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The Blistering Stupidity of Fallout 3

Infinitron

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In anticipation of Fallout 4, Shamus Young once again takes out the axe on this beloved Bethesda classic:

The Blistering Stupidity of Fallout 3, Part 1
splash800_fallout3_washington.jpg


This is going to be a ~7,000 word series on some[1] of the things wrong with the central story of Fallout 3. Yes, I know this is a celebrated and beloved game. It made a bunch of GOTY lists back in 2008, and still appears on lists of favorites today. To be honest, I liked it too. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to pretend that the entire story wasn’t a giant heap of sophomoric tripe. None of it fit together, none of it made sense, and it was filled with awful, frustrating situations where you were forced to do stupid things because doing something smart would resolve the problem without requiring the player to go out and shoot things.

If you’re one of those people that can’t stand to hear people say bad things about stuff you like, then this is going to be hard for you. I’ve broken the series into five parts to help soften the blow.

Good luck!

(Yes, I covered a lot of these points way back in 2010 when we covered Fallout 3 on Spoiler Warning. But I wanted a version of this rant that people could take in without needing to sit through 15 hours of 480p video.)


A fundamental misunderstanding.


fallout3_original.jpg



The original Fallout game was a gritty world where you explore the vast California desert in search of a water purification chip. It drew influences from Mad Max, campy 50’s sci-fi movies, and pulpy comics of the same era. It had a streak of pitch-black comedy running throughout it. It wasn’t about the 1950’s, it was about the future that the 1950’s anticipated. It was a game that took place in the future of the past.

Bethesda saw this template and concluded that a Fallout game needed to take place in the desert, it needed to be about water, it should contain screwball comedy, and that it should be the 1950’s forever.

In Fallout 1, you needed a water chip to save the lives of your people who lived in an underground vault. In Fallout 3 you’re trying to clean water for a wasteland that you have no reason to care about, for people who seem to be doing okay without your help, because your idiot dad told you too. (Yes, Dad is an idiot. I know he sounds smart because he’s got the voice of Liam Neeson, and Liam Neeson can make anything sound brilliant, but trust me: Dad is a bone-head. We’ll get to him later.)

They tried to keep the “desert” concept, but moved the game to Washington D.C. where a desert motif makes no sense. They tried to keep the pulp sc-fi tone, but it was often undercut by Bethesda’s putty-faced NPC’s, horrendous washed out color palette[2], and blunt attempts at photo-realism. They completely misunderstood the humor, replacing ‘dark comedy’ with ‘goofball situations’. And finally, the whole 50’s thing was greatly exaggerated and then rendered nonsensical by moving the timeline forward to 200 years after the war.

This fundamental misunderstanding of the Fallout tone and themes infuses the game and is the source of nearly every major design failing.

FYI, 200 Years is actually a very long time.


fallout_comic.jpg



The original Fallout was a setting where we were just a single generation away from the Old World. People still remembered it, and it still shaped the way people thought. People were still sifting through the ashes, trying to cling to the ruined world. They were still dressing, speaking, and thinking like people from a retro-50’s future. But that tension between the old world and the new can only last so long. It certainly isn’t going to survive for 200 years.

Two hundred years ago, men wore knee-high stockings, powdered wigs, and got married at 14 years old. 200 years is a long time, and technology has transformed us and our culture in countless ways. The change would be at least that dramatic in the other direction, moving from a world of plenty to a world of ruin. To put it another way: 200 years after a nuclear war, people aren’t going to be forming greaser gangs.

200 years after the bombs fell, the old world should just be gone. But no. In Fallout 3 people still dress the same, stores still have Old World food on the shelves, the old machines still work, and people still talk about the war the way we discuss 9/11. Nobody has made any new music, culture, customs, clothing[3], or tools. They haven’t even swept the dang floor.

In this world the bombs fell, people crawled out of the rubble and formed little towns, and then nothing happened for the next 190 years.

Note that I’m NOT saying that the Bethesda writers should have made up some crazy future-world with all new cultures. If they did, it would barely feel like earth. It might feel something like Zeno Clash, but it certainly wouldn’t feel like the Mad Max / 50’s pulp sci-fi mashup the series is known for. I’m saying that they shouldn’t have moved the story forward 200 years. The Fallout world makes the most sense while you’ve still got some people around to remember the war. The farther you get from N-Day, the harder it is to maintain that unique Fallout flavor, the harder it is to conceive how society would develop, and the harder it is to justify having old-world customs, attitudes, gadgets, and food.

Why was this done? So that the events of Fallout 3 wouldn’t conflict with the events of the previous two games? This 200 year thing is a really ugly hack to solve that problem. And it was a waste, since they ended up retconning and altering lots of big ideas from the earlier games anyway.

Since the writer could barely make a single quest that didn’t implode under the weight of its internal contradictions, they should have made things as easy on themselves and just stuck to the “one generation after the war” idea the series began with. Like all the other missteps, it was a move that caused more problems than it solved and riddled the whole thing with plot holes.



What we’re NOT going to complain about.


fallout3_title.jpg



I’m not here to pick apart the science of Fallout. I’m not here to go all Neil deGrasse Tyson on the retro-future fantasy science that the Fallout setting rests on. In the real world decontaminating radioactive water is supposedly not that hard[4] but if the writers say that radiation in Fallout sticks to water, then I can accept that just as easily as plasma rifles and deathclaws. I’m not asking for a simulation of real-world physics, but just asking the world stick to its own rules.

In short: It’s fine if green barrels explode like dynamite in Doom, but if a Cacodemon knocks over a glass of water I still expect the glass to hit the floor and break. Having “different” rules doesn’t mean a story has “no rules”.

I’m also not going to nitpick problems with scope or scale. Yes, two Brahamin is not enough cattle for a community of a dozen, a tiny garden can’t feed a whole family, and Tenpenny Tower is actually only a five-minute walk from Megaton. That’s fine. It’s all fine. We understand that in a videogame you explore on foot, some abstraction and compression of space is required. We can accept that a five-meter plot is “a farm”, five cows is “a ranch”, five houses is “a town”, and a mile is “a really long way”.

I’m also not going to complain about how stupid the Vaults are[5]. Yes, the politics and culture of Vault 101 are drivel, but it’s harmless drivel. Once you get out of the Vault it’s easy to ignore and doesn’t constantly generate more plot holes as the story goes on. Vault 101 is silly, not broken.

We’re also not going to complain about Little Lamplight, because that would just distract us from the task at hand. Yes, Lamplight is really infuriating, but like 101 it’s kind of self-contained. Besides, properly deconstructing Lamplight would take another entire article.

Next time we’ll dig into the setting of the game and look at where it all went wrong.
 

Surf Solar

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You don't need a 7000 word essay to realize that the game is garbage and Bethesda know nothing about Fallout.
 

Surf Solar

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The difference being that the guy writing this probably does so for the living and the thread you linked to contains lots and lots of bickering and shitposting.
 

Jools

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Kinda interesting, does have a few points, but the considerations about how and in how long humanity would evolve into some state or another after a nuclear disaster are a bit out of place, and feel really unsubstantiated.
 

imweasel

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You don't need a 7000 word essay to realize that the game is garbage and Bethesda know nothing about Fallout.
Tell that to the Bethesdrones that infest our wonderful Codex.

You know who I am talking about.
 

pippin

Guest
Why the fuck don't you just go play S.T.A.L.K.E.R.?

:salute:

Which is why nobody should ever expect anything "rpg" about new Fallout games other than rocket launchers.
New Vegas, at least, had some elements to be accepted as an rpg. In fact it was the first Fallout rpg since FO2. Tactics wasn't a pure rpg.
 

gestalt11

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Why the fuck don't you just go play S.T.A.L.K.E.R.?

:salute:

Which is why nobody should ever expect anything "rpg" about new Fallout games other than rocket launchers.
New Vegas, at least, had some elements to be accepted as an rpg. In fact it was the first Fallout rpg since FO2. Tactics wasn't a pure rpg.

RPG's launch grenades not rockets. Big difference even if they both assplode.

I would say something about people overreacting to fallout 3 due to extreme butthurt from misplaced and unrealistic expectations but I don't really want to see more assplosions.
 
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Why the fuck don't you just go play S.T.A.L.K.E.R.?

:salute:

Which is why nobody should ever expect anything "rpg" about new Fallout games other than rocket launchers.
New Vegas, at least, had some elements to be accepted as an rpg. In fact it was the first Fallout rpg since FO2. Tactics wasn't a pure rpg.

RPG's launch grenades not rockets. Big difference even if they both assplode.

I would say something about people overreacting to fallout 3 due to extreme butthurt from misplaced and unrealistic expectations but I don't really want to see more assplosions.

>RPG
>Rocket Propelled Grenade
 

gestalt11

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Why the fuck don't you just go play S.T.A.L.K.E.R.?

:salute:

Which is why nobody should ever expect anything "rpg" about new Fallout games other than rocket launchers.
New Vegas, at least, had some elements to be accepted as an rpg. In fact it was the first Fallout rpg since FO2. Tactics wasn't a pure rpg.

RPG's launch grenades not rockets. Big difference even if they both assplode.

I would say something about people overreacting to fallout 3 due to extreme butthurt from misplaced and unrealistic expectations but I don't really want to see more assplosions.

>RPG
>Rocket Propelled Grenade

Hmm true I kind of forgot about all that. Did you know that whole thing is a bacronym from Russian? Things like a bazooka are just called anti-tank rocket launchers. The grenade part comes from a direct translation of the Russian name of the early russian designs.
 

Jaesun

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Well Fallout 3 had Rocket Propelled Nukes, so this proves once and for all Fallout 3 is NOT a RPG. It's a RPN.

Case closed.
 
Last edited:

Gord

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Kinda interesting, does have a few points, but the considerations about how and in how long humanity would evolve into some state or another after a nuclear disaster are a bit out of place, and feel really unsubstantiated.

Well, that 200 years in F3 were kinda stupid. Everything looked as if the war had just ended 1 or 2 years ago and nobody had been around since.
F:NV was a bit better, but still somewhat implausible at times.
 

ghostdog

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I see we're doing the "Skyrim has been announced, it's okay to point out Oblivion's faults now" thing again.
Exactly. This dorito media article is completely irrelevant as a critique at this point and mostly serves as another marketing ruse. Since FO3 was a 10/10 GOTY best game evar when it got released, the dorito media now needs to downplay its worth, in order to easily proclaim that the new game in the series is "better in every way than its predecessor" and the new 10/10 best game evar. The king is dead long live the king. All this with the blessing of the Publisher, because this is a well used strategy from the majority of the AAA industry, that has no reservations to bash their previous shit in order to sell more of their new shit.
 

Infinitron

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Exactly. This dorito media article is completely irrelevant as a critique at this point and mostly serves as another marketing ruse.

It's a blog post, and Shamus has always hated FO3 (see the link in the OP)
 

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