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Stevehammer 40k: Grimdark of the 3 Kingdoms

Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
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: Perhaps now Yuan Shao would be willing to negotiate a truce.

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: What makes you say that, advisor?

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: He has been dealt two defeats in a row and his relationship with Cao Cao has soured. He'll need time to reorganize. And send word to General Lu to recruit tribesmen and levies from Wu.

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: Seems like Yuan Shao has accepted the truce.
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: Right! Time to strike at Puyang!
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: Report! Reinforcement from lord Lu have arrived!



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: Strike at their outlying camps first-Gao Shun will scout ahead of the main force.

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: No sign of the enemy yet-it seems they are holed up on that hill fort.

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: General, I have a plan.

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: Chen Gong, speak.

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: Draw the enemy out using our infantry-expose their flank, then you, Zhang Liao and Zhang Ba can charge from the side. When the enemy is fully committed, have Gao Shun's ambushers throw their frontline in confusion.

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: Lastly, the armies under Song Xian and Hou Cheng that were sent to take the northern camps. Those will be ordered to charge their rear.

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: The advisor's plan will be carried out! Generals, at your stations.

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: Here they come.

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: Gao Shun!

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: This is it!

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: Report! Enemy general Han Hao has been captured.

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: Good! Break down their gates!

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: LU BU! XU ZHU IS HERE!

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: Bring it, faggot.

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: :smug:

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: :M

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: KILL MAIM BURN

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: What should be done with the prisoners?

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: Xu Zhu is too loyal-get rid of him. Let the rest choose between service or the sword.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
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lP6FT.jpg
: You do understand that the central plains are now ours for the taking, right?

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: Cao Cao still has 300.000 men left in the region.

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: Most of those will be tied down in the south by the Sun Clan. Chen Liu and Xuchang are lightly held. We should strike there.

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: No sign of the enemy, general.

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: Zhang Liao, Zang Ba! Cross the bridge to the north! Zhao Yun, Song Xian! Retreat to the main camp! The rest of you push on.

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: There they are! General Lu, recall your forces and surround them!

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: Wei Yan is captured!

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: We're through!

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Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
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: Liu Zhang is in league with Cow Cow now?

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: Possibly. Our truce with Yuan Shao might've something to do with it. His domain is too far from us to be any worry however, so nevermind him. Coordinate a strike with the Suns on Runan. Cao Cao's major force in the region is stationed there. Then order Zhang Liao to seize Xu Chang.

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: Here we go! Step forth and receive your assignments!



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: Zhao Yun! Vanguard! Gao Shun! Middle Regiment! Wei Xu! Rear regiment!

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: Report! Reinforcements under Huang Gai have been ambushed by Sima Yi!

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: Two Sun Clan regiments have overextended! Guan Yu, hit their rear!

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: Guan Yu, Gao Shun is here!


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: Report! Gao Shun has ambushed Guan Yu! Regiments under Huang Gai and Zhu Huan have successfuly withdrawn, little to no losses taken!

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: Zilong! Bring me Cow Cow's head!

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: Sima Yi is breaking through!

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: Call off the pursuit! All forces, turn back!

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: Report! Breaking through the pass but Guan Yu is guarding the exit!

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: Push through!

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Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
lP6FT.jpg
: General Zhang, it's time to attack.

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: Zang Ba! Charge their flank!

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: Their entire force is committed. Activate the ambush.

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: Chase them! Let none escape!

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: Cao Cao is fast running out of generals...
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
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: Chen Gong, I'm starting to get bored.

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: What, now that we are winning?

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: It was more interesting when we were sitting on hot coals all the time. Starting to feel lazy now.

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: How about a novel to pass the time? Some guy wearing a towel around his mouth recently gave me this story.

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: What's it about?

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: Six dudes "genociding chinks in a far superior battle system".

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Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
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Name: Han Xu

Codexian Style Name: abnaxus

Vast knowledge on azn topics.
Special attack: Kinoshita Yuka videos. Raises morale of all forces.

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Name: Lu Bi

Codexian Style Name: LundB

Iron fisted capitalist.
Special Attack: Absent moderator. Lowers order of nearby cities.


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Name: Ho Meng

Codexian Style Name: omega21

Disillusioned Bureaucrat.
Special Attack: Informed Defence Blogspot. Increases technology points.

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Name: Ju Ma

Codexian Style Name: Corporate_Jew_Master

Gumbyist.
Special Attack: Tekokill. Confuses enemy.

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Name: Ni Je

Codexian Style Name: Ninjerk

Lurker.
Special Attack: CDS Picasso. Rases city order.

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Name: Shi Difen

Codexian Style Name: Steve RK47

Bedsheet tycoon.
Special Attack: Order KFC. Raise morale of force per 100 gold spent. Risk 5% chance of death.


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Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
m88it.jpg
:
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: Steve, u gotta start govering man.

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: People going hungry lah.

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: Just tell them to use their imagination lah.

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: Walau, still mad about Fo4?

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: OK OK, summon the financial adviser.

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: Steve, as your resident investment banker, I recommend we take advantage of the stock market crash tp squeeze as much money out of these chinks as possible.

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: Markets and Mints then.

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: The bigger the better. Combine smaller ones into shopping malls. Chink women love malls.

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Harassed boyfriend jumped to his death after his girlfriend insisted on going into another clothes shop


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:
Seems to be working well.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
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: Shang Yong seems to becoming a new singaporu.

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: But will be far better lah. No bhais of any kind or muslims allowed.

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: Steve, my snitches in CDS Hanzhong have informed me that we have hostile chinks coming our way.

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: How many?

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: 11.000

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: Summon the Jews.

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: What you need breh?

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: Jews and Lund! Step forth and receive your assignments.

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: You will lead 5.000 archers and cavalry to destroy the enemy. If you fail, do not return.

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Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
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: Here they come. You ready blondie?

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: Readier than you, pleb.

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: Steve we kena got an attack coming from the east.

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: Better than radiants lah! Start drafting more chinks dis warlords kwai lan.


Meanwhile on The Battlefield™

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: OK men, I charge you fire flame arrows, k?

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: Just like Sov 2013, hit from all sides.

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: 1600: 200, 8:1 kill ratio. Going on BattleLog™

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: Chink status: Stir-fried.

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: Oh shit, tower's here.

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: Hit the tower brah, it hits too hard.

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: Mental note: let Jews lose, pocket all loot for self.

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: Thank you for the free KFC.

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: More enemies. Another 6000 archers and 5000 pikes.

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: That's right men! Hit them from afar, let them focus on Jews. Then we pocket all the phat l00t.


Meanwhile, in New Singaporu

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: This is bad lah, we got more comin. Not enough men to repel them. So how?

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: Hu Chi Er? He kum gong lah can easily fool.

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: OK, shit getting serious now. Bring Jews back.

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: Time to pull out. Good luck Lund :troll:

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Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
m88hC.jpg
: Enemy at the gates sia! We gotta march lah!

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: Ninjerk! Your turn lah!

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: Woah. Better than expected.

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: Abnaxus! Take 5000 pikemen and finish him lah

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: Chink status: Butthurt

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: Dammit Steve! If I die here, you'll go bankurpt.

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: He right lah, without him we boh lui.

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: Jews! Take all remaining horse and go save the financial advisor.

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: What about Hu Chi Er?

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: Already on it liao

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: Plot successful.

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: Another retard. Omega! Dumbfuck tag him lah!

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: Oh fug! We bein targeted lah!

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: Tower is trying to get away! After it men, that loot is ours.

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: Megles, dumbfuck Yang Ren as well.

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: Second unit confused lah!

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: Keep tricking him, that guy's hopeless!

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: He's coming back Steve.

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: Thought they looked cold over there :smug:


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: Tactical retreat everyone! Regroup in the city! Lund will clean up in the west!

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: Now, charge!


Theme: Alkeides Original Soundtrack

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: We're finished here, back into the city.

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: Jia Xu retreated into the port lah.

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: We'll burn him out later! Focus on the rest!

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: Zhou Tai! Fight me faggot!

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: I said horse cart tickets, bitch! 4 inches!

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: You dead nao angmoh

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: Superior neanderthal genes breh

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: Throw him in prison, he'll agree serve us, eventually.

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: Cleanup almost over lah

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: Honhon

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: Phew, we won.

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: Steve, as your advisor, I recommend we try to secure a truce with Zhang Xiu.

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: Secure one flank, focus on the other. Good idea.

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: It's done.

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: A good opportunity to expand. Ready the men.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
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At any rate, this is what happens:

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Hanzhong is taken and defended from a double pronged attack from north and south. Shangyong is delegated to a governor.

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The governor of Shangyong defects to Cao Cao-the city is lost to him.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
m88hb.jpg
: Still butthurt over Cow Cow, Steve?

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: New Singaporu is lost. How could I not be?

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: We need to do something or we sure die

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: I have a plan.

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: We strike south with all our forces. The southland is protected by several gates that can delay any invasion force. There we can hole up until we grow strong to march north again.

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: No. Those same gates will have to be overcome and in that time we will be vulnerable to an attack from Cow Cow. Not to mention that Liu Yan, the governor of Chengdu, has a force of over 120.000 men. There is a better option.

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: Dong Zhuo and Ma Teng in the north are weakened due to years of fighting each other. They will be an easier target.

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: And He Jin...little more than 10.000 men, even if he holds the emperor. So we have 3 more reasons to march north instead of south: 1. An location protected by two choke points. 2. Weak foes. 3. The possession of the emperor.

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: Begin preparation for the Northern Expedition, Lund.

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: You Chiang Kai Sek now Steve?
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
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LAST TIME ON FISTFUL OF STEVE


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The northern expedition launches

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Many chinks die

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Cow Cow marches on Hanzhong

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The city is abandoned

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Codexers survive against all odds

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Shi Difen retakes Hanzhong and captures the emperor.

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Yuka announces the launch of her JAV career.

 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
Chapter 2: Overconfidence



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: It's been 7 years since your Chiang Kai Sek LARP lah

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: We gotta expand fast bro. Before half of China is in Yuan Yellow.


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: I still say we should've gone south. We still can, Steve.

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: Noted. Those 30k parked at Jian Ge pass though...

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: One step at a time lah.

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: Easy to build siege engines. Lots of dirtcheap muslim chink labor in the north.

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: Before that, we gotta leave someone trustworthy to keep watch over Chang'an and the emperor.

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: Of the new arrivals, Ma Chao is the most suitable.

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: Very well. Guo Jia!

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: Here, Prime Minister.

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: You are to head to Chang'an and advise Ma Chao. The rest of you are to make preparations for the march on Jian Ge Gate.

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: Pass too narrow Steve. We should be careful.

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: Scared what ah? We got elite generals and troops lah!

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: Steve, we got some old chink firing at us.

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: Who wan some yan?

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: Come at me faggot!

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: :smug:

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: This faggot Wu won't accept my challenge Steve!

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: Steve, we got more coming lah.

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: Keep your cool lah, we will hold them at the gate. There is still time left until they arrive.

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: Almost done here.

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: Damn, they just keep coming.

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: Well fug :DDDDDDDDD

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: A report from Ma Chao bro.

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: What does it say lah?

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: Sima Yi is attacking Chang'an. With 90.000 men.

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Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
Chapter 3: Desperate Times


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: Steve, we're being cut-off lah!

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: Pass is swarming with azns

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: We gotta save that chink everyone, or we're all out of jobs.

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: My blue eyes white dragon is here. There is nothing to fear lah. Fight on.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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: Enemy general is pinned. General Ma, move on to block Tong Gate.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


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: Can't break through bro, there's too many!

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: Omega...this may have been too big a chicken piece to bite.

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: Chin up lah! We'll make it!

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: We're coming brah, hang on!

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: There's another 11.000 coming!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

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: I can only trick them so many times, general. Keep them pinned in the pass!

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: Follow the advisor's main plan everyone!

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: Cousin, there are even more beyond the pass!

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: Send to our Lord for reinforcements. Sima Yi is coming to Chang'an himself.

============================================================

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: Fuck this.

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: Can't block them ah, they are just too damn many.

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: Abnaxus is in trouble. We are well beyond fucked now.

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: I'm sorry everyone, this has all been due to my negligence.
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
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Chapter 4: Well Beyond Fucked



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: Luoyang has another 60.000 and Wan another 90k. Has the Prime Minister sent any reinforcements?

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: No word so far from him! It is said he is trapped at Jian Ge pass.

====================================================================

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: Can you open a path?

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: Have been bled dry charging them. Will keep trying.

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: Oh shit. Steve!

===================================================================================


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: General Ma, prepare to retreat into the city. Our formation is confused, we cannot hold like this.

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: Advisor, look!

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: We're here. Don't let them reach the walls.


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: Advisor, what are we to do with the prisoners?

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: Behead them. We've no time for persuading them and can't risk losing them.

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: You're just too good to me, dear Heaven.

============================================================

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: Where's Shi Difen and Ju Ma? Did they make it?

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: They both escaped the encirclement.

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: No problem dying here then, I suppose. Here they come. :salute:

========================================================

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: Don't let them break through!

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: Enemy at the gates!

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: Deploy all reserves! Push them back!

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: Bring me general Yu Jin! It's time to cripple the Sima army.

================================================================

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: Steve, we've lost contact with Omega and Abnaxus bro.

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: No word from them?

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: None.

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:...

============================================

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=====================================================================

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: Report! An Ding is sending us reinforcements!

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: Good! Until then, bite and hold! Give Yu Jin an opening!
 
Joined
Dec 28, 2012
Messages
6,657
Location
Rape
Chapter 5: ITZ


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: Good! Order Han Sui to deploy at once!


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: Their siege engines are pinned, advisor, but their cavalry is assaulting the city!

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: Ma Dai! Regroup your force in the city! Wang Shung! Clean out the south gate!

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: Take no prisoners! Cripple Sima Yi or he'll keep coming back!

======================================================================

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: Word from Liu Yan came. He has them both prisoner.

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: Phew. Set up an exchange as soon as possible.

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: Regroup in the city, everyone! Let's give the enemy some rope to hang themselves with.

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: Yu Jin! Sima Yi has taken the bait!

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: General Ma.

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: Advisor?

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: Don't let them withdraw. Start killing your way into Tong Pass.

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: How many must we kill, advisor Guo?

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: At least 50 thousand.

===================================================================

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: Walau, Steve, thought I was a goner lah!

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: You OK lah?

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: Food was meh.

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: Steve, it's time to begin the attack.

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: Right. No risky moves this time. Keep our escape route open at all times.

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: They're running.

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: Back from Chang'an, Steve! Sima Yi is dead!

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: What are our losses?

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: Chang'an: we lost 90k to Sima's 140k. Jian Ge. We suffered ~60k casualties to Liu Yan's 100k. There are ongoing skirmishes at Tong pass at this time.

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: Worked out in the end. Prepare another expedition to the south. Each unit is to be equipped with a builder detachment from now on.
 

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