Let's LARP the Emperor's Finest - a wh40k IF

[Darth Roxor]

Yeah, that was fucking stupid. We've burnt out the ace up our sleeve, now we've pretty much gotta bend over and hope Agern is kind enough to use lube. Goddamnit, we should have picked our fucking battles more wisely. To top it all off, even if we survive, the Inquisitor is probably going to shoot all of the mutants anyways, showing how utterly futile that endeavor was. I wanted to shoot his smug fucking head off, and now we're not in a position to do so.

DONT WORRY SON, AT LEAST UR A REEDYMURR, HUEHUEHUE

 

[Gondolin]

2. There's no way we can survive an attack against the Inquisitor and his stormtroopers.

 

[Baltika9]

Well, fuck. 2, I guess.
I'm pretty damn sure that Agern set the whole shebang up on purpose. I think he knew Schaefer, or some of the promethium refinery guardsmen would make it. He means to use us for something and then get rid of us, in all likelihood. I don't think the whole "I'll see to it you'll get your rank back" figures into the equation anymore, and we're most likely a dead man walking. With one arm.

Besides, =I=.

 

[Gondolin]

FFS, Darth Roxor, calm down. Everything is going according to plan. Sort of.

 

[Baltika9]

Yeah, that was fucking stupid. We've burnt out the ace up our sleeve, now we've pretty much gotta bend over and hope Agern is kind enough to use lube. Goddamnit, we should have picked our fucking battles more wisely. To top it all off, even if we survive, the Inquisitor is probably going to shoot all of the mutants anyways, showing how utterly futile that endeavor was. I wanted to shoot his smug fucking head off, and now we're not in a position to do so.

DONT WORRY SON, AT LEAST UR A REEDYMURR, HUEHUEHUE

Well, root did say that fatepoints were about survivng stupid decisions, and not making intelligent ones. We play this smart, we just might end up as the Official Colonel Shaeffer (http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Schaeffer). You know, with a penal legion under our command. And a bionic arm. Just 'sayin.

 

[Esquilax]

FFS, Darth Roxor, calm down. Everything is going according to plan. Sort of.

Inquisitor confirmed to be a servant of Tzeentch.

 

[Jick Magger]

FFS, Darth Roxor, calm down. Everything is going according to plan. Sort of.

We planned to lose an arm? Unless you planned to make the exact opposite of Limpwrist Macfaggot; Courageous Macmoron, you guys blew it.
Going with 2. We're missing an arm, for fuck's sake, psychic resilience will only get us so far.

He still able to read our mind, root, or has the Witchbane trait made us too strong for that?

 

[Storyfag]

Voting 2.

 

[ironyuri]

"Olololololo let's go up against a swarm of hullghasts and be a REEDERMUR LULZ!1 EMPRAH PURGE HUEHUEHUEHUE'

enjoy your fate point, retards.

And yes, I'm sure attacking an inquisitor with 2 fucking stormtroopers is a dandy idea, dumbfucks, I'm sure our WITCHUZBANNUBANNU will protect us from MASSIVE HELLGUN RAPE and PSY RATING 2978

2

Good job bros. I seem to remember saying this would happen and that we were pushing our luck in combat.

Looks like the mutant Sergeant will finally get his Commissar evaluaton, so he can be blammed for heresyfaggotry, and NoArm McHerpderp will get his brain removed by the Inquisitor and used as a fleshlight.

2.

 

[Jaedar]

Even if we could kill the inquisitor with our witchbane talent, we'd die to stormtroopers. No point in dying for no reason. 2

 

[Esquilax]

Looks like the mutant Sergeant will finally get his Commissar evaluaton, so he can be blammed for heresyfaggotry, and NoArm McHerpderp will get his brain removed by the Inquisitor and used as a fleshlight.

2.

To be fair, better to be a NoArm McHerpDerp than a Limpwrist McFaggot.

 

[ironyuri]

Looks like the mutant Sergeant will finally get his Commissar evaluaton, so he can be blammed for heresyfaggotry, and NoArm McHerpderp will get his brain removed by the Inquisitor and used as a fleshlight.

2.

To be fair, better to be a NoArm McHerpDerp than a Limpwrist McFaggot.

Better to be Pragmatic McNotBumfuckedbyHullghasts and Inquisitard than either.

I thought we were playing a mildly pragmatic character. Planetside we didn't BLAM the =I= because he seemed to still be "normal" by =I= standards. We didn't rescue our fellow guardsmen because the refinery seemed like a deathtrap. We killed the witch because we had no way to really run away safely, but then when we did we stood to fight.

So far we have avoided battles that seemed overwhelmingly against us, so why did we suddenly decide to PURGE DA XENOS when we were unfit for combat, when we've avoided helping fellow Guardsmen when we were hale and hearty? It makes no sense. Consistency. Do you motherfuckers speak it?


That said, why did we suddenly forget the existence of our LAS pistol in the hullghast fight, and take a decommissioned eviscerator instead? ROOOOOOOOTTTTTTT

 

[Jick Magger]

To be fair, better to be a NoArm McHerpDerp than a Limpwrist McFaggot.

Is it really?

 

[Gondolin]

you'd be surprised. I did promise more transparent/less biowarian-choices, after all.

I probably would at that. Anyway, I don't think the =I= wants to turn our skull into an ashtray yet.

 

[Hoodoo]

1. What dosnt kill us only makes us stronger

 

[Darth Roxor]

That said, why did we suddenly forget the existence of our LAS pistol in the hullghast fight, and take a decommissioned eviscerator instead? ROOOOOOOOTTTTTTT

Cuz there was a total of like 6 shots left in it? o_O

 

[Gondolin]

So far we have avoided battles that seemed overwhelmingly against us, so why did we suddenly decide to PURGE DA XENOS when we were unfit for combat, when we've avoided helping fellow Guardsmen when we were hale and hearty? It makes no sense. Consistency. Do you motherfuckers speak it?

Of course it makes sense. Now that we have reached... ah... "safety", the choice of fighting the hullghasts seems bad, but back then the other option translated to me as: "run alone and injured into unknown and highly dangerous territory, possibly with a pack of hullghasts at your heels." An excellent way to get trapped somewhere between two sets of monsters.

 

[ironyuri]

That said, why did we suddenly forget the existence of our LAS pistol in the hullghast fight, and take a decommissioned eviscerator instead? ROOOOOOOOTTTTTTT

Cuz there was a total of like 6 shots left in it? o_O

Yes, but then we used it against the giant beast, but since we only have one hand/arm left, how were we able to in one scene use the las pistol on the giant beast, then when the Inquisitard enters, we're gripping the (2-handed) eviscerator firmly in our right hand? Did we secrete the las pistol in our asshole?

How is a one armed man changing between weapons and holding onto both of them so easily? Bros I am confuse.

 

[ironyuri]

That said, why did we suddenly forget the existence of our LAS pistol in the hullghast fight, and take a decommissioned eviscerator instead? ROOOOOOOOTTTTTTT

Cuz there was a total of like 6 shots left in it? o_O

I just assumed the medicae dude with 4 shots left in his laspistol would be bright enough to not use it against mutants with super-thick hide but if you want I can redact that for you.

That said, why did we suddenly forget the existence of our LAS pistol in the hullghast fight, and take a decommissioned eviscerator instead? ROOOOOOOOTTTTTTT

Cuz there was a total of like 6 shots left in it? o_O

Yes, but then we used it against the giant beast, but since we only have one hand/arm left, how were we able to in one scene use the las pistol on the giant beast, then when the Inquisitard enters, we're gripping the (2-handed) eviscerator firmly in our right hand? Did we secrete the las pistol in our asshole?

How is a one armed man changing between weapons and holding onto both of them so easily? Bros I am confuse.

Yeah that was simply derp of me, my bad. Just assume he dropped the (empty) pistol and grabbed the manly eviscerator instead. You shot the super-mutant at the end just cuz there was nothing else to do, not because you thought it would make any difference. Besides, I did say the hullghasts crept up behind you and dragged you INTO THE DEPTHS

It's cool bro, I was confused as to how we managed to keep all the gear when we're down a hand. If we're trying to use a melee weapon (2handed eviscerator?) against stormtroopers and the inquisitor with only one functioning arm and broken ribs, it makes the choice more important, because Schafer doesn't seem fit for combat. I mean what the fuck is he going to do? Kill the =I= then continue fighting his way to the hangar to steal a transport to the Eye of Terror to present himself for glorious assrape by Khorne for having slaughtered his foes so gloriously?

The real issue now is that we've spared the Inquisitor once, we're now a renegade and we're in such poor physical condition that we'll either die now anyway without medical attention (maybe while comatose they can turn us into a servitor fluffer to suck the =I='s dick since that's where people seem to want to go), or we can try to kill him and the stormtroopers and without our fate point maybe pull off a miracle, before returning gloriously to the ship to be blammed for heresy. If we kill him, we're pretty fucked, if we don't we're pretty fucked (if his intentions are not pure).

IF he really did make the holo-identifier available to our char, and was setting the black hold up as a test of our resolve to a) survive and b) to root out perceived heresy, then maybe he really is a bro and he wants to find new recruits for the Ordos Xenos or some shit. But if he is corrupt, then we're bumfucked.

 

[ironyuri]

don't apologise bro, that's what makes it good shit.

 

[Azael]

2.

We have no choice as it is now, we might be badass, but we are wounded and seriously underpowered to take on what appears to be a higher ranked Inquisitor with a stormtrooper retinue.

 

[Jaedar]

Bros, the Emperor's Tarot is telling me that if we choose 2, the update will be MAJESTIC

 

[ironyuri]

Either option we choose, the Inquistor still fucks us with a twin-linked contemptor pattern vibrating dildo.

 

[Zero Credibility]

2 of course.

I think this went pretty well. Apart from losing fate point I mean. And the arm - that kind of hurt. But in the process we have made our Shepard into the complete opposite of the late lieutenant, a good thing in my book. Plus if the Inquisitor really is uncorrupted this could still end well for us (after we do whatever he wants us for he might find us too useful to just get rid off - maybe unlikely, but possible).

1 is suicide.

 

[lightbane]

EDITED: 1, just (try to) blast the fucker and die trying, allowing us to reroll a new character