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Completed Let's Play Magna Vinland: Potato for the Potato Gods
- Thread starter Cassidy
- Start date
Cassidy
Arcane
Alright, and 2, lure Poland to war without dragging the worst turk in it, won. And guess what comes next?
====================
Strange Bedfellows
Szli my na Poznan
VICTORY! At last, all Christian rulers have been driven out of West Slavic lands and almost all West Slavs, except for a few under Lithuania, are united as one! Now to crush the enemy coalition and make them beg for peace.
:
The might of Pommerania is once again shown at its finest.
After those two crushing defeats, Austria begged for peace, and due to the lack of any interest in further conquest, it was accepted.
Besides, now was a good time to be at peace for long, to consolidate their unification, for not only the reputation of Pommerania is poor, but administrative efficiency also is in the gutter thanks to the incompetent currently ruling the kingdom and to the massive religious differences.
And it is obvious any further expansion would be a very, very bad idea.
But with the devastating losses, among the West Slavs, Christianity is in Decline.
The army of Pommerania must be the finest. Through decades after the conquest of Krakow, nothing of notice happened other the the slow advance of the Slavic True Faith and the usual rebel scum, until the world began to change, like a storm wrought by the hands of unspeakable and unpronouncable beings:
The long uncivilized and savage Africa became a fearsome empire under the Black Pharaoh: Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. For Pommerania this was of no relevance, but for the starting colonial powers, this was a threat beyond measure, even greater than that of the Eldritch Inca Empire.
Not so long after the emergence of Ahtu Africa, dark gods known as the Great Old Ones have forged a new Mongol Empire in the Far East. It was obvious something was coming, that the fears of the dying Vinland about octopuses and the sea were not mere superstition.
Over the eastern border of Pommerania, all fortifications were being expanded, for now there was a growing concern over rumors involving apostasy from Islam towards worship of an Eldritch deity known as Hastur, The King in Yellow, a name better never spoken, for it is said that to merely speak such name is enough to bring misfortune, madness and even death.
The long disunited Tatars have abandoned Islam, and embraced the ruinous powers of the Great Old Ones, laying immense territorial claims over all of former Poland, Eastern Europe, Balkans and Anatolia that made their ambitions pretty clear. The Teutonic Order, Poland, the Norse Order. Such have never, ever been even close to the threat this horrific Khaganate poses to the survival of Pomorze. Once they attack, and they definitively will, Pommerania's very existence will be threatened.
To reduce tensions among so many different West Slavs belonging to so many different religions, a Bill of Rights was defined, and not only it will reduce the prevalence of rebel scum, but also improve the precarious administration of the country.
Tetzlav I jumped from a tower thinking he was a dragon. Long live Wilk VI! Not a superb ruler by any measure, but after two total hacks, any Prince is good for what he is. Thanks to the Bill of Rights, Pommerania no longer suffers with poor administration.
The very end of the world could be at hand, and to stick to reactionary refusal to advance in knowledge and technology is but suicidal while the massive Hastur Khaganate is ready to attempt going ever farther than Temujinn in their ambitions of conquering most of Europe.
And another Good for what he is Prince succeeded the uneventful rule of Wilk VI.
Since the end of the Holy Roman Empire, constant wars for territory have been waged among its former members, and Austria lost much of their former glory, while Bavaria was almost wiped from the map. Facing harsh times, they fell to the Hussites, and a communist theocracy was now established in there, blocking the petty desires of certain Austrians of purchasing certain things at Day-One.
Later, such would evolve into an insane monarchical communism with absolute powers for Dear Leader of ÖSTEREICH IS BEST REICH.
Strange allies would meet themselves, for Lithuania somehow had the dreaded Hastur Khaganate as allies.
In these times where the end could be coming, the zeal of the pagan Slavic priests became truly great, and their skills at rhetoric and driving the emotions of people followed suit, making them far more capable at converting more Slavs back to their folk religion.
Zemuzil IV was a great ruler at everything but administration, which was not so bad right now. May his skills as a general never be needed in a dire war against Eldritch Hordes.
Yet...
Supernatural powers have risen across the world to bring an end to the age of mankind, to whom a fate worse than death shall ensue should these Eldritch forces succeed in reclaiming Earth for the Great Old Ones. It was only a matter of time now, before the Hastur Khaganate betrays Lithuania and attacks, following other of these horrific rising empires in their goal of conquest and subjugation of mankind for their dark gods.
Note: I still need to improve this event to make all Eldritch countries declare war. But by the start of the next update, rest be assured, that the Hastur will be at war against Lithuania, Finland, Sweden and Pommerania and worst Turk at the same time.
ITZ COMING!
====================
Strange Bedfellows
Szli my na Poznan
VICTORY! At last, all Christian rulers have been driven out of West Slavic lands and almost all West Slavs, except for a few under Lithuania, are united as one! Now to crush the enemy coalition and make them beg for peace.
:
The might of Pommerania is once again shown at its finest.
After those two crushing defeats, Austria begged for peace, and due to the lack of any interest in further conquest, it was accepted.
Besides, now was a good time to be at peace for long, to consolidate their unification, for not only the reputation of Pommerania is poor, but administrative efficiency also is in the gutter thanks to the incompetent currently ruling the kingdom and to the massive religious differences.
And it is obvious any further expansion would be a very, very bad idea.
But with the devastating losses, among the West Slavs, Christianity is in Decline.
The army of Pommerania must be the finest. Through decades after the conquest of Krakow, nothing of notice happened other the the slow advance of the Slavic True Faith and the usual rebel scum, until the world began to change, like a storm wrought by the hands of unspeakable and unpronouncable beings:
The long uncivilized and savage Africa became a fearsome empire under the Black Pharaoh: Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. For Pommerania this was of no relevance, but for the starting colonial powers, this was a threat beyond measure, even greater than that of the Eldritch Inca Empire.
Not so long after the emergence of Ahtu Africa, dark gods known as the Great Old Ones have forged a new Mongol Empire in the Far East. It was obvious something was coming, that the fears of the dying Vinland about octopuses and the sea were not mere superstition.
Over the eastern border of Pommerania, all fortifications were being expanded, for now there was a growing concern over rumors involving apostasy from Islam towards worship of an Eldritch deity known as Hastur, The King in Yellow, a name better never spoken, for it is said that to merely speak such name is enough to bring misfortune, madness and even death.
The long disunited Tatars have abandoned Islam, and embraced the ruinous powers of the Great Old Ones, laying immense territorial claims over all of former Poland, Eastern Europe, Balkans and Anatolia that made their ambitions pretty clear. The Teutonic Order, Poland, the Norse Order. Such have never, ever been even close to the threat this horrific Khaganate poses to the survival of Pomorze. Once they attack, and they definitively will, Pommerania's very existence will be threatened.
To reduce tensions among so many different West Slavs belonging to so many different religions, a Bill of Rights was defined, and not only it will reduce the prevalence of rebel scum, but also improve the precarious administration of the country.
Tetzlav I jumped from a tower thinking he was a dragon. Long live Wilk VI! Not a superb ruler by any measure, but after two total hacks, any Prince is good for what he is. Thanks to the Bill of Rights, Pommerania no longer suffers with poor administration.
The very end of the world could be at hand, and to stick to reactionary refusal to advance in knowledge and technology is but suicidal while the massive Hastur Khaganate is ready to attempt going ever farther than Temujinn in their ambitions of conquering most of Europe.
And another Good for what he is Prince succeeded the uneventful rule of Wilk VI.
Since the end of the Holy Roman Empire, constant wars for territory have been waged among its former members, and Austria lost much of their former glory, while Bavaria was almost wiped from the map. Facing harsh times, they fell to the Hussites, and a communist theocracy was now established in there, blocking the petty desires of certain Austrians of purchasing certain things at Day-One.
Later, such would evolve into an insane monarchical communism with absolute powers for Dear Leader of ÖSTEREICH IS BEST REICH.
Strange allies would meet themselves, for Lithuania somehow had the dreaded Hastur Khaganate as allies.
In these times where the end could be coming, the zeal of the pagan Slavic priests became truly great, and their skills at rhetoric and driving the emotions of people followed suit, making them far more capable at converting more Slavs back to their folk religion.
Zemuzil IV was a great ruler at everything but administration, which was not so bad right now. May his skills as a general never be needed in a dire war against Eldritch Hordes.
Yet...
Supernatural powers have risen across the world to bring an end to the age of mankind, to whom a fate worse than death shall ensue should these Eldritch forces succeed in reclaiming Earth for the Great Old Ones. It was only a matter of time now, before the Hastur Khaganate betrays Lithuania and attacks, following other of these horrific rising empires in their goal of conquest and subjugation of mankind for their dark gods.
Note: I still need to improve this event to make all Eldritch countries declare war. But by the start of the next update, rest be assured, that the Hastur will be at war against Lithuania, Finland, Sweden and Pommerania and worst Turk at the same time.
ITZ COMING!
Hellraiser
Arcane
I think Loveraft approves of having an empire of elder god-worshiping africans. 
Just google "remove kebab meme".
Cassidy
Arcane
Angels
and Demons
Alhazred's Vision
Jews were always expelled from Pommerania for their god, barely better than Chernobog in the eyes of the average Wend, was the reason Pommerania was once almost wiped from the map, and yet, through the Eldritch horrors of the Khaganates, Jews were tolerated and spared from the nightmares within their communities. Was it not so blatantly obvious why? The Jews are obviously in league with the Great Old Ones, and to further pave the way for the rise of the Eldritch gods, they have wrought a trade crisis with their mastery of pulling strings over anything involving world trade.
Vinland is dying, and across the world, the vile worshippers of such ruinous powers conquest territory after another without failure. It is only a matter of time before the one who should not be named because even a theatrical play about it is enough to bring death sends its hordes of "IA! IA!" kebabs onto Pomorze.
Pommerania will not flee from their duty to their allies. The minions of the King in Yellow must be stopped at any cost, or they will put an end to all the achievements of this great country in the last centuries.
The threat of the Eldritch Hordes far outweighs that of even the most powerful, imperialistic and fanatical crusader kingdom. Their legions span the world, their Eldritch powers can crush entire countries and their numbers approach the unsurmountable, but they cannot be allowed to expand even more, no matter the cost. Svetovid and Svarog protect us! This is the last stand of humanity! SLAVA!
Seleukeia resisted Ottoman invasions, but now, as the tentacled abominations rampaged through the Caucasus, the last remnant of the fallen Roman Empire is on the verge of collapse, and soon the same forces that crushed them will turn their attention against Pommerania. Fear not the mutant, the mad and their monstrous mounts. The gods will bring us victory!
No expenses will be spared in improving border defenses in these dark times.
Over the dying country of Ruthenia, Zemuzil IV marched with over ten thousand Hadjuks against a force of four thousand Tatar cavalry blessed by their Eldritch god.
It was a total disaster, for their enemies were no longer human, and their horses no longer horses. The madness and despair brought the first casualties of the battle as entire regiments panicked, some even comitting mass suicides before the physical part of the battle even began. In the end, only the leadership of Zemuzil IV prevented this from being a total disaster, and now it was clear that the threat of the Eldritch powers was truly without equal.
The Aymaras lived in peace in Tiwanaku, until the day the fair-haired man known as Detreche appeared. He wore a metal mask and wielded the power of the Eldritch gods. He overthrew the king of the Aymaras, and became the king of kings. Thanks to the powers and wisdom of Nyarlathotep, Detreche converted the Aymaras to its worship, torturing those who refused with terrible mutations and making them into Prisoners of Ice that would return to help bring the end of mankind once the Stars align, and Detreche taught the Aymaras that now worshipped the Crawling Chaos to bend their bodies to their will, as they became horrific mutants with powers capable of making even the boldest Portuguese Bandeirante or Granadan Mujahid wet their pants, powers that made the Aymaras into the undisputed rulers of the Inca Empire, and now that the Awakening of the Great Old Ones has begun, their eventual domination of the entire South American continent seems more and more inevitable, despite the valiant stand of The Brazilian Slaughter against the Incas.
Yet, no matter what, Pomorze will prevail!
Ogniem i mieczem - Obrona Zbaraża
Fortunately, the horrors were not literally invincible. Unfortunately, only when vastly outnumbered they could be crushed, and it was the the Khaganate of he who shall not be named the one vastly outnumbering Pommerania or any neighbor country other than the equally vile and twisted Mongol Khaganate to the far east.
There was no time. Immediately, Zemuzil IV led a valiant assault to save Grodno. Tentacles lashed from the walls, and horrors beyond depiction assaulted the assaulters before they got off their ladders and siege towers, but they persevered, hacking tentacles with their axes and bringing the *BLAM* to the mutants with their muskets.
And thus, there will be someone left to bitch about tire textures in a videogame and play KOTOR seven times, even if Urkanistan itself is subjugated.
Yet more and more legions approach. To arms!
May the gods give Pomorze strength, for they will need.
Yet, without the leadership of their mightiest generals, their Eldritch hordes were far from invincible, and thus, a significant if costly victory against the minions of the King in Yellow, at last!
:As the war rages on, research in improvement of land warfare is given total priority, and soon new developments shall come that may bring a fundamental help to this grim conflict.
PURGE THE UNCLEAN!
With the recent victories, a bold plan was drawn. Even from a distance, the presence of Yog-Sothoth in Bryansk can be seen. It is there that all the supernatural powers of the Khaganate come from, and if there could be a way to banish such a horror, their threat would be vastly diminished. However, conquering that region will be anything but easy, yet, it could be the best hope for victory.
Foolish scum, rebelling while the heralds of ITZ march on to bring them a fate worse than death and by being such idiots who put their petty butthurt above the survival of the human race, they are helping the Eldritch horrors. Death to these traitors!
Bad news, for now the Hastur Khaganate can concentrate their entire legions against Pommerania. May the gods protect the clay.
Swedish and Lithuanian armies are massacred by a horde of horrors, as the war begins to take another turn for the worse. Another legion invades Grodno, but they are small enough...
DO ZLA BOGA! ITZ COMING!
There is no hope, retreat!
The legions of the King in Yellow are too vast for Pommerania to ever stand a chance against. There is only one option left...
Fortunately, because Lithuania already folded, and considering the precarious situation of the war, thanks to the initial victories that brought down more than ten thousand filthy and vile mutants, Pommerania managed to secure peace, for now, and Finland would survive as well without any territorial loss to the horrors thanks to their Sisu and determination.
Tentacled mindfucking horrors threaten all mankind with a fate worse than death and some butthurt jingoistic Poles care only about rebellion against the legitimate rule of Pomorze. This deserves nothing better than that image.
Is the seemingly endless succession of mediocre to totally dumbfuck monarchs in Pommerania some kind of joke? Oh great, and in a time like this.
At least, in 1695, after so many years, all of Pommerania proper has a majority that puts their faith in the Old Gods.
:
ITZ
Once an unchallenged power, the Ottomans are no longer the worst turks, for the worst turk worships the King in Yellow. In a matter of months, their empire was crushed by the Eldritch hordes, without any chance at all. How would the previous war have fared had Pommerania and Finland failed to hold their ground and achieve some victories? It is better to not even think about it.
Fortunately, the Eldritch empires were far from friendly among themselves.
However, since ITZ began, Pommerania was improving their readiness and military capabilities, and soon, very soon.
Husaria Ginie
The winged hussars were born, the most valiant soldiers of the Pommeranian army, ready to crush the worshippers of the Eldritch gods and even the vilest mutants, men with unremitting courage, who shall, no, who must protect Pomorze and by extension the entire Europe against the hordes of the Great Old Ones.
DLA SLAVA!
:
And after decades of rulers that look like dumb Poles out of a cheap and old joke about Poles being dumb in spite of them not exactly being Poles, a new great Prince has risen to lead the winged hussars and all soldiers of Pommerania onto victory if the need of defending themselves and their pagan brothers against the Eldrtich horrors arise again! LONG LIVE Ratislaw III Sobieski!
:
The benefits of having a great ruler for a change after more than one century of terrible to mediocre princes are more than welcome.
Once they were enemies, but no more now, because Pommerania is the only thing that stands between the nightmarish Eldritch hordes of the Steppes and the German countries to its west. As long as they resist, Central and West Europe will be safe.
The Jews, traitors of the human race, conspire in favor of destroying entire economies to weaken the resistance against the Great Old Ones. Clearly, a people disgusting and vile enough to have betrayed mankind to such dark gods deserve no mercy once their day of reckoning for all their crimes against mankind comes.
Under Ratislaw III, finally the Poles, Czechs and Slovaks slowly begin to accept the rule of Pomorze. more than 100 years of dumbfucks have immensely delayed this process, but now hopefully the Age of the Idiot Princes, as less than respectful historical registers would define the princes during most of the 17th Century, is over.
And thus, as a new century approaches, once again Pomorze must make a stand against the forces that seek the end of the age of mankind, although this time Finland's recklessness could be blamed for it. Nevertheless, to battle!
"Do not waver! Hold the line!" said Wilk Batory. The winged hussars were in a forced march to attempt supporting the defenders of Lublin against the legions. Ratislaw III was spared from leading the battle, in part against his will, for after more than a century ruled by Todd Howards, the nobles of Pommerania were really insisting in not allowing such a great ruler to risk his life lest the Age of Idiot Princes return.
Unfortunately, before the Winged hussars could arrive, the defenders of Lublin were completely demoralized. The superior skills of their madman Khagan, named after the alias of another madman who lived in Arabia and supposedly wrote an infamous, odious and vile book called The Necronomicon, have proven too much for Wilk Batory, specially with the Eldritch blessings of the Horde. Now, they had to prepare a counter-attack, and no matter what, they must win.
Seven thousand wicked mutant horses, their wicked riders and three thousand mutants on foot besieged Lublin. The Hordes were at the gate! There was no more time. The entire Army of Pommerania marched together onto Lublin to defend their sacred clay against these demons, including the few but courageous four thousand winged hussars. There are no reports of a ten thousand strong Eldritch force ever being defeated, but Pommerania must change that now, lest everything so many good men gave their lives for will be for nothing. Forward!
It was a costly battle. The infantry of Pommerania, despite having a numerical advantage, almost broke, and the Hussars were outnumbered by the enemy cavalry. This not counting the Eldritch blessings of such foes. Yet, thanks to a valiant, perhaps desperate charge of the Winged Hussars, the tide of a battle that seemed to be lost turned, and the Eldritch hordes were driven out of Lublin. This was the first real battle of the winged hussars, and it has more than proven their worth. As did all men who fought in Lublin in that day, saving Pomorze from a fate worse than death. Yet, there is more ahead, and conquering Bryansk so a wise scholar may attempt to shut down that Eldritch gate in the region could be the best, and perhaps only hope of victory.
The Winged Hussars thus shall be the spearhead of Pommerania's Army in the war that will define the future of Europe, and perhaps, of mankind, for Pomorze so far has been the only country in the entire world that has managed to halt the Eldritch legions from their conquest. The Aymara-ruled and Nyarlathotep-fearing Inca Empire have seized more than half of South America. The Mongol Khaganate have crushed the Ming, with the AZNs who once were ruled by the Ming, rather than standing united in this dark hour, breaking apart into petty warlord States doomed to be conquered by the Cthulhu-endorsed Khagan of all Mongols. Ahtu Africa crushed all who stood in their ambitions over Africa and Arabia so far, and the Dagonl'nu are the greatest power in Vinland, having almost completely decimated the Norse country there. A line is drawn over the dust of the Steppes.
THE SACRED CLAY OF POMMERANIA SHALL NOT FALL TO THE HORRORS! FORWARD TO BRYANSK, FOR THE GATE, THE KEY AND THE GUARDIAN OF THE GATE MUST BE BANISHED NO MATTER THE COST!
DLA SLAVA!
:TO BE CONTINUED
Hellraiser
Arcane
It is in this hour that forces beyond our understanding seek to annihilate the greatest country of sea potato. THEY SHALL NOT PREVAIL!
Also:
Also:
Corporate_Jew_Master
Arcane
Once again the only thing left between the undomesticated snowmenship of Yurop and an eternity of rape and pillage is the Hussaria.
I think we should bump this to page 6. Who's with me?
Hellraiser
Arcane
THE SEA POTATO MOST FLOW.
Cassidy
Arcane
Once again the only thing left between the undomesticated snowmenship of Yurop and an eternity of rape and pillage is the Hussaria.
Fun fact: Kislev's religion has more resemblance to Finno-Ugric paganism than with Slavic paganism.
And bump.
Yet another BUMP!
BUMP for the glory of Pomorze!
C'mon, just four more to go!
BUMP FOR THE BUMP GOD
So... close...
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