Completed EU3 Magna Mundi: Serbia Strong REMOVE KEBAB

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Should have annexed, the vassal/union mechanics in MM are a pain in the ass. Bad mistake, even rap magic might not be able to save you.

The joys of a blind LP!

In any case not blind enough for me to miss the "pirate raid" modifier in the province of Ragusa that clearly implies my plans of conquering it are not such a good idea.

On the other hand, the Kebab is deep in Hungarian territory and their border provinces with Srbija are lightly defended, when defended at all...

On the other hand I know I'm not Furious Flaming Faggot who can beat the Mamluks with the Knights of Rhodes.

So many strategic choices and all potentially suicidal. You'll see in the soon to come update which I picked.

The Piracy system is a load of retarded bullshit, but the game penalizes you even harder for not having a port province.

 

[Hellraiser]

Yeah, apparently every damn coastal province is like the fucking coast of somalia unless you dump much jewgold into anti-piracy measures. Must be a zionist conspiracy .

 

[Merkwürdigliebe]

Yeah, apparently every damn coastal province is like the fucking coast of somalia unless you dump much jewgold into anti-piracy measures. Must be a kebab conspiracy .

Fixed.

 

[Cassidy]

I learned the hard way that I'll need at the very least to be able to afford 20k troops to even stand a chance against worst Turk and that 10% positive warscore against then is not enough even for a white peace. My best bet is definitively to remove pasta first, then remove kebab from premises, and the war of worst turk with Hungary brought particularly interesting developments for Serbia, as you'll see by the end of this update.

==============

REMOVE PASTA FROM RAGUSA

Montenegro bros of course help Serbia grow big. It time. Serbians busy training for inevitable war against worst turk to have time for diplomacy, need wait months for enough diplomat to begin.

REMOVE PASTA FROM PREMISES

Greek abandon Serbia, Montenegro abandon Serbia: no more bros. Claim on throne righteous.

Easy war. Serbia Strong.

Nevar forget. Byzantium needs rebirth. Tupac kill all turk restore Patriarchate with rap magic.

Worst guido smell in Dalmatia grow strong. Not good.

Finally, Pasta removed from Ragusa. Join back to Serbia. Croat can live in zoo. HAHAHA.

No bread for Bosnia? Let them eat kebab.

Worst turk pirate busy elsewhere. Soon worst turk try weaken Serbia with scum. No mercy to kebab. Ragusa now ours can be more trouble than good?

Doubtful. Serbia strong. Serbia manifest destiny unite all Slavs.

Serbia landlocked for years, restore navy will cost.

Serbia need caution. Worst turk want Serbia tiny. Hungary want Serbia tiny and Austria want Serbia tiny. Need bide time and shrug infamy. People in Serbia also exhausted by war. But Hungary may be totally crush then Worst Turk surround us. Tough choices but Serbia Strong enough face them.

All Balkan Slavs to Serbia, Serbia glorious destiny must be accept.

Serbia lacking in money to help veterans, sorry brave patriots. Inflation bad... army big, Serbia go bankrupt if stop minting money. Need war to grow rich.

When final war of Serbia begin, need seize as much Turk territory as possible, hold Serbia at all costs. Outnumbered quality Srbija army need to earn glory and victory on defense, not attack.

Serbia strong. Now at maximum army size. Need grow bigger to field army powerful enough to challenge kebab. But infamy too big, war exhaustion hurt and Venice worst guidos warned to declare war if Serbia start a war for unification of all Slavs. Situation bad, Hungary losing, Turks may surround Serbia soon.

Serbia need efficient tax. Every bit is important.

Still no potato to stop inflation.

Croats join Srbija not worst turk. we keep tax low for many years as reward.

Divine supremacy worthless national idea but changing too expensive. Serbia not renege the past.

God miracle quota over, no more sea split and plague to kill worst Turk and help Serbia. Worst Turk worse than worst Egyptian and worst Sodomite but God want Serbia to win on our own.

End of Turk-Hungary war intersting. Turk made Croatia kebab lovers. Croatia mock Serbia as Turk dhimmi under puppet rule of despot Hiver I.

Serbia need smart. Get Hiver to hate Turk, then once no longer protected by kebab liberate Croatia. Will opportunity to make Croatia break alliance with turk then REMOVE CROATIA happen? No matter:

CROATIA GIVE BACK OUR CLAY!

REMOVE SPAGHETTI FROM DALMATIA!

 

[Fafnir]

Fight the good fight against Kebab!

 

[Hellraiser]

Croatia turned into Hiverstan, worshiping Kebab prophet and worst turk. Remove Hiver from Croatia.

 

[Ion Prothon II]

Serbia greattst countrey! Fight worst Kebab!

 

[Cassidy]

I have enough for three updates, so keep the comments going.

--------------------

Croaotia, Turk not friend, worst Turk backstab you soon, join Srbija

Serbia strong, never get cannonbalss in the night, but why not? Milan strong ally once time to REMOVE GUIDO come.

Plans start. Serbia Strong. Serbia Smart. Hiver not trust kebab agree marry Црна мачка with Serbian Prince.

Just as planned. Claim Croatia throne soon.

King die, Serbia strong even if new king skill not good.

Serious, Serbia so strong this irrelevant.

I swear.

Serbia bloodlin strong next king very good competent.

NOOOOOOOO!

THIS DEFINITILY TURK WORK. WORST TURK SEND TRAITOR TO POISON STEFAN. REMOVE KEBAB FROM PREMISES!

At least worst turk fail stir more trouble.

Serbia wish could help but not big enough to make difference. Georgia endure cannonballs in the night with dignity, best wishes.

Serbia recover from war. Serbia strong soon war again once opportunity come.

Serbia need money, need lot money. Local economy too weak need expand international.

Tbilisi wake up to cannonballs in the night. Sorry Georgia Serbia cannot help...

HAHA as we if we care. Georgia don't pretend not be Turk, Georgia all turks pretend be European. Join kebab kebab so all get remove together.

Bulgarian patriots fight, but will lose. Serbia need twenty-thousand strong army at least to remove kebab, need unite Balkan first.

hiver smart, united we stop worst Turk from seizing our clay and first step to much more union.

Need keep watch against worst turk pirate too. Only way to stop the scum.

God forgive me.

God hate fornication, give totally incompetent heir as punishent.

Worst Turk subjugate most Greece, Morea now irrelevant and unable to help Serbia, must hurry to secure stronger Serbia before too late.

Damn worst Turk to hell, but now not time to claim Albania. Albania not deserve more than being Turk dog. Go back to your precious mongolia.

Serbia know worst Turk legion very big, like Xerxes legion invading Greece, but Serbia direct border with kebab and no navy. Serbia tougher war ahead than Sparta.

Just as planned. Now the waiting game but soon or later Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Bosnia together will fight worst Turk. maybe opportunity show yet to remove guido from Dalmatia.

 

[Gondolin]

Hiver not trust kebab agree marry Црна мачка with Serbian Prince.

:D

Too bad the competent heir died. The current ruler and the new heir don't seem competent enough to remove kebab from premises.

 

[Hellraiser]

Future Potato-Hitman Commonwealth have lots of troops, may help remove kebab in future. Secure alliance with Potato brothers so Serbia remain Strong?*

*unless Lithuania gets butthurt and Poland never inherits it as happens occasionally.

 

[JagreenLern]

I listen to Tupac whenever I read updates to this LP.

Now can someone explain to me how Castille has almost as many troops as fucking China in 1468?

 

[Gondolin]

Gazpacho strong remove kebab?

 

[Cassidy]

I listen to Tupac whenever I read updates to this LP.

Now can someone explain to me how Castille has almost as many troops as fucking China in 1468?

AI cheats and "Lucky Nations" Rap magic.

Also trade is very useful for small countries, even those with shitty starting sliders for trading like Serbia can have a small income from it.

=================

REMOVE GUIDO FROM PREMISES

Serbian invisible hand of free market strong, help invisible hand then grow richer. Get out Trade Czar this not Rusia.

YAR Serbia crush Turk pirate with revenge. REMOVE RICHES FROM ALGIERS

Serbia so strong even with no naval tradition success comes against worst turk. Or maybe worst turk make for very shitty sailor.

You are the worst turk idiot. You help Serbia grow strong with your war against all who follow Christ and not your wicked Djinn. Venice now distracted, no time to be lost.

Turk idiot Serbia now rich thanks to looted kebab. First bide time but soon, very soon:

We remove guido, and never again guido step on Serbia! Ragusa only start.

Serbia strong, Milan strong too help Serbia against worst guidos. Venice give bak our clay!

Victory like always. Guido horse worth nothing Serbia soldier better than knight Serbia knight worth a thousand guido knights.

With this Serbia definitily remove guido, but no need, still accepted.

Rich merchant laugh Serbia merchant. Worst idiot, Serbia strong in everything!

Venice crush their losses will force them to give bak our clay.

Croatia fool, Venice no land border with Serbia now you give them empower. Opportunistic maggot refuse to support Serbia war but want the cake for them now that Serbia already winning.

Serbia above such pettiness. If want challenge Serbia honor do it like man in duel and battlefield not like fag in trolling.

Guido removed from Dalmatia, Istria, we are coming!

Croat fools out of war. Need convince them give military access to continue operation remove guido.

Naples strong threat, Serbia give money for them out of war so can crush Venice scum.

Serbia people strong deserve fair treatment return to Turkey sadistic sick fuck, now this demesne mine get out.

REMOVE KEBABISHOP FROM OFFICE

Austria help Serbia, give Serbia military access great. Now from Austria crush guido no mercy.

Guido scum we will take Istria back no matter the cost. Damn guidos try to defeat Milan, if Milan fall they abandon support for Serbia, Serbia army need to beat guidos from Istria then march to support Milan before they start losing. Serbia strong Serbia will do it. Holding Dalmatia only not enough to convince guido to cede, need crush heart of guido land itself and crush Venice entire army even if it outnumber Serbia army.

TO VICTROY!

 

[TripJack]

to victroy indeed

 

[Cassidy]

TO VICTROY! SERBIA GLORY OVER VENICE WILL BE REMBERED THOUGH THE AGES

This look like Turk scheme, Serbia not made of worst scum like turk. No way.

Damn it! Montenegro alone you weak easy Turk prey!

You thought Srbija army insigificant and you won? Istria Serbian get out!

Best offense for Serbia is defense and superior siege to seize enemy forts fast. Finally no Turk bitching about it. Eventually lots of cannons too shall make glorious Serbian Army.

Worst Turk gained nothing real from war with worst guido, well done.

Milan turned tide of war and crush Genoa, Victroy closer! Istria will fall to Serbian glory no matter how many brave men have to give their lives for Greater Serbia!

Look what refuse to join Serbia did to you Montenegro. Eat kebab and remember as the Turk rape you you had a chance to prevent this!

Now we march to crush Venice whole army for once and all and put an end to this war!

Fools! They army once outnumber ours but they wasted it sieging Parma, but brave Parma defenders not well, Parma about to fall and while Serbia victrous over Istria the entire Milanese army was crush by Venice. Hold steady, for the Serbian army will march to put an end to this siege and to the worst guido army. Serbia peasant levy strong led by great general will lead to decisive victroy.

Many die along the way due to kebab diseases and Turk spies trying to poison Serbian soldiers, and in the end, battle situation complicated at start. Venice army better equipped and technologically advanced and only slightly outnumber by Serbia only peasant levies. But no idea on how strong Serbian peasants are and how great general Filip is.

This will be very difficult battle, but we must not lose lest a thousand year of kebab doom our people. Odds favor Venice but we shall prevail!

A legend will born this day. A legend not so far from that of the 300 Spartans, that will shine for generations, if we win this battle.

Battle of Parma shall be forever remembered as one of most glorious Serbian victroys of all times! Even after we manage to retake Constantinople we still never forget this great victroy paving way for us to stand chance against worst Turk. Our peasant levies fought as legends against superior equip armies and achieved what many claim impossible! Venice entire army crushed, time to make deal with Genoa to put end to straggers.

Genoa defeat temporary they probably will use diplomats and recover all deals we demand them to end. Nevertheles Serbia much prestigious in the eyes of the rest of Europe thanks to this glorious victroy.

Serbia advance in arms, still not as advanced in infantry equip as Condotta of guidos but eventually shall be. All left now is to crush guidos besieging Lombardia.

Almost all guido forces removed! Great day! Time to seize richest Venice city outside Venice itself, this will force them to give bak our clay in Istria and Dalmatia. Wood wall protect Venice Serbia has no navy to break in.

Irrelevant try to retake Istria, now all guido forces wiped out. Never forget Battle of Parma.

Victroy needs be fast, for fast victroy Serbia need stronger siege ability. Serbia army all infantry until Serbia much richer than now then support knights.

Therefore, Serbia will have glorious Engineer Corps.

Serbia Strong Serbian Engineer Strong.

Serbia army most glorious generals approve engineer corps. More prestigious now.

Guido desperate raise armies in sieged places only for them to be wipe out. Victroy now closer than ever. Treviso shall fall soon.

Luck, worst turk idiot only demanded humiliation from Montenegro pathetic king no landgrab so Serbia may yet take clay back from Montenegro. Meanwhile Treviso will soon fall. War coming to end.

Serbia enter history forever!

All guidos removed from Balkan. This great day, but Balkan still disunite, need please Bosnia then convince them join back Srbija and find way to get Montenegro in without infamy, and hope Claim on Croatia throne will work instead of fail like Montenegro. Serbia will manage because Serbia Strong. Now only one real enemy in: you worst turk, we coming to you once we set our Balkans united and loyal to ideals of Greater Serbia! We will liberate Bulgarians from kebab oppression and Djinn!

 

[Renegen]

 

[Gondolin]

Kebab Roemove Ne!

 

[Hellraiser]

Worst guido army weak, serbia strong, pasta shall be removed!

BTW speaking of Serbian engineers...

 

[Fafnir]

Fight the Guido drive them back to Roma!

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Not sure if Engineer Corps was the best choice, Military Drill gives Discipline.

Anyway, so far the only mistake has been in avoiding aggressive expansion, diplo-expansion is horseshit in MMU and takes fucking forever (you can have a union for hundreds of fucking years, and you'll probably end up with negative autonomy modifiers in provinces). Just annex Montenegro by force, and later do the same in Croatia.


PS: Do NOT build any ships at all. MMU has fucktarded naval system, you cannot do ANYTHING with a navy without Naval Ideas. Without several (two is the minimum, IIRC), your ships just instantly sink if they end up in combat.

 

[Ulminati]

What Vaarna said. REMOVE COASTLINE FROM PREMISES!

 

[dextermorgan]

Beach have no clay, beach not important. Take back clay, ignore beach.

 

[Cassidy]

Not sure if Engineer Corps was the best choice, Military Drill gives Discipline.

By the time I can build an army large enough to stand any chance at all in a battle against Kebab I'll have another idea slot anyway, and I'm planning for go full army on National Ideas because I know I'm going to need it... really need it. Glorious arms looks much better than in vanilla, specially because so far when I'm lucky I get a shock or fire 3 general at best. This is the reason I all slider moves went towards defensive and I picked Engineer Corps, to have faster sieges which is pretty much the best way to stand a chance for Srbija right now

Anyway, so far the only mistake has been in avoiding aggressive expansion, diplo-expansion is horseshit in MMU and takes fucking forever (you can have a union for hundreds of fucking years, and you'll probably end up with negative autonomy modifiers in provinces). Just annex Montenegro by force, and later do the same in Croatia.

Thanks for the tip. Luckily won't have much trouble with Bosnia as send gift is pretty cheap for them, but I see what you mean. Unfortunately after that war with Venice I'm now at over 11 infamy, so it would be somewhat risky to get both the infamy of a no CB war and of an unjustified landgrab.

PS: Do NOT build any ships at all. MMU has fucktarded naval system, you cannot do ANYTHING with a navy without Naval Ideas. Without several (two is the minimum, IIRC), your ships just instantly sink if they end up in combat.

Railroading at its finest, the way I see it. If at least all NI slots started empty and you were the one to choose them... it sorts of cut the purpose of making NIs far more important and critical if the first of them are out of player's control.

Speaking of it, I think I should mod MMU to have all countries beginning without preset NIs... that would be more interesting and fun to play IMO. But I'd do that only after finishing this LP.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

I don't think the EU3 AI has anything that makes it choose random NIs... All NI's the AI picks are pre-chosen in their country's txt file, and thus it'd be only you that gets to choose different NIs.

Also, I don't know if they ever fixed it, but the change National Idea event chain bullshit is borkered, you may have to end it via event cheat if it decides to loop forever.



Anyway, I think you're beginning to see why I think MMU is a couple of nice ideas drowning in an oceon of retarded arbitrary bullshit.

 

[Renegen]

It doesn't loop forever, I've probably accumulated 1000 years of reneging the past in all my playthroughts. If you have the crazy money or the stability it seems to quickly get rid of everything that comes your way, your chances of it ending are much higher. The key is getting an event that says "people are adapting to your new policies" after which point you know it won't loop and won't throw crazy shit at you.

About ships, they don't sink instantly. Vaarna is kind of tiring with his propaganda bullshit to everything he hates, spewing out pure lies. I know I've had the same argument already. With no naval NIs, you have very low morale and probably need 5 to 1 advantage. You hate MMU Vaarna, we get it, GTFO of this thread.