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Completed Let's Play: WinZip - Ironman

Zoidstar

Educated
Joined
May 26, 2008
Messages
21
Location
U.K
I’m playing through WinZip Pro v15 on Ironman with a six character party.

Chapter 1: Salad Days - Prelude
Chapter 2: Basic Instinct
Chapter 3: Garfield Blu-Ray
Chapter 4: World of WinZip
Chapter 5: WinZip LARPing
Chapter 6: The Barbarians Demise
Chapter 7: The Clerics Treachery
Chapter 8: The WindZ of Shit - Finale

The party is confronted with a blank and unremitting wilderness.

WinZipI.jpg


After traveling some distance they approach what looks like a folder in need of compressing.

WinZipII.jpg


Success! The folder has been compressed, saving 1.52 MB of space. My wizard and thief gain a level.

WinZipIII.jpg


Unsure what to do next. The party consult the Tip of the Day. They learn that WinZip’s Explorer style view makes it easy to manage your multi-folder Zip files.

WinZipIV.jpg


Now the party rests. Their sleep is uninterrupted and they wake rejuvenated, ready to embark upon adventures new. Before they leave the wizard recounts his dream. "I saw a large single avi. file that would benefit from split archive compression." With a steely resolve the party settle upon this course of action. A dark cloud passes over the land.
 
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Unkillable Cat

LEST WE FORGET
Patron
Joined
May 13, 2009
Messages
27,089
Codex 2014 Make the Codex Great Again! Grab the Codex by the pussy
You're playing Ironman mode, yet you don't have Maximum Compression enabled by default?

This is why most people LP WinRAR.
 

Scroo

Female Quota Staff
Patron
Staff Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2010
Messages
1,865,340
Location
Too far away from the sea
Codex 2014 Codex Year of the Donut Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2
I don't want to spoil it for you guys, but the plot twist you will encounter later on sucks mighty balls, believe me.
 

Zoidstar

Educated
Joined
May 26, 2008
Messages
21
Location
U.K
Using the rangers preternatural senses the party soon track down the avi. file. It is a 702MB illegal copy of Basic Instinct directed by Paul Verhoeven. One of the best films of the 90's.

WinZipV-1.jpg


Furious encoding ensues. Once the dust settles it has been compressed into a 7 part multi-archive of 95.7MB each. Saving almost 15MB of space. 15000XP are shared throughout the party.

WinZipVII.jpg


The wizard unwilling to take any chances, consults the report log.

WinZipVIII.jpg


This arcane text is of little interest to the other party members who spend the remainder of the day encoding small files.
 

laclongquan

Arcane
Joined
Jan 10, 2007
Messages
1,870,144
Location
Searching for my kidnapped sister
7z I dont remember the specific reason why i change my long time mistress from WinRar to 7z, though I remember it's pretty clear one. Still archiving it in .rar format, just use 7z for it.

No complaint so far. So not interested in returning to the old flame.
 

Zoidstar

Educated
Joined
May 26, 2008
Messages
21
Location
U.K
The days pass. Grinding. Unremarkable encodings. A few 300MB video files - but by now these are nothing. Then it happens. While exploring an old external hard disk the party encounter their first boss file!

WinZipIX.jpg


It is a gargantuan 9GB Blu-Ray of Garfield* (voiced by Bill Murray). They stagger back, suddenly unsure of themselves.
*The worst film of all time.

WinZipX.jpg


Only the wizard stands firm. But before he can cast his spell the barbarian, in a berserk fury, rushes the file and attempts a basic compression. This will take almost an hour and produce only a 1% reduction in file size. The party rues his rashness. However it is not long before his hit-points have been brought to zero and he lies comatose beneath the hulking Blu-Ray.

What's more he has been level drained. The Cleric suddenly realising the gravity of their situation raises his right hand and makes the symbol of the salvator mundi. "This file is undead"
* he booms.
*An undead file is one which has been binned and then exhumed by undelete software.

WinZipXI.jpg


The wizard casts Zip: SuperFast while the cleric buffs the party with Optional Path Info and Hidden File Inclusion. After a titanic encoding the Blu-Ray has been multi-archived and then re-archived into a single file. But still the cleric can feel evil seeping out. "Our compression has been in vain" he laments.

WinZip.jpg


The wizard's eyes flair with eldritch power and with his last reserves of strength casts a 256-Bit AES encryption spell. "Be gone minion of evil". As he sinks to the ground all that remains is for someone to choose a password. "Garfield!" shouts the barbarian (awaking from his slumber). "NelsonMandela1234!" shouts the dwarf. Only the cleric holds the true word of binding. "GarFiled" And with that, the calumny that was Garfield Blu-Ray is safely encrypted.
 
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Jester

Arbiter
Joined
Mar 24, 2013
Messages
1,493
Amusing, waiting for forces of evil with decryption spell. There is a Eldritch abomination to be had.
 

Kane

I have many names
Patron
Vatnik
Joined
Nov 1, 2008
Messages
22,248
Location
Drug addicted, mentally ill gays HQ
PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015
Only 5% compression rate? You can get the Loincloth of compression for your male characters at the 7z score in the C:\ity for only 500 megabytes. That will give each of them +2.5% compression.
 

Zoidstar

Educated
Joined
May 26, 2008
Messages
21
Location
U.K
A new day dawns. And seeking new directories to master the party decide to take their adventure on-line. Welcome to World of WinZip (hereon referred to as WoW).

WoW.jpg


They start scanning the local network. Anna's PC is on-line. Will she appreciate our plucky band remotely accessing and encrypting her personal files? Without further thought we begin exploring this exciting new data storage device.

WinZipXVIII.jpg


The on-line world is very different. Everywhere people reduced to mindless drones are immured within an endless series of positive feedback loops. In no time the dwarf and barbarian find themselves ganked by a remorseless season of Ally McBeal episodes. Later fatigue plagues the party as they farm a lucrative directory of personal files. Realising their free trial is about to expire they leave WoW for the moment. But not before the barbarian uses WinZip's 'leave a comment feature' to pass judgement on Anna's private documents.

WinZipXX.jpg


Returning to the root directory the ranger notices something amiss. It seems whilst playing WoW someone has been de-encrypting and uncompressing all their handiwork. Basic Instinct is back in its folder and worse yet Garfield Blu-Ray has unbound itself from the archive. Only now its file size has swelled to an incredible 16GB!? The cleric makes the sign of the cross and prepares to take his own life. The thief, mustering all his guile, back-stabs Garfield Blu-Ray with a x20 enhanced deflate algorithm only to be hurled to the ground dead.

WinZipXVI.jpg


In a fit of naive desperation the ranger attempts to compress and e-mail Garfield out of the system. She is bound in a lattice of pure black magic and imprisoned forever within her own Hotmail account.

WinZipXVII.jpg


The barbarian again attempts a basic compression. His attack is deflected and he himself is compressed into an archive.

WinZipXIX.jpg


Who has been uncompressing this data? And why is Garfield Blu-Ray growing larger? It is at this juncture that the dwarf hatches a ferociously stupid plan.
 
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Jester

Arbiter
Joined
Mar 24, 2013
Messages
1,493
Run you fools! - screamed Wizard when he understood that this unholy creature become even stronger since their last encounter.
No wizard we defeated this monster once and we will do so today. - rallied them Paladin.

Fck this i am out-ha here. You wont compress me today spawn of darkness, farewell. - He know that remaining members of group will surely be compressed here, or face fate even worse than that. He needed to warn everybody about this fiendish abomination, but where to go? One of major powers like Kingdom of C: ? D: Empire? Exotic G: partition? One of known Pirates of Bootable USB seas? He did not know where to go, but was aware that dark days are upon whole system.
 
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Zoidstar

Educated
Joined
May 26, 2008
Messages
21
Location
U.K
Retreating to a sub-folder the Wizard and Cleric turn to the Dwarf. “So what’s your big idea then?” “To seek help from another dimension.” Replies the Dwarf. “Which f*cking dimension”, the wizard snaps. “The realm of humans” The Dwarf retorts. “You mean . . . “ says the cleric. “Yes!” Asserts the dwarf. “WinZip LARPing.”

The wizard casts Greater Wish and opens a portal to the human realm. They arrive in a park in North West London. It is a crisp morning and mothers are taking their children for a stroll. The party pick a direction and begin to walk at a leisurely pace.

WinZipXXI.jpg


Soon they reach an overpriced deli/cafeteria. Let’s get some brunch says the Dwarf. The Wizard orders an English muffin with Earl Grey tea. The Cleric an American triple chocolate muffin and skinny latte. The Dwarf orders a slice of carrot cake. After some time, as they sit enjoying their brunch the wizard spits out his tea. “Wait a f*cking minute!” “This is all fine and dandy but what are we actually meant to be doing here?!” The cleric slams his muffin in the dwarfs face.

WinZipXXII.jpg


"Alright, alright." Concedes the Dwarf. "Let’s get into one of these houses and see if we can find some files to compress." The party forces the door of a semi-detached on Keslake Road.

WinZipXXIII.jpg


Discarding electronics and jewellery: inside they find a veritable trove. Four large cardboard boxes full of files.

WinZipXXIV.jpg


After much careful sorting they manage to compress the contents of one box into two much smaller boxes. A reduction of approximately 80% (leagues better than standard WinZip compression rates). This confers an enormous XP bonus. The party phase back to their home dimension, leaving a scene that will puzzle the constabulary for some time.

WinZipXXV.jpg
 

Zoidstar

Educated
Joined
May 26, 2008
Messages
21
Location
U.K
The party return to the familiar surroundings of C: and the three surviving members decide to rescue barbarian.

Sneaking into the folder, the cleric (who never liked him anyway) suggests they e-mail barbarian to another system to ask for help. "But whose system?" ponders the wizard. “Bill Gate’s of course” says cleric. "But what about Phil Katz the designer of WinZip?" suggests wizard. "Also good. Lets split barbarian in half and e-mail one part to each address?" "OK, whatever" replies the wizard (not really thinking).

As barbarian is re-encrypted, split and then e-mailed out of the system. The wizard swears he can hear a mighty “Nooooooooooooooo” ring out across the drive.

WinZipXXVIII.jpg


As one half of barbarian flies towards Bill Gates’ e-mail account he is intercepted by the mailer daemon as malware and disintegrated. Phil Katz has been dead for 14 years and the other half of barbarian is blasted back by an out-of-office response. Clerics inbox is full and so this part is also disintegrated. "Besides" says the cleric over dinner, "WinZip has level scaling and now that we're all level 12 he'd be just a spare wheel."

In the night the dwarf catches the wizard masturbating but pretends not to notice and then mutters "there’s something funny about that cleric". "Just a minute" blurts the wizard, "you know, I was thinking the same thing."
 
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