Part the Second: HORRRRRRSSSSSE ARMMMAAAAAAAHH
Now, as we all know, Nick is an internationally famous Imperial Freelance Knight. His name and deeds scorch the lands like a forest fire, killing small animals and rendering thousands of people dead or homeless.
But an Imperial Freelance Knight, to be a true Knight, needs one thing.
Yes, friends. A horse. But not just any horse....
....For what a true Freelancely Knightly Steed requires....
....I...
....S....
HORSE ARMOUR!
NICK APPROVETH
BANDIT WANTS
Alas, during Nick's horse-pleasing session which inevitably followed his first horse-armour enhanced adventure, he encountered a group of bandits which the magic green arrow certainly did not lead him to in search of a Dwemar Orrarrarrarry piece. In a magnificently Radiant manner, the bandits cunningly ignored the demented Imperial Freelance Knight charging at them swinging Dad's Fine Steel Longsword and chose instead to slaughter his horse for its beautiful armour.
Nick slew them all, weeping terribly at the waste.
They could have bought the same armour for only £1.99 from Xbox Live Marketplace, he thinks.
However, what should happen when he checked the corpse but....
That's mighty handy, Nick! Even handier...
That's REEEEEEAL handy! Woo-hoo! NEXT-GEN!
Adventuring through the four bandit camps, Nick discovered little which could challenge his Dad's Fine Steel Longsword and his own Imperial Freelance Will. Striking down a villainous, Sithis-worshipping spawn of Dagon - a wizard - who had screamed hurtful obscenities about "depth" and "lore", he had a quick, glove-aided rummage through the moddafokka's pockets...
...only to find...
SPPPPEELLLLL TOOOOOOMMMMMMESSSS!
Quickly discovering the final Orrerrerrraaaaay piece, Nick triumphantly returned to The Stewartian City, pieces in hand and sorrow in heart. He had a quiet funeral for his horse, which he had fondly named "Mister Hands", and ate seventeen chunks of venison, nine rare fillet steaks, forty-three oranges and a melon.
Eventually, Sean Bean rolled him through the streets to the University. "I saw a mudcrab yesterday", he suggested.
Entering the Orrerry, the Mage's Guild Stewart fixerating it with magic and awesome, Nick broke out in a horrible rash. Wizards! Magickeries! Enchantings! EVERYWHERE!
Keeping his screams relatively low, he made his way up the stairs and activated the control console. The planets began birling in a manner which made his toenails throb, and the dome lit up with stars. It was impressive. £1.99 impressive? DAMN STRAIGHT. AND YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY £1.99 IF YOU WANT TO SEE IT.
But the adventure did not end there, dear reader.... a new, magical power awaited Nick, drawn from the moon-juice itself!
What could it be?
The tension....
....the tension....
.....THE TENSION....
.........THE TENSION.........
HOLY SHIT!
--------
Final Scores:
Spell Tomes - 10/10
Orerrerrerrreerrrerrreerreeeeeeroopy - 10/10
HORSE ARMOUR - 23323211656439/10
EDIT: BUY the plugins? Are you fucking kidding me?