Review The Witcher Review

[VentilatorOfDoom]

Tags: CD Projekt; Witcher, The

<p>Front Towards Gamer decided to review cheap shit, and they do it in a cheap fashion, trying to break the record for the shortest review ever. Their first subject is The Witcher, 9/10, one of the most loved&nbsp; RPGs around here. <a href="http://fronttowardsgamer.com/2010/05/24/20-dollar-game-review-the-witcher/" target="_blank">Let's hear what they have to say:</a></p>
<blockquote>
<p>Mechanically the game is great. It looks nice, plays nice, has good combat, great sounds, and the musical score is incredible (if you like metal, there is an album available that is inspired by <em>The Witcher</em>). It&rsquo;s got a very deep control scheme that might intimidate some users, but once you get used to it, it works very well. I&rsquo;m not gonna waste time talking about any of this stuff since it&rsquo;s an old game, but it holds up pretty decent. If you own a PC and like RPGs and haven&rsquo;t played this game, you are a very sad person indeed.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Have you been intimidated by the deep control scheme of this old classic? Probably.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Spotted at: <a href="http://www.gamebanshee.com/news/98006-the-witcher-review.html">GB</a></p>

 

[ScottishMartialArts]

I still haven't played The Witcher but I saw the first hour or so of it when I was staying with PennyAnte. Longest fucking intro movie ever. Swear to God it's like 30 minutes from the opening CGI cutscene, through the opening in-game cutscene, before you actually play. Jeez.

 

[Talby]

I still haven't played The Witcher but I saw the first hour or so of it when I was staying with PennyAnte. Longest fucking intro movie ever. Swear to God it's like 30 minutes from the opening CGI cutscene, through the opening in-game cutscene, before you actually play. Jeez.

You are clearly unfamiliar with the Metal Gear Solid games.

 

[Konjad]

Long intros are bad?

Mechanically the game is great.

Actually mechanically it was mediocre.

It looks nice, plays nice, has good combat, great sounds, and the musical score is incredible

With those I agree but

has good combat

?
Combat was pretty bad imo. The idea was good but execution was horrible and it ended to "select proper combat style, click until ur enemy dies".

it’s an old game

 

[Konjad]

I agree that The Witcher is a great game but it's not flawless...

 

[WhiskeyWolf]

it’s an old game

Blowing my mind.

 

[Multiple Sarcasm]

it’s an old game

It’s also mature in the “Oh F***! That c*** bag just f***ing s*** on my sword! Now I’m gonna have to cut his head off and feed it to his w**** of a wife!” kind of way. That’s right, this game is not for kids! It’s filled with cursing, drugs, blood, violence, prostitutes, sex, and nudity.

 

[roll-a-die]

I still haven't played The Witcher but I saw the first hour or so of it when I was staying with PennyAnte. Longest fucking intro movie ever. Swear to God it's like 30 minutes from the opening CGI cutscene, through the opening in-game cutscene, before you actually play. Jeez.

You are clearly unfamiliar with the Metal Gear Solid games.

Or the persona series, who at least give you some control but largely the opening cut scene is around 2-3 hours long. In terms of how long it takes the plot to start.

 

[Carlos' Bitch1]

The combat wasn't too bad on the most difficult level. I have played (and not played) worse action RPG's.

 

[GarfunkeL]

Studios always get better with each release so we can expect good things from The Witcher 2.

FUCK YEAH JUST LIKE BIOWARE AND BETHESDA! KEEP ON TRUCKING!

 

[Rhalle]

I've said it before, but:

If CDPR backs off the sex cards in order to include more Bioware puppet sex, then it will be fail.

One, because the dirty cards were-- admit it-- just old-school awesome; and two, because the Letters-to-Penthouse style sexing of everything that walked by Geralt was the proper balance for the Alvin's Adopted Father plot, which would have been emo and cloying, if it didn't have that cavalier sexual promiscuity at the opposite end to balance it out. Puppet sex for its own sake in W2 won't be good, I don't reckon.

The W2 trailer bit, with the assassin talking 'there's a head crowned' is voice-acted somewhat rudimentarily, but the writing sounds good, and I'm totally hyped for W2.

Anyway, if my memory is right, the intro to Witcher is shorter than that of Mass Effect. And Mass Effect, from the time you press Start, to the time that you can actually control your character on Eden Prime-- I know because I timed it-- is well over twenty minutes.

 

[entertainer]

these consoletard sites are more and more increasing in numbers

this one started at march 2010 and has some hardcore staff http://fronttowardsgamer.com/staff/

 

[DefJam101]

it’s an old game

It’s also mature in the “Oh F***! That c*** bag just f***ing s*** on my sword! Now I’m gonna have to cut his head off and feed it to his w**** of a wife!” kind of way. That’s right, this game is not for kids! It’s filled with cursing, drugs, blood, violence, prostitutes, sex, and nudity.

Not really no

 

[Volourn]

Posting a review of an old game as 'news'... a shitty one at that. FFS, Codex, FFS.

 

[Multiple Sarcasm]

@DefJam101
It was a quote from the "review".

 

[DefJam101]

Doh, sorry.

 

[DefJam101]

I don't actually remember that much swearing in TW... There was the occasional forced line, almost always a "Well feed me a sliced donkey cock and fuck my step uncle, that's amazing!" type of line, which I assume was the result of poor translation (trying to invent new idiomatic expressions). Also the sex cards, which were pretty lolfail but easily avoidable and forgettable.

...but that was it. Everything else was relatively down to earth and tolerable, or at least witty, and certainly never approaching the excesses of Dragon Age stupidity, what with its exaggerated blood spatters on every surface and GUI element.


edit:

metal album based on The Witcher

Mhmm?

 

[Konjad]

edit:

metal album based on The Witcher

Mhmm?

If you bought the game you can download it for free.

 

[denizsi]

Give it another 20 years and this barely one page shit "review" can be regarded as classic literature, a must read for all self respecting fans of literature.