This FF8 LP is totally dead.

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It's still wednesday where I am.

Welcome to Optional Shit #1: Optional Shit #1



Welcome back to Dollet!
We've been here before?
Yeah. I mean, no, not exactly, WE haven't been here. Last time THE READERS saw this place, the heroes were fighting against a bunch of galbadian soldiers and a huge mechanical spider.
Should have brought in Will Smith for this one.



Looks like a nice town.
I like how they can't stick with a theme. They start out with a fucking medieval castle entrance, then it becomes some sort of Monaco-like city with steampunk steam machines all over, and then the inside is..... normal.
Normal. Yeah. I guess.
Was there really a war here? Don't seem like it left much of an impression, or, well, anything really.
No, there's just some debris from the robo spider and some girl crying about her dead mom.



How sad.
Sure. Breaks my heart. What are we doing here?
I'm checking gamefaqs.
See if there's a gameshark code for "beat the game" we can enter.
There isn't.
Check it.
No.
CHECK IT.
Look, I know there's no code like that!
CHECK IT.
Let's just check every house and see if something happens. Look, there's one right there.
CHECK IT.



I so wish we could uncheck it.
Dude, you don't even know what's going on.
Yeah I do. Something retarded.



I'm going to guess what this sidequest is about.
Go ahead.
The old dude is a painter and the boy is his grandson.
Don't quit your counter-terrorist uniting-day job.



So anyway.
All ears.
The kid paints bones somewhere on his grandfather's paintings.
Sounds reasonable. Well, it doesn't really, but... yeah.
Yeah, yeah, so because the paintings motive is a location in the city, I bet that there's some kind of x-marks-the-spot-kinda deal going on.
Hmm...



So the bone marks the spot?
Yeah. What do you think?
Worth a shot.
Mm.
Well, let's go then.
Should we comment on anything these people say?
We'll never stop talking if we do.
'Cuchi-cuchi-coo' sounds sinister.
Let's just speedrun this bitch.



That's certainly a hint if I ever saw it.
Final Fantasy 8. Integrated UHS system.
Fucking abbreviations, Kief.
CIA. FBI. CTU. PMS.
STD.
Hell yeah!
Here's a bar and casino thing.



According to Gamefaqs, there's a Timber Maniacs magazine here.
Alright. Done.
Also there's a guy right next to it that will give us cool stuff if we beat him at cards.
Alright.



I have a feeling that this is one of them funny guys.



You're correct. This is one of those annoying comic relief characters.
Fantastic.



Luckily, he's never seen or heard from again.
That's because I will murder him the moment we're done here.



I have a hard time believing people "depend on us" to do this shit.



Well, at least we're not playing.
We're not playing? But then... who is playing?
Why, I'm playing, of course!
Dave Mustaine!?
Sure.
But why?
Why not?
That's fucking good enough for me!
But..
But why, Colin! BUT. WHY.
FINE.
Have you boys met Jesus?
I hope he's not gonna be a regular.
Are you saying you want Al Wright, God, Flappyjack and Bubbles to come in instead?
Hey, man, you know that any Metallica song ever that doesn't suck and isn't on their Garage Inc. cover album?
....
I wrote it. Even years before they wrote it.
Well?
I'm still thinking.
Of course, when I say they wrote it...
You mean that they stole it, yeah we gotcha.



Dave Mustaine, what are we doing in this room?
There's one item we need to pick up.
Do we have to play cards?
No, we just have to click on this pile of books a lot until we get it.
Acceptable.



Done!
Amazing. Anything else?
We can talk to the man again.
Let's not.
He just want to give us a bunch of cards.
Why?
Says it's because we're the second, well, SQUALL is the second to come in and beat his ass at cards, so he should have a prize.
Are the cards any good?
Nope.
Figured. So who was this other guy?
He's mentioned in this diary over here. Let's see...



I'm confused about that "won a lot" thing. Did he win a lot from this Lag-guy or did Lag-guy win a lot from him? The way I understand everything else, the Lag-guy beat the guy at cards.
He did. This is just a translation fuck-up, I think.
I guess. Well, whatever. Lag is obviously Laguna, right?
Probably.
Probably. What was he doing here?
Well, he did say he wanted to become a traveling journalist.
Yeah, he did, didn't he. Welcome back, by the way.
Thanks. So Laguna probably went on a journey all over the world.
That can't be good. Dave, anything else in this room?
Not unless you want to read about how the old dude met the love of his life and losing her and shit.



Yeah, we definitely don't want to do that.
Moving on then.
Shouldn't we talk to the Queen of Cards?
That's exactly what we're gonna do.



Blah-blah-blah she says she gave the MiniMog card to her son and if she gets her hands on a Kiros card (try Deling City) she can make a Sacred card.
We done?
We done.
Bone quest!



Watch me do a Squall impression!


Blow me.

Eh? Eh!?
Authentic.
Hey, there's that dog.



So what's the reward?
Reward?
It's gotta be something awesome, right.
Well...



...
Yeah.
I guess this is only the first of many treasure hunts in Dollet?
Yeah.
Will the.... treasures...... become more valuable?
......yeah?
........
........
......I see.
Maybe it's best if we just fast-forward this quest?
I'm going home!
Kief, wait!

[>>]



















Is it over? Is it safe to come out?
Yes. All done.
Alright, I trust youAIIIIEEE!!



You fucking told me it was over!
Dave is just winning back the MiniMog card from the kid.
We need to get out of here, Colin! This is a stupid town full of stupid!
There's just one little thing.
What!?



I've checked you two into the hotel so you can sleep for a week.
...
What do you think, Kief?
Room service, Colin?
Room service, Kief.
I'll leave the two of you alone.
Thanks, Dave Mustaine!
No sweat. Just don't forget to grab the Timber Maniacs magazine. And... well, don't listen to the staff.
Why not?



Oh sweet merciful ghost of Ronnie James Dio!
I'm sure the room service doesn't speak like that.
It better not.
Have fun!
Bye!

...................LATER THAT DAY



What are we doing in Dollet, Squall?
Look! Timber Maniacs magazine!
Did you forget where we're going?
Magazine!
Man, you guys are the worst mercenaries in the world!
I'm going to have to fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck youuuuu!


TO BE CONTINUED!

IIRC, you can do parts of that inane hidden object game when you are assaulting the town.

IIRC U DRC.

IIRC, that is.

Inaaaaa~nity
Is such a lonely word

wow that looks so unfun that i wondered how i finished the pc version before. i must've finished the game by spamming some hypershot or some shit.

No you cant. The only quest you did during that assault is NOT talkee to your mates.

FUN FACT: First time I played FF8 I downloaded a save file right at the final boss as soon as I was done with the graduation mission. The save file had been hacked to have all spells and unlimited HP and MP. I beat the shit out of Ultimecia and watched the ending and, honestly, I didn't miss ANYTHING by jumping ahead. That's how I first beat FF8 and I don't regret it. In more ways than one, Locue was a lot smarter than Andyman Messiah. But at least I'm honest, unlike that Louce guy. Fuck that guy. Fuck him right in the masturbation.

How about wednesday. I think it's time to dream about Laguna again.

I should do that with Emotional Engagement as well.

Somebody should inform FF8 authors about this LP - I bet they would an hero after realizing what they have done to innocent young minds of the players...

Prelude to Update 16: Laguna and the Switch Palace if the word "palace" meant "ice cave" instead.

(pacing)



Indeed we are, Quistis. Indeed we are.

After a brief stop in Dollet (where we accomplished nothing of actual importance) we--

THANKS A LOT.

--are back on track. Now all we need to do is to keep moving! Keep moving and get to Galbadia Garden. Come on, gang! Le--

Heeey, I was just thinking...

Well, alright. I guess we could just stay here in this forest and talk about stuff for a while instead. That's fine too. Just don't interrupt me again.

There might be some bad news from the Galbadian government. What if we get caught and then get broadcast to the whole world...!?
(at first I was like) Whatever happens, happens! Now come on! Let's just keep going!
(but then I was like) I, I'm worried about Balamb Garden...

Wonderful. While these two might seem like the fucking worst right now, it won't be too long until both Quistis and Rinoa manages to outworse them both by, like, six hundred eighty-four nervous breakdowns, so don't worry. But that's Update 20: I hate you I hate you I hate I hate you, coming to this very thread in maybe two-three weeks.

If anything happens to Garden, it's all my fault. I'm the one who said we were all from Garden...

Yeah, you fucking idiot.

You think the president will retaliate on Garden?
Maybe.
...Figures... B-B-But, we have a whole bunch of SeeDs at Balamb Garden! They wouldn't lose to the Galbadian army, would they?
Depends on how strong the army is.
I know, but...



Of course, they still have a lot of glorious moments like these.

Do you actually have fun acting so callous towards your comrades?
(...Not again.)

I honestly don't know if I've hated any Final Fantasy character as much as I hate Rinoa.

Zell wants your support.
(I knew it was gonna be something like that...)
Any kind of encouragement will make...
(That's just to ease your mind. Am I the only one who thinks that? No, I'm sure Seifer...)
Don't you ever worry about or even think about the well-being of your comrades!?
(I don't believe in relying on others.)

Especially if they're fucking stupid.
We're with you a thousand percent, Squall!

Don't you understand!?
(Whatever.)
Are you listening Squall?



Great, as if a migraine was just what Squall needed right now.
I don't think this is a migraine, Kief.



I think this is something....



...much more annoying.



Oh fuck.


What's going to happen in the dream world? Find out tomorrowsome day after tomorrow! Saturday, maybe? I made a retarded decision to update on a work day. No fucking way I wanna do anything anime-related after I get home from work and cook dinner.

Hirato Cassidy Feel free to withdraw your brofists. Sorry.

Lots of grind and inanity

I'm just waiting for Dio's ghost to appear.

HAHAHAHAHAH oh this part. FULL of DERP. Completely stupid and irredeemable.

Update delayed because I'm too tired. Saturday's the day.

(This is how it begins.)

Hmmm