :fakeC&C:
Teh tower
The deserter. Doesn't even try to hide.
Sammael the Deserter: You have some kind of problem?
Bro: I'm here on behalf of the Blackstone Irregulars.
Sammael the Deserter: Oh? What is this about?
Bro: I'm here to bring you in for desertion.
Sammael the Deserter: Oh, I see. Taoran must have sent you.
Sammael the Deserter: I refuse to answer to a pawn of Taoran! Come, men! To arms!
We collect stolen supplies from his body.
Old dude and mages' collective representative stand nearby. It's fun to see zero reaction from NPCs when people get chopped and burned right in their faces.
Kester: Why, bless my soul, what's a distinguished personage like yourself doing here?
Bro: I was looking to get across the lake to the tower.
Kester: Ha! Don't hold your breath. No one's been allowed across the lake for days.
Kester: I'm the ferryman, leastwise I used to be. Poor old Kester, out of a job.
Bro: So I can't get across?
Kester: Greagoir just came down, and said, "Don't you worry, Kester. We got it all under control, we do." Didn't say nothing else.
Kester: And then he puts Carroll in charge of my boat, Lissie! Named for my grandmum, she was.
Bro: I should get going.
Kester: You go on ahead then. It were nice talking to you.
More quests from magic bag.
I've collected 10 mushrooms long time ago. Now, the reward.
Mages' Collective Liaison: A little something extra. For friendship.
Hurr, the liaisons look the same everywhere. Clones?
The tavern.
That's the whole tavern for you.
Larana: Yes?
Bro: Would someone like to handle this for me?
Alistair: I'm sorry but your husband has fallen in battle. You have my condolences.
Larana: What?! This is terrible! My beloved!
She runs away
Innkeeper: Good day, and welcome to the Spoiled Princess! Is there something I can get for you?
Bro: I'd like a drink.
Innkeeper: Of course. What would you like?
Oddly, he sells mostly potions.
Time to gain access to the giant penis tower.
Carroll: You! You're not looking to get across to the tower, are you? Because I have strict orders not to let anyone pass!
Bro: I am a Grey Warden and I seek the assistance of the mages.
Carroll: Oh, you're a Grey Warden, are you? Prove it.
Bro: I don't have to prove anything to you.
Carroll: So I'm not good enough for you? Fine. See if you get into the tower on your own.
Bro: (Intimidate) I warn you, my patience is wearing thin.
Carroll: Uhhh... is that bad? Look, I'm uh, just trying to do my job.
Carroll: I'll take you right now... just like you wanted.
Bro: Yes, please do.
Carroll: Come along, I suppose.
My god, ITZ big!
The tower is in dissaray. Something EVIL(tm) has happened.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: ...and I want two men stationed within sight of the doors at all times. Do not open the doors without my express consent. Is that clear?
Templar: Yes, ser.
Alistair: The doors are barred. Are they keeping people out? Or in?
Knight-Commander Greagoir: Now we wait, and pray.
Bro: So you're in charge?
Knight-Commander Greagoir: Who are you? I explicitly told Carroll not to bring anyone across the lake.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: We are dealing with a very delicate situation. You must leave, for your own safety.
Bro: Not without a promise for assistance in the coming war.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: We cannot help, no matter which side of the civil war you represent. The Circle's fate hangs in the balance, and the templars that serve it must remain.
Bro: No, I need mages to battle the Blight.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: I am weary of the Grey Wardens' ceaseless need for men to fight the darkspawn, but it is their right.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: You'll find no allies here. The templars can spare no men, and the mages are... indisposed. I shall speak plainly: The tower is no longer under our control.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: Abominations and demons stalk the tower's halls.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: The Circle is lost. The tower has fallen.
Bro: Sounds like the templars haven't been doing their job.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: My men did what they could, but it wasn't enough.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: They took us down by surprise. We were prepared for one or two abominations -- not the horde that fell upon us.
Bro: Why don't you rally your men and kill them all?
Knight-Commander Greagoir: I would destroy the tower, raze it to the ground, but I cannot risk more of my men. The doors remain shut and they will protect us for now.
Bro: That's no solution. Doors can be broken.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: We do not mean for the doors to stay closed forever. Everything in the tower must be eliminated.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: I have sent word to Denerim, calling for reinforcements and the Right of Annulment.
Bro: What does that mean?
Alistair: The mages are probably already dead. Any abominations remaining in there must be dealt with no matter what.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: This situation is dire. There is no alternative -- everything in the tower must be destroyed so it can be made safe again.
Bro: Why wait? I could go clean the tower out now.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: I assure you, an abomination is a force to be reckoned with, and you will face more than one.
Bro: Abominations cannot stand against me.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: If you succeed, I would owe you much, enough that I would pledge my templars to your cause.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: Without word from Denerim, I must determine our course. Surely destroying darkspawn is a worthy goal.
Bro: We have an ageement, then.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: A word of caution... once you cross that threshold, there is no turning back. The great doors must remain barred. I will open them for no one until I have proof that it is safe.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: I will only believe it is over if the first enchanter stands before me and tells me it is so. If Irving has fallen... then the Circle is lost, and must be destroyed.
Knight-Commander Greagoir: May Andaste lend you her courage, whatever you decide.
The last chance to buy something.
Quartermaster: I wish this were over. We're running low on supplies and I don't know how much longer we'll last.
Bro: You have supplies for sale?
Quartermaster: Yes, would you like to trade?
Bro: All right, let's trade.
Are generic plan B jokes relevant in pseudo-medieval setting?
BAM and the doors are closed.
First of all we dig through apprentice rooms in search of something valuable. Of course we'll find nothing.
Still some party members are in a mood for talk.
Morrigan: Think of it, Zevran. you may have stumbled into a most delightful possibility for your future.
Zevran: Oh? Are you dispensing professional advice now?
Morrigan: It simply occurs to me that if, say, Alistair were to become king of Ferelden he may have need of someone of your... talents.
Zevran: From what I know of the fellow it seems there would be a fair difference between what he needed and what he cared to make use of.
Morrigan: If Alistair becomes king, it would certainly not be through any brilliance on his part. Whoever puts him there... now there's the one who will need you.
Zevran: Hmmm. Now that's an interesting thought. You've such a devious mind, my dear. Why have we not made love as of yet?
Morrigan: For what purpose? I would sooner stab you in the face than let you touch me, elf.
Zevran: And somehow that makes the idea even more intriguing...
What awaits us behind this creepy door?
Correct answer: extreme GILFs.
Wynne: Stop right there! Take another step, and I swear I will strike you down where you stand!
Bro: Who are you to threaten me?
Wynne: I am Wynne, mage of the Circle, and these children are under my protection.
Wynne: Who are you, and what is your purpose here? Have the templars opened the door? Speak quickly -- I'll have no games.
Bro: Watch your tone with me, mage.
Wynne: Or what? I've dealt with every demon that has dared to threaten me and my own. You are a lesser menace than they.
Wynne: Knowing you must have been sent by the templars does not endear you to me. Now, I ask again: who are you, and why are you here?
Bro: I am here to deal with this pesky Circle once and for all.
Wynne: I see. And did they tell you that you had to kill apprentices? Children?
Bro: I will do what must be done.
Wynne: You're mad if you think I'll let you lay a finger on these children. I will fight you if you won't listen to reason.
Alistair: We should gain a better understanding of the situation before rushing in, pointy-end of sword first.
Bro: This Circle must be destroyed, for all our sakes.
Wynne: If you insist on making war upon the Circle, we have nothing more to discuss. It comes to blows, then.
Alistair: No, stop! You can't just attack her! She's protected the children; she's not the one we should be wary of!
Alistair: I think she's a good person. There's a lot she could help us with.
Bro: Shut your mouth and fall in line.
Wynne: I will stop you, or die trying.
Alistair disapproves -5
Well, you were asking for it, granny. And about kids - they just disappear.
We meet the first abomination.
Summoning font. Useless until you cleanse the tower.
More abominations
One of the places of powah from a side-quest.
And an exit