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Let's Read Let's Play Dragon Age: Inquisition

Glaurung

Liberal's alt
Shitposter
Joined
Nov 8, 2014
Messages
186
Prologue: A Cup Of Shit

Dragon Age: Inquisition is the third installment in a popular fantasy RPG series, universally beloved by the RPGCodex and the rest of the internet.

In Dragon Age: Origins the Gray Warden saved a fantasy version of medieval England from an invasion of Darkspawn led by a huge purple dildo dragon.

In Dragon Age II Hawke ended up saving doing nothing whatsoever to stop the mages and templars of Kirkwall from starting a bloody war that claimed the deaths of thousands, including the Grand Cleric, crazy templar woman, Sister Petrice, Ketojan, the Arishok, and Merrill. In addition, the Qunari were involved... sort of.


Now as the soon-to-be Inquisitor we must not only face the aftermath of the mage-templar war, but also an entirely new threat - an invasion of demons from a mystical dream world known as the Fade. The game starts on a lovely Orlesian morning when the mages and templars meet under the supervision of the Chantry leader Divine Justinia V to negotiate a peace treaty. Templars and mages march side-by-side in the direction of the conclave wearing spanking-new identical uniforms, which they had time to produce and distribute despite being in the middle of a bloody war.

Nothing could possibly go wrong.


00x01.JPG


First things first, we must create our Inquisitor.


00x02.JPG


00x03.JPG


Looks like the game got a little too excited at the forthcoming 100+ hours of fun and joy. Hurr hurr.


00x04.JPG


We get to the character selection screen where we choose our race, gender (female pre-selected), class and difficulty (hard).


00x05.JPG


Call me unimaginative, but I'll just go with a male human mage character, as per real-life.


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This plethora of visual customization settings is wasted on a philistine like me. Slightly modified default head morph it is, adjusted for personal wish fulfillment fantasies.


00x12.jpg


My wish fulfillment must be suffering from low self-esteem. All right, "Maxwell", let's attend the conference and see if we can broker peace.


00x13.JPG


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:rage:

I'm guessing this isn't the official state banquet?


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I am generally highly mistrustful of places with swirling green mist, jagged rocks and flashes of lightning. Wait, who's this?


00x16.JPG


Inverted pyramid head, it that you? Were you also invited to the banquet?


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Wait, who's that?


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Oh my god, Bioware fanboys have found me. Help me, glowing pyramid head!


00x19.JPG


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Quickly, we need to reenact Michelangelo's 'The Creation of Adam', Biodrones are physically harmed by manifestations of true art!


00x21.JPG


Well, that was both fun and educational. Certainly worth the seventy potatoes I subtracted from my family's quarterly rations. Let's Stop!


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Somehow Maxwell ended up all the way down on the ground and fell unconscious in the merry company of a whole three soldiers.


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We end up behind bars with a glowing hand. As far as intro cutscenes peace conferences go, that was a total fail. Could we at least get a glimpse of what was going on at the actual conclave? Did we have to start smack-dab in the middle of an explosion?

DAO was unique in that it actually started with six different origins stories that gradually introduced the player to the world and his player character.

DAII put us on the run from an off-screen horde of darkspawn destroying Hawke's off-screen hometown.

Generally you want sequels to expand on the original's strong points, not subtract from them.


00x26.JPG


Ah, the wonders of Biowarian facial animations. Truly we are blessed.


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We see some familiar faces. And hear some familiar accents.


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Okay, I can think of approximately ten million reasons, chiefly "There's no reason for you to do that", and "That's a terrible way to start any conversation, regardless of purpose."


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Do you want me to answer your question or not?


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We are faced with our first ever Biowarian dialogue option - whatever you choose, her response is exactly the same.


00x33.JPG


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"I can't"
Cassandra.jpg
"What do you mean you can't?"
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"I don't know what it is or how it got there"
Cassandra.jpg
"You're lying!"

Why does she think I'm lying? Why is she inexplicably hostile towards me in the first place? I remind you, a conclave blew up, and Maxwell was the only survivor. This is all she knows at this point.

maxx.JPG
"Let me go!"
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"Do you remember what happened? How this began?"
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"I remember running. Things were chasing me, and then... a woman?"
Leliana.png
"A woman?"
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"She reached out to me, but then..."

Yes, yes?! I too am interested to know-


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:rage:

FFS, do you want me to tell you what happened, or not?! This is why women shouldn't be allowed to handle interrogations.

"On that fateful day, I saw with my own eyes that John F. Kennedy's assassin was none other than-"
"YOU VILL SUBMIT TO ZIS QUESTIONING OR DIE, HEATHEN!"
"Right, I'm quite willing to share this inform-"
"SPEAK ZE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT ZE TRUTH!"
"I'm trying to say that the president was killed by the following person-"
"HE VILL TELL US NOTHING OFF WIZ HIS HEAD."


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Ending this fruitful interrogation, we come outside to see a big green cloud swirling above the mountain. Swirling. Is. Baaad.


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"We call it the Breach. It's a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour. It's not the only such rift. Just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the Conclave."
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"An explosion can do that?"
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"This one did. Unless we act, the Breach may grow until it swallows the world."

What an oddly-specific selection of facts about a completely unprecedented supernatural phenomenon that happened just minutes ago. Did she interrogate some demons while Maxwell was lying passed out?


00x38.JPG


The Breach pulsates and causes a painful reaction in Maxwell's hand. Cassandra provides information on this issue as well.

Cassandra.jpg
"Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads... and it is killing you."

She's making this all up as she goes along, isn't she?

"Oh, and the mark also causes permanent erectile dysfunction in adult males, which can only be avoided by dosing your genitals in camomile extract while spinning on your left heel thrice under a full moon"


00x40.JPG


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"You still think I'm guilty? That I did this to myself?"
Cassandra.jpg
"Not intentionally. Something clearly went wrong."

Yes, mostly EA and SJW agenda.

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"So I don't really have a choice about this?"
Cassandra.jpg
"None of us has a choice"

Well, you got me there!


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Cassandra.jpg
"The people of Haven mourn our Most Holy, Divine Justinia, head of the Chantry. The Conclave was hers. It was a chance for peace between mages and templars. She brought their leaders together. Now, they are dead."

It's unlikely that Maxwell was attending the Conclave as one of the mages without knowing any of this.


00x43.JPG


Lash out like the sky?

Cassandra.jpg
"There will be a trial. I can promise no more. Come, it is not far"
maxx.JPG
"Where are you taking me?"
Cassandra.jpg
"Your mark must be tested on something smaller than the Breach."


00x44.JPG



Well guys, that was the whole intro sequence. No combat or real dialogues yet, but I'm sure we'll be thrilled by copious amounts of both in following segments.
 
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Baron Dupek

Arcane
Joined
Jul 23, 2013
Messages
1,870,829
Well, at least it's not video LP so thumbs up.... even when game suck old socks.
 

Nevill

Arcane
Joined
Jun 6, 2009
Messages
11,211
Shadorwun: Hong Kong
A Biowarean wizard needs no beard to distinguish himself! A robe and a wizard hat would do just fine.

d8c010d7_l.jpeg
God, that face. :lol:

The screenshot is very representative of the intro sequence.
 

Erebus

Arcane
Joined
Jul 12, 2008
Messages
4,770
Cassandra is fairly annoying so far. One minute, she seems to believe you have single-handedly engineered the coming apocalypse ; the next, she sounds like she's already read the scenario of the game and knows you to be its main character.
 

Tigranes

Arcane
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
10,350
Cool, this will be the only way I experience DA3, just like DA2, so appreciated. I suspect I will enjoy watching the terribleness...

Terrible like the sky, that is.
 

Storyfag

Perfidious Pole
Patron
Joined
Feb 17, 2011
Messages
15,996
Location
Stealth Orbital Nuke Control Centre
I shall be haunting this thread from time to time :obviously:

Up till now, the intro was highly incoherent. Would it kill them to have another mage study the rift and the PC and provide the conclusions fed to us by Cassandra?
 

MicoSelva

backlog digger
Patron
Joined
Sep 10, 2010
Messages
7,482
Location
Vigil's Keep
Codex 2012 Codex 2013 Codex 2014 PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Codex 2016 - The Age of Grimoire Make the Codex Great Again! Grab the Codex by the pussy Insert Title Here RPG Wokedex Strap Yourselves In Codex Year of the Donut Codex+ Now Streaming! Enjoy the Revolution! Another revolution around the sun that is. Serpent in the Staglands Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Divinity: Original Sin 2 Bubbles In Memoria A Beautifully Desolate Campaign Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire Pathfinder: Kingmaker Steve gets a Kidney but I don't even get a tag. Pathfinder: Wrath I helped put crap in Monomyth
Modern games like this do not translate well to a screenshot LP format. Making conversation screenshots is a pain in the ass even in BG2. Here it is going to be nightmare. Not to mention capturing cut-scenes, etc. I do not envy you, Glaurung.
 

Glaurung

Liberal's alt
Shitposter
Joined
Nov 8, 2014
Messages
186
A really big update coming up tomorrow, in a couple of days, stay tuned, guys/gals/trannies! There will be exciting combat, Chantry politics, new/old party members, a mind-blowing multitude of skill trees, and lots and lots of sensible, coherently-paced plot exposition.

Modern games like this do not translate well to a screenshot LP format. Making conversation screenshots is a pain in the ass even in BG2. Here it is going to be nightmare. Not to mention capturing cut-scenes, etc. I do not envy you, Glaurung.
I actually just record a video of my playthrough, and then capture screenshots while reviewing the video. It's a pain in the ass to transcribe the conversations, because Bioware was nice enough to pack all the data in secure custom archive files, so no digging around in the tlk like in the good old days.

Did you actually buy this or is it sailable already?
I actually bought it. Well, a friend bought it for me.

You could at laest put beard on him.
It's no proper wizard without a beard.
A beard would detract from the uncanny likeness of Leland Palmer.

30iujqo.jpg
 
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Glaurung

Liberal's alt
Shitposter
Joined
Nov 8, 2014
Messages
186
Chapter One: Hope Dies First

I will admit that getting back into DAI took a considerable effort of will, considering that god-awful intro. You remember how DAO invested a lot of time and effort in drawing the player into the game world? That was just terrible, wasn’t it? Wouldn't it have been much better had DAO started right in Flemeth's hut?

You thought I was going to say "in Ostagar", didn't you? Well, consider this. Origin stories introduced the player to his race+class character combo and the small part of the DA universe that corresponded to it, but it was Ostagar that set up the game's overall storyline and presented the setting in general. Every major DAO plot sequence was established at Ostagar - the invasion of the darkspawn horde, the concept of an archdemon, Gay Warden treaties that bind nations to lend their armies, and of course - Loghain's rivalry with and eventual betrayal of king Cailan. The rest of the game was nothing more than resolving the clusterfuck of politics and warmongering that had started at Ostagar - we saw the tragedy unfold little by little before our eyes, and when disaster struck, it had great potential for an emotional reaction from the audience.

Which is exactly why DAO is stuffy last-gen bs. The intro would have been much better had the the player woken up in Flemeth's hut with no memory of the last few days, and was simply told that there was a great battle, the king got killed, monsters are marching towards the capital, and he/she/it is the only one who can stop them. Tell, don't show - nuBioware's unique brand of storytelling.

This is a sad turn of events, because there was potential for some awesome mildly interesting word-building in this game. If making race+class Origin stories is too much of a hassle in a game filled with gigantic fetch-quest infested locations, they could have at least started the game at the Temple of Sacred Ashes in whatever capacity we were attending it, giving us a chance to explore the area and meet new characters in a normal setting. New players could familiarize themselves with the setting, returning players could catch up on latest events, and when disaster struck - it would have had more resonance and created more of a motivation to find and stop the bastards who did it.

Well, first impressions are first impressions, but perhaps the rest of the game will be worth playing? I'm sure we'll gather more info on the cause of the disaster as we veer closer to the epicenter (hypocenter?) of the explosion, so let's see what we can dig up.

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I felt the same way while downloading this game.

Maxwell and Cassandra leave the encampment, but we don't get far before another rift flare sends Maxwell crying for his momma.


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Cassandra.jpg
"The larger the Breach grows, the more rifts appear, the more demons we face."
maxx.JPG
"How did I survive the blast?"
Cassandra.jpg
"They said you... stepped out of a rift, then fell unconscious."
Cassandra.jpg
"They say a woman was in the rift behind you. No one knows who she was."

Who is 'they', exactly?

The woman Cassandra is referring to is the glowing pyramid-head from the intro cutscene.

glow.JPG


That large Papal hat is her most distinctive feature. Find the hat, and you find the person.

Cassandra.jpg
"Everything farther in the valley was laid waste, including the Temple of Sacred Ashes."


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FFS, can Maxwell take two steps without falling over in a flash of green light? :rage:


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Oh, great, the Breach sent a demon our way. It's the exact same model of a shade from DAO and DAII, updated with unnecessary details for next-gen. I love you, next-gen.


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Maxwell won't have any of that 'stay behind the woman's skirt' bullshit.


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That ugly and distinctly non-magical-looking mace with an oversized handle is for shooting magical ice missiles while making no physical contact with the enemy whatsoever.


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It's pretty much the same hideous mace-staff model from DAII. You'd think a mage would have no need to carry around heavy, spiked, metallic weapons, considering all they do is shoot missiles from them.


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Cassandra drives a sword through the shade, killing it.


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Ah, we're back to the 'Tell me why I shouldn't kill you', routine. You know, it's pretty hypocritical for you to admonish Maxwell for doing the exact same thing you were doing to save your bony little ass.


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Lay it on her, Max.


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Cassandra. A. Demon. Attacked. Him. By any definition of the word "need", you're dead wrong.

maxx.JPG
"Are you saying it won't happen again?"

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Cassandra takes her time to mentally process this query.

Cassandra.jpg
"(Sighs.) You're right."
Cassandra.jpg
"You don't need a staff, but you should have one. I cannot protect you."
Cassandra.jpg
"I should remember you did not attempt to run."

What is this I don't even. If he doesn't need a staff to cast spells (which is actually true), then what the fuck does it matter whether he grabs one or not? If Maxwell wanted to beat this joint, he would have turned you into a block of ice a long time ago, with or without a staff. Actually, the only reason I haven’t done that yet is because the game won’t let me.

Speaking of staves, what else do we have in our inventory?


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A cowl and two identical 'mercenary coats’, which I can't remove. Bioware jewed out on a nude character model, apparently, you can only change into different clothes but not remove them and run around in your undies like in any self-respecting RPG. I’m sure we’ll get plenty of fan mods to improve upon this glaring oversight.

A couple of trash mobs later we run into some people.


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Holy sh- Cassandra don't move, he might go away on his own.


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A member of the fair elven race grabs Maxwell's hand, shoots a green energy ray and closes the rift.


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He shot a green energy ray and closed the rift. The action kind of speaks for itself.

Solas.jpg
"I did nothing. The credit is yours."
Solas.jpg
"Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand."
Solas.jpg
"I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake - and it seems I was correct."
Cassandra.jpg
"Meaning it could also close the Breach itself!"
Solas.jpg
"Possibly."

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Maxwell is clearly overjoyed.


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I'd prefer demons ass-deep in me to hanging around with you, Varric.


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'Occasionally'? Oh Varric, you and your talent for understatement.

maxx.JPG
"Are you with the Chantry, or... ?"

Yes, he's the altar boy. What part of 'rogue, storyteller and unwelcome tagalong' did you not catch, Maxwell? :rage:

Solas.jpg
(chuckles) "Was that a serious question?"
varx.jpg
"Technically I'm a prisoner, just like you."
Cassandra.jpg
"I brought you here to tell your story to the Divine. Clearly that is no longer necessary."
varx.jpg
"Yet, here I am. Lucky for you, considering current events."
maxx.JPG
"That's... a nice crossbow you have there."
varx.jpg
"Ah, isn't she? Bianca and I have been through a lot together."


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If by 'named' you mean 'shamelessly plagiarized Assassin's Creed 2', then yes, yes Bioware did. It made a bit more sense for Bartolomeo D'Alviano to name his sword 'Bianca' because it's an Italian name and he's Italian.
Why Varric chooses to anthropomorphize his weapons is never explained. He just does.


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Jesus Christ and Holy Mary, someone call the exorcist. Oh wait, that's me. I don't even wanna know what he implies by "great company", and whether or not that involves Bianca's disproportionally-wide handle.

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"Absolutely not. Your help is appreciated, Varric, but..."
varx.jpg
"Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers aren't in control anymore. You need me."
Cassandra.jpg
(disgusted noise)

*sigh* Sad thing is, he's not too wrong about that. Our only other rogue options in this game are Sera and Cole. Yes, it’s that bad.


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varx.jpg
"He means, 'I kept that mark from killing you while you slept'."

Strange, I don't recall seeing Solas anywhere near me as I woke up in the prison cell. Clearly, he wasn’t keeping the mark from killing me this whole time he was chilling outside the starting location. What are these two douchebags even doing fighting shades in the middle of nowhere?


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"Unlike you, Solas is an apostate."
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"Technically all mages are now apostates, Cassandra."
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"My travels have allowed me to learn much of the Fade, far beyond the experience of any circle mage."
Solas.jpg
"I came to offer whatever help I can give with the Breach. If it is not closed, we are all doomed, regardless of origin."

That's nice of you, but we've already got a mage in the party. You’ll be relegated to the honorable role of standing in the corner of my keep and annoyingly offering assistance when accidentally clicked.


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Maxwell popped a few ecstasy pills when Cassandra wasn't looking.

Solas.jpg
"Cassandra, you should know: the magic involved here is unlike any I have seen."


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The spoils of the battle provided us with a fire staff. Hopefully, it's not another useless metallic hunk of junk.


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:rage: At least in DAII when you stood close to the enemy, the game had different attack animations that showed Hawke physically striking the mob with the staff. Here, it makes no difference whatsoever. By the way, I'm loving the new loot mechanic where you're only allowed to click an item after walking towards it with WASD. Used to be, I could do this with one click.

We also get a level-up entailing two ability points and buttfuck else. Let's take a look at the brand-new next-gen ultra-immersive DAI level-up system.


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FOUR trees?! Four fucking trees. This game has exactly FOUR skill trees and no way to manually allocate attribute points.

Recall that DAO had six schools of magic with 16 spells in each, and four optional specializations. The Awakening expansion brought that up to eight specializations and two new default spell-lines.

DAII had six regular skill trees and three specializations, of which you could only select two throughout the game.

DAI brought this down to FOUR regular skill trees, and ONE optional specialization for the whole playthrough. I guess regress is the new progress? Less is more? Four skill trees are enough for everyone?

Even the naming scheme doesn't make sense. The schools are called Storm, Inferno, Winter, and... Spirit. If three skill trees are named after Air, Fire and Water, shouldn't you name the fourth one after Earth? There’s nothing in the Spirit tree that cannot be very easily rebranded as Earth-themed magic.

Anyway, walking the trash-mob-filled road, we locate another encampment.


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Who's this shitlord?


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Cassandra.jpg
"Order me?! You are a glorified clerk. A bureaucrat!"
Chancellor.jpg
"And you are a thug, but a thug who supposedly serves the Chantry!"

A thuggishly thuggy thug-thug!
Leliana.png
"We serve the Most Holy, Chancellor, as you well know."


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Then why are you giving the execution order? Are you going to be the new Divine? Will the chantry-fund your sex-change operation?

maxx.JPG
"So none of you are actually in charge here."
Chancellor.jpg
"You killed everyone who was in charge!"

Hey now, you obligatory douchebag, there were no eye-witnesses, no identifiable motive, no murder weapon found, and so far all I've been doing with my mark is closing rifts, not opening them.

Chancellor.jpg
"Call a retreat, Seeker. Our Position here is hopeless."
Cassandra.jpg
"We can stop this before it's too late."
Chancellor.jpg
"How? You won't survive long enough to reach the temple, even with all your soldiers."
Cassandra.jpg
"We must get to the temple. It's the quickest route."


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Leliana hopes to sway the chancellor with her best silicone doll impression. The unnaturally smooth skin and overly high cheekbones are part of the disguise.

Cassandra.jpg
"We lost contact with an entire squad on that path. It is too risky."
Chancellor.jpg
"Listen to me. Abandon this now before more lives are lost!"

An impeccably timed rift flare turns everyone’s attention to Maxwell.


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Excellent and not at all abrupt 180 degree turn from "you've killed everyone you monster". Now I'm forced to quote my own post from another thread. This is what you made me do.

This game treats the player character exactly like a trained waiter at an overpriced French restaurant treats a customer. Please, right this way, MONSIEUR, how was your day today, everything good? *without listening to response* Ho-ho-ho that is perfect! A menu for you, MONSIEUR, and if MONSIEUR needs anything, please call.
Then brings you one mayo-covered potato in a comically large plate and charges 80 euros.
Honestly, this isn't even infuriating or annoying. It's just boring. Characters bicker, bitch and moan at each other and about everything in the world, but the moment they address you it HAS to be in this bland, artificial tone of fake and unearned respect.
"Warden/Champion/Inquisitor, clearly you're the only one deserving of respect in this joint of half-wits and whores. What do YOU think of my incredibly private opinions that you've never demonstrated any competence or interest in whatsoever? Oh, I see your point. Hmm, perhaps you are right. Now go kill 10 monsters and report back. You are awesome."
This is the AAA games business formula. They're not telling you a story or giving you a game to play, they're just servicing your presumed needs. Mostly a manufactured feeling of power and control over a fantasy populated by one-dimensional sexual fetishes.


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Solas.jpg
"You have the mark."

That gives me leadership and military strategy skills?

Cassandra.jpg
"And you are the one we must keep alive. Since we cannot agree on our own..."

A smooth transition from the 'Tell me why I shouldn't kill you' and 'Drop this weapon now' attitude a few minutes ago.


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Here we have to make a Choice and face its Consequences.


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I feel the same way about this game.


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After climbing a mountain path and dispatching some more trash mobs - it's always one greater shade, one lesser shade, and two wraiths - we finally get into the ruins of the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Cassandra has valuable information to offer.


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Yes, you've said that already. You'd think she'd be more like "Holy ashes, these frozen dead people are doing tantric yoga while somehow burning slightly!"


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And here is the Breach itself. Looks like every other fade rift, only slightly larger. Really, is this what we were looking at from the prison?


00x37.JPG


This is not the same size as the green crystal formation levitating ten meters above the ground.


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Cassandra, that's sexist. It should be "Leliana, take your men, women, male-to-female trannies, female-to-male trannies, intersex, hermaphrodites, genderless, xictians and others to the SWEET ANDRASTE THE SKY IS CRASHING DOWN RUN FOR YOUR LIV-"

Cassandra.jpg
"This is your chance to end this. Are you ready?"
maxx.JPG
"I'm not sure how to even start getting up to that thing."
Solas.jpg
"No. This rift was the first, and it is the key."

That is a non-sequitur. I'm not even sure if it's bad writing or a dialogue glitch, but his response has nothing to do with my comment.

Solas.jpg
"Seal it, and perhaps we seal the Breach."

Ho-ho, Solas, don't you know we first need to travel to four different parts of the world, solve their inhabitants’ completely unrelated problems, make a binary good-vs-bad choice at the end, gather four quest items, have an epic interlude between the third and fourth place we visit, wait for enemy armies to start pouring out, and only then save the world at the last minute?

Cassandra.jpg
"Then let's find a way down. And be careful."

Okay, mom.


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Being careful doesn't keep Maxwell's mark from pulsating and creating a vision of the recent past.


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Hey, wasn't that the same hat from before? I guess we know who the glowing lady in the intro was. Now we just need to find out why she was glowing.


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Cassandra.jpg
"The Most Holy called out to you! It was her voice!"
maxx.JPG
"I don't remember anything from before! What was that?"


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Ah yes, the Fade. A lazy talented writer's all-purpose magical self-validation tool. Invasion of demons? Fade! In-universe flashback? Fade did it! Darkspawn? Fade did it! Visions of the future? Fade did it! God? Fade did it!

This is almost as brilliant as Ubisoft's "the Animus did it" handwave, but not quite as immersion-breaking.

Solas.jpg
"This rift is not sealed, but it is closed... albeit temporarily."
Solas.jpg
"I believe that with the mark, the rift can be opened, and then sealed properly and safely.
Solas.jpg
"However, opening the rift will likely attract attention from the other side."


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No shit, Cassandra, nobody was expecting it to be carebears.


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Oh look, it's the same pride demon model from DAII every fucking DA game since the first! Yeah, if you hadn't realized (like I hadn't), it's the same fucking thing Uldred turns into in DAO!

Uldred.jpg


I understand the model probably had to be redrawn from scratch, but honestly, does it even matter, considering it looks EXACTLY like the old one, down to the placement of eyes, horns, and arm-spikes? I can appreciate consistency between titles, but can we get something new for the very first boss fight in the game? First impressions, hello?

Bioware's unique brand of innovation involves only reducing content. Reusing old animations and models in the most uninspired way possible is perfectly fine. Imagine if we were actually impressed with the appearance of our first boss. So last-gen!


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This boss fight is pretty easy if you’re not distracted by bright colors and manage your potions properly. The boss is invulnerable by default, you need to tear open the rift with your magic hand, which stuns the demon for a good 15 seconds. After taking some pounding, the demon becomes invulnerable again. Lather, rinse, repeat.


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Apparently, you now have the ability to revive fallen party members during combat by holding RMB while standing near them. It's a popular mechanic used in multiplayer and MMO games. Were it not for this mechanic, I may have lost this fight a few times.


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As is, it's a no-brainer, just run around the battlefield and hold RMB where needed.


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Now to close the rift and end this nightmare.


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Well, that may or may not have gone as planned. Did Maxwell's glowing green hand succeed in closing the rift and restoring balance to the world? Or did it leave the Breach wide open for demons and annihilated all life in a thousand-kilometer radius? Will Cassandra keep being such a bitch? Why did the Divine appear to Maxwell as a glowing pyramid head, and most importantly - who cares?

Stay tuned for these and other shocking revelations in the exciting next chapter of my living hell!
 
Last edited:

Glaurung

Liberal's alt
Shitposter
Joined
Nov 8, 2014
Messages
186
:what:

Jesus, the character models (and their expressions) are really ugly.

This^

Are the animations really crap, or are you picking the lulziest ones on purpose?
The only two screens I put for teh lulz was Solas and Chancellor with closed eyes. Everything else is objectively representative of the game. Maxwell had the :( expression on his face for a good 10 seconds of that cutscene, every close-up of his face makes his eyelids look like that of Droopy, and Varric rolls his eyes upwards like possessed not once, but twice in that cutscene. This is what the game really looks like most of the time, in short, I'm not picking out split-second frames just for the hell of it (most of the time).

A plastic sexbomb of a main char would work better, I suppose. At least we can be distracted from the terribad quality.
I'd go with that, had I the least bit of facial customization skills. The default headmorphs are just too ugly.
 

Elfberserker

Liturgist
Joined
Oct 25, 2013
Messages
1,540
Personally I am bit glad that they didn't change appearances of their demons. Last time they changed appearances of their monsters, darkspawns changed from monsterious to something crappy...especially the ogres.
 
Joined
Feb 13, 2011
Messages
2,234
Its not Uldred`s copy. Thats how every pride demon looks in DA universe. Uldred simply changed into one in DAO.
 

FUDU

Arcane
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
1,217
Location
COLD POTATO
Nice. Will follow.

The visuals are ........................ disturbing.
 

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