In Progress The Codexian darwinian struggle against the Temple of Decline (ToEE Co8), MEATSHIELDS INQUIRE WITHIN

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Don't worry Pope, the next casualty has also died due to me being retarded, even more so than in your case. Fortunately, I got my shit together after that and avoided further deaths due to derp (but only derp). Haven't played ToEE in a while after all.

Anyone wants to bet who dies next?

I'm feeling lucky.
Make me a dual wield rapier duelist with weapon finesse and some levels of sorceror to get enlarge person (with extended duration if possible).

I leave primary class at your criteria, either ranger for the dual bonus feat or fighter (do rangers get weapon finesse?).
Dex focus obviously. There is a tunic in the nulb.
If you don't want rapiers, you can use a monk with jians from nulb too, for the extra furry of blows with them tied to the monk simple weapon proficiency (it's a light offhand medium weapon, but not finessable unfortunatly).

If this is too complicated or unfeasible, replace the dual wield by a bitching ranseur/reach weapon, but keep the enlarge person (it's sick --- you can actually use two of them if enlarged, so you can keep the dual wield feats, though that would be painful when it finishes).

Don't care about alignment. It's stupid anyway.

Lindblum we are spreading the incline in this LP

Hope neither of us die in the next update.

Double 16! In Int and Wis...

Bro, rapiers are awesome. Yeah rangers do get weapon finesse, everybody does it just requires a +1 BaB IIRC. I had a nice dual-weilding ranger on my first complete playthrough of ToEE, the guy was a real murdering machine with 22 DEX IIRC (there's a +2 dex item somewhere I think), he used long swords though.

Another adventurer hopeful reporting in the Hommlet inn:

Johannes, Halfling Rogue-sorcerer
DEX>CON>INT>STR>CHA>WIL
If charisma would be <11 with that order, push it higher on the list.
Otherwise rogue but pick 1 level of sorcerer whenever you like, after 4 levels of rogue seems good. For spells pick Reduce Person at least.

Point is being hard to hit and using wands crafted by someone else when those are available. Get sorc level whenever you want to start using magic items, no need to put points in "use magic items" skill then.

Combat expertise as the first feat if possible. Fight like a true coward, or decoy if you prefer to call it that.

Half-orc fighter/rogue
STR>DEX>CON>WIS>CHA - int needs to be at least 13 for expertise
sex: gentleman
1 level of fighter for proficiencies, give him a long pokey stick and improved trip, and let him sneak that stick up defenceless foes - and he'd make a usefull skill monkey

Chapter II

Bogged down, in a good way!



After popping the evil blood-sucking moles, our party heads back to Hommlet to loot and ditch the pope’s corpse properly bury his Holiness. Also they get a new bard…

: It is a pity we have to bury one of our comrades, even if he was a dangerous fanatic.

: Hopefully we will get a new healer. Being wounded makes me murder things less which is pure decline.

: BROS, WE SHALL RECRUIT A BARD, A FEMALE ONE AT THAT. TOO MUCH OF A SAUSAGE FEST HERE.

: Some competition from a lass? Now all things good will come to pass!

: *sigh* Are there no druids or clerics around? I’m a conjurer not a healer, don’t rely on me saving your asses from bleeding to death all the time.



All rolls fall between 12-15, not bad. We could have used such stat rolls on the Pope



: Hi! My name is Lolly Polly in Copacabana. I bring smiles to the faces of children around the world with my songs. Music which conveys the message of joy, harmony, love and friendship.

: I don’t know what makes me want to vomit more, the bubblegum pop nonsense or that mouthful of a name.

: Stop being such a dick.

: I CONCUR, IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MEMORY BRO, JUST CALL HER LOLLY POLLY AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH YOUR BULLSHIT FOR LONG.

: Bah, being nice is for the weak and powerless. You will see what I mean by that when *I* will acquire ultimate power.



We buy some stuff for Lolly Polly from not-Kingcomrade. Mostly a bow and some clothes so that she does not walk around naked.

Time to try to get to the bog again.



Two crawfish? How hard can it be?





Basically they steroid-fed crustaceans laughed at our spells and violated the party with their pincers one by one. Also our melee characters couldn’t hit them.

I’ll add crawfish to the list of things to avoid.

Party annihilation count: 2 – death by crustaceans

After a reload the party safely arrives at the bog…



: This place looks so sad and lonely! I need to cheer it up with a song!

: [facepalm]

: …Oh girls just want to have fun! [sings]

: Why do I not yet know the fireball spell? I could really use it at the moment...




: Sup drog.



: Bah, alts. I was hoping I could stab them, damn illusions.

: Wait, you would stab a bunch of friendly guards?

: Wouldn’t you? I mean look at all the loot they’re carrying! We can’t take it from them if they are alive obviously.


Past the fake guards was an entrance leading to the next area, so far we encounter no hostiles.



: Damn! Almost tripped over snag or something. Oh wait…

: Kobolds! Fucking finally!



: I have encountered little resistance, and put an end to its existence.

More foul creatures come out of hiding, Lindblum and hoverdog maim them most greatly.



: Embrace the power of love and world peace you meanie!

Lolly Polly finishes the job.



: Fencus Jumperus!

Another Kobold ambush, I have Mrowak cast grease although after doing that I thought it wasn’t really needed.



It turned out there were more Kobolds out there, and they slipped on the grease when trying to get into melee range



: STOP MOVING BRO, I NEED TO WHACK YOU WITH MY WARHAMMER.

: HAHAHA! I think I slashed its artery, what a magnificent torrent of blood!

As always, Lindblum and hoverdog manage to hit and kill stuff while BLOBERT can’t. This is even more surprising when you consider hoverdog has an attack penalty (although reduced by a feat) from dual wielding.

Continued in next post…

: Ha! Easiest killing I have ever done. Even easier than killing those spiders in their sleep!

: You know what guys? These kobolds are so pathetic I might as well walk over there and whack them with my staff. Oh shi… [slips]

Yeah, for some totally retarded reason I decided to move Mrowak closer, through the field of grease. But hey, these Kobolds are so weak that they’ll be dead soon enough.



: Don’t worry Mr. Wizard! The power of friendship will save you!



Mrowak is the only one carrying healing scrolls. God damn that was retarded on my part. To be honest if he didn’t try to stand up he would still have positive HP.

Also BLOBERT misses again, the god of dice rolls hates true bros.



: Join us, come with us…

Black Cat charms the Mrowak-hating kobold in an attempt to save our wizard from getting bludgeoned to death. Fortunately she succeeds!



: Get the hell away from our wizard bro fiend!



: We must make haste or death the wizard will taste! Strike down the fiend oh biggest of bros, or Mrowak will become a diner for crows.

: BRO, I WILL SAVE YOU BY DELIVERING THE FINAL BLOW.

All hope rests in the hands of BLOBERT.



: He missed again…

: Bro, maybe we need to give you a few lessons or something?

: BRO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH BUT I KNOW HOW TO KILL. JUST A BIT RUSTY NOW, MY AIM WILL BE OK SOON.



: Mr. Wizard don’t die now! Life is too good to give up on it!

: Bah! Now I won’t get to kill him myself.

And thus Mrowak becomes the second casualty. His racial slur incantations will be missed

I promise you bros, that is the last retarded death in this LP.



The surviving codexers get some exp and loot every corpse around as proper adventurers always do. Yes, even Mrowak’s. He has those healing scrolls on him after all.

: Dibs on his hat and stuffies!

Told you I would get Black Cat that hat

Oh and the charmed kobold is killed of course. It was a useful pawn, although maybe casting sleep would have been the better option.



The crew makes a trip back to Hommlet to sell all the loot, recruit a new party member and restock on ammo. They encounter two zombies. A wounded party of 8 can handle two zombies right? Should be easy.



[perception] The undead are immune to sleep.

[intelligence] Black Cat knows disrupt undead, I’ll use that instead during her next round.



: The power of love compels you!

: Yes, I can see how very compelled he has just become. What a bunch of useless…



: See? That is how you deal damage. That is why in 10 million years, I will be celebrating another anniversary of my glorious rule over the universe, while you will be a nothing more than a memory from a time when I was a mortal.

: ONE OF THESE DAYS BRO, I WILL SMACK YOU.



Bros, what you can see above is a sight most troubling. BLOBERT hit something, truly the end is near. As prophesied by Cleveland Mark Blakemore, ITZ coming. Next Thursday, you will see.



: Even the dead can die when *I* stab them. Now if only they would leave behind something to loot…



Told you it would be easy.

Back in Hommlet…



Not bad, Running Fox will be our Rogue.





…and now I realized Running Fox was supposed to be a human not an elf!

Sorry bro, my fuck up. I will atone by forcing myself to watch the Mass Effect 3 romance cutscenes.

Please forgive me for my failure

: We need a healer not a rogue you morons.

: My my, butthurt much? Please, do keep on whining. It’s so pathetic that it might even be considered amusing.



The party rests until healed, sells some crap and heads out to the bog again.



A wandering faggot approaches.



We do not need him.

At the bog, the party goes down the ladder they found near the second Kobold ambush…



Inside of a tunnel, they encounter a most ghastly apparition.

: Sup drog?

: Another alt. Just when I wanted to stab something…

The illusion disappears.



: It looks like a proper dungeon, about fucking time!

: Where there is plunder, the adventurers will wander.



: You feel very sleepy now and stuffies.

In the dungeon proper we encounter more Kobolds, black cat puts half of them to sleep.



: OH YEAH! Eat that you doglizard thing.

Epic 14 damage attack by Lindblum.



: You didn’t see me there now did you? Thought as much, silly creature.



We encounter more kobolds up ahead, Lindblum introduces one of them to his greatsword. The result is an unlucky thirteen. Unlucky for the Kobold of course



: The land of Nippon has created many…

Black Cat puts all the Kobolds to sleep!

Also I positioned Running Fox a bit badly. I thought she wouldn’t be the closest target but I was off by a bit so she got hit. But not hard enough to go into negative HP.



One of the Kobolds wakes up before Running Fox can finish him off with a coup de grace. Lindblum deals with the quasi-canine humanoid and the party leaves the dungeon for now. BLOBERT and a few other people are overburdened from all the loot they just acquired. We need to offload that for some jewgold.

However, the party exits using a different entrance than the one it came from…



: SUP DROG?

Another illusion, we head back to Hommlet. There is no encounter, the party gets some rest and I buy Running Fox a rapier since we’re no longer broke and can afford one (she was using a cheap dagger before).



On the way back from Hommlet the hivemind encounters more Kobolds. The choice is obvious, they need to be killed and their corpses looted.



: And they say cats are lazy and sleep all day. Nyaa!



: Now that you failed to stop me, I will kill all your friends in their sleep. Sounds fun doesn’t it?



: Open up your heart! Let the joy of life and rainbows overcome you!



The sneaky rogue vixen murders a Kobold in its sleep.



Lindblum and hoverdog are a gift that keeps on giving. Really, unlike BLOBERT who is doing precisely jack, they keep killing things. Running Fox looks like she will contribute as much as them.

Guess Mrowak dying wasn’t so bad after all. Sure we could use his conjuration focus and grease, but Black Cat's sleep should be sufficient for now. I can always pick it up on Renegen if needed. Although I rather have him specialize in evocation and just burn shit with fireballs.





Lindblum brutally maims another one! 15 damage in one attack, that’s at least twice as much as BLOBERT did since character creation



Got a ton of loot, guess we’ll head back to town again, sell some of it and grab hoverdog some better weapons.

Maybe a pair of morgensterns? Could be useful for that blunt damage since BLOBERT can’t hit the broad side of a barn with his warhammer.

That would be it for this chapter. It appears I will have to travel to the other side of potatoland soon so there may not be another update until next week when I get back.

However here is a bonus to stroke our collective hivemind ego:









We should call the award for most consecutive hits the anti-BLOBERT award



Yeah wasted a bit of ammo with that. I’ll stick to having him blast stuff with magic missiles and fireballs. BLOBERT's misses are a lot more noticeable and detrimental to our party though.



Half of those were by coup de grace so the score is a bit skewed.



Well, Mrowak was hit for as much damage as was his Holiness IIRC. But the dead don’t count I guess



Meh, it was a coup de grace. He did get a 15 at most with a regular attack as we saw.



Disrupt undead ain’t bad for a level 0 spell. It is situational but it does *something* unlike the rest of those spells (apart from heal minor wounds or whatever is the weakest heal spell called).

I wonder who will be the next victim of survival of the fittest. Most likely somebody who will get critically hit I guess.

You fucking killed me!!!11111 With a bloody kobold!! In the party of 8 characters!! Why did you send me into melee?

You bastard!!111

Hehe, should have upped the stakes for my demise.

Btw, how come I carry healing scrolls? Did you put some points in Use Magical Device? AFAIK wizards can't use scrolls of cure without that in TOEE.

Also, give Sleep to each of your spellcasters. It saves lives on low levels. My wizard would have rocked with Glitterdust if he survived to lvl 3. Oh, sad fate.

It's going to be the "lich" that will score a critical strike on one of our meatshields. Unless you are going to melee him with spellcasters.

Crap, you need that feat for healing scrolls? Fuck I haven't played ToEE in a long while. I'm derping like a a bethtard here. At least I can into ToEE unlike Skyway

No. In D&D thers's separation between Arcane magic (Wizards, Sorcereres) and Divine magic (Clerics and Druids). Either group cannot use spells from the other, unless they have some points in Use Magic Devices skill. Thus even low-level clerics can use scrolls of Raise Dead, but won't be able to cast Fireball. Additionally Bards cannot use any magic from stackable items (Scrolls, Wands, Staves) except potions, without the said skill.

Derp, you mean the skill. I think somebody has points in it so we're safe. Yeah I knew about the arcane/divine separation obviously. I just rarely used scroll in toee and nwn2 though, wasn't sure how exactly do they work in D&D3E.

Not exactly right. Bards can use wands and scrolls of anything on their spell list (not spells known) in 3.5 and have both arcane and divine spells on their spell list. Although I'm not 100% if that's the same for ToEE

ToEE had some elements of 3,5 IIRC, I think I'll check the manual if that was one of those things. If it is, we'll have jimbob be our reserve healer and scrollmaster or Rolly Polly.

If some of the key speshuls die the LP could decline, but non-speshuls...kill 'em all, and let the RNG sort 'em out. This is a Darwinian LP after all.

Well hope to see you back in a week then.

Wait, dude, what the hell? As far as I get from that demonophobia LP thread, Lolly Polly is a Black Cat's alt, so how come that there's two black cats in the party? Where's the diversity? Or, at the very least, larp this properly...

Lesbian twincest starring me and, uhm, me in three... two... one... @_@

We have

Wait, you are back? :shock: Damn my selective blindness... Glad to have you on board.

Yes, ToEE actually uses 3.5 with some minor gameplay modifications. Remember that Use Magic Device may actually fail - so some sort of cleric is a must.

Anyway, can't wait for the slaughter in the catacombs.

Nah, don't think so... half the fun is watching you fuck things up

Also, the larp is... not quite prestigious darwinian enough. Also, look up "rhyming dictionary" for jimbob, pretty please. Also, it's "coup de grace" ffs. Yeah, sorry, that ends the complaints. Use your trip-induced break to evolve the genetic payload of this LP to proper hell-raising levels, mkay?

I failed my alt check when reading that LP apparently, I'm only a lowly potato after all. Still, I think a slightly delusional pop idol bard thinking she can spread love and friendship all over the place by pelting stuff(ies) with arrows is an "entertaining" LARP persona. At least now I know why she wrote "that would be dirty even for me".

Although I do agree that having two characters representing one person is

Tell you what, to cause some additional drama you can vote whether or not to keep both Black Cats or just one of them. I'll leave it up to Black Cat which character she wants to have left, the sorceress or the bard, if you guys decide to have only one.

You have time until Monday to decide. I'll play toee a bit with the current party anyway so the change won't take place immiediatly at the begining of the next update.For all we know, the "lich" could murder half of our party. Although at the moment, if our meat shields die the spellcasters get raped within a round which always results in a game over screen. Unless I derp again and move them out of position or somebody sneaks up on them and flanks them.

You're using 5 foot steps aren't you?

BTW, do add keyboard shortcuts for all the movement and attack modes if you haven't yet; it maintains sanity.

(goddamned game saves them in savegames, instead of a persistent config file, bad design)

I thought it best to check since you seem rusty with some of ToEE minute mechanisms, although you are most likely already well aware of this issue. Are you using quicksaves? Don't, ever, they will royally fuck up your saves, don't continue a game that's been quick-saved, as its likely that further on that save too will be corrupted. Always save manually.