Review EDBIS blehs Gothic 2

[Saint_Proverbius]

Tags: Atari; Gothic II

<A href="http://www.edbis.com/">EDBIS</a> has posted what I guess passes for a <A href="http://www.edbis.com/all/reviews/2004/january/gothic2_1.php">review</a> of <A href="http://www.gothic2.com">Gothic 2</a>. It's basically a five paragraph pamphlet with the last paragraph being a summary of the forth paragraph seen here:
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<blockquote>I cannot emphasize this enough but if you are looking for a CRPG, give this game a pass. The dialog system is CRPG like, but the game plays more like an action adventure game. There were also some technical issues that I couldn't resolve. I could play the game once from the initial install on my XP machine but subsequent I faced a blank screen. On my ME machine I get nothing whatsoever. Atari's tech support was terribly lacking on the issue. When it comes to Atari's games I guess its buyer beware.</blockquote>
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Well, at least the reviewer didn't get carpal tunnel writing this thing.
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Thanks, <b>Balthamael</b>!
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[Spazmo]

I'm sure that Visceris has already got a ton of disorders that keep him from not writing like an idiot.

 

[Realbumpbert]

Jumping from high places and smashing onto the earth is quite amusing.

I too considered this one of the game's high points. Nearly limitless enjoyment can be obtained by hurling yourself from precipices and watching the Chosen One plummet gracefully to his death.

 

[Dhruin]

Bloody awful review. A whole five paragraphs of bad grammar one of which deals with the box.

 

[Rayt]

Who the hell uses Windows ME?

 

[Otaku_Hanzo]

While the review was bunk, I do agree with him on one point:

I hate paying $50 for a game to get paper sleeves. That is just the most utterly fucked up blatantly obvious ploy to get all the money you can out of a game.

 

[Sol Invictus]

It's a pity that the rest of his points fall short of mediocrity, Otaku. His writing is just horrendous and the points he struggles to make are downright moot. Reading a 15 year old's essay would be par excellence compared to this bile.

Let's gloss over the review.

There are some games that look so good but when you actually play the game you are so disappointed. Gothic 2 is one of those type of games.

This sentence is so poorly structured that it makes me want to commit some random act of violence. The fact that he gave absolutely no thought into what he was writing makes me wonder if his mind is even all 'there'.

The box is typical, nothing special, but the manual an the paper sleeves are something lest than desirable. The manual is very thin pacted with information that is purely fluff.

The lack of an editor or even a spell checker (MS Word has a built-in one, as do many other programs) is evident in this paragraph. Just how, pray tell, did an English Major come up with a word like 'pacted' to supplement the more commonly used 'packed'?

I found the controls of the game extremely awkward and because that I died numerous times.

So because he's incapable of playing the game without dying, the controls are obviously to blame. Wouldn't it be more obvious that his fat fingers are the reason? Far be it for me to suggest that...

Very Diablo-esque in that regard and not up to the par of other computer role playing games.

I didn't know Diablo had keyboard-based attacks. I suppose one must concede that the uninteractive games that play themselves for you (Like Dungeon Siege and KOTOR) are the 'it' thing for computer role-playing games.

Good, interactive combat in a CRPG? Why Jeeves, that would be unthinkable!

On the brighter note the control interface keys are configurable to taste.

No.

You can jump, run, dodgem swim, and so forth all over the place.

Dodgem swim sounds like a very fun activity and so forth all over the place.

--- review goes on to describe the epic storyline of Gothic 2 and then he says the following ---
Starting from this humble beginning you have a fairly large world to explore.

Did he just forget what he wrote? The game starts out epic and it stays that way throughout the game. I don't know where the fuck he dredged up the term 'humble beginning' from. I guess not even a writer of Visceris' caliber is free from the use of tired cliches. Lord knows we all love cliches, especially when they have absolutely no bearing in the context.

Just when you're expecting to read another page full of words, you find a single, lonely paragraph that marks the end of yet another disaster in modern illiterature.

You can't help but sigh with the relief that you have endured thus far, and that the pain has finally come to an end.

 

[Constipated Craprunner]

Who the hell uses Windows ME?

I do, and I wanted to get Gothic II. Should I still?

And I have just been to lazy to upgrade to XP, thankyou.

 

[Balthamael]

It is amazing that Visceris hasn't lost his job yet. I find such disregard for the quality of one's work offensive.

 

[ecliptic]

I had no problems with Gothic I on 98se.

 

[chrisbeddoes]

This is not a computer role playing game int he traditional
sense. It plays more like an action adventure game. If you can find a way to play the game by bypassing SecuROM it is quite worth the time to play.

I love the lost paragraph of this review.

Also if you have broadband go here

http://www.edbisfiles.com/

and download the sexy mona dancing video.

It is in the top rated downloads

Not safe for work (doom engine nudity).

This should have been the official FOOS download trailer

 

[Otaku_Hanzo]

It's a pity that the rest of his points fall short of mediocrity, Otaku. His writing is just horrendous and the points he struggles to make are downright moot. Reading a 15 year old's essay would be par excellence compared to this bile.

No arguments here, that's for sure. Just that he reminded me of something that really erks me is all. His mad writing skillz could definitely use some severe improvement.

 

[Sol Invictus]

Yeah, like someone could break his hands so that he can't write anymore. That'd be a major improvement, in my book.

 

[Rosh]

Who the hell uses Windows ME?

1. Idiots.
2. People stupid enough to buy a computer with it pre-installed.
3. Some poor bastard who was given it out of charity.

 

[Sol Invictus]

There's many things I could say about Windows ME but for the sake of readability, and convenience, I'll keep it relatively short:

Windows ME sucks for performance, stability and just about every other aspect of a computer you can think of. Anyone who chooses to use it over Windows XP based on reading some article about how Windows XP uses more resources and offers 'reduced' performance in games has got to be a good example for the argument for the mass extermination of idiots.

I could go on about this, but I don't want to, so don't provoke me. Bladen, this means you.

 

[Saint_Proverbius]

WinME has ICS built in and is more compatable with older games. Other than that, flush it.

 

[Azael]

How the hell did he get hired?

 

[taks]

Who the hell uses Windows ME?

rarely is ME even supported. this is microsoft's version of "new coke."

mark

 

[Whipporowill]

How the hell did he get hired?

Well, at least they're getting lots of hits from people wanting to read "clown reviews"... ehum. Pretty smart marketing actually...