Mr. Pink
Travelling Gourmand, Crab Specialist
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2015
- Messages
- 3,044
It is the year 4000 BC. After his debut in Sid Meiers Civilization III, King Casimir the Third went on a long hiatus from being in Civilization games. Now he's back, in the second expansion of Sid Meiers Civilization V. Casimir has lost a lot of weight, and got taller thanks to all the HGH he's been taking.
OK toots. Whatever. You lost your entire nation to Italians in skirts.
five turns later, I see the Celts second city. They've chosen to expand in my direction. this is unforgivable.
Who will win?
Tune in next time.
Casimir 15 years ago
Casimir now
We begin our adventure on the shores of a new world. At first glance, it's rather unremarkable. Plains as far as the eye can see (the shittiest tile besides tundra). Fortunately, we start next to the three things all good men need: wheat, wine and coffee. To the north and south of us are ruins. Hopefully we get something good like a new tech or a pop boost.
First things first: Found the capital. I feel like my starting spawn is the best place to be, so I'll settle for it. My first production will be workers, so I can take advantage of that sweet sweet wheat, and I'll research pottery so I can hopefully found a religion before they all get taken.
The ruins to the north give me pocket change. Disappointing.
7 turns later, the ruins to the south give me pottery, a technology I was already halfway through researching. t-th-thanks...
Further down, I see a friendly city state. This might come in handy later.
...and the first barbarian camp. Kurwa. I hit the camp a few times, taking more damage than the enemy, but use my promotion to heal to full health and attack again. (This better not happen in Civ VI, Firaxis.)
after razing the camp, I swing down to save panama city from the machete rape barbarians. I got 15 influence out of it, but immediately lost 3 because my unit ended it's turn in their borders. Pricks.
From the north, a lone warrior stumbles upon my city. Great... my neighbors are fucking Celts.
"I always wear a kilt because I'm Celtic."
"do not underestimate me."
OK toots. Whatever. You lost your entire nation to Italians in skirts.
Space is so far away, but we can take our first steps by looking at the things we're trying to reach. Also, gotta get that wine.
Further north, instead of encountering Boudicca, we get another barb camp. How awful.
Liberty seems to be the best tree for an expansionist like me. Potatoland must grow.
after 975 years of exploring, I have yet to see another human being (besides that city state) that doesn't want to rape me with a machete.
five turns later, I see the Celts second city. They've chosen to expand in my direction. this is unforgivable.
Embassy? What is an embassy? The gold is nice, though. Maybe she's tsundere for me.
20 turns later, I've built two settlers (one from the liberty policy tree). I now know I live on a peninsula which means I have to secure a land exit as quickly as possible before bo-dick-ca boxes me in. I plop a city on a hill right in front of Dublin to block any settlers from squatting on my peninsula, which angers the strong and empowered womyn. I calm her down with my superior male intellect and charm, and immediately buy two more tiles to cut off Dublins growth. I buy a scout, so I can bring my warrior back home to guard the border.
Approximately 3-7 people die every year attempting to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. I'm not going to risk it.
A pop up reminds me that the Potatoan civilization is the dumbest one in the world right now. We'll show them how smart we are when we fly away in our colony ships and nuke this gay earth to smithereens.
Praise the sun! after 81 turns, we finally get our first pantheon. Since wheat is everywhere, +1 food doesn't sound so bad. Bronze working is finished, but there isn't a single iron deposit anywhere on the map so far. This might become a problem later.
Our brave scout is killed in action because I set him to auto-explore and forgot that units set to auto-explore are suicidal.
Today's post ends on turn 93. Hopefully things will pick up soon when I get my catapults and start conquering these blue faced tree loving savages.
Who will win?
vs
Tune in next time.
my save file is broken and im not sure which mod i installed broke it...
