stabby
Learned
Part Five - Much Vine, So Rats
Ohohoho, I see we're all back for another fun round of adventuring? Well, I do remember that when we left off -
Less recap, more decap! I just hit level 2 and I've got some righteous killing to do!
I will enjoy watching you try to catch up, Herr Templar.
... okay then. Less recap then, can I at least tell you where the hell you are in the castle?
Meh, I'm sure Scrooge has that covered.
Err, actually I seem to have neglected that particular detail in my maps ... I believe the apt term is 'oops?'
... where are we again stabby?
Thank you sea, I see that someone has some sense here.
Certainly isn't our DM, that's for sure.
*snicker*
... dammit. Anyway, I left you off on the second floor as you were exploring the North Eastern tower. In fact, you were right in front of a door.
Locked?
Correct.
Okay then, time to put these new skills to use.
You find that the lock is just beyond your skills as you fail to open the door.
Ahh. That sounds like an improvement at least. Right?
Who knows, we just sat down after all. Is there anything else we can do in this corner of the castle?
It appears our options are limited here, may I suggest we try our luck in the North Western Tower?
Aye, let us continue. The more we walk, the more we can fight.
Speaking of fighting...
You are attacked by a trio of Rogues, roll your-
... dice. Wow, Nicely done.
Deus Vult!
*Ahem* Any loot for once?
Oh, sorry. You each gain 104 experience & 8 Gold pieces.
Still no drops. Boo.
Corvus gains a level.
You gain one point of Dexterity, and you now have a total of 10 hit points. What skills would you like to improve?
I, err ... skill?
He will improve his Scouting, as someone should focus on that.
What she said.
By the way Corvus, you did remember to drop your VIT by one because you died, right?
... yes?
Good.
... we were headed to the next tower, right?
That we were. Corvus' leveling is unimportant, he'll be dying soon anyway, and I can get that sword from his filty degenerate paws.
The hell man?
Excellent, all according to plan. As you travel towards the North Western tower, Corvus' Kawaii Kitty senses detect something out of the ordinary as you near the Gate along the Northern hallway.
'Kawaii Kitty senses', really stabby? What's next, 'Maid Uniform Armour'?
Hmmm... *starts writing*
Hang on, this is the 'Keep Closed at all Times' gate, right?
... how did you remember that?
Well, you're not the only one taking notes anymore Scroogey.
The one and the same Zwanzig.
Alright then Kitty, find us that secret!
I guess uh, I'll press this button?
We all step back.
... dammit.
You hear old mechanical works slowly creak to life after you press the button in the wall, the gate to your immediate left slowly rising and allowing you passage into the next room.
I push corvus into the next room.
Wait, what?
Roll a strength check.
I help him push.
... corvus is shoved into the next room, seeing it to be square in shape and he notices ...
A cursory glance also tells corvus that the room appears safe to enter.
Alright then, I search the room for a way to open that other gate.
Though you carefully search the room for another hidden mechanism, you find nothing to open the gate in the North Wall. However, you do find that -
You find a Key of Ramm, who will-
Yoink!
I take it that there is nothing else and we can move on now?
You make your way to the 2nd floor of the North Western Tower, and at a quick glance it seems to mirror the one you had just left. A Gate blocks the way to the East, and to the south you see corridor leading into the darkness.
We go sou-
You are attacked by Vines!
Oh no, you calm down. Down I say!
Fine... how many Vines stabby?
You see a total of nine vines. Some regular, some Creeping. None spraying you with mist of any kind.
Spoilsport. :p
A few dice rolls later...
The Monsters have been defeated, you each gain 88 xp and 5 gold pieces.
... you do know that making us fight larger numbers of the same creatures does not good Dungeon Design make.
Okay, I guess I'll keep that in mind.
Sea, it's nice to see you adding a little diversity to your usual fighting form, but hiding is my schtick, understand?
I have the option, why not?
May we move on 'Gentlemen'?
I agree, though not with the use of quotes though...
As you begin to move south...
... yes?
You are attacked by a Rat!
A rat. As in one?
Correct.
Is it a Giant Rat?
No, it is just a regular old castle rat.
... I somehow sense sarcasm in this encounter.
Bah, quit the commentary, let's get rid of this thing and be on our way.
Stand still damn you!
... Are you sure this is just a bog standard rat.
Again, you sense nothing out of the ordinary with this rat.
A few rounds later....
[Yes, it did actually take some time to kill - Ed.]
Wow guys, wow. *slow clap*
It's not our fault! Sea didn't put it to sleep.
I imagined a single rat wasn't that dangerous.
Well our resident fairy didn't do much either.
I was out of spell points from the last battle!
Bah, children! Can we quit our bickering and move on please?!
Yes, she's got a point. *clears throat* You each get an amazing 25 points of experience for your trouble, and the rat feels pity on you all and gives 9 gold to each of you.
Could you be any snarkier?
Scrooge, sea, and shiteatingnippledick all make it to level 2.
From a rat?!
I'm still surprised you didn't comment on being 2 xp away from leveling, I thought you were keeping this all down.
I seem to be getting lax in that regard.
Scrooge, you gain 1 point of Piety and your health is raised to 12HP. You also gain a new spell.
Hmm, these low level spells all seem lacking. I guess, perhaps, 'Charm' is the least useless of the 3?
One way to find that out I guess. Sea, you gain 1 point of Speed and your health is raised to 7HP.
... and skill points?
All eaten up by 'Music' I'm afraid. Send, you gain a point of Vitality and you now have a grand total of 5HP. You also gain a new spell.
Excellent. I have the perfect one in mind.
I'm going to regret this later, aren't I?
I take it that we can start moving South now?
Yes, the level ups are done.
Good, we go-
You are attacked by more Vines!
But we didn't even move!
Technically you did turn in place. And there are only three this time.
Hooray, I can try out my new spell already!
Good, cast it and -
I SHOW THEM MY NAKED BODY!
JESUS H. MURPHY FUCKING CRACKERS WITH CHEESE, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!!
So, I take it they're frightened?
Oh, they're frightened alright. As are all of us (most probably.) You know what, fuck this. I need smokes and plenty of booze to get that image out of my head.
.... sorry.
A short trip to the Liquor Store later...
Hey! Welcome back stabby!
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
A few (too many) drinks later...
Alright... *hic* Where did I leave you guys?
A trio of frightened-
don't forget traumatized...
...Vines stabby.
Are you going to share some of that by chance?
...
You fuckin' bunch of prudes.
Ahhh, okay. Errr... Bowl your Mice *hic* or sumthin'.
Alright sea!
... 'bout time I killed something.
... err, stabby?
zzZZZzzzz... ZzzZZZZZzzz....nyanyannyan~
It would seem our illustrious DM is passed out under the table right now.
Really?
Oooh?
You two stay right there. I say we take advantage of this by finally seeing this corridor to the south, and nothing else, ja?
But our experience and gold?
For once, let's just forget about that. I'm certain that with the headache stabby will be waking up to, we'll be getting more than our fair share.
Good point. So let's see where this corridor goes.
OOoooh, so this is where that gate leads to.
In other words, 'a dead end.'
Okay, new plan. We go back to the stairs and try the Third floor now. Iren, you wake up stabby. Corvus, you make a pot of coffee.
Why do I have to make it?
Because someone needs to keep an eye on these two-
...
... and I'm not the one who all but asked to wear a Maid Uniform.
Okay then. Umm, stabby?
*jumps up* GaaaaaH!!! You are attacked by Rats!
We kill the rats stabby.
... really?
Honest to God.
You really shouldn't-
*Glare*
Oh, okay then (Ow my freakin' head). Is 50 xp for everyone okay?
Sounds fair. Here's some coffee for you.
Oh goodies! *sips* So, where were we again?
We were just going to climb to the third floor of the tower.
... which tower again?
The North West one.
Ah, yes. You climb to the third floor of the Tower, seeing another corridor tunring to the East. You step forward to take a better look down the hall, when- Oh wow, this is really good Coffee guys. :D
When what, stabby?
You all take 4 damage. ... what, did you think getting me coffee meant I was going to be nice to you all? Fufufu~
... that was close.
Not close enough it seems. Moving on, As you recover from the falling rafter, corvus detects something out of the ordinary.
NOW he sees something amiss?!
It's not my fault...? Guess I should search the area.
Fufu.
I think that perhaps we should rest.
I agree, I simply don't have the spell points to heal everyone right now.
What, no 'TO DA FOUNTAIN!' this time around?
No. We rest.
You recover to full health without incident.
Okay, where to now?
How about we let the guy with lockpick skills go to where the locked doors are?
Where would that be?
First floor maybe? No shortage of them since we stumbled into this mess.
Agreed.
A brisk stroll later...
Aha, Hello Beautiful!
I'm surprised we made it this far without running into more rats.
Don't say that! You're just asking for trouble.
Quiet you two, I've got a date with a door and my fingers are just waiting to change her mind.
...
Yes! Open, says me!
Behind the door you find...
Oh what the hell, this is all about that 'What's a Mexican without a lawn mower' joke, right?
... you tell me.
Soo.... what is a Mexican without a Lawn Mower?
Unemployed.
Some violence later (not all of it imaginary)...
I said I was sorry, okay?!
As you search the room, you see a few remnants of broken chairs lie clumped in this once dainty parlor.
Anything else?
No.
Next door please!
... and behind door number two is...
... at least they're Giant this time.
A few backstabs later...
The last rat falls to your blade, and everyone gains 200 experience points and...
Quiet you, I take a look at that chest back there. It trapped?
You tell me.
Umm... okay...
Try disarming a poison dagger.
What she said?
I try it again?
Maybe we should all step back?
Inside the chest you find 4 dirks...
Dibs.
... a scroll of Magic Missile...
Gimme!
... 3 potions of Moderate Stamina ...
I shall split those fairly.
... and a Book of Direction.
*crickets chirp*
Seriously? No one's taking that?
Fine! I shall hold onto it for now.
Splitting the gold fairly you each take 27 pieces, and everyone gets a bonus of 100 XP.
Good, good. Let's see door number 3!
Many doors and an unbelievable amount of dead Vines later...
The last vine succumbs to your blades, and you see the room for what it is:
Bravo stabby! *stands up and claps*
...
Way to ruin the mood man.
Yeah, that alone makes up for all the slogging through vines here.
Aww, thanks guys. That does mean a lot.
Good then, I take it there are also doors to the North and South?
Yes indeedy.
Okay, let's give the South door a whirl!
Alrighty then, let's take a look -
... behind this door?
Huh, would you look at that. Not a Vine in-
Suddenly, from the Shadows appear-
I really hate you, you know. I just want you to know that much.
A short wish for a Flame-Thrower later...
The last vine is crushed to pulp beneath your staff, you once again earn a pittance of XP and gold.
... yay.
Is it the 'last' last vine at least?
Zwanzig now finds himself at level 3.
... what, already?
Indeed. You gain a point of Intelligence and Dexterity, and your HP is raised to 16.
... so what's in this room, besides this ever growing pile of Vines?
Glad you asked corvus, A fallen desk and several chairs lie crumpled on the floor of this regal private chamber, no doubt a place of counsel and costly bargaining.
A place of counsel you say? Hrrmm, let us search this place very carefully, yes?
... and you're looking at me. Okay, I search with my Kawaii Kitty~ senses at full strength.
Oh, someone's trying to get on my good side again. Well then, Searching through the remains of the desk, you find an old torn parchment which reads:
Other parts of the document are either missing or illegible.
100 gold? For... this is getting strange.
I ain't commenting.
Hmm, perhaps this is part of the mystery of it all. Let us continue, the North door next please zwanzig?
Sure, great. Because we haven't face enough vines as it is.
Okay, who's turn is it?
I believe it is mine. I kick the door open and charge in.
I'll send an Energy Blast or two in after him.
Wow, that's... helpful for once. You aren't going to be aiming at him, right?
At him? No. At you, maybe I will now.
The door crashes open and nearly shatters as it hits the wall, and as you charge in to find...
Where are the Vines?
They're hiding again, aren't they?
Not this time. Room is empty of vines for once.
HALLE-FUHREEAAKIN'-LUJAH!
Ah, that bad huh guys?
Yes. That said, we search the room.
Examining the obtrusions, you detect a dried olive goo around some of the uplifted floorstones.
Olive... goo?
Can I lick it?
Please don't.
Fiiiiine.
Hmm, aside from the doors that have now been jammed...
Shut up, I was distracted.
Yes, of course. Well, it would seem that we have done what we could here. Maybe it is time to try to open the doors on the second floor?
Really? Do we have to? You know it's just going to be Door/Vines/Door/Vines again, right?
That remains to be seen. Do you really believe I would carry on with such a predictable thing for that long?
... I'm okay with more Vines actually.
A few more Jammed Doors, Rooms, and someMULTI HEADED DICKS VINES HITTING ASS AND LEG OH GOD ITS HEAVAN later...
[No, really. The amount of Vines encountered in this update is truly ridiculous - Ed.]
You successfully unlock the door...
Alright stabby. This is the last door on the floor, right?
Yes. You've jammed most of the other ones shut.
... shut up about that...
I think what he means to say is that if there are Vines behind this door, I will cut you. Seriously. I will cut you.
Relax, I can guarantee you will not stumble across Vines behind this door.
We won't be seeing Creeping Vines as well, right?
No, no creeping vines either.
OOOOH! How about the ones that spray us with their white Se-
Those are extinct now. You killed the last ones. They will never return. EVER.
You'll pardon us if we do remain suspicious to what we'll find.
Only one way to find out, right?
... with great hesitation, we open the door.
What did I tell ya, No Vines in this room.
staaaaaabbbbbyyyyy!!!!
Maybe one of them is a Giant Rat?
... or not.
As you valiantly complete this stage of handling the Castle's pesky rodent problem, Irenaeus gains enough experience to rise to Level 3!
You gain one point of Piety, Speed, and Personality, and your HP is raised to 25 points total.
A point in Personality? Well, I've got a profile to go update!
I'm not sure that is works in that... actually, never mind. Go ahead. I could certainly a moment of laughter later.
Err, thanks?
So, what do we find in this Vine-deficient room stabby?
Well...
Magic? Neko~chan, search for secret exits now!
The Kawaii Kitty senses pick up nothing out of the ordinary.
That's a shame. Scrooge, where does this put us?
According to my notes we've exhausted our options on both the first and second floor. Our options at the moment are to attempt the Third floor or Basement.
I suggest the third floor.
Oh?
Yes. At this point in time I am simply not comfortable enough to enter anything that can be remotely referred to as a 'basement' with him.
HEY! I'm right here you know!
That... that is a fair point. And a stairway going up is not far away from us.
Third floor please stabby.
Wow, so polite. This is unexpected. Knowing there is a stairwell to the next floor nearby, you climb it carefully, watching as it comes to an end before a door with a clearly written message across it:
'Belfry'? The name of nuts is that? Scrooge?
Err, Fraulein Kitty, I'm German. This is one of those terms in English that escapes my familiarity.
Such a vocabulary to say 'I don't know', don't you think?
It means a Bell Tower you dolt.
...
What? I'm not allowed to know things like this?
No, it's just unexpected, that's all.
Book by its cover Sweetie.
Sorry then, where did you learn that?
Oh, I noticed the Bell Tower while we were walking here.
Book by its cover indeed...
Yes yes yes, we open the door!
You enter base of the Belfry, and right away you notice the hollow that rises vertically in its centre. Looking up the large well to the top, you only see darkness. On the floor, however, you find the remains of many small rodents and some bits of blood, and what appears to be excrement that fell from above.
So it's a safe bet we won't be meeting Vines & Rats in here?
Somehow I'm getting the feeling that might not be a good thing corvus.
The stairwell to climb the tower is just before you, do you proceed?
Can we take a moment to think about it?
To be continued...
A few dice rolls later...
A few rounds later....
[Yes, it did actually take some time to kill - Ed.]
A short trip to the Liquor Store later...
A few (too many) drinks later...
A brisk stroll later...
Some violence later (not all of it imaginary)...
A few backstabs later...
*crickets chirp*
Many doors and an unbelievable amount of dead Vines later...
A short wish for a Flame-Thrower later...
A few more Jammed Doors, Rooms, and some
[No, really. The amount of Vines encountered in this update is truly ridiculous - Ed.]
To be continued...
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