Putting the 'role' back in role-playing games since 2002.
Donate to Codex
Good Old Games
  • Welcome to rpgcodex.net, a site dedicated to discussing computer based role-playing games in a free and open fashion. We're less strict than other forums, but please refer to the rules.

    "This message is awaiting moderator approval": All new users must pass through our moderation queue before they will be able to post normally. Until your account has "passed" your posts will only be visible to yourself (and moderators) until they are approved. Give us a week to get around to approving / deleting / ignoring your mundane opinion on crap before hassling us about it. Once you have passed the moderation period (think of it as a test), you will be able to post normally, just like all the other retards.

Game News TC Reviews: Chess

Whisky

The Solution
Joined
Feb 22, 2012
Messages
8,555
Location
Banjoville, British Columbia
Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera
Tags: Chess; Review; Tacticular Cancer

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6f/ChessSet.jpg

Chess is an ancient game, long speculated to have originated in India but has travelled far and abroad with regional changes to it as it migrated. It's one of the most widespread board games and is considered by many to be a classic.

It's also completely overrated.

Let's break it down.


Story:


There's these white dudes who kill black dudes. WOW. Fucking racist. The white dudes even go first.

You can tell this was created by an old, white dude. It has no relevance to modern day narrative.


Gameplay:

Gameplay starts out somewhat fast but still dull. You move the pawns (Front pieces) forward one step at a time. Sometimes you can do two steps, this is a vain attempt to make things more interesting and strategic in early gameplay. Eventually you will be able to utilize the more powerful units at the back, but it's too little and too late.

If you capture the king the game ends. This results in end-game being a dull maneuvering game with lots of nothing going on. This game would be more interesting if it was real-time with pause.

The rules are also confusing. I thought I understood it all but then my friend who I was playing with did something he called "En Passant," in a very smug voice. I throat-punched him for that one.


Soundtrack:


Pieces make a nice tapping sound when you move them.


Replayability:

None. You can't choose your initial formation, something even games like Battleship allow you to do. There is no incentive to play again, it's always the same thing.


Summary:

Chess is an old game and it shows. In our modern age, we have a million more choices that are significantly more refined and as a result Chess is even more backwards. At best it's like a cheesy 50's sitcom, at worst it's a hate-mongering piece of shit.
 

ERYFKRAD

Barbarian
Patron
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
28,237
Strap Yourselves In Serpent in the Staglands Shadorwun: Hong Kong Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire Steve gets a Kidney but I don't even get a tag. Pathfinder: Wrath I'm very into cock and ball torture I helped put crap in Monomyth
Bah, chess is shit game, no archers, no flanking, no terrain modification, no weapon variety, copypasta units, no attacks of opportunity, square grid instead of hexes... need I go on.
 

spectre

Arcane
Joined
Oct 26, 2008
Messages
5,382
Trigger+chess_350f06_5493103.jpg
 

DraQ

Arcane
Joined
Oct 24, 2007
Messages
32,828
Location
Chrząszczyżewoszyce, powiat Łękołody
Chess is an ancient game, long speculated to have originated in India but has travelled far and abroad with regional changes to it as it migrated. It's one of the most widespread board games and is considered by many to be a classic.

It's also completely overrated.

Let's break it down.


Story:


There's these white dudes who kill black dudes. WOW. Fucking racist. The white dudes even go first.

You can tell this was created by an old, white dude. It has no relevance to modern day narrative.


Gameplay:

Gameplay starts out somewhat fast but still dull. You move the pawns (Front pieces) forward one step at a time. Sometimes you can do two steps, this is a vain attempt to make things more interesting and strategic in early gameplay. Eventually you will be able to utilize the more powerful units at the back, but it's too little and too late.

If you capture the king the game ends. This results in end-game being a dull maneuvering game with lots of nothing going on. This game would be more interesting if it was real-time with pause.

The rules are also confusing. I thought I understood it all but then my friend who I was playing with did something he called "En Passant," in a very smug voice. I throat-punched him for that one.


Soundtrack:


Pieces make a nice tapping sound when you move them.


Replayability:

None. You can't choose your initial formation, something even games like Battleship allow you to do. There is no incentive to play again, it's always the same thing.


Summary:

Chess is an old game and it shows. In our modern age, we have a million more choices that are significantly more refined and as a result Chess is even more backwards. At best it's like a cheesy 50's sitcom, at worst it's a hate-mongering piece of shit.
:whatisfun::whatisfun::whatisfun:/:troll::troll::troll::troll::troll:


The rules are also confusing. I thought I understood it all but then my friend who I was playing with did something he called "En Passant," in a very smug voice. I throat-punched him for that one.
That one is actually true and one of the reasons why Go is a superior game.
:smug:
For such an abstract game Chess' rules are a disgusting, bloated mess.
 

A horse of course

Guest
Never forget the tits in Battle Chess.

Also, Lovechess (NSFW)
EAEu1yE.jpg

BAXqDfy.png
Yzpm4EB.jpg
 

As an Amazon Associate, rpgcodex.net earns from qualifying purchases.
Back
Top Bottom