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Stevehammer 40k: Grimdark of the 3 Kingdoms

Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
Chapter 6: Hegemony


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: Jian Ge will be ours soon. Organize a supply train: we will turn it into our first staging point.

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: The gate is down.

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: Charge through!



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: Reinforcements here as ordered, Prime Minister!

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: Crispy's back.

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: Don't let him escape this time.

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: How about it old man? Will you serve him?

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: This old sheriff will be of no use to you. I am gonna have to decline.

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: Give him a tag and send him off. Liu Yan will keep failng him again and again.



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: Jian Meng Gate is in sight.

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: Order all men and supplies from Jian Ge into Jian Meng. Omega! You're in charge lah!

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: I bring all goodies back Steve no worries lah.

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: Jiang Wei is fleeing into the mountain passes! What's that chink thinking?

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: Azn gonna azn.

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: He's gonna try to seize Jian Ge from behind. Notify Zhang Wei at Hanzhong to keep a close watch on the passes.

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: First Battalion! Engage the enemy! Second Battalion! Prepare to use fire!

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: Watch out for fire attacks. Enemy is planting flammable materials.

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: Capture Li Yan alive if possible.

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: Liu Yan has many talented men serving him. In time, they will all serve under me.

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: Kill your way into the city!

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: Good! How are Chengdu's defences to the south?

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: The two gates guarding it are lightly held but all further approaches are protected by massive fortresses.

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: Disgustingly strong. Very well. Reinforce and develop Zi Tong before attacking southwards.

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: Looks like they beat us to it.

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: Lund, Jews, Omega, Abnaxus! Deploy!

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: Enemy officer captured!

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: Maintain momentum! Don't stop until you reach Mian Zhui.

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: 亞洲打死

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: Gates are down! Raid Chengdu!

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: City soon turn into nasi goreng lah

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: Charge their rear!

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: Break out or we sure die lah

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: Good! Take out Wu Ban and trap Jiang Wei!

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: Report! Han Sui has taken back Shangyong! Cao Cao has bowed the knee!



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: Chengdu is fallen! Jiang Wei has agreed to switch sides!

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: Prime Minister Shi.

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: Anti-hero Cow-I mean, Cao Cao.

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: It seems you achieved everything I wished to accomplish: seize the emperor, control the north, campaign into Yi province. Heaven seems to smile on your efforts.

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: You know there's no such thing as Heaven. Chinks keep crying about such confucian inanities like filial piety; it's all a lie meant to keep them down. Not quite like slaves but more like animals.

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: Yet you did not depose the emperor when you had the chance.

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: You know as well as I do that there were only 3 choices to make. Support the Han, destroy the Han or pretend to support the Han while trying to usurp it. If I were an honest man I'd go for the second option. But honesty is for fools and fools don't live long.

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: The southland is almost mine;

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: Liu Yan's last, pathetic attempt to regain a semblance of power will not avail him. He will fall and his men will either serve under me or die.

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: Yuan Shao might have legions beyond counting and Liu Bei can have his righteous heroes serving him. I don't care for either. All I ever cared for was the talented men this land had to offer. With those behind him I can march safely into the millions of Yuan Shao's army and bury every last one of Liu's paragons of confucian virtue. But I need not march east alone.

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: You can either serve me and leave your name in the record books; or take up your chances with fools like Yuan Shao and Liu Bei. The choice is yours, Cow Cow.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
Chapter 7: Wrapping up

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: Two Wu bros coming right up.

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: Jiang Wei, Omega! You're up! Show me what you can do!

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: OK lah let's go loot.

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: Walau, they keep coming sia!

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: Send to Chengdu for reinforcements.=!

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: Dumbfuck-tag Wu Lan!

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: Much chink, very azn, wow

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: Wah, let's use their own ember to KFC them lah!

latest
: Not a good course, general, we might get caught in the bla-

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: What could go wrong tho?

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:deathclaw:

(((that was dumb of me)))

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: Kanina! This ain' no Chi Bi

latest
: More like Chi Bai, general.

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: Whatever lah, charge through

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: Zhou Tai has passed through! What the hell they doin? Guo Hai! You're up!

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: Out of the woods you go.

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: OK everyone, let's fuck them up

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: Alright, pull back. We gotta conserve rations until the Hanzhong supply train arrives.

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: Aiyah, it happened again

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: From now on, no more fire attacks, general.


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: Let's put out the fires before we all turn into KFC.

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: These fuckers just keep coming back.

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: Gan Ning! Bring them some support!

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Eventually

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Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape


CLIFFS:

Dong bad for China.

Azn work for Dong.


Meanwhile, in Luoyang

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Monday.
0900 - Got to work on time. Ate breakfast.
0915 - Graphic Designer came in. Purple hat. Sleeveless robe. Mmm.
0920 - She said to check my mail. Her face tells the whole story. It's the Dong.
0925 - He made changes to the government over the weekend. Oh god.

In 190, Dong deposed Emperor Shao and replaced him with the Prince of Chenliu, who became known as Emperor Xian. Dong declared himself Chancellor and monopolized state power

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: *reading picture scroll scroll*

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: What's that ah?


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: WALAU EH Nothin' lah just the new palace design sent by artist. Still WIP.

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: OK OK. Someone called in sick need you to fill for them ah

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*ching chong ching chong* Pick one leh

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: Inner Steve Dialogue: This place has half a million chinks in it, finding some omegas to fill the ranks should be ez OK boss gonna go do drafting

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: Make sure to detract cost of arrows from their wage ah!

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: But contract says-

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: Nevermind contract leh you need to learn how to negotiate!

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Cibai


10 days later


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: OK, they seem competent enough. Time to report back.



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: Hey bo-


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:shredder:


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: Walao, what a CB lah

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: Great isn't she? Diao Chan is the bestt foster daughter a man could wish for.

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: :shredd- wait, isn't that Wang Yun?


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: Ah its Steve. Go heat us some wine lah

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: Ey boss, didn't Wang just promise his daughter to Lu B-

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: Steve, my head hurts. Go bring the wine lah


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: Ey pops, 5th legion need some spears for-


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: Sit down ah! Great isn't she?

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: ...yeah, really great pops. What's she doing here?


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: Cucked by own father, ,must blogdex when I get home. I go heat the wine boss.



1 hour later


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: Wine ready boss.

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: Too late ah! Everyone gone! Go take day off. Got gifted Diao by Wang Yun.

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: That's nice boss. The Wang's daughter now belongs to the Dong.

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: I know ah! You jealous? Your father told me what you did with that servant when you was a kid. Wooden swords don't cut it anymore eh?

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: fuck you asshole Yeah boss. See you tommorow.



The next day


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: Steve! Pack your things lah you're leaving for Hanzhong.

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: *sigh* What for boss?


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: I'm sending a gift of one thousand gold taels to Zhang Lu, it's governor. It's a strategic area lah. And go by horse, cheaper than cart!

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: But I can't ride boss, I get tired easil-

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: You diabetic that it? Get more exercise lah!


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: Cibai long way.



After 3 days of sore ass and balls


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: Finally. What a dump. Time to go see Zhang Lu.

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: A gift from Dong that it?

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: One thousand gold tael delivery, signed for Zhang Lu.

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: Great. You can get out of my city now.

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: fuck you too lah


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: Good job Steve. Keep working hard and you'll get a raise. Now go draft some more troops, yellow turbans getting uppity in Runan.


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: But I just came back from-

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: Time is money lah! Go!


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: Walau, dis a mobilization? Why so many people here?


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: It's fucked brah. Been running around training chinks all month. Did not sign up for this.

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: Why you walk bowlegged steve? Busted a nut during fap?


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: Horse happened lah. What's up with all these troops though?

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: Dong gonna dong.


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: Someone's asking for you brah.

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: Who is it?

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: Dunno go see.


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: Shit, it's CowCow, play it cool This is Steve, customer service, what can I help you with?


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: Shi Difen. You happy with your life here?

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: What the hell is he carrying there, a dagger? Eh, content would be the word lah. Pork knuckle every sunday, codex every night, the usual.

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: If you ever get sick of Dong, be sure to get out of here by the end of the month,

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: What? Why? What's happening lah?

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: Nothing at all. Have a nice day.

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: Weird shit. Anyway, time to work.

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: More than 2000 recruits should be good enough.



Next Week


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: Send the proclamation throughout the land! Cao Cao tried to assassinate lord Dong! He has now raised an army at Chen Liu! Order all provinces to sent forces against him!
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: Jialat lah I was seen talking to him!

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: Ey breh you hear? Someone tried to off the Dong.


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: Chen Liu is not that far off. I could run easily if I wanted to. Do they suspect me though or is it just paranoia?





What does our hero do?

A. Flee to Cao Cao.
B. Stay with Dong Zhuo
C. Flee somewhere else
 

Tigranes

Arcane
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
10,350
B.

When Codexian see trainwreck, Codexian stay to watch. In the train. Best seats in the house.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
Chapter 1: When shit begins to go bad






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: I'm being paranoid. I doubt anyone saw me talking to him.

And so it was back to the tedium of governance.
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: Steve, boss says we undercharged buyer, go clear that up lah

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Meanwhile, in the rest of China

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Floods wreck agriculture, driving food prices up

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Angry chinks take matter into their own hands

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But Luoyang is far away from such troubles


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: Alright, let's hold the yearly assembly! Li Ru, who made us the most money this year?

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: Seems to be Steve but no one really worked too hard, including him.

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: speak for yourself asshole

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: Not bad lah not bad. Work harder next year ok?

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: Sure thing boss.

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: Anyway! Tommorow we march the army to occupy Xuchang as our forward base! Cao Cao and that fucker Yuan Shao have started stirring up trouble in the east.

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: Cibai, there goes sunday. Do pork knuckles go bad if you leave them for a week?


The next day

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: Alright, good job everyone. Now back to the capital.

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: Lord Dong, terrible news lah! Various governors have formed an alliance against us!

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: Kanina cao cibai! Who are those fuckers?

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: The list is quite long lah. Very scary.

Yuan Shao
Cao Cao
Yuan Shu
Sun Jian
Zhang Miao
Han Fu
Bao Xin
Yuan Yi
Zhang Chao
Zhang Yang
Yufuluo
Kong Zhou
Wang Kuang
Liu Dai
Qiao Mao

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: Their armies are set to gather outside Hu Lao Gate.

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: Pok gai. LU BU! WHERE IS LU BU?

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: Right here pops.

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: Take as many troops as you need but bring me all their heads!

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: Hold up my lord! Hua Xiong can scatter these traitors easily!

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: Sir Hua is indeed very strong, lord. It would be best if Lu Bu was kept in reserve.

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: You trying to sideline me, Li Ru? You fucker, I'll-

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: Difen, what do you think?

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: Lord Lu Bu is currently the strongest warrior in the land and lord Hua Xiong is not far behind. Why not send both and be sure?

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: You spoke my mind lah! Good, we'll do just that.




Hu Lao Gate, one week after.


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: Yuan Shao! Come out and face me!


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: Who will face him?

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: Yu She is here! My lord, I will bring you his head!

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: Good man!

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: Hua Xiong! Come meet your death!


3 minutes later

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: Lord Yuan! General Yu lost after just one bout!

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: What?! This will wreck our morale! Someone go kill him!

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: Pan Feng will do it my lord!

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: Right here!

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: Lord Yuan! We lost again!


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: What! Who will face Hua Xiong now?

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: Guan Yu will do it!

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: Guan Yu? A low ranking cavalry archer will succeed where 2 famous heroes have failed?

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: Don't be so hasty, lord Yuan. If a low ranking soldier were to slay Hua Xiong, the morale of the enemy troops would be destroyed and ours soar. If he loses, we simply assign his defeat to his low birth. Either way, we lose nothing but have everything to gain.

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: I see. Very well, send him on.

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: A third one comes to die!

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: Rebel! Prepare to die!

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: He did it! Sound the drums and open the gates!




In Luoyang

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: Disaster, my lord! Hua Xiong was slain and only lord Lu prevented a general rout! The alliance is approaching Luoyang!

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: What?! Jialat, Li Ru, what do we do lah?

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: This place is hard to defend without Hu Lao my lord, I suggest we move the capital westward, to Chang'an.


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: B-but my lord, the people will lose their homes, their businesses! Many could die on the march to the west, you can't do this!

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: Lose their businesses you say? Here's an idea: loot every coin in the city so they'll have nothing to lose. Die on the march westward? Start killing and raping until they move. And take this man outside and behead him.

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: M-mercy...

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: That's a great plan, lord Dong. Our coffers will be fuller than ever.

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: Han Ba! Shi Difen! Escort the Emperor to Chang'an. Lu Bu! Cuo Ju! Start looting the city, then burn it down! Leave nothing for those rebels.


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: Wow. Such azn. Very chink.

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: Like that thing Cleve was talking about.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
Chapter 2: Shit breaks, people die

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: What is this thirdworldia I don't even-

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: How you like Chang'an Steve?

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: Looks like it could use a broom, boss.

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: Well, get used to it. It's your home for now.

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: Didn't manage to even save my doujin collection. Let's see if the shop has any to sell.


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: Nope. No pork either. Fuck this third world



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: Anyway, get to work.

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: Yes boss.


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Days pass

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From accounting to tech support, our hero keeps working hard until-

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: Steve, you hear what happen lah?

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: Fucking Li Ru again No what?

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: You been living under a rock lah? The alliance disbanded! Yuan and Gongsun have already started fighting among themselves!

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: Cool.

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: Anyway, boss wants you.








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: Steve! We did it lah! It's time to strike back!

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: That's good boss. Good luck.

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: You're coming with lah! Start organizing the cavalry, I'm putting them under your command.

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: B-boss, I'm just an office-

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: No one else here right now lah! Speed is the essence in war! Never read Sun Tzu?

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: I'm waiting for the manhua. Who we attacking boss?


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: Yuan Shao's brother, Yuan Shu.
Days later

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: Alright everyone, we're here! Give'em hell.

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: Steve, got any ideas?


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: Send the infantry to scale the walls.

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: Alright. Send Zhang Liao to attack the gates and that angmoh to climb the walls.

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: Ju, there's your chance! Scale the wall!


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: Going breh.


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: Alright, did it! Time to kill some chinks.

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: These fucks are fleeing brah.

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: Chase them down!


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: Rice removed.


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: Walls are empty lah, scale them and enter the city!

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: Take bath of dead chink, rice removal best day of life.

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: Alright, Zhang Liao has broken the gates, it's almost over lah.


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: Hey you! Ji Ling! Azn are low-t and have small benis.

155
: You say what? You're a dead angmoh.

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: Come at me bro.

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: Get fucked chink.

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: Wahh, general Ji is dead, run!

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: Alright, good job everyone! We're going after Kong Xiu next!

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: Lord Lu! Cross the river and assault the gates!

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: Understood, advisor.

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: Just a little more...


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: Advisor, I'm inside! Engaging the enemy!

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: Ignore those losers! Head for Kong Xiu! Capture him and this is over!

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: Which one is Kong Xiu?

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: The one with the big hat.

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: Get him!
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: I've captured the enemy!

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: Good job! Alright, time to head back to Chang'an.
 

Tigranes

Arcane
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
10,350
Are we missing an update or something, or did you literally skip over Lu Bu spearing the fat fuck

I never played 8 very long, does the choice of ruler ahve gameplay / AI differences? I.e. is Lu Bu more likely to go gung ho war?
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
Are we missing an update or something, or did you literally skip over Lu Bu spearing the fat fuck

I never played 8 very long, does the choice of ruler ahve gameplay / AI differences? I.e. is Lu Bu more likely to go gung ho war?

Didn't miss anything, just happened very fast. Joining Lu Bu means you follow Lu Bu as he flees Chang'an.

RK47 abnaxus
 

Tigranes

Arcane
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
10,350
We've had too many Lu Bu heroics, even if he is the bestest. I vote that ShiDife go with the hapless Li/Guo pair, and then overthrow them and take control of the faction.

Is Jia Xu around? Could be interesting playing up the relations between ShiDife and the smart old fucker who is the historical advisor to the pair.
 

RK47

collides like two planets pulled by gravity
Patron
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
Messages
28,396
Location
Not Here
Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
I agree, it's safer to stay with Li Jue. A boss like Lu Bu will only bring headache and trouble.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
mTMl9.jpg
: What are all these people doing in front of the palace? Is there a festival?

mTPAO.jpg
: Do you live under a rock brah?


mTMl9.jpg
: Was on business trip lah.

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mUn0h.jpg
: Sir Difen! Lord Lu Bu has killed Dong Zhuo and Li Ru! The two traitors are both dead!

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mTMl9.jpg
: Aiyoh, boss is dead? Well, not that I care. Who's in charge now?

mUn0h.jpg
: Wang Yun was made Prime Minister and Lu Bu was put in command of the army.



mTPAO.jpg
: Yeah and Lu's preparing to leave as Li Jue and Guo Si are approaching the city with their armies. They are deadset on avenging the Dong.

mTMl9.jpg
: Wang Yun is staying?

mTPAO.jpg
: His ass wants what it's getting it seems.

mTPBI.jpg
: Typical Azn Thread material.

mTMl9.jpg
: Whatever.

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mTPAO.jpg
: So, what're you gonna do? Stay under Li or leave with Lu?

mTPBI.jpg
: Li or Lu.

mTMl9.jpg
: Just came back. And Lu Bu gonna Lu Bu, I think I'll stay.


The next day

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Li Jue and Guo Si enter Chang'an

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mV2wc.jpg
: Lu Bu abandoned the city? Just as you predicted, Jia Xu.

mV3Jz.jpg
: It was certain he would, my lord. He lost battle after battle.


mTMl9.jpg
: There were battles?

mTPBI.jpg
: It's LOO BOO what'd you expect?

mV2wc.jpg
: That's good. We should consolidate before going after him. And it seems most of our lord's men have remained here. That's a good sign.

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: We'd never betray lord Dong! Xu Rong is with you!

mV2wc.jpg
: You there! Who are you?

mTMl9.jpg
: It's Shi Difen. Desk job.

mV2wc.jpg
: Ah, yes, I remember you. Anyway, go heat me some tea, my head hurts.

mTMl9.jpg
: ...

mTPBI.jpg
: Blogdex post soon.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
CHAPTER 3: LIFE AFTER DONG


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: The 6th legion started receiving the news commander, here is the paperwork.

mTMl9.jpg
: *sigh*


Our hero keeps working hard, grinding solo day by day in a chinese MMO that is too realistic to be fun.

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Meanwhile China is getting fucked in every orifice.

khXFI.jpg
: Jon China
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: China! Hey China!

China: *looks back*

khXEO.jpg
:*throws keys to semi-truck* Larry would've wanted you to have it. Give'em hell!

*rock music plays, frame freezes, credits roll


khXFI.jpg
: typical name for a chinaman


mV2wc.jpg
: Haha! Steve! Did you hear lah?

mTMl9.jpg
: Hear what Boss?

mV2wc.jpg
: Lu Bu tried to take Puyang from Cao Cao. But Cao Cao hoot him instead. Lu is MIA.

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mTMl9.jpg
: But didn't CowCow technically steal your revenge from you boss?

mV2wc.jpg
: Who cares lah! Wasting money on a campaign with no profit is not filial piety to me.

mTMl9.jpg
: I can see why Dong brought you in boss. Can't argue with that.

mV2wc.jpg
: You finish up the tax register?

mTMl9.jpg
: Not yet boss.

mV2wc.jpg
: Then why are you sitting here lah! Go work!


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mTMl9.jpg
: This place is a mess sia. And why are there no receipts?

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: Because then people ask for tax return lah! Better not say at all.

mTMl9.jpg
: Fuck it, I just wanna finish up and go home.




A few weeks later

mV2wc.jpg
: Steve! You up for some adventure lah?

mTMl9.jpg
: We goin' camping boss?

mV2wc.jpg
: I ain't going anywhere lah. I need you to spy on a city.

mTMl9.jpg
: Walau eh, who you think I am boss, Ip Man?

mV2wc.jpg
: It's easy lah. Just bribe the guards. Here, take 100 gol-

mTMl9.jpg
: I wouldn't open the fire escape for an old lady for 100 gold boss.

mV2wc.jpg
: Then negotiate lah! Didn't Dong teach you anything? Shoo! Go bring me their troops disposition.

mTMl9.jpg
: Cibai

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: Who goes there?

mTMl9.jpg
: Pork merchant lah.

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: Don't look like any pork merchant I ever saw.

mTMl9.jpg
: Want me to tell you how they gut pigs?

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: How do they do it?

mTMl9.jpg
: Alright, you start by bleeding the pig...















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: OK OK! Walao, too much detail. Do you kill the poor pigs yourself?

mTMl9.jpg
: No, I mostly eat them. I mean sell them.

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: Whatever, go in man.


e7b3bd183a.jpg


mTMl9.jpg
: Alright, we're done here. Zitong is garrisoned only by two diminished legions. Li Jue gonna have a field day.



Back in Chang'an

mV2wc.jpg
: Good job lah. I'm sending an army to deal with them.

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mV2wc.jpg
: By the way, hear the news from hebei in the north?

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mV2wc.jpg
: Yuan Shao and Gongsun Zan are killing each other like mad dogs. Bandits are everywhere and famine is rampant! Good riddance.

mTMl9.jpg
: Fuck China before China fucks you boss.

mV2wc.jpg
: Right. Sun Ce also took over southern Jing from Liu Biao I'm told. Well, after Liu Biao killed his father, he probably had it coming.

mTMl9.jpg
: OK boss. I'm going ho-

mV2wc.jpg
: Not so fast lah! Need you to go deal with some robbers in the city. Take some guards with you and go lah.


mTMl9.jpg
: please die
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mV2wc.jpg
: Good job Steve! Before you do anything, someone told me there's a problem with tech support, go see what that is! Hurry up lah it won't fix itself!

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mV2wc.jpg
: Hurry up Steve, the month is almost over!


mTMl9.jpg
: OK BOSS OK STOP SENDING MESSENGERS, IT'S DONE.

mV2wc.jpg
: Why you so angry lah? You eat too much fat, that's the problem. Take this seaweed my wife gave me, very nutritional, only 30 gold tae-

mTMl9.jpg
: Alright boss, alright. Got anything else for me?

mV2wc.jpg
: I do, actually. Know where Jiangzu is?

mTMl9.jpg
: No, boss.

mV2wc.jpg
: It's south of Zitong, the place you spied on some months before. Liu Yan can't defend it, the incompetent botak head. Take an army there and bring the city over. If the garrison resists, kill them all.


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: General, we're approaching Zitong. Do we ressuply there?

mTMl9.jpg
: No, we don't wanna owe Li Jue anymore than we absolutely have to. Keep going.

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: We might go hungry if there's a siege-

mTMl9.jpg
: I don't care, eat the enemy.

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mTMl9.jpg
: Alright, we're here. Did they open the gates?

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: Afraid not. They're firing arrows at us.

mTMl9.jpg
: Walls seem empty, there can't be many men inside. Deploy the legions.

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mTMl9.jpg
: We've got them outnumbered 5 to 1. Yan Yan is good but the other guy is a loser. Send the cavalry forth, break down the gates.

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: First gate is down sir.

mTMl9.jpg
: Start killing your way into the city.

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: They're withdrawing sir!


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: Yan Yan has pulled out! We're entering the city!

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mTMl9.jpg
: Send a message to Li Jue. Ask him what we are to do with the city.


A few days later


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: Report! Lord Difen, you have been appointed the prefect of Jiangzu!

mTMl9.jpg
: What?

mUn0h.jpg
: You are in command of the city, general.

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: Inspection is done, general. The city treasury has 42.000 taels of gold and over a hundred thousand in rations.

mTMl9.jpg
: :shredder:

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mUn0h.jpg
: Generals Hu Che Er and Guo Si are coming to assist you with governing the city, lord Difen. That is all I have to report.



In 193 AD, Shi Difen becomes the prefect of Jiangzu commandery of Yi province in southwestern China. He was 29 years old at the time.

 

RK47

collides like two planets pulled by gravity
Patron
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
Messages
28,396
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Not Here
Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
Sigh. those 2 losers can't even do jack-shit.
Need more talent.
 

Tigranes

Arcane
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
10,350
Hu Che Er is mediocre brawn, not much else good. Guo Si isn't much better. You gonna have to butter up some competent people before you break out on your own.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
b3232aa4cc.jpg



mTMl9.jpg
: Alright, this is our goal. We're gonna have to strengthen the walls first.

mVwzD.jpg
: Will be hard to do so with so few men, commander.

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: Guo Si is right. I've a friend that might join us, if we promise him protection.

mTMl9.jpg
: Protection? What for?

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: He served lord Dong but left with Lu Bu. His name is Gao Shun.

mTMl9.jpg
: Ah, I've heard of him. And where might he be?

mVwBt.jpg
: Last I heard he was in Ping Yuan.

mTMl9.jpg
: I see. Very well, I'll go persuade him to join us. You two start repairing the walls.


mVwBt.jpg
&
mVwzD.jpg
: HO


CHAPTER 4: STEVE OF BENEVOLENCE

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mVwVV.jpg
: You say you serve Li Jue?

mTMl9.jpg
: I am the prefect of Jiangzu, currently under Li Jue.

mVwVV.jpg
: Currently?

mTMl9.jpg
: China gonna china lah. Your friend Hu Che Er is serving in my city as well, he wrote a letter of introduction.

mVwVV.jpg
: I see. Seems I've a better option than throwing in with Yuan or Gongsun.

mTMl9.jpg
: Whatever happened to Loo Boo anyway?

mVwVV.jpg
: That dumbfuck got rused by Cao Cao and got caught. Begged for his life and is now in his service.

mTMl9.jpg
: smart guy Alright, see you in Jiangzu lah, have a safe trip.


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mTMl9.jpg
: Time to go hom- wait a sec.

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mTMl9.jpg
: Score.


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mTMl9.jpg
: He's in Xuchang it seems.

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mVxff.jpg
: And you are?

mTMl9.jpg
: I'm Shi Difen, a city prefect under Li Jue-

mVxff.jpg
: Li Jue?! The traitor who holds his Majesty hostage?! *draws sword*

mTMl9.jpg
: WALAU EH-wait dammit lemme explain-

mVxff.jpg
: Explain what, traitor?

mTMl9.jpg
: The guy's a colossal asshole. Fuck him. Wait, this is Liu Bei, need to go Confucius Mode He's unfilial and a traitor. I only served under him until I had enough power to betray him.

mVxff.jpg
: And you need my help for that? Why should I believe you? This could be a ruse to get me killed.

mTMl9.jpg
: No offence lah, but you're a bum. If Li Jue wanted you dead he'd send 3 niggers from the steppe with clubs and be done with it.

mVxff.jpg
: *speech check successful* Alright, I believe you. I will lend you my aid.

mTMl9.jpg
: It's your brothers I want lah. Excellent. Follow me to Jiangzu, lord Liu.








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mVxff.jpg
: Lord Difen, if you permit, I will go bring my brother Guan Yu over to our cause.

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: Guan Yu is second only to Lu Bu, commander. It's a good ide-

mTMl9.jpg
: It's starting to come together Of course, go ahead. We'd be honored to have him.

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Liu Bei bows and leaves


mVwzD.jpg
: If I may say so commander, Guan Yu will be loyal to his brother first and foremost. If he were to die in an accident however...

mTMl9.jpg
: Don't say it outloud, you dumbfuck. But Guo Si is full in with Li Jue. Better not trust him with anything. What you are suggesting is heinous, general. You're lucky I'm not taking your head for this.

mVwzD.jpg
: ... *bluff check successful*


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mTMl9.jpg
: The rest of you, continue repairing the walls. I'll be joining you shortly.

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And so the tedium of governance continues.

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mVwBt.jpg
: Lord Difen, allow me to bring my friend Guan Hai over.

mTMl9.jpg
: A former yellow turban? Whatever, as long as he is loyal it doesn't matter.


in the city treasury

mTMl9.jpg
: I'd like to make a withdrawal.

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: Hehe, how much would you like to withdraw?

mTMl9.jpg
: 3/4ths of the city treasury. Into my personal account.

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: But goy- I mean gommander, why woul-

mTMl9.jpg
: Safekeeping.




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mTMl9.jpg
: Done


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mVxff.jpg
: My lord, here is my brother as requested!


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: Lord Difen, I was deeply touched by your loyalty to the Han! I will gladly serve under you!

mTMl9.jpg
: bluff check successful I am glad to have a hero with me such as Guan Yu. Now come, let's eat.


mVykf.jpg
: There is also our third brother, Zhang Fei. I would like to bring him in as well.


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mTMl9.jpg
: The more the merrier. Score


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Talent recruitment train just keeps rolling.


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While the city is being developed at a rapid pace.

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While the people petition for various things.
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: Lemme into the army lah i wanna fite

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: we're starving lah pls gib welfare

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: fix the road lah horse cart can't pass!

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: lemme go lah i swear i didn't molest that woman-

mTMl9.jpg
: *sigh*

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More able generals and administrators are sought out for recruitment.


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and the development goes on and on

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everyone is pitching in


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China keeps being China


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Soldiers need to eat. Rations are bought and stockpiled.


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Daily patrols keep the city safe and the azns from being too azn.



mTMl9.jpg
: Alright, time to hold our yearly assembly.


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mTMl9.jpg
: Gao Shun, Zhang Fei and Guan Yu! Great work so far. Here's your bonus.


mVwVV.jpg
: Thank you commander.



mVxff.jpg
: The city is nearing it's maximum capacity, lord Difen. I suggest we expand the walls?


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mTMl9.jpg
: Good idea.


And then it's back to the tedium of governance.

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: Invest in my sheet business lah! You won't regret it?


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: Gib food lah!

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mTMl9.jpg
: better put up a good front for Liu Bei Sure thing, take your gibsmedat


mVxff.jpg
: Lord Difen! Expansion is finished!


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mTMl9.jpg
: Oh? What's this?

a2c223a91c.jpg


mVxff.jpg
: It's a siege engine workshop, lord. So far we can only manufacture battering rams but as our technical knowledge increases more impressive war engines will be available.

mTMl9.jpg
: Nice. Start equipping our troops immediately.

mVxff.jpg
: So, we are proceeding with the plan?

mTMl9.jpg
: We will soon be ready.



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mTMl9.jpg
: Start conscripting now. It'll take some time until new formations are ready so we should start as early as we can.

mVykf.jpg
: Yes Commander.

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mTMl9.jpg
: And Cao Cao is invading Luoyang...we better hurry to take advantage of this.


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mVwBt.jpg
: Rams are ready, commander.

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mVxff.jpg
: We've finished bring in new supporters as well, lord.


mTMl9.jpg
: Excellent. Gather around everyone, it's time we made our move.


mVwzD.jpg
: What's going on?

mTMl9.jpg
: We are rebelling against Li Jue is what's going on.


mVwzD.jpg
: What?!


mVwVV.jpg
: We're with you, commander.

mVxff.jpg
: As long as his Emperor is hostage there can be no peace.

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: Give me 10.000 men and I'll bring you his head in a month, commander!

mTMl9.jpg
: Not so fast. We should consolidate Yi province first. Li Jue is still strong in the north, we can't cut it like this.

mVwVV.jpg
: Good idea, commander. Control of the passes into Yi is paramount if we are to even think of taking Hanzhong and Chang'an.

a063ceb702.jpg


mTMl9.jpg
: Jian Yong! Draft a proclamation to Li Jue.


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: Will do, general.

mTMl9.jpg
: I hereby declare independence for Jiangzu and swear to eradicate Li Jue. Prepare the legions for war, gentlemen.

412db7d544.jpg


eb4a944864.jpg




197 AD

Shi Difen rebels against Li Jue and forms his own force. He had 100.000 men under his command.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
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CHAPTER 5: LARPING ZHUGE LIANG

mVykf.jpg
: Are we marching out, commander?

mTMl9.jpg
: Not yet. I have something that must be done first.

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mTMl9.jpg
: Right, now to sneak into the city.

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mTPBI.jpg
: Aiyah, what the hell you doin' here Steve?

mTMl9.jpg
: It's done lah, the rebellion has started. I need you to act as a mole for Li Jue.

mTPBI.jpg
: Too damn azn for me Steve and you know it. Can't help you there.

mTMl9.jpg
:...fine. Have it your way lah.

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mTPAO.jpg
: Why you here men? Li Jue is mad as fuck. Started shouting as soon as he read the proclamation.

mTMl9.jpg
: What did he shout?

mTPAO.jpg
: "Am I not good to people, don't people like me" etc.

mTMl9.jpg
: Delusional.


mTPAO.jpg
: Yeah. But I still can't abandon him brah.

mTMl9.jpg
: That makes no sense. Why?

mTPAO.jpg
: I can't breh. I'm no snitch or librul faggot.


mTMl9.jpg
: See you soon then.


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mVxff.jpg
: Commander, where were you?


mTMl9.jpg
: Tried bringing some people over. I failed.

mVxff.jpg
: Sorry to hear that.

mTMl9.jpg
: Not as sorry as they'll be. Prepare the army.

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mTMl9.jpg
: We march to Zitong. Any man who retreats will be subject to military law.

mTMl9.jpg
: Gao Shun! Van Leader! Guan Yu! Central Regiment! Zhang Yan, Ta Dun! Support!



mVykf.jpg
&
mVwVV.jpg
&
mVKLo.jpg
&
mVKKt.jpg
: Ho!

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mTMl9.jpg
: Here is the plan! Guan Yu's infantry will scale the walls, then assault the inner gate after setting up their ram!

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mTMl9.jpg
: Gao Shun and Zhang Yan will assault the main gate. Ta Dun will support with archers if needed. Head out!

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(Some officers have the "command" ability, through which they can order units of other commanders to move and attack. Thus you can have a unit move or attack twice in a turn. Guan Yu and Shi Difen have this ability)



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mTMl9.jpg
: Guan Yu! Scale the walls!

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mVykf.jpg
: Reporting success. Proceeding with the plan.

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mV2Jd.jpg
: General, enemy cavalry at our rear!

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mVykf.jpg
: Hua Xin? A nobody. Charge them.

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mVykf.jpg
: Proceeding to the gate!


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mVwVV.jpg
: Do not set up the ram! We'll be easy pray for a counterattack. Assault the gates as you normally would.

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mVykf.jpg
: We're set but we've enemies at our rear.


mTMl9.jpg
: Ignore them! Break down the gates and they'll pull out.

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mTMl9.jpg
: Walau, this thing is quite good.

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mVykf.jpg
: Gate is down! Enemy is evacuating the city!

mVwVV.jpg
: That's it general, we won.

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mTMl9.jpg
: On to Mian Zu Gate. Then to Chengdu.
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mVKLo.jpg
: Our scouts report that Chengdu is undefended commander. Li Jue had no time to send anyone to garrison it.

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mTMl9.jpg
: Alright. Seize the city then return to Jiangzu.


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mVxff.jpg
: Congratulations on your victory, commander. Yi province has been liberated from the hands of the traitor.

mTMl9.jpg
: No time to lose. We will ressuply and make for Hanzhong. After that, it's Chang'an.

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mVKLo.jpg
: Report! Forces under Niu Fu are assaulting Mian Zui Gate!

mTMl9.jpg
: They are threatening Chengdu. Pull out and repel!

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mVwVV.jpg
: Wow, it's only 1 legion of archers.

mVykf.jpg
: Don't bother yourselves with them. I only need some foot soldiers to take care of them.

mTMl9.jpg
: You'll have them. Go break them.

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mVykf.jpg
: As promised, I have captured Niu Fu.

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mTMl9.jpg
: You're Dong's son-in-law. You've no ties to Li Jue. Why not join us?

mVLZt.jpg
: I will do as you ask, general.

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mTMl9.jpg
: Add his rations to our own and assault that fortress in the north.

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mVwVV.jpg
: Sir, we've drawn no response but the fort is down.

mTMl9.jpg
: Curious.

mVLZt.jpg
: Li Jue has concentrated his armies in Chang'an. Cao Cao is threatening the passes and it warranted a response.

mVykf.jpg
: We should attack his western flank then-

mTMl9.jpg
: No. We cannot garrison those places sufficiently to discourage Ma Teng from attacking them. We hit their center of gravity, Chang'an. Return to Jiangzu to ressuply.

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mTMl9.jpg
: Niu Fu! Guo Si! You're in charge of the newly conquered territories. Rest of you, we march for Hanzhong.

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mVwVV.jpg
: Another empty place. Took it without a fight.

mTMl9.jpg
: Gao Shun, I am starting to worry. Chang'an must be heavily defended.

mVwVV.jpg
: Only one way to find out, commander.

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mVykf.jpg
: We're here.


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mTMl9.jpg
: 76.000 men...Jia Xu, Xu Rong...and they have the walls.

mVwVV.jpg
: This will be trouble
 

Tigranes

Arcane
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
10,350
So if I'm not mistaken, once you recruited these folks Li Jue could just have summoned them, as his subjects, to another city right? :smug:

Also leaving Guo Si in charge of province sounds like recipe for hilarious buttrape
 

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