Completed Let's play: GROM (Finished!)

[Luzur]

No, it wouldn't have been more fitting. After all, Nazis were the stereotypical occult bastards seeking all kinds of holy grails and spears of destiny. I generally don't like this new 'trend' of making Soviets the new Nazis in just about all media.

well, they where the new nazis after the old ones was beaten, so...

 

[Darth Roxor]

well, they where the new nazis after the old ones was beaten, so...

The point is, I don't mind, for example, shooting futuristic, time-travelling Specnaz in Singularity because it fits the Cold War tech race. But Soviets looking for ancient artifacts in Tibet? It just doesn't fit in any way.

 

[Brother None]

Good update RoxXxor!

PS: 20% of what? The profits? Why not just keep it and run?!

 

[ComradeCommissar]

Looking quite good! Awaiting the next update.

How long is the game by the way?

 

[dextermorgan]

why nazis? should have been better and more fitting with Chinese or Soviets.

somesort of polish butthurt game?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1939_Germa ... n_to_Tibet

 

[Cassidy]

I wonder what they were hoping to find in New Swabia...

 

[Black Cat]

why nazis? should have been better and more fitting with Chinese or Soviets.

somesort of polish butthurt game?

I believe it would be more related to the Nazis, or at least some nazis as well as not really nazi people that was nonetheless pretty influential inside the party and on the ideology one way or another, was pretty deep into the occult, including, but not being limited to, the entire membership of the Thule Gesellschaft and at least part of both the Ahnenerbe and that SS thing Himmler had as a pet project.

While the most preposterous theories and tales are probably just inventions, though, it is certainly true a number of prominent german occultists were in some way related to the party's foundation, that the guys in the cool uniforms sponsored and realized a great deal of confirmed (and, naturally, quite a lot of unconfirmed) expeditions all around the globe, and that some of Germany's finest where interested in stuff that wasn't normal at all.

And maybe they still do, in and from their secret underground nazi city in Antarctica, where everyone's aryan, blonde, and dressed in those awesome SS clothes.

As random trivia, even outside WW2 Germany, in general, and the Nazi, in particular, there's a particular strain of Occultist that seems to be attracted to National Socialism and Facism by some reason or another, the most prominent and well known case being Julius Evola.

So, in any case, that's why Indiana Jones, Castle Wolfenstein, Grom, Operation Darkness, Akatsuki Blitzkrampf, and many others actually exist.

 

[Darth Roxor]

Right, this will be a pretty boring update, but, as I said, things will kickstart afterwards.

Spoiler

Last time we left Gromosław and company, they arrived in Upshi to look for a beggar who can point them to the elusive man named Olivier. Maybe this is the beggar we're looking for?

Who told you that, newcomer? May Wadzradhara burn him to ashes!

Yeah, that would be too easy.

Where can I find him?

Wadzradhara is invisible to the eyes of mortals. He is the lord of lightnings.

I'm not talking about him. Where is stinking milk of yak?

Aaah, you ask about the thief and fraud. Do you know that he deliberately poked out his eye to cause people to have more pity for him?

And what about his smell? Did it remain?

Oh yes, the smell and the empty eye socket started to give him pretty good income.

Where is he now?

They want to stone him to death. There, on the square!

Thanks.

In another incarnation, friend.

And what will happen if your next incarnation will be a tree? You have no heart.

*Shrug*, I'm not giving money to bums.

That's one angry mob.

Let's talk. I want to talk with Stinking Milk of Yak.

This miserable worm has robbed us! He's sentenced to death!

I just want to talk with him. I think we can strike a deal. Business always links people and we have common interest.

Hmmm, agreed then. But the decision is not ours. You must talk to Yarpen Khali - it's that well-clothed man with the young woman. He's lost the most of us all. If he agrees, we won't stand in your way.

I must talk to the man you sentenced to death.

How dare you, you miserable trader? You'd better mind your words!

That's right, go X-TREME on his arse.

Mind your words yourself! I can sell you this man.

First order these people to get away. Then we can talk business.

If you want him so much...

The angry mob disperses.

BTW, most of these dialogue choices are Biowarian.

I don't have much money, but I have some worthy goods. You can choose something...

Well, no, you don't have worthy goods, Grom. You sold them all at Bart's.

I am not interested in goods. If you don't have enough money, go talk with merchants, maybe they'll buy something from you. Come back here when you are able to pay me.

I'll do it, but your price is unacceptable. I'll give you half of that.

All right, let it be half. Though it is not the deal of a lifetime...

No way am I doing any business with these freaks. Besides, I already have all the cash I need, anyway.

Well, at the last moment! I've just had enough of waiting and wanted to change my mind.

Here's your money. Now release Stinking Milk of Yak.

While we're bargaining for SMOK's salvation, Dakpa puts on his rapeface

I'll spare you most of this dialogue, as it's pretty inane.

Suddenly,

Forgive me, sir. You judge me wrong, I'm not a beggar.

I don't care, go away. *points at his daughter* And you should be more careful who you deal with!

Listen to me, honourable man. Your daughter is like one of the dwellers of Indra's paradise! I loved her from first sight! I'm ready to...

Hah! That's good, I like you beggar. Here, I'll give you some gold, now go away.

May the god of wealth and fortune always favour you, but listen to me, I beg you... I don't want money.

So tell me what you want, but hurry up! You made me laugh, but don't overstay your welcome!

You're boring me... do you want anything from me or not? I've already had enough of you.

But sir, I want to talk about your daughter! She's the most beautiful creature I've met in my life! Her eyes are like a healing spring, and her soul...

All right, all right, do you want to be her servant? I can't agree to that...

No, I want you to agree to our wedding. Our hearts are joined by Kama, the god of love.

Wedding?! You must be insane! Beggar or a musician - it doesn't matter, you're nothing to me! Go away or I'll set the dogs on you! Do you think I'd give my daughter to some beggar? There is someone else destined for her! Maybe he can explain it to you that you have nothing to look here for! Well, he's coming!

Oh my.

Grom to the rescue!

Don't intrude, it's not your business.

Or maybe first I'll show you the difference between right and wrong. You could do with a lesson in good manners, too.

Good manners! Didn't you hear such a word? And you want to teach him what's right and wrong?

You want to each me what's right and wrong! Wait a moment, I'll show you who's the teacher here!

GANGBANG!!!

That's nothing. It's an old habit to help friends when they are in trouble. And I see that you've got a special knack for finding trouble.

That's probably because my heart is great and I immediately change my thoughts into actions.

Listen to my advice - stop trusting people so much. Your life will be much easier then. Tell me, what are you going to do now?

All this looks very nice, but how are you going to get rich? And what about this hindu guy? He'll probably marry your love soon and it'll be too late. What then?

The gods will help me.

Haha, oh wow.

Well, I can see that you fell in love really deep. Do what you want, but remember - don't trust Khali and stay away from the hindu tough guy.

Right, time to go talk to the guy we freed.

Calm down, you don't have to worry. You're free.

Stop that moaning or I'll give you back to those people! Tell me where I can find Olivier.

What kind of a man are you? Once you stretch out a helping hand, then you kick a man who is down?

It's called 'schizophrenia'

If you want to think like that, it's your will. Just take me to Olivier and we won't see eachother again. And no tricks!

You must be joking! I've saved your life, you promised to be grateful, and now you want so much money for a little favour?

Please, sir, forgive me my audacity, forgive me... but understand, I need the money.

No wonder you are a beggar. If so, we can bargain, how about that?

Holy shit, Grom fucking sucks at this thing.

So much for getting the price down...

All right, but there is one more thing - I don't know if you noticed, but I paid quite a sum for freeing you. In this case, I think we should now talk about the money.

Goddamn beggars attacking me with walls of text.

If Olivier would pay me back this money, he could just give it to you, that would be easier. Let's go.

But no! Let your eyes open! Olivier won't give me anything! With you, it's quite a different thing. You tell him you paid for me, and he will believe you and will have to pay you.

Then I'll give you this money when I get my own from Olivier, end of discussion.

No, no, you don't understand, sir. Give me the money now or we don't go anywhere.

What a wanker

Dammit, agreed! Take the money and let's go! I've had enough of this, let's hope all of this is worth my time!

That sure was hard to find on our own...

That's all?! I thought it would be difficult, you took money for that!

Sir, you know how difficult it is for me, crippled man, to walk? Maybe it was easy for you... May the gods protect you, and give my greetings to Olivier.

Fat bastard.

I hope you're not another lost traveller looking for help.

I think you need help.

Why are you so sure?

A man called Stinking made me sure about it.

Good old Kiang, how is he? I rarely go out on the street without getting the latest news.

Kiang had a good day today. He managed to save his life with a lot of help from my pocket.

Of course I'll cover all expenses concerning Kiang. Please tell me, what happened.

Yeah, he gave me back the cash I had to pay the beggar to get here... but not the 250 I had to pay the angry merchant. Tightwad.

I think that you'll hear it tomorrow from Kiang himself. Let's get to business.

Probably you already know that I'm looking for people for a dangerous mission. The matter is very delicate. I'd even say dirty, but I don't want to discourage you.

Please, go on.

They flooded the uncovered ruins with water, and now are getting ready to leave. I know that the little case is still there, but we have less and less time.

What's in the case? I guess it's something very precious if you're interested in it.

But these writings have only religious and collector's value. I won't hide it from you that I got a commission from a rich prince - it is understandable I cannot say who I am talking about. But it's a lot of money at stake. Of course, you'll earn quite a sum yourself.

What's my job here?

To get to the camp and steal the case with the writings. And one more thing - don't open the case, it can harm the writings. There are known cases when precious documents, a few thousand years old, got completely destroyed when exposed to air. Please be careful with it.

What can I expect there?

A dozen people, a few tents, some equipment... The things you can always find in such a place.

I appreciate your sense of humour, but I did not ask about this.

I didn't want to offend you. It was a test to check if you know what such a mission is about. There are a dozen people there. Two or three archeologists, the rest are guards armed to the teeth. The excavation area is lit up all night, there are no dogs or artillery.

So there is something they forgot about? Good, I won't have to use air force!

You are also blessed with a sense of humour!

Sometimes, yes.

Don't you want to ask about any guarantee of my intentions to pay?

I don't need that. If I come back, you'll pay me for sure.

Hm, have you any questions or do you want to ask for anything?

I need a plan of the camp, with a marked place where the case will be. I want to know how much I get for the task completed.

You'll get the plan of the camp. It may not be very detailed, but I'm sure it will be helpful. It cost many people's lives to get it.

Yeah, probably Bothan spies, amirite?

I don't think this makes any impression on you. What about my pay?

You'l get 2000 dollars in gold. I think it's a fair price.

Fair indeed.

Everything after completing the mission?

Of course.

I've heard very cruel stories about you. But I see they are not true.

Sometimes I have to defend my business and, as you know, it's not that easy. It sometimes takes exceptional measures to preserve your authority.

And that's how the legend is born?

Tibet is an ocean of legends. It is easy to find a place here for your own story.

Right, here's the map of the camp.

Detailed as hell... by the way, this whole business totally isn't shady, eh?

Also, I've asked him whether he knows anything about the nazis, but he didn't... or didn't want to say.

Outside, Petr is being whiny again.

A very nice man. A real gentleman.

Stop it! If you stand here, it means he's already dead!

Grom is not just X-TREME. He's also psychotic.

Do you percieve the world as black and white only? Where are different shades of grey, don't you see other possibilities?

Heh.

You didn't find him! You just waited for a while and now you're telling me stories about some gentleman!

I met him. I talked with him and got a task to complete. I'll fetch him something and he'll give me 2000 dollars in gold for that.

2000 dollars? That's a lot of money!

Now you don't doubt me?

Why? I never doubted. I hope that you complete that task on your own?

Surely, yes, but we'll not share the money.

:greedy jew:

Do you forget who took you into this business? Without my help, you wouldn't make one step in this country!

Ooh, yes, I'm sure! Let's go, the border is still far away.

Oh no, I won't let you go so easily! We decide now how to share these dollars! I won't let...

Meanwhile...

No, no, my father wants to give me to that horrible hindu guy. He said that he'll take best care of me, and he will make me forget about all my stupid thoughts! We have no time!

Then you're ready to leave your home? Your father?

So he is not even your father! He cannot give you orders, and you don't have to listen to him!

You are right. There is nothing to wait for. The lucky fate has crossed our tracks. We'll run away from here, there are plenty of places in the world where we can live quietly...

And run they did.

We also leave Upshi, and head for this crossroad, where we'll settle the matters with Petr.

How surprising!

Here we are. Some ruins filled with bandit boyz.

They are all pretty weak and usually fall after a point blank shot with the blunderbuss, plus a follow up or two with the rifle.

Soon, everything is clear and we can move on.

BTW, if there is one thing I seriously hate about handling weapons here, it's that you can't reload them at leisure. One bullet remaining in the rifle? Tough luck. You can't even shoot it at the ground. Instead, you have to shoot an enemy and then waste time to reload. Goddammit.

Time to resume our journey.

We arrive without problems.

I've already told you...

Yes, we started to discuss it, but you just walked away and didn't let me finish! We have a deal, I do business and you protect me! Now you got your own business and you tell me to set out to the track alone and you're not going to share your profits with me! Thank you for such a business partnership!

I'm moved to tears, really. So I'm the only bad guy. You didn't do any business behind my back, did you? Did you think I didn't hear what Bart told you about Himalayan Whistling birds? And what, did you share that piece of information with me?

Slimy czechs. I avoid them whenever I can.

All right, let's not get angry...

You're the one who's angry.

So, what now?

As usual. We still save money to buy a plane. And because our business isn't going very well, every penny is needed.

I knew I could count on you. How long will this take you? You know how it is with me, if the weather remains good, I'll be back within a week.

I'll be waiting for you here.

But be careful! I cannot afford losing a friend! And stop thinking about the past!

Don't talk so much, it's time to go. But wait a while... I'll have a look at our things, maybe something can be useful to me.

Not much useful stuff. I'll just snatch the medkits and canned food. You can never have too much healing.

What is it now?

Holy shit!

Yetis are tricky. Those bastards have pretty high hp, and they hit hard in melee.

One of them is down, but so is Petr. The blunderbuss is powerful and all that, but goddamn, the reloading after every shot takes too much time.

Somehow, we manage to knife the second one to death.

Yup, so can we.

We are alone now, and off to a big and exciting adventure! Stay tuned, as things will improve a lot from this point!

 

[Drakron]

I was expecting them to bump into Dakpa and Kim with that random encounter.

 

[Hoodoo]

great lp, game has a neat charm to it

 

[Brother None]

Yetis? For reals, RoxXxXor?

 

[Darth Roxor]

Yetis? For reals, RoxXxXor?

And there's even more of them incoming

 

[Yeesh]

Yetis? For reals, RoxXxXor?

And there's even more of them incoming

According to this picture, they'd make good allies against the Nazis. And I believe what I see because it's from the internet.

 

[Cenobyte]

Reading this LP gives a whole new level of insight into Tibet and its exotic wildlife.

 

[Darth Roxor]

Of course it does!

Spoiler

There's a figurine in before the bridge, and some blokes on it.

Someone told me about these figures. Something important... It must have been Bart. It seems that he said the statues protect the road. Or if the statue is all right, it means evil forces do not await me on the road.

Cryptic! Anyway, approaching the bridge, the two yokels yell at Gromosław.

Stop! Don't get any closer! You are on the grounds of brave Prukpa and powerful Drukpa! You must pay for crossing the bridge. The gods gave us immortality for our merits during the war! I don't remember who fought against who and which side we were on. It was so long ago...

Yeah, exactly! ... do you think he knows that we're blind?

Eh, hope not. He's too far away to see it.

So we have edge over him.

You must pay for crossing the bridge!

ORLY?

I won't reply and we'll see what happens.

Silence. He doesn't answer. Maybe there is no one there?

Stay aware.

Let's try to sneak past them.

After getting a little closer:

If I were you, I wouldn't come any closer! You'll die before you're even aware of it.

Hmmm, judging by the skeleton on the bridge, these guys probably aren't joking.

Yeah, yeah!

I bet I can sneak past!

Dun dun dun...

Shit, they open fire. Both are armed with blunderbusses, and since Grom is severely outnumbered, there's no point fighting. *reload*

Let's make a run for it.

Hahahaha, no. All map borders are closed when enemies are nearby

Meh, let's pay

All right, all right, I'll pay you!

He wants to pay.

Spineless guy.

How much do we charge him?

The usual.

200 will be all right?

Yeah, that's a good price for crossing the bridge.

Maybe I should change the thread title to 'JEWS IN TIBET'

Maybe we should kill him?

Hm... no, we can't, the gods will be furious.

That's right... we want 200 pieces of gold! And we'll spare your life!

Wow...

Double stalemate... yup, that was pointless as shit. But at least the price didn't skyrocket to 50000000.

Yeah, you're free to go.

Where did you put our money?

I don't know, I can't see it.

So I'm risking my life and take the tribute from those who cross the bridge and you put our hard earned cash somewhere and you don't even know where?

If you're so clever, look for it yourself...

You know very well I'm blind too! Try to remember where you put it!

Don't shout at me! I told you to buy some cases, but there was never enough money!

Because you never remember where you put it!

Suckers. Whatever, let's leave them to their bickering and scram.

This place is on our way to the archeologists' camp.

Looks promising, alright.

Oh dear.

I won't hesitate! Drop your gun! Do you hear me? I'll shoot! You want to die? Damn, drop your gun!

Die? Grom already took blunderbuss hits to the face and didn't die

*drums building tension, The good, the bad and the ugly music playing in the background*

Suddenly, the faggot shoots.

But Grom makes a matrix-style dodge.

So... first he shoots us, then asks if we're not hurt?

Yup, this guy has to be Swiss.

Before you grab a gun, first learn how to shoot! What's wrong with you?

It fired by itself.

What a sucker.

In this country you rarely meet people, and you just got an idea to shoot one. Idiot.

Do I bear any resemblance to a yeti?

Well...

No, but I heard footsteps and I got scared. I ran outside, and... the rest you know. I didn't control who I was aiming at, I was paralyzed with fear. You have no idea how horrible yetis are. They are said to feed on human flesh.

Then let's get inside.

Let's get in fast, we'll continue this conversation outside.

Glad to see you've changed your mind so quickly. Let's go.

But before we do, there's looting to be done. Except the medkit, there's also some rifle ammo there. Also, funny thing, you actually can reload stuff without firing all the ammo away. Found that out by rampaging on my keyboard and pressing backspace by an accident

I'm Hans Dietrich. I wandered here from Germany. It took me exactly a year. Once again, I'm sorry I shot at you.

Why are you so far away from home? A country that is at war with everybody else?

I don't identify myself with their sick ideology. Nazism is madness, I run away from it. And where can you find a better place if not in the mountains? And what are you doing here?

Are you Polish?

Are you surprised that you're still alive?

No, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry for your nation. We couldn't do anything, though we had known what fate awaited you.

What do you mean 'we had known'?

Great plan. I wish you luck in your mission. My mission is rather prosaic and I won't tell you about it. Let's not spoil such a high-spirited mood. I wonder what the Shining People will say when they see you. Do they know you?

I know you don't trust me completely, but what I said is absolutely true. I think that the shining...

suddenly, we can hear the sounds of footsteps..

Hans joins our party for the time being.

Yetis. How predictable

Two of them, even. We let the AI handle Hans's rifling skills (or lack thereof), while Grom slices them with the knife.

The mauser pistol is pretty neat for close combat, since it fires fast, and you can keep firing even at point blank. Just a shame that the damage is rather bad, and it chews up ammo fast.

Soon, the yetis are all dead.

Cryptic.

We're back in control, so we take the time to strip Hans of his possessions I could always use some more heailng stones and rifle ammo.

Oh my, more yetis incoming.

Shot out all of my mauser ammo, dammit. Fortunately, there's always the knife *shrug*

What are you going to do now? Will you continue your journey?

Probably so. I'll just get some strength and move on.

If you want, you can join me and we'll move on together. Together is always safer.

No, thanks. Maybe sometime we shall meet again...

As you wish, but remember that this region is not one of the safest.

Bastard!

The crypto-nazi scum whacked Grom in the head.

Will this mean horrible homorape for Gromosław...?

Grom wakes up shortly after, no sign of Hans in the vicinity. Apart from a strange sore in his rear areas, nothing seems to have changed.

We heal up with some canned food, and resume our journey...

This will be messy!

But just how messy? You'll find out in the next update!

 

[anus_pounder]

Wait, he didn't take anything from you?

 

[Darth Roxor]

Apart from anal virginity? Nope, not really. Guess he's just a sleazy guy, and not a robber.

 

[Cenobyte]

lol, they really couldn't come up with a more cliche name for the German dude, couldn't they?

Anyway, funny update as usual. Keep it comin'!

 

[Brother None]

I really don't get why he knocked Grom out. Grom wasn't about to stop him leaving and he wasn't planning on robbing him.

Also in a True RPG® you would've been able to talk your way through or sneak-kill the blind bridge duo. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO COMPLETELY AVOID COMBAT IN GROM.

 

[SoupNazi]

MOAR?

 

[Darth Roxor]

Yeah, sorry bros, I've been busy as shit lately, and didn't really have time to update

Gonna try posting one in a few hours.

 

[Darth Roxor]

meanwhile you can get this to page 3.

 

[Darth Roxor]

I see I have to do everything myself.

 

[Darth Roxor]

You sorry-ass bunch of faggots.

 

[Darth Roxor]

Or maybe I should stop updating all together 'cause nobody gives a shit.