You want a fucking update? I'll give you a fucking update!
...
Just you wait!!
...
Wait a bit plz. 'Kay? Thx.
...
Just you wait!!
...
Wait a bit plz. 'Kay? Thx.
-
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Completed Let's play Wizardry!
- Thread starter Crooked Bee
- Start date
And we're back! Seriously people, never get yourselves sociable or employed. Just sit home in your underwear all day and write LPs. The way I do.
... Seriously peeps. Fuck you for making me do LPs in my underwear! You have no heart, people. You have no soul. I wouldn't listen if you sang the blues. I swear, people. You're a sinful people. And for your sins, I present to you the worst god-damned update you've ever seen. And then it's gonna be the end, my friend.
Boom! Nobody survived.
I see you are distressed, narrator.
Hell yeah I am. It's time to kick ass and do the LARPing... and I'm all outta LARP.
I see. When a sinful audience and the almighty narrator stand apart, what is the means of reconciliation?
Yeah, what?
.......
Screw you.
Floor 3
Not pictured: our party defeating another group of Zombies, which allows Gaider to gain enough exp for a level up.
But we won't be going back to town just yet. Let's rather explore the third floor first.
Floor 3 is meant to bring less hardy players down to their knees. It has nothing but pits, spinners, messages, and secret doors, and overall looks pretty basic, but believe me, it's a huge pain to map it blindly. The main problem is, of course, spinners. In contrast to, e.g., Dark Heart of Uukrul's spinners that, if I remember correctly, only turn you around 180 degrees, the spinning plates here operate randomly, making you face a random direction every time. Which is further complicated by the fact there's no compass and no means of figuring out the direction you're facing, what with the environments all looking exactly the same. Moreover, the stairs down to the fourth floor are well-hidden and very hard to find, being surrounded as they are by three (!) pits. The game is sadistic, and that's the way RPGs should be.
As it turns out, however, the SNES version makes it somewhat easier on the player, if only to a small extent. The Dumapic spell, you see, functions as the game's automap:
This isn't the kind of automap you can access as many times as you want, though, since spell points are limited. Personally I believe this is a nice trade-off between having a normal automap that you can consult indefinitely and having none. Here, you actually have to manage your resources carefully, since the choice, as far as 1st level Mage spells go, is basically between Dumapic and Katino, the latter being the most useful combat spell at this point, so you actually have to think twice whether to access the automap or not. And the game isn't ashamed of draining your resources quickly.
Anyway, here we are on the third floor.
I'm in a tank, bitches! Steer my wheel, Pete!
The messages are a bit tricky.
Assuming, for example, that you head north from the entry point, the first message you get is a fair warning: if you proceed further north, a pit will be waiting for you there. So let's assume you head west next. In that case, you get another message telling you to turn around at (10,15). This is, again, a real warning, but after that the messages will be doing nothing but deceiving you and luring you into traps.
The one at (5,15), for instance, tells you to turn right, and you're going to fall right down into a pit if you do.
I'm not!
Neither am I!
We're making money off idiots! That's a different thing.
You think you're making lots of money? I'M gonna be making EVEN MORE money!!.. Once I get rid of you all! You idiots! Mwuahahahaa! The ultimate RPG will be MINE! ALL MINE!
What?
Is someone there?
Proceeding further west, you're told to turn left at (0,15), and yes, there's a pit there again. If, on the other hand, you approached the same spot going east from (15,15), you'd be sent right onto a spinner, which would also complicate things for you and probably send you to your death in another pit.
... What the?
You think you're heroes? I'M the only hero! You'd all be nothing without me! You are but my shells, my avatars! Bow before your lord!
Who's there? Show yourself!
Heh heh heh mwuahahaha! I'm watching you, scum! Watching you from high above!
Who the hell are you?
It's me... Andrew!
Who?
Well, actually, my name is Richard. But everybody calls me Dick.
...
I make a guest appearance as Andrew in this game, you see.
...
What, you think I'm up to something? Man, I'm just bored.
...
That's a Japanese thing, fatso. Are you a Jap? What's this, a god-damned JRPG?
So you're this game's hero, Andrew? You sure?
Look at me, boy. I'm an evil, twisted man in a space suit, fond like a girl of most childish things!.. Of course I am a hero! I'm a spaceman, kiddos! Goddamn Batman in space!
... That's what my mom said! I thought I'd stop hearing her voice as I grew up, but...
But here you are. But you aren't really supposed to be here, right? This isn't your kind of game.
What, you think I'm fucking up the lore? I AM the lore! How 'bout I fuck you up instead?.. Damn, forgot I'm but a shadow (of my former self). Screw you. I'll be back.
What a weirdo.
Hey Dark Underlord, who was that?
Didn't I tell you? He's the one in charge around here. Kind of. Goddamn lunatic.
What? I thought you were in charge?
Nah, I'm just here to be your guide. I'm but an underlord. That guy? He's the mad overlord.
The enemies in here aren't kidding around with you either. The content of the earlier Epic Fails (tm) update? It came from here.
The Ninjas are, as you know, a prestige class. Level 3 Ninjas appear in groups of 2D4+2, i.e., in fairly large numbers, they do up to 5 attacks per round dealing 1D4 damage each, AND they can poison you or one-hit kill you (the Autokill ability which is their class ability). In other words, they are a real threat for a party of our level and abilities, since we can't even cure poison nor paralysis yet.
Were Bears and Vorpal Bunnies are a pain as well. They usually go together, and again, in fairly large numbers. Were Bears appear in groups of 2D3+2, have 5D8 HP, hit for 3D6+1, and can poison and paralyse you. Vorpal Bunnies come in groups of 2D3+2, have 3D6+2 HP, hit for 1D6, but most importantly, they can decapitate you, which counts as an insta-kill.
There's simply NO way we could defeat such a group at this level, so the only realistic option is to run away as soon as possible.
Eheheh... Human flesh...? Is it sooooo...?
WAHHHHHHHHHH!!
Don't come any closer, monster!
Hooheehee... You'll make for many a feast... Heeheehee..
Pete, run! I'll buy you time!
What are you talking about?! We're... We're always together! I can't leave you!
...Pete! Can't you let me look cool for once?
No! ...I'm not running!
Twins... Twiiins... Hooheehee...
...Very well... Pete!
...We're ALWAYS together... ...To the very end!
There are also some middle-of-the-road enemies on this floor, such as Mangy Dogs aka Coyotes. They come in packs of 4D2, attack for 4D4, and have 4D6 HP. Their AC is only 8, which makes them easy to hit and kill.
Unfortunately, they can flee from combat, which is kind of irritating. Hit and run is probably the most annoying enemy tactics.
Sometimes, 4D4 equals 16.
Also, Sawyer can now paralyse foes! Manifo is the next most useful combat spell after Katino.
The exp greatly depends on how many enemies have run away, unfortunately, and Coyotes tend to run away a whole lot.
The hell are you doing, froggy?!
What a cute little frog... FOR ME TO STOMP ON.
The Amphibians are Giant Toads. They are easily killed, but beware their poison. In Wizardry, poison is an extremely nasty status effect if you can't heal it on the spot: every two steps a character takes when poisoned take away 1 HP. Which means that, when poisoned here on B3, there is no way you can make it back to the town without ending up dead midway.
Priest are now Level 3 on this floor; still, they're scared of us and run away.
Sometimes, Were Bears appear alone, not accompanied by Vorpal Bunnies. In this case, you can kill them if you're lucky. Katino and Manifo help a lot, naturally.
Pete even manages to one-hit kill a Bear. Good going, Pete!
Unfortunately, two Bears flee and then Pete gets paralysed.
Oh well. But the rest of the fight is easy, made even easier by the fact yet another Bear decides to flee.
Still, 528 exp is nice enough, I guess. Unfortunately, being paralysed, Pete misses out on the experience.
Let's go back to town. Next time.
Hey Andrew, we're getting closer.
Just try me, suckers. This dungeon's gonna be your GRAVE!
Much like a young inventor, I've been working on it through the nights... I've designed it with such tender loving care, you'd think it wasn't made to KILL YOU!
... The guy's giving me the creeps.
Press A to more Wizardry!
... Seriously peeps. Fuck you for making me do LPs in my underwear! You have no heart, people. You have no soul. I wouldn't listen if you sang the blues. I swear, people. You're a sinful people. And for your sins, I present to you the worst god-damned update you've ever seen. And then it's gonna be the end, my friend.
Boom! Nobody survived.
Hell yeah I am. It's time to kick ass and do the LARPing... and I'm all outta LARP.
Yeah, what?
Screw you.
Floor 3
Not pictured: our party defeating another group of Zombies, which allows Gaider to gain enough exp for a level up.
But we won't be going back to town just yet. Let's rather explore the third floor first.
Floor 3 is meant to bring less hardy players down to their knees. It has nothing but pits, spinners, messages, and secret doors, and overall looks pretty basic, but believe me, it's a huge pain to map it blindly. The main problem is, of course, spinners. In contrast to, e.g., Dark Heart of Uukrul's spinners that, if I remember correctly, only turn you around 180 degrees, the spinning plates here operate randomly, making you face a random direction every time. Which is further complicated by the fact there's no compass and no means of figuring out the direction you're facing, what with the environments all looking exactly the same. Moreover, the stairs down to the fourth floor are well-hidden and very hard to find, being surrounded as they are by three (!) pits. The game is sadistic, and that's the way RPGs should be.
As it turns out, however, the SNES version makes it somewhat easier on the player, if only to a small extent. The Dumapic spell, you see, functions as the game's automap:
This isn't the kind of automap you can access as many times as you want, though, since spell points are limited. Personally I believe this is a nice trade-off between having a normal automap that you can consult indefinitely and having none. Here, you actually have to manage your resources carefully, since the choice, as far as 1st level Mage spells go, is basically between Dumapic and Katino, the latter being the most useful combat spell at this point, so you actually have to think twice whether to access the automap or not. And the game isn't ashamed of draining your resources quickly.
Anyway, here we are on the third floor.
The messages are a bit tricky.
Assuming, for example, that you head north from the entry point, the first message you get is a fair warning: if you proceed further north, a pit will be waiting for you there. So let's assume you head west next. In that case, you get another message telling you to turn around at (10,15). This is, again, a real warning, but after that the messages will be doing nothing but deceiving you and luring you into traps.
The one at (5,15), for instance, tells you to turn right, and you're going to fall right down into a pit if you do.
Proceeding further west, you're told to turn left at (0,15), and yes, there's a pit there again. If, on the other hand, you approached the same spot going east from (15,15), you'd be sent right onto a spinner, which would also complicate things for you and probably send you to your death in another pit.
The enemies in here aren't kidding around with you either. The content of the earlier Epic Fails (tm) update? It came from here.
The Ninjas are, as you know, a prestige class. Level 3 Ninjas appear in groups of 2D4+2, i.e., in fairly large numbers, they do up to 5 attacks per round dealing 1D4 damage each, AND they can poison you or one-hit kill you (the Autokill ability which is their class ability). In other words, they are a real threat for a party of our level and abilities, since we can't even cure poison nor paralysis yet.
Were Bears and Vorpal Bunnies are a pain as well. They usually go together, and again, in fairly large numbers. Were Bears appear in groups of 2D3+2, have 5D8 HP, hit for 3D6+1, and can poison and paralyse you. Vorpal Bunnies come in groups of 2D3+2, have 3D6+2 HP, hit for 1D6, but most importantly, they can decapitate you, which counts as an insta-kill.
There's simply NO way we could defeat such a group at this level, so the only realistic option is to run away as soon as possible.
There are also some middle-of-the-road enemies on this floor, such as Mangy Dogs aka Coyotes. They come in packs of 4D2, attack for 4D4, and have 4D6 HP. Their AC is only 8, which makes them easy to hit and kill.
Unfortunately, they can flee from combat, which is kind of irritating. Hit and run is probably the most annoying enemy tactics.
Sometimes, 4D4 equals 16.
Also, Sawyer can now paralyse foes! Manifo is the next most useful combat spell after Katino.
The exp greatly depends on how many enemies have run away, unfortunately, and Coyotes tend to run away a whole lot.
The Amphibians are Giant Toads. They are easily killed, but beware their poison. In Wizardry, poison is an extremely nasty status effect if you can't heal it on the spot: every two steps a character takes when poisoned take away 1 HP. Which means that, when poisoned here on B3, there is no way you can make it back to the town without ending up dead midway.
Priest are now Level 3 on this floor; still, they're scared of us and run away.
Sometimes, Were Bears appear alone, not accompanied by Vorpal Bunnies. In this case, you can kill them if you're lucky. Katino and Manifo help a lot, naturally.
Pete even manages to one-hit kill a Bear. Good going, Pete!
Unfortunately, two Bears flee and then Pete gets paralysed.
Oh well. But the rest of the fight is easy, made even easier by the fact yet another Bear decides to flee.
Still, 528 exp is nice enough, I guess. Unfortunately, being paralysed, Pete misses out on the experience.
Let's go back to town. Next time.
Press A to more Wizardry!
Holy shit, I've just reread the update, and it's freakin' horrible. I swear, I'm getting rid of the LARPing next time and turning this into a normal LP everyone and their mother would approve of.
Damn I need my coffee.
Damn I need my coffee.
lightbane
Arcane
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2008
- Messages
- 10,206
Crooked Bee said:
That's why you shouldn't take crack before starting an update, you know, it only works for weird games
OBJECTION!!! That statement is not true, you can always (ab)use savestates
Pokemon faggotry detected
)PS: Presses the [A]wesome button.
Desmodus Rotundus
Augur
presses A
As always, i'm astounded at the quality and the time you put into making those LPs 
bee-chwan
bee-chwan
Edward_R_Murrow
Arcane
Crooked Bee said:
It really isn't that bad. LARPing gets bad when you have no narrator, and it becomes stuffed with expository dialogue and odd scene transitions denoted by ***. By the time you finish an update, you hit the word count button and despair that the update word count is over 3000 words.
But with narration, you can keep the LARP down to reasonable levels, and only do it when maximum lulz/good ones/bon mots are guaranteed.
Lord British as Andy Greenburg? Nice.
Thanks, Mr. Murrow, I'll trust you on that. I know I was really tired when writing up the update and it seemed to me like I was just rambling incoherently. Then again, that's what LARPing is about, it seems.
And yeah, good catch.
'Kay, I've changed the thread title.
And yeah, good catch.
Kz3r0 said:
Helly said:
grotsnik said:
'Kay, I've changed the thread title.
Hey Cenobyte, long time no see! I thought we lost ya. Glad to see you around.
Glad to see you around.
Crooked Bee said:
Okay, Bee, okay.
Let me start with this: I respect you, sistah, I truly do.
Ever since I read your Final Fantasy: The 4 Heroes of Light(blatant advertisement), I've been following your LPs and I even took at face value that you say you're not some magical neko alt, but this, this I cannot abide.
It was YOU that promised an update and you cannot (unless is some sort of official attention raising campaign) ever not updating just because you have a life or you are in underwear.
It simply cannot do.
You have some responsibilities towards your fans.
So please, if you feel dishearthened, remember that we don't care what color your skin is, or if you are jewish or even if you are not a biological woman, fuck I wouldn't care if you were from another planet/plane/vibration; as long as you keep the updates coming.
P.S.spectacular update
:3
The images! They're dead!
Krraloth said:
The images! They're dead!
Why?
Character-driven?
Yes?
All right, I'll do it... one last time, you bastards.
Floor 4, Part 1
I won't be showing off the level-ups this time. Suffice it to say, everyone increased their attributes and HP -- Gaider even had enough exp to level up twice -- and Sawyer, MCA and Laidlaw learnt new spells.
Sawyer's new spells are:
- Montino which, according to the official description, "causes sound to quit transmitting around a group of monsters." In other words, it is a silence spell.
Lomilwa, a longer version of Milwa, that creates a light lasting the entire expedition into the dungeon and is only extinguished when entering a dark zone or returning to the castle.
Dialko which cures paralysis.
Latumapic that identifies monsters.
And finally, Bamatu, an extremely useful spell which lowers the entire party's AC by a whopping 4 points.
MCA's new spells are Priest spells, and they're all familiar to us already.
Finally, Laidlaw gains access to level 3 Mage spells. Those are Mahalito, a group target Fireball spell that deals 4-24 points of damage to a group of monsters, and Molito, another group target offensive spell dealing 3-18 points of damage, but this time non-elemental, in case the enemy is resistant to fire or cold.
With that, let us proceed to floor 4, first via the stairs from the third floor.
B4 is an extremely important floor in Wizardry I. As you can see, it is separated into two mutually inaccessible areas. The first one, which we can access from B3, lets you access the (well-hidden) stairs down to B5 at (17,7); to even find the stairs, you must have the Bear statue with you, since it's the only thing that can open the door at (17,12). The second area is the shortcut area: that's where the elevator from B1 stops (at 10,8), and the next elevator, leading straight to Werdna's lair, is located (at 10,0). You cannot, however, ride the second elevator right away; you must get a Blue Ribbon at (11,10) first, protected by a particularly tough boss encounter at (13,14), which I'll show off in the next update.
As I said earlier, my intention is to get our party through all the floors of the Mad Overlord's dungeon, so we won't be taking the shortcut. But we'll be getting the Blue Ribbon nevertheless, since the encounter, and the loot you get, are just plain awesome.
On our way to B4, we come across a group of six Kimonoed Men hurling fireballs at us.
It turns out they're Lvl 3 Samurai. Did I mention I'm really fond of art design in this game? /1eyedkingmode
We also come across our first Teleporter trap. Gaider carefully disarms it. Being randomly teleported around B3 could send us right to our death in one of the pits.
And here we are on B4.
Currently we're exploring the section with the stairs down to the fifth floor. There isn't much to show off here, really, just some new enemies.
The animal is a Coyote, and the Man in Armor is probably a Lvl 3 Fighter.
The next group is pure trouble, so we run away.
Were Rats are pure melee fighters.
Ah, Ogres. They have 4D8+1 HP and hit for 2D6.
We have Sawyer cast Bamatu, which drastically improves our AC, and the Ogres barely scratch us now.
Laidlaw's Mahalito proves pretty useful, too.
Overpowered, the Ogres decide to flee.
Insects can be nasty, especially if they're spiders.
The best option is to smash the insects asap.
The next monsters we encounter drop armour, which turns out to be a Plate Mail.
Anyway, we're all ready to level up again, so we head back to town.
This time, Sawyer and MCA's Dios(es) don't suffice to fully heal our characters up, and we have enough gold to rest at the economy rooms, so we do just that.
Laidlaw greatly increases his HP. But no new spells for him or the other spellcasters this time.
We also buy Iron Shields for both Pete and Todd; in the upcoming encounters, we're going to need every AC point we can get.
Time to hit the elevator!
This is, I believe, the first time we encounter an (identified) group of Orcs.
Filthy creatures.
Having dealt with the orcs, we enter the dark zone and head for the elevator.
Next time: a ring... of death!
Crooked Bee said:Hey Cenobyte, long time no see! I thought we lost ya.
I'm currently way too busy to post here in a larger scale, but no, I'm not lost, at least not totally :D
Good, even if somewhat short, update btw. The banter between the devs is really fitting :D
lightbane said:
As long as you want to make it. Pretty short if you take the shortcut. But we won't. So it's 10 floors for us.
Ms. Bee, this is the best LP EVAR!
Just FYI. And thank you.
Just FYI. And thank you.
torpid
Liturgist
I love how MCA and Sawyer are having a "deep" conversation while Pete & Todd are derping about bears.
Goes really well with the headphones.
But shhh! Listen carefully, and you will hear it.
Goes really well with the headphones.
Just popping in to say the next update is in the works. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like the shtick is getting a little stale... I need to think up something fresh I guess, so it may take a while. Serves me right for taking up LARPing in the first place; it isn't really my thing.
Thanks Jaesun.
Jaesun said:Ms. Bee, this is the best LP EVAR!
Just FYI. And thank you.
Thanks Jaesun.
- Joined
- May 9, 2008
- Messages
- 108
Most excellent LP! Two thumbs up. Carry on. 
P.S. How is this humanoid figure in red robes a bear?! Crazy Wapanese art direction - might look good, but will make no sense.
P.S. How is this humanoid figure in red robes a bear?! Crazy Wapanese art direction - might look good, but will make no sense.
Crooked Bee said:
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