Tacticular Cancer: We'll have your balls

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Let's Play Skyrim: Anders Breivik Victorious

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Admiral jimbob, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. Admiral jimbob nope Patron

    Admiral jimbob
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    Part 2: http://www.rpgcodex.net/phpBB/viewtopic ... 00#1869400
    Part 3: http://www.rpgcodex.net/phpBB/viewtopic ... 58#1873258
    Part 4: http://www.rpgcodex.net/phpBB/viewtopic ... 19#1875119
    Part 5: http://www.rpgcodex.net/phpBB/viewtopic ... 66#1876366

    [​IMG][​IMG]

    Once, long ago, in the frozen lands of the North where men are proud, hearty and Aryan, there was a crisis.

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    The foreign invaders came, as invaders do, in the name of a bloated and multicultural Empire. Their way of life was the only way acceptable under the new order, cultural beliefs branded unacceptable to the ways of the aliens we must now call neighbours. What it meant to be a true man of the North was phased out - slowly, at first, almost imperceptibly - then more and more outrageously. By the time anyone grasped the reality, it was all too late. The great, multicultural Empire had us in its grasp, and it seemed that freedom was a goal we could only dream of, or escape to in death. For at least they could not take Valhalla from us.

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    The outlawing of the worship of our god-king, he who marched from the east to establish a glorious kaiserdom in the name of glory and honour, washing the world clean of lesser beings... that was one affront too many.

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    It came as a surprise to few when the reptilians revealed themselves. Greedily hoarding their gold, lying dormant for years and waiting for civilisation to destroy itself at their prodding, they rose to attack the North in force. Inspired by their brutal religious belief, which states that they must destroy reality to attain salvation, and that such will only occur when they return as one to their ancestral home, they are coming. They are rising.

    A rebellion must begin, before all we hold dear is annihilated.

    A hero must rise.

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    Hailed as BROvakhiin, a hero foretold in prophecy, he was granted the power of the BRO SHOUT in the North's time of greatest need. Some say this power was granted by the gods themselves.

    [​IMG]: BRO HOW ARE YOU


    [​IMG]: Who... who are you? This is surreal.

    [​IMG]: IF YOU ARE A TRUE BRO YOU WILL NOT USE THAT WORD AGAIN IN MY PRESENCE

    [​IMG]: I'm... sorry? What do you want from me?

    [​IMG]: I HAVE CHOSEN YOU TO BE MY BRO AND SPREAD THE WORD OF MY TEACHINGS IT IS TIME TO TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE DOGFUCKERS

    [​IMG]: could... could it be? Are you BLOBERT? Manliest of men, broest of bros?

    [​IMG]: YOU KNOW IT BRO!! NO TIME TO CHAT I HAVE A BABY TO PUT TO BED, JUST REMMBER OUR CREED: IT IS TIME TO DRINK BEER AND KICK ASS AND I AM NEVER OUT OF BEER

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    With that, our hero set out to Windhelm, home of Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak and the rebel army.

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    Anders has not been idle in his time as BROvakhiin up to this point. The Black Panthers and their vile leader, Archmagister Obamanation, are but a distant memory to the people of Skyrim.

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    This is Galmar, who will be giving us our orders for now. He's having a conversation with Jarl Ulfric about retrieving a legendary crown worn by the High Kings of Skyrim, that he might wear to persuade the people of his legitimacy as leader. Unfortunately, we only get to hear half this conversation. Mainly because Jarl Ulfric is in bed and Galmar is talking to a table.

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    My god... we're serving under the avatar of :retarded: !

    Most wannabe Stormcloaks have to undergo a trial to prove their worth and dedication, swimming out to a forlorn island and battling an ice wraith. Fortunately, Anders skipped this trial, as he has already proven his dedication to the cause through what is, when you think about it, a remarkably similar series of events.

    [​IMG] : are you saying you sent me out there to die?

    :retarded: : I wasn't sure your heart was in it. But you've proven me wrong. And I respect that. Before you're one of us, you must swear fealty to Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak, future High King of Skyrim.

    [​IMG] : I'm ready to take the oath.

    :retarded: : That's the spirit. By swearing this oath you become one of us. A hero of the people. A true son of Skyrim. A Stormcloak.

    [​IMG] : I do swear my blood and honour to the service of Ulfric Stormcloak, Lord of Windhelm and true High King of Skyrim. As Talos is my witness, may this oath bind me to death and beyond, even to my lord as to my fellow brothers and sisters in arms. All hail the Stormcloaks, the true sons and daughters of Skyrim!

    Join us next time as Anders Breivik sets out with his fellow Stormcloaks to recover the legendary crown and pop whatever moles stand in their way. Will Anders master the way of the BRO? Will Ulfric realise just what he has taken under his wing? Will the pavement crack open under my feet and spill me into the depths of hell for this? Find out next time as we play through Skyrim's Stormcloak rebellion questline!
    Thor Kaufman Brofists this.
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  2. ~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸-AIN'T Prophet Patron

    ~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸-AIN'T
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    Re: Let's Play Skyrim: Anders Breivik's Stormcloak Rebellion

    :yeah:




    :lol:
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  3. Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis

    Darth Roxor
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    :yeah:
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  4. Awor Szurkrarz Arcane

    Awor Szurkrarz
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    Codex 2012
    :yeah:
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  5. curry Prophet

    curry
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  6. Peter Augur

    Peter
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    :yeah:

    :bounce:

    :thumbsup:
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  7. Black Arcane

    Black
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    If it's Rimjob-san LPing skyrim even I can stomach the :retarded:
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  8. anus_pounder Arcane

    anus_pounder
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    The greatest :incline: of the codex since the Shivering Isles LP. :yeah:
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  9. root Arcane

    root
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    could you make the screenshots a bit larger? the text is hard to read
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  10. Vaarna_Aarne Ask me about anime Patron

    Vaarna_Aarne
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    I have come seeking the light!
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  11. Radisshu Liturgist

    Radisshu
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    YEAAAAAAAAAAH





    I think you should try to keep all the portraits the same size, though, it looks better.
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  12. racofer Thread Incliner

    racofer
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    Your ignore list.
    :yeah:

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  13. Jaesun Fabulous Moderator Patron

    Jaesun
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  14. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
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    Insert clever insult here
  15. Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis

    Darth Roxor
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    Now that you mention it...

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    This does look like 'you are a herp to us all'. Or perhaps that's intentional :it is a mystery:
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  16. Wyrmlord Self-Ejected Patron

    Wyrmlord
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    Re: Let's Play Skyrim: Anders Breivik's Stormcloak Rebellion

    Perfect delivery.
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  17. anus_pounder Arcane

    anus_pounder
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    Wtf is this shit ? :lol: :lol:
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  18. Black Arcane

    Black
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    Typical ps3 game.
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  19. Admiral jimbob nope Patron

    Admiral jimbob
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    Anders sets out to meet the Stormcloaks and venture forth in search of the Jagged Crown. He has a Dunmer in tow, a priest of Mara; an unorthodox companion, to be sure, but a mer who has proven his devotion to Skyrim again and again. Anders is no common or garden racist; if you call Skyrim your home, you are fit to call him brother. Race and creed are but secondary.

    Unless you're a Bosmer.

    After all, Hitler was Austrian.

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    Girly-man! Anders Breivik has no time for girly-men.


    [​IMG] : What are you talking about, girly-man?

    [​IMG]: These old ruins... my father always told me to stay away from them. Good advice, I'd say.


    [​IMG]: but never mind all that! We've got a job to do, and nothing's going to stand in our way.


    [​IMG]


    :retarded: : Listen up! Those Imperials aren't here by coincidence.

    :retarded: : their spies must've found out about the Crown, and they don't want us to have it. But they won't stand in our way.

    :retarded: : I know some of you are ex-legion and may know men on the other side. But remember this. They are the enemy now and will not hesitate to kill you.

    :retarded: : keep your wits about you and watch your shield-brother's back.

    :retarded: : Ulfric Stormcloak is counting on us to bring him back that Crown, and that's exactly what we're going to do!


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    Anders summons a Dremora Lord, conjures a bound sword and draws his ebony sword. The Imperials fall before his glory like melting snow in the furnace of justice.



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    With the Imperials outside taken care of, Anders and the gang proceed into the crypt.


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    Anders' Dunmer companion notices the scrutiny and scowls of the Stormcloaks, and nervously dances a jig. No, really, he dances. I don't know why he does. If you leave him alone for ten seconds he starts fucking dancing. I don't know.


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    Anders shows off his manly dual-wielding skills. I deeply regret going into third person for these screenshots, it looks like something out of a bloody anime. I don't think Anders likes anime much.

    :retarded: : Gretta, Engar, stay and guard the entrance. We don't want any Imperial reinforcements taking us by surprise.

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    Anders was never entirely sure what :retarded: was talking about by this. He ran into the room and killed three Imperials. There have been more Imperials than that in every encounter so far. Maybe we missed a room? It would be quite a bad ambush room if we could entirely skip it. But this is quite a bad quest, so that can't really be ruled out. Onward!



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    Someone else is killing Imperials. Could the dead of the tomb be walking? Yes.


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    YAAARghghghAAWWWWRghghghghAAAAAArrrrggghaaar!!!


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    Anders' pet Dunmer gets hit by a swinging axe trap. He was immortal during the quest in which we picked him up (Vaermina's), and logic would dictate that, when he became a permanent companion with no relevant quest, the immortal flag would be switched off, like it was with many NPCs even in Fallout 3. However, this would require some slight grasp of logical thought and a sense of "balance", and as such, is not the case.


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    Oh good I recognise this corridor



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    Yep here we go


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    Wasn't that fucking innovative god bless Bethesda's new and improved hand-crafted unique dungeons

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    yeah I'm a goddamn Nordic genius I've done that puzzle seven fucking times

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    Anders, proving once more his goddamn Nordic genius, walks up a flight of stairs and pulls a lever.


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    And it's zombie time! We're breaking new ground here, folks.


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    The throne room, at last. Our Stormtroopers spread out and begin searching for the Crown. Anders spreads out and begins searching for the mandated single chest of awesome loot that lies at the end of every single dungeon. That's not really a complaint, I guess. Just makes the whole setup feel a bit... artificial?


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    What has girlyman done? I'm... not sure he did anything, actually. He's alive and well.


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    A Deathlord! These draugr are bad news. They take a lot of damage, deal insane amounts - the ones with bows, for some reason, consistently one-shot Anders even if he has the Ironskin protection spell up and is wearing armour - and can use shouts, including a hideously annoying disarming one. But Anders is BROvakhiin, and fights fire with fire!

    [​IMG] : BROS, UNRELENTING BROS

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    And here we have it!


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    God these things get more and more flamboyantly gay every game.


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    Aha... what's this?

    [​IMG] : BRO THAT WAS AWESOME YOU KICKED ASS

    [​IMG] : I dedicate my victory to you, BROlord!


    [​IMG] : HERE IS MY BOON GO FORTH AND NAIL BITCHES IN MY NAME

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    [​IMG] : My Lord, I would not question your judgement, but have you granted me... bullet time? Is that not a tool of our hated enemy?

    [​IMG] : AS MY MENTOR BATMAN ONCE SAID: TO CONQUER POPAMOLE YOU MUST BECOME POPAMOLE

    [​IMG] : Praise be!

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    Anders returns to Jarl Geert Wilders' palace.


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    They... they what? I honestly don't know. Fuck it.

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    [​IMG] : Soon enough we will march on Solitude. And on that day the heroes of Sovngarde will march with us, and the Empire will fall to its knees in fear.

    [​IMG] : Here's the Jagged Crown. I believe you owe Galmar a drink?

    [​IMG] : Damn him - the old bear was right! Now then... I have a message I need delivered to the Jarl of Whiterun. Deliver this axe to Balgruuf the Greater.

    [​IMG] : an axe?

    [​IMG] : an axe!

    [​IMG] : yes, an axe. How long have you been in Skyrim? Give the man my axe.

    [​IMG] : is this a euphemism?

    [​IMG] : if he keeps it, I will bide my time. If he returns it to you, it means war.

    [​IMG] : this is a euphemism.

    [​IMG] : men who understand each other often have no need for words.

    [​IMG] : we are at the point where this entire speech would only make sense if it was a fucking euphemism.

    [​IMG] : Balgruuf will know my meaning. Keep your wits about you - the Jarl of Whiterun is known for his temper.

    Well this is moronic.

    On the way out of town, Anders stops in at the market to sell off some loot. While there, he is accosted by what appears to be a strong, beardy, proud Nord.

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    Anders is angry, and feels like there is a lack of respect going around town, for both him and Geert Wilders. Anders resolves to fix this situation.

    Anders is a keen lad, and one full of genuine passion for his cause. But he's cursed with something of a lack of imagination. When he's upset, and something is bothering him on an idealogical level and he can't lash out at anyone in particular for causing it, he tends to default to his favourite targets. It's more of an activity born of habit than any real malice. Before you judge him, walk a mile in his shoes.

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  20. Wyrmlord Self-Ejected Patron

    Wyrmlord
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    Clever use of Geert Wilders and JC Denton there. I laughed a full minute seeing you use Geert Wilders as Ulfric's avatar.

    Now, I thought that the white European nationalist angle is just something you inserted.

    However, when I saw the "Skyrim for Nords" part, it suddenly sounds like Skyrim really is a parable on multiculturalism, immigration, and xenophobism in the West today. And your usage of Wilders and Breivik seems less humourous and more obvious.
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  21. Peter Augur

    Peter
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    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    :salute:
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  22. anus_pounder Arcane

    anus_pounder
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    :thumbsup: Child killing mod.
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  23. root Arcane

    root
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    i liked the shiverwinter rooflepeaks format better, where you just commented without the talking heads...they feel kinda silly

    also, please increase the screenshots, the quality is shit bro :/
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  24. Admiral jimbob nope Patron

    Admiral jimbob
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    I've held off on talking heads in previous LPs, don't really like them much myself, but the Jarl's dialogue there alone was about 30 screenshots. Enough is enough.

    No idea why the screenshots are coming out so badly, will fiddle with it.
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  25. FaChoi Educated

    FaChoi
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    Seems like an appropriate place for this image;

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    Sorry about the size, meant to use this to make more images but couldn't be arsed.
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