Chapter Four - The fearsome Shinra-killers takes a train! (Crackerjack Edition)
Cloud... Wonder if he was killed?
No way!!
Cloud...
Say, do you think Cloud's going to fight to the end for AVALANCHE?
The hell would I know?! Do I look like a mind reader?
Hmph! If y'all weren't such screw-ups...
FACT: Barret Wallace - black boss guy of the month, three years in a row!
Hey, Barret. What about our money?
Uh, nothing. Sorry.
All is quiet, when suddenly!
You damn right, you're late!! Come waltzin' in here, makin' a big scene!
It's no big deal. Just what I always do.
Shi't! Havin' everyone worried like that you don't give a damn 'bout no one but yourself!
Hmm... You were worried about me!
Wha?!
Barret isn't the only one who is confused here.
I'm takin' outta your money, hot stuff!
Okay, now I'm the only one who is confused here. Barret definitely want some of that white boy pussy and it's scaring me.
Alright, we're moving on. NOW.
Hey, Cloud!! You were great back there!
I know.
Heh heh......Cloud! We'll do even better next time!
Uh, what? What the fuck did you do, you goddamn moron? You stood watch all the time! And what's up with that bandana?
It's my favorite bandana...
Be careful, I'll shut this. Oh Cloud!! Your face is pitch-black....
Uh, thanks.
Say, thanks for helping me back there at the reactor.
Yeah, no pro...
And she jumps away! What. A. Bitch!
Alright, we jump after her. Hey, what's that ruckus?!
FACT: AVALANCHE always acts unsuspiciously!
FACT: Barret Wallace is one fearsome guy!
FACT: Men named George are pussies!
FACT: This is the last known utterance of "hoo-boy" in a public space. Even if it's virtual.
Alright, now we're in control! Let's go chat with people.
This is bum #1. He lives here. He's useless.
This is bum #2.
Barret have his gun pressed to the poor guy's stomach.
Bum #2 is sweating so much right now it's dripping down right between the ass cheeks, so let's be nice to him and believe him when he says that Barret is a strategic genius.
FACT: You can't sit down.
I'm sure that will change tomorrow...
Biggs is foreshadowing some stuff we'll have to go through on the next mission. It's not really such big a deal like they're trying to have you believe. We'll even get a preview in a minute.
Let's go talk to Wedge now.
Yeah, we could blow him... off, and end the dialogue, but let's be nice to him.
All my life, I felt nothin' but a sidekick. But after joinin' AVALANCHE and tryin' to save the Planet, I feel like I can do lots of things.
Hey, it's just like the american guys that joined Al Qaida!
Alright, Jessie is the one to speak to if we ever want to get the hell out of here. She asks us if we want to look at some thing together with her.
We say yes because we're a grown-up who likes playing with the ladies. Let's look at that thing now!
What? Goddamn what a bitch. What a fucking cock tease! Alright, shit, let's look at the MAP. Jesus, it's only useless.
I like this kinda stuff. Bombs and monitors... you know, flashy stuff.
Alright, take it away, Jessie. I know you have a lot to say so just go ahead and say it.
It's about a 1/10000 scale. The top plate is about 50 meters over ground. A main support structure holds the plate up in the center, and there are other support structures built in each sector. The No. 1 reactor we blew up was in the northern sector. Then there's No. 2, No. 3 and all the way up to the No. 8 reactor. The 8 reactors provide Midgar with electricity. Each town used to have a name, but no one in Midgar remembers them. Instead of names, we refer to them by numbered sectors. That's the kind of place this is.
The route spirals around the main support structure. We should be coming around the center area, right now. At each checkpoint, an ID sensor device is set up. It can check the identities and background on each and every passenger on the train by linking it up to the central data bank at Shinra Headquarters.
Damn you, George Orwell.
What?
Nothing.
Right, well, anyone could tell we look suspicious, so we're using fake IDs.
That's handy.
Yeah, that's the ID sensor thing. It flashes red and acts all kinds of shit.
My eyes!
Cloud employs his sexy boy pose and mutters something about irony, I'm sure.
Anyhow, we're almost back now. That's a relief.
And we're in control again. Let's talk to Jessie again and bring up dialogue options.
This is the first of the many C&C dialogues that will eventually result in what kind of date we'll end up going on later in the game. Now, just as an example, since I picked "looking forward to it" we end up getting a
minus 5 for getting the
Tifa date. Don't worry, though, because Tifa is so easy to get and you get plenty of options to rocket her love points to HEAVAN! We can easily get a minus 5 and flirt to our heart's content with Barrets demolition specialist.
We're almost there. After talking with you, I really want to do it! I think you've lit my fuse!
She's referring to the bomb she's going to give Cloud.
FACT: Cloud won't actually get a bomb from Jessie. Bitch.
Alright, next stop: Barret. He has a thing for the sky, as it turns out.
If that plate weren't there, we could see the sky...
Yammery yammery yam! Cloud joins in.
You jes' full of surprises.
Well, it IS kind of uncharacteristic but you don't have to be that way, Barret! Give him a break.
The upper world... a city on a plate. It's cuz of that fucking 'pizza' that people underneath are sufferin'! And the city below is full of polluted air. On topa that, the Reactor keeps drainin' up all the energy.
Then why doesn't everyone just move onto the plate?
Cloud isn't the brightest bulb in this lamp factory... or something. In fact, he's kind of a fucking moron but we won't hold that against him.
Probably cuz they ain't got no money or cuz they like their homes, you stupid motherfucker!
And Cloud goes all poet on us!
Our train kept a rollin' through the night, bitches!
In the next update: Meet the resistance!
Well, I learn. *shrugs* 
