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In Progress Let's Play as 1200s Lithuania in Crusader Kings II: The Hitman Gods, the Teutons and the Mongols

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
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One step short of an Empire

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Liudas chooses a risky bethrotal to a very intelligent future bride. Because he isn't a pedophile goatfucker Muslim, he cannot marry her immediately, of course.

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Poland refuses to give in Greater Poland, but their doom is inevitable, with yet another crushing victory for Lithuania. Soon this will be over.

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Russia is dead. Its remnants will never stand any chance. Such threat is promptly ignored.

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The gods have granted Lithuania victory in this war, it is only a matter of time now!

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As a clear display that the crucified false god is false, finally the Romuva true faith has been returned to Vilnius, a very important achievement, because now the Romanists lost all their relevance in the core Lithuanian territories.

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With Vilnius again returning to the gods, it is time to slowly correct those who refuse to recognize the authority of the Romuva church, sticking to outdated and contradictory ways of worshipping the Baltic gods.

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And naturally, Greater Potato is ours!

:outrage:

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Liudas, raised in an environment where honor was held as the most important virtue, even if jaded, edgy and cynical about it, has now decided that it would be wise for him to be remembered for his virtue in defending and promoting the Baltic honor.

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However, the conquest of Greater Poland was not enough for the dream of an Empire. More Polish territories must be conquered first. For now, however, they must wait the truce and recover from the losses of this long and bloody war.

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There were however... other problems. Serious problems. TRAITOROUS SCUM!

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Fortunately Poland had even bigger problems, the Arpad dynasty seizing their last chance of retaking Hungary from the Piast.

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News of the world: The Shahdom of Khiva has virtually conquered all of Ruthenia, ensuring a Persian will be playing KOTOR seven times and bitching about tire textures in a distant future.

:M

Meanwhile, much has changed over Anatolia.

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After inheriting Armenia, the Byzantine Empire might manage to rise from the blink of extinction, as they plan to, step by step, retake their rightful territories from the Slavicized Mongols, Frogs and treacherous Guidos. Pankratios I is truly a legend in all aspects, specially for the fact he is still alive with 81 years of age, with a prestigious legacy of having started the reconstruction of a fallen empire from its cinders, a Methuselah for this era.

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The reason for a most dangerous faction of inside traitors must be dealt with. The super capable Berber woman who claims to be guided by the Djinn, serving as the hitman and spymaster of Lithuania, is sent there to help with the odds. If that ambitious scum suffers an "accident", a civil war could be avoided. Once again, the Lithuanian Hitmen will play a decisive role for the future of their country.

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MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

The faction supporting this bastard's pretentions to the throne dissolves instantly, but better to keep an eye on them. It was hoped an elective monarchy would keep such kind of crap at bay, but not can please the treacherous nobles and relatives.

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Check your privilege, whore.

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Inbreeding... great.

Is this a sign of the beginning of the decline and moral decadence amidst the ruling dynasty of Lithuania?

:hmmm:

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Nice, this will keep Poland busy.

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The University of Kaunas will be expanded, now that peace reigns. To secure the future of Lithuania, such investments will pay off.

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Retinues are the only safeguard against bastards plotting with their factions. They are also useful for raiding.

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When traitors don't force them to fight the same instead.

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From the highest nobility to the lowest shithole, Lithuania is rife with scum that must be kept in their place. Scheming, plotting, revolting, betraying...

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Liudas remembers how merciful Karijotas usually was with prisoners, but this was over the fucking limit!

ROT IN CHAINS WHORE!

This plotter didn't get away with it, and now will die in the dungeon,or if she bitches too much about it, in the Oubliette!

Yet, for all peasant revolts and treacherous nobles within, nothing could have been worse than what awaited...

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Another crusade thus began, and Poland may consider joining it soon, to make things worse. No matter how large Lithuania has grown, it won't be simple to defeat the krauts.

TO BE CONTINUED

PS: Bonus image

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The solution to all problems in Syria

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:M
 

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
Last update in this page...

===========================

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Suffer not the Traitor, the Heretic and the Crusader

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Rather than wait for the Unholy German Empire to march against Pommerania, Lithuania has brought the war to their lands, striking deep against their isolated forces to make them pay for their arrogance and hypocrisy.

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After the initial and successful battle, the Lithuanian expedition made a stand against a somewhat numerically superior German Army that was forced to cross the Rhine.

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They thought numbers

would grant them victory, not the

END OF RHINE

:yeah:

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However, they attacked the victorious Lithuanian army with larger forces. Fortunately, Lithuania had almost ready reinforcements ready to disembark when the battle began, turning the tide of the battle as the outnumbered Lithuanian forces held their ground long enough for their arrival. As they suffered massive losses, massive reinforcements arrived, numbering the total of German forces involved in this battle, casualties aside, to over fifty thousand, but too late. Lithuania was ready.

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They paid a high price, and soon it would be over.

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Indeed, for the Unholy German Army, the battle of Breda was, like the region itself:

END OF RHINE ______________________ RHINE ENDS HERE

:hero:

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The Battle of Breda was the greatest military victory ever in the entire History of Lithuania. As a battle in defense of the True Romuva Faith, it shook the enemies of the Baltic gods to the core, and proved that the gods are on Liudas' side. For orchestrating this victory, Liudas became a PARAGON of Virtue, his piety and prestige reaching the skies for such triumphant crushing of the kraut like a head of cabbage.

However, unfortunately the Germans were not the greatest, most pervasive and unyielding enemies of the Kingdom of Lithuania.

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SMITE THE HERETICS WITH THE HAMMER OF PERKUNAS!

PURGE THE UNCLEAN!

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The German levies were practically completely wiped out. Triumphant, but aware of the legions of HERETICS and TRAITORS at home in multiple simultaneous peasant and heretical revolts, the armies of Lithuania embark to return, while the arrogant Unholy "Roman" Empire refuses to give up yet.

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Meanwhile, the Mongol Empire has been in a steep decline, and is currently facing hard times.

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No matter how many are crushed, more traitors and heretics continue on the rise as long as HERESY! survives, and worse, the Germans gathered another army while the Lithuanian forces were busy crushing traitors and heretics.

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SERIOUSLY? Liudas started to become seriously pissed off with these constant acts of treason and HERESY, but first they had to crush the German forces besieging Mecklenburg.

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They conquered some regions, but that would not save them. This army was a fraction of the once massive crusader force that was crushed in the End of Rhine at Breda.

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And the current Kaiserin of their false Roman Empire was forced to give up. Unfortunately Liudas could only dream of capturing her and making her into his bitch concubine.

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In celebration to yet another crusader against mighty Lithuania crushed like a skull of pig, the temple of Vilnius will be expanded into a much more glorious and inspiring form, thanking the gods for the triumph of the Romuva faithful.

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Yet, the war against HERESY and treason was far, far from over, and it was delaying the plans for further conquest to forge a new empire, delaying it seriously. This will not stand!

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Fortunately, even as treason ran rampant, the true faith was making progress, if slowly.

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:x

Will those assholes ever end?

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:rage:

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On better news, the genius Liudas bethroted survived through childhood and was ready for marriage. Hopefully both would ensure the birth of a genius that would survive and become the next King, although the current elected heir would definitively end pissed off once and if that happens..

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:killit:

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Liudas sense of mercy died after all of this happened. This was really, really, really pissing him off.

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Just because HERESY! is rampant it does not mean Lithuania will stand idle now that Poland is stable again, specially now that such great opportunity for some perfectly silent assassinations showed up.

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Even more because the only heir to the current King of Poland is a woman married regularly to a guido. An Italian ruler will certainly ensure chaos over Poland. Time for the followers of Giltine to continue making justice to their hundred years old reputation.

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After a failed first attempt, there it goes!

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If the Queen dies, Poland in end in the hands of an inept Italian girl that is no longer part of the Piast. Sounds like a great plan, but the master of hitmen will have to relocate to build a spy and Lithuanian Hitman network where the queen is, rather than where the former king was.

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Then finally, after countless cases of treason and HERESY! peace again reigns over Lithuania. In the past, traitors because of HERESY or worshipping false gods were given mercy if they agreed to convert to the Romuva True Faith, but these displays have shown mercy is a bad idea when dealing with traitors. It is time to make an example of all these rabble rousers, to purge their HERESY!

PURGE THE UNCLEAN!

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Unfortunately purging all of them would rile the nobles who would consider it "unjust". Fortunately only a few had to be exiled rather than purged.

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And now, with these matters settled as they should, Lithuania was ready to proceed with their plans for the creation of a Wendish Empire, another damn explosion of treason and HERESY! notwithstanding.

TO BE CONTINUED
 
Last edited:

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
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A Baltic Empire

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Liudas is perhaps too self-confident and proud, however, he has reasons for that.

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Damn heretics. They won't interrupt the great plans of Lithuania

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Yet, more Lithuanian Hitmen may be required to truly secede Hungary from Poland for once and all. Time will tell.

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While Poland was not yet broken apart by all the recent silent assassinations...

IT IS FAT SHAMING TIME!

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A good man who died because of the HERESY! he tried to defeat. While some unfinished businesses in Russia were going, there were dark tidings from the east.

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A new, perhaps even more fearsome Horde than the Mongol Empire, after having conquered much of India, and led by Tamerlane, advanced against the Tengri "infidels" of the Mongol Empire and Persia with the blessings of the Prophet(PBUH), almost like a Djinn out of the bottle to show that Islam was far from dead. Islam has divided the Yurt Dwellers, and now they fought each other for dominance. Hopefully this would not spell yet another future enemy for Lithuania.

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Liudas had his first son.

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Novgorod gained new lands, while the Timurid hordes wiped the small Shahdom of Khiva, forcing them to seek refuge in their other Shahdom, Ruthenia. Kiev already became a Persian City, and sooner or later the original lands of the Rus would become something else. The Russians were fated to oblivion.

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The past deeds of Lithuanian hitmen against Poland were not enough, but now there was a too good opportunity right ahead: the heir of the Queen is in a dungeon, while the Hungarians are growing restless. It is time to finish the job, and finish it well.

It is time for the finest of Giltine to show their talent again, for Lithuania is one short step from becoming formally an Empire, and once again, the Lithuanian Hitmen will play a decisive role in such conquest.

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MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

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Now that Hungary became independent and ruled by the Arpad dynasty again, it is time to go in for the final blow to seal the fate of the apostates of the true potato gods.

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The strength of the Romuva true faith grows. From an isolated, dying religion, it has become something as great as Lithuania.

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Meanwhile, in the land of the kebab.

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Treacherous relatives. The King of Lithuania always has to pressure them into giving up such constant plotting after uncovering it.

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And now, everything is ready for the closing act that will shape many things to come. Poland may be weakened, but all Catholic countries may support them as Lithuania's next step of westward expansion is about to be taken. It won't be an easy war.

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The Timurids gaze upon Persia, against which a Jihad is declared. Now there is little hope for the Persians, who have previously freed themselves from the Mongol Empire only to end in this situation all over again, as the Timurids, from the Steppes of Andhairastan to the Caspian Sea, ride forward with the message of the Prophet(PBUH).

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Poland still had massive armies, and the battles that were waged for Silesia were deadly. Liudas was wounded in the fight, and could even die, for in this age, any cut could be deadly.

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More good news for the true faith.

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The Kingdom of Poland was determined to fight to the end, misguided in their ways of the false god. All battles were hardly fought, and many thousands of brave Lithuanians would die for the rising empire.

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Fortunately, Liudas made through the wounds he suffered in battle.

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Then, when the Polish Army was but crushed, they came in support.

Damn Frogs...

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Fortunately reinforcements were readily shipped to handle the massive French army.

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An asshole Duke demanded part of the rightful core territory of the Duchy of Lithuania, which is logically a belonging of the Kingdom, for himself. He was given the answer he deserved.

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The Frenchies were sent running away with white flags.

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How many defenders of the Western Xian Civilization will have to be crushed before Poland realizes they are fighting for the lost cause of a dead god?

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Liudas have found his courage in the battles for Silesia.

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Eventually there was nothing left to do but to continue with the sieges.

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Silesia is too large to be directly ruled by the Kingdom, and thus, because there is no competent adult member of the Gediminaitis without a title to be handled with Silesia, instead, the King has chosen to award it to someone purely by merit of being the best, most capable to rule over the newly conquered lands. The humble mayor of a town is thus raised to the status of the Duke of Silesia.

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There were other formalities to be concluded before wearing the crown of the first Pagan Emperor in Europe since the times of Julian the "Apostate", while the true faith likewise expanded.

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First, another elected heir died, and a new one had to be picked.

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Meanwhile, the Kingdom of Finland has chosen to abandon the old gods. PERKELE PERKELE PERKELE!

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And more traitors... for a change.

After internal stability was achieved, now it was finally the time. But first, it would be necessary to create Pommerania formally as a separate Kingdom.

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Done... and now, a moment that would be forever remembered in History...

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For over a thousand years, no pagan across Europe has ever been recognized as worthy of being called an Emperor. Now, this will change.

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LONG LIVE THE WENDISH EMPIRE AND THE TRUE POTATO GODS!!! LONG LIVE THE EMPEROR OF POTATO!!!

:outrage:

TO BE CONTINUED
 

hostergaard

Educated
Joined
Jan 14, 2013
Messages
71
:hero: For the great Potato in the sky and its Potato empire on earth! All will bow to its starchy glory!
 

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