Redacted

[disk failure]

Finally, all players should PM their passwords to yours truly so that we can find substitutes and/or replace any losses in order to keep the game going.

If i may point out a potentially serious flaw in this arrangement, namely the possibility - however small - that you could use this information to further your house interests in an ethically questionable manner.
Now i know, believe me, i know, that you would never cede to such a temptation, but you could be ACCUSED of behaving unethically, and therein lies the real issue with this plan - i mean we can all talk butter to each other while we are sitting pretty on our scepters, but when shit gets wet some may choose to point the finger away from themselves. Suddenly everyone is out to get you and before you know it you're lying in the gutter, a shell of a man, abandoned by everyone. It simply would not be fair to make you carry this burden all by yourself, therefore i'd like to propose a different scheme: each of us sends you the first half of our passwords and we send the second half to another player (as an example, we could send it to the same player we send our save file to)


i would also like to share my troubled toughts regarding the 13th directive

13. Keep unit pay unchanged. If players can increase their units' loyalty to 100%, it makes officers irrelevant

What if i want to cut my unit paycheks in an effort to save myself from an economic depression? This will decrease unit loyalty, which would make officers/knights relevant again.
Maybe we could change the wording on this one to something like: "the player should not increase unit pay beyond the base unit loyalty he starts the game with (usually 75% if the house has no loyalty-boosting traits)"


And lastly, if no one objects, i'd like to take control of the proud house of al-malik.

 

[Kalin]

Sorry I vanished on you guys. Definitely don't want to slow down the flow of this game, so I'll pass this round. Keep us updated on the game's goings!

No worries, good to see you're still around!

Finally, all players should PM their passwords to yours truly so that we can find substitutes and/or replace any losses in order to keep the game going.

If i may point out a potentially serious flaw in this arrangement, namely the possibility - however small - that you could use this information to further your house interests in an ethically questionable manner.
Now i know, believe me, i know, that you would never cede to such a temptation, but you could be ACCUSED of behaving unethically, and therein lies the real issue with this plan - i mean we can all talk butter to each other while we are sitting pretty on our scepters, but when shit gets wet some may choose to point the finger away from themselves. Suddenly everyone is out to get you and before you know it you're lying in the gutter, a shell of a man, abandoned by everyone. It simply would not be fair to make you carry this burden all by yourself, therefore i'd like to propose a different scheme: each of us sends you the first half of our passwords and we send the second half to another player (as an example, we could send it to the same player we send our save file to)

Relying on several players for the passwords sort of undermines the goal of being able to swiftly replace someone who might go inactive, but still, you could send your password to Dayyālu instead, that way no one will be able to play past their own turn and the possibility for abuse is eliminated.

i would also like to share my troubled toughts regarding the 13th directive

13. Keep unit pay unchanged. If players can increase their units' loyalty to 100%, it makes officers irrelevant

What if i want to cut my unit paycheks in an effort to save myself from an economic depression? This will decrease unit loyalty, which would make officers/knights relevant again.
Maybe we could change the wording on this one to something like: "the player should not increase unit pay beyond the base unit loyalty he starts the game with (usually 75% if the house has no loyalty-boosting traits)"

Sure thing, cash can be tight early on so it definitely makes sense.

And lastly, if no one objects, i'd like to take control of the proud house of al-malik.

Sounds good!

I think I will pick Hawkwood this time, which leaves the adorable AI to (mis)manage the Hazat.

Here is the new turn-order:

Li Halan - Dayyālu
Decados - JagreenLern
Hawkwood - Kalin
Al Malik - disk failure

 

[disk failure]

Relying on several players for the passwords sort of undermines the goal of being able to swiftly replace someone who might go inactive, but still, you could send your password to Dayyālu instead, that way no one will be able to play past their own turn and the possibility for abuse is eliminated.

I do admit that splitting the passwords makes things a bit more complicated, but on the other hand if another player knows your password then that sort of undermines the goal of having passwords doesn't it? Fortunately, i think i just had a progressive mental fart on this. Since you guys seem like a trustworthy bunch, i'm not going to use a password at all (or i'll use an empty password). To hell with it i say, let's get this game rolling!

 

[Kalin]

Bros, come on! Holidays are over, sober up and play your turns! The saves must flow, I am getting serious withdrawal here.

 

[disk failure]

It's a good thing Kalin has our passwords, because we'll start dying of old age at this pace.

What's the problem, people? Who's obstructing the flow of the Holy Save?

 

[Kalin]

Dayyālu, I think, he hasn't responded to messages lately. Don't have passwords either, since we just started out.

The game is so good, yet the multiplayer here never seems to work. Almost like it is cursed or something.

 

[JagreenLern]

Dayyālu, I think, he hasn't responded to messages lately. Don't have passwords either, since we just started out.

The game is so good, yet the multiplayer here never seems to work. Almost like it is cursed or something.

Shit, sorry bros, I've haven't been at my computer in the last few days. I'll do my turn soon.

 

[JagreenLern]

Just sent Kalin the save.

 

[Kalin]

Turn sent to disk failure.

 

[Dayyālu]

We are the leader of the Li Halan. Wise, despite our young age.
Strong, despite our peculiar taste in clothing and visage.
Because no one can judge us, now that we are Lord- nay, Lady- upon our peers.

We rule upon great worlds. Yet, great wastelands lie still unexplored. What could be found in the Great Deserts of old?
Maybe something that could help us in this senseless struggle, maybe something that...

"My Lor...eerrrr...LADY. Sorry to interrupt your musings, but a menace is upon our Lab on Rampart. It seems that a Great War Beast, result of unholy experiments, has appeared without warning and it is going to attack our holding in a few days..."

"Merely one of the things? Send our mighty troops. Better, mobilize one of our new AeroBombers Squadrons. The mindless beast lacks any way to attack our brave airmen. It should be --- trivial."

"Milady... it appears that our initial scans...were a bit off..."

Yeah. Out of nowhere. I 'tarded a bit and attacked with the Aerobomber, and lost it (this is a replay for your viewing pleasure,I was not that lucky in the "proper" turn). Just a day in the life of the Lady of the Li Halan...

 

[anus_pounder]

Following with great interest.

 

[Kalin]

Citizens of the Known Worlds rejoice as House Hawkwood, the most honourable, noble, courageous and racially white house in existence, has finally been consolidated under the wise and fair rule of Prince Chadwick Athelstan Templeton III. His prowess in battle and great penchant for administration makes him the most excellent ruler yet, disproving each and every foul rumour of his alleged tyranny and incestuous relations within the royal household.

In recent years, His Most Aryan Excellency has squashed the pitiful insurgency on Leminkainen and mounted many an expedition to re-discover Second Republic technology, not least the sacred knowledge of nuclear fission and psychopharmacology. With the Hawkwood realm united, the time has now come to rid the stars of a great evil, namely the bloodthirsty, rape-crazed machete-wielding heretics of the infamous Hazat. For far too long have these unruly savages preyed on the innocent, dabbled in witchcraft, insulted our family honour and propagated the false notion that their armed forces are superior even to ours.

Proclaimed before all houses on Byzantium Secundus is therefore an open declaration of war by House Hawkwood against the Hazat menace. Their "house" constitute a massive threat to interstellar security and must be eliminated at all costs. Attempts to interfere with our holy crusade shall not be tolerated, though other houses are of course more than welcome to join in the righteous purge of the congoid demon-spawn.

 

[disk failure]

In today's installment of "Let's Become Acquainted With..." we bring you:

House al-Malik
Leader: Duke Mehmed the Magnificent

Antonio Mehmed al-Malik Banderas, better known as Mehmed the Magnificient, Mehmed the Maestro and Giant George, is the current leader of House al-Malik and uncle of the late Duke Hakim. Loved by his people, feared by his enemies, he stepped in to fill the vacant ducal position after his nephew's fishing accident on Aylon.

As a prominent critic of his predecessors' flaccid ways of dealing with political realities, he amassed a great deal of public support, especially during the Symbiot wars. He argued that if the house was to survive it needed to take more rigorous approaches. This garnered him support from the more militant al-Malik nobility, but also distanced him from the more liberal factions.

After his ascent to dukedom he immediately moved against his opposition that was still attemtping to rally on Shaprut under the former Duchess Yusara. Duke Mehmed landed on Shaprut personally and was greeted by an exuberant crowd who still celebrated him as their champion from the Symbiot wars. This unexpected support from the masses swayed most of the wavering lords over to his side. Badly outnumbered, lords still loyal to the Duchess and her ever-absent son Amir surrendered south of Tabriz. Several of them were executed for treason while the Duchess herself agreed to live out the rest of her days in a monestary on Istakhr, close to the Duke, in case her son should ever decide to return.

(orbital image of the hex where Duchess Yusara and her followers surrendered. In honor of this victory, the Pancreator endowed the land with great fertility)

Having consolidated his power he started instituting laws and reforms aimed at weeding out corruption, bureaucratic inefficiencies and strengthening the lax military norms. Purges of anyone deemed incompetent became frequent, both in military and administrative circles. Harsh laws and penalties on anyone caught violating them created a lot of tension, especially on Criticorum. Amidst these rising tensions, the Duke became a victim of malicious hearsays that claim he fornicates with anything that has an orifice. These vile fabrications stubbornly persist, even though anyone caught spreading them is summarily executed.

Hampered profiteering also brought the Duke in direct conflict with the League on several occasions, and the previously good relationships between al-Malik and the League can now be considered strained at best. Nevertheless, for now at least, the Duke manages to compromise the situation from escalating.

The only social sphere that still enjoys all the privileges they've always enjoyed under al-Malik patronage is the academic community. Being fully aware of the role technological restoration plays in renewing the might of his house, the Duke has even broadened their autonomy. Recently though, this indulgency might have come at a cost - over 300 scientist perished, taking with them a lot of valuable research data, when the transport ship they were on missed the starport landing platform and crashed into the control tower. To this day, Criticorum starport facilities remain only partially operational.

(Criticorum starport. Damage still clearly visible.)

Duke Mehmed the Magnificent has 4 living legitimate sons and heirs. From the eldest to the youngest they are:

• Ahmed the Slightly Less Magnificent
• Ihmed the Even Less Magnificent
• Usain the Not Magnificent But Fast
• Carl the Insignificant

He also has several, mostly irrelevant, daughters - not really worth mentioning, except maybe for one:

• Izmeta the Adorable, Head of the Mutasih

 

[disk failure]

Duke Mehmed the Magnificent issues the following statement regarding the recent outbreak of hostilities between House Hawkwood and the Hazat:

With our forces commited to stopping the Symbiot scourge from consuming our entire civilization, I can not allow to get sidetracked by petty squabbles, nor can I condone any sensless bloodshed between the Great Houses. There are dangerous enemies out there, and I pray Prince Chadwick - in his youthful zeal - did not open a can of worms none of us will be able to close again.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Foreign Policy advisor to reassign.

 

[Malakal]

So guys who is the regent? Who holds which position in the court? Thats always interesting.

 

[disk failure]

We're still plotting on that one. If i were to extrapolate from our ambitious turn speed, i'd say - and i may be going out on a limb here - i'd say the regent will be known within a few months.
But, in an effort to keep our two many spectators from dying of all this excitement, i'll try to come up with a riveting piece of drama and post it later on.

 

[Azira]

 

[Storyfag]

I'd wager there are more than two of us

 

[disk failure]

Good evening everyone and welcome to Ethereal Tactics with Slick Johnson. My name is Slick Johnson and tonight we'll be discussing the strategic situation in the Known Worlds with our chief strategic analyst Mr. Napoleon Bonaparte. Good evening Napoleon.

Good evening, Slick.

Now, Napoleon, there has been a lot of ruckus lately after Prince Chadwick declared, shall we say - an open season on the Hazat, heh heh heh...

Ha-Ha-Ha. Yes, yes, good one Slick, good one...

He-heh, aaah... So, could you please explain to us what does that mean?

Well I don't know, you said it, Slick! Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!

O Ha! Ha! Hah!

But seriously now. With the Hazat leadership completely insane, the Prince is in an ideal position to mount an early assault against them. As we can so clearly see from this map i've prepared for you here:

Prince Chadwick has two unobstructed avenues to engage the Hazat and perhaps even catch them in a classic pincer maneuver. Also, having a cushy buffer zone between the other houses, he can afford to commit the majority of his fleet to this campaign. The only thing that puzzles me, Slick, with the rules being vague on this issue, is what's with all the pompous posturing and announcing his intentions to all the Houses on Byzantium? If it were me, i'd take a crack team of Grenadiers, grab the scepters and run back to Delphi while the other houses are still holding their dicks in the bushes.

It's probably because of some misplaced sense of honor and grandeur, you know how these noblemen are these days, Napoleon, he-heh!

Yes, yes, to continue, it is possible that Prince Chadwick only looks foolish, and that in fact he has a cunning plan with which to stun us all, but whatever that plan may be, to implement it, he'll probably need to rely heavily on his limited fleet assets, and you know how I feel about the navy, Slick...

Do you think the Prince has made an alliance with someone? At least a deal of some sort, something that would make him feel more confident to throw the glove into everyone's faces like this?

That's a surprisingly good question, Slick. Everything is possible at this point. Me personally, I think the Prince is just looking for some entertainment, but it could backfire on him if he is not prepared. Now, I brought another map so i can present my insights in a more impressive manner:

Even though the Hawkwoods are neatly cordoned off from the other houses, they are not invulnerable. While Prince Chadwick's forces are tied down in Hazat space, taking casualties, a more enterpreneurial House leader might seize the opportunity and strike the Hawkwood's rear on Gwynneth and Leminkainen via Criticorum and Aylon. To do this however, such a house leader would need to employ cooperation from the al-Malik, or be al-Malik himself. So it does stand to reason that the Prince is looking to get some form of assurances from the al-Malik, at least until he's through with the Hazat. On the other hand, the Prince could try and pit the al-Maliks, Decados and the Li Halan against one another, and he probably wouldn't need to try too hard, and while these three are busy bitchslapping one another, he can simply gallop in, take Aragon, then Sutek, and then he can do as he pleases with Vera Cruz. There are many possibilites here, Slick...

Looking at this map of yours, Napoleon, one could go through Stigmata or Byzantium to strike at the Hawkwoods, or even through Hazat space, Holy Terra and then strike Delphi itself.

Shows how much you know, Slick. But luckily, that's why you brought me, ahahahah!

Yes, heh-heh...

Aaa lighten up, Slick, I didn't mean to offend you, you know that. We are good chums you and I.
But don't ever doodle on my charts again.

Now I will explain it to you, Slick. Pay attention. You could send a strike force through Holy Terra but, given the speed at which these guys are playing, you'd probably need to put everyone on board in suspended animation.
Byzantium is a whorehouse, everybody comes and goes on a whim and the Prince would most likely know of anything that's happening over Byzantium, still that's probably the most efficient way to strike at the Hawkwoods without using the al-Maliks.
And the Stigmata... heh... God, Slick. Only an idiot would go through Stigmata, since the Symbiots are probably there, and you'd have to go through Bannockburn which is a known Hawkwood satellite - and for what? To get to Gwynneth? You could do that from Criticorum, you need to go through Istakhr or Shaprut to get to Stigmata anyway. Now, if one were to have control over the Imperial Fleet, that would be another matter...

All right... So, do you believe any of the lords will try to take advantage of the situation and launch an attack against the Hawkwoods?

Well, Slick, at this point it's highly dubious that any of the Houses are prepared to make a larger commitment on any of the fronts. These "attacks" would probably be nothing more than mere raids, even against the Hazat - I'm betting the Prince is just going for the scepters, hoping to grab them before the elections. And, I must say, Slick, it would be interesting to see what would happen if he were to succeed...

Speaking of which, what do you think of the forthcoming elections, Napoleon, do you see anyone claiming the Regency?

Only myself. Like I was trying to tell you, Slick, a lot will depend on the outcome of this little excursion on Aragon. If Hawkwoods manage to snatch the scepters from the Hazat, we'll see a different kind of entertainment on Byzantium. The other three houses might ally against the Hawkwoods, but they would need to overcome any misgivings they have for one another and reach some sort of a compromise. That may prove to be harder than it seems. On the other side, with another ally, Prince Chadwick could pretty much secure the elections for himself, but he would probably need to offer something quite valuable in return. Still, the pressure would definitely be on the other houses to reach an agreement, the Prince could just risk it and hope the other houses fail to unite, maybe even try to take one of them out of the election race with a few surgical strikes on Byzantium...

Yes, yes... Well, we'll see, won't we, Napoleon?

I don't know...

I wasn't really asking you a question, Leo - do you mind if I call you Leo? Napoleon is a little awkward...

You can call your mother Leo! And it's not N-poulion you anglicizing little prick, it's Napo-Leon - NAPO-LEON!

Aaa lighten up, Napoleon, I didn't mean to offend you. We are chums, after all.

I'll kill you right there, Slick. You just keep pushing me. First you ruin my charts with your greasy fingers and your kindergarten artwork, and now you want to call me Leo, like I'm here to suck your dick. It's bad enough I have to sit here and listen to your inept pronunciations. N-poulion... How would you like it if i was to call you shit, eh? You'd like that, wouldn't you?

He-heh... well, anyway, we're running a bit short on time here, so one final question before we bring the show to an end - do you think any of the other houses will join Prince Chadwick's crusade against the Hazat? And see if you can make it brief this time, Napoleon.

What?

Do you think any of the other houses will join Prince Chadwick's crusade against the Hazat?

Oh, I'll be drinking your blood before this day is over, Slick, mark my words... As for the other houses joining the crusade, it's possible, to an extent. I'd say the Li Halan Duchess might send some troops, being overly religious and all, unless of course she's been caught on the altar somwhere with her pants down and the Hawkwoods beat her to the scepters, which is quite possible I might add, seeing how skillfully she managed to defend one of her own laboratories recently. But i guess that's what you get when little girls do men's work. The Decados... I'm not even sure where to begin on the Decados, some say Lord Decados has fallen into a catatonic state from smoking too much weed and that now they're burning little children on Severus just to keep the mist in the air. As for Duke Mehmed, I don't think he has the balls to move his miserable ass from Istakhr to go anywhere by himself.

Ah, I wish you hadn't said that, Napoleon. I mean it's okay to insult the other leaders, but as long as we're on Criticorum, going live, it's not wise to throw jabs at the Duke like that. I hope he's not watching this...

Why? What can the old fart do about it?

Yes... This isn't working.

Don't worry, Slick, they're all peons to me.

Well, that's it for tonight. Hopefully, we'll see each other again. Maybe from Leagueheim next time...

If it will make you feel better, I can send some flowers and a box of chocolates to the Duke. In your name, as an apology.

 

[Kalin]

:D

 

[Kalin]

Hear ye! The courageous Prince Chadwick presses forth, unconcerned with defeatist rumours of opportunistic interventions by other houses. "Let them come at me!" the young conqueror announced, ever confident in his ability to lead his house to victory. The Hawkwood fleet has now penetrated deep into Hazat space, and is preparing to engage the vile enemy in force!

Meanwhile, the home worlds grow stronger as houses foolish enough to rebel against His Highness have been completely crushed on Delphi and Gwynneth, yielding peace, stability and much-needed resources to support the holy crusade. Orthodox Archbishop Draconius of the Delphi Metropolitan See recently urged support of the initiative, labelling it the most wholesome enterprise in the struggle against darkness since the establishment of the Stigmata Garrison. Predictably, thousands of peasants now flock to the banners of the Hawkwood militia, eager to do their part. Transportation of these fresh levies to the front lines is greatly aided by the lease of several bulk hauler transports, courtesy of the Charioteers Guild.

In other news, sources within the Merchant League reveal that House Al Malik now engages in hostilities against the agents of the Imperial Eye, the oldest intelligence agency in the Known Worlds. It is currently unknown why the Al Malik would strive to dismantle a branch of the Imperial government, though it seems reasonable to assume that Duke Mehmed is bent on appropriating their fort on Istakhr, presumably so as to prevent another house from employing its assets against him. This would of course require said house to first secure the Imperial Eye ministry at Byzantium Secundus, which would in itself require appointment by the Imperial Regent, an office that still remains vacant.

 

[disk failure]

What war?

Thats just liberal media overreacting on minutia, but this only serves to prove to all those slandering unbelievers out there just how strongly we, the al-Malik, value the freedom of speech!

Now let me tell you the truth! And the truth is that this, so called war, is a fairy tail concocted by several spiteful individuals who despise freedom and justice, who hate their prarents and abuse their children.

What witnesses? Give me their names and I will personally hear what they have to say.

According to an agreement that one of my predecessors made with the Imperial Crown, House al-Malik was to borrow a predetermined sum to the Crown in exchange for the Imperial Eye Fort property on Istakhr. This property would then be leased to the Imperial Eye free of charge for a fixed period. That period expired several years ago. After that the Imperial Eye was to provide monthly payment to the al-Malik based on the value of the property, but those payments were never received and, due to a clerical error, we've only recently discovered this. Imagine my surprise, when I found out that the Imperial Eye owed 700.000 Firebirds in principal and slightly less than 25 milion Firebirds in interest to our house. Naturally, we immediately contacted Imperial Eye Provisional Director and agreed that the small contingent of Imperial Eye personnel stationed on Istakhr would depart and that the fort property would be returned to it's rightful owners until reparations can be made.

Punished? No, no, no... We are not barbarians, my dear. No. The assistant of the Treasury Minister and the clerks responsible for this oversight were simply reassigned to a position more suited to their skills.

Eh? Their new assignement is not a secret, no. They are now assisting the efforts of a land survey team on Absolution.

So, as you can see, and let me reassure everyone on this, especially our friends in the League, that no hostilities of any kind are present on any of the al-Malik worlds. Commercial activities continue as normal. Business is as usual.


[Later, in the ducal palace on Istakhr...]

It's that cunt from the Criticorum Gazette again! He leaked this story and now, all of the sudden, everyone's on my ass! He even sent me flowers yesterday, can you believe that?
You!
Boy!
Yes, you! Go find that cocksucker and burn his house!
That whole pestiferous planet brought me nothing but misery. I swear, I'm going to go down on that roadless cesspit and I'm going to go down hard. They gonna feel the wrath of Mehmed the Magnificent! Don't stop, woman! Don't stop!

 

[Kalin]

 

[Kalin]

4960 AD

Pancreator be praised! Following the supreme victory secured by the invincible Hawkwood fleet, Prince Chadwick Templeton the Zealous has successfully brought divine retribution upon the hive of heresy known as Aragon. After a stunning lightning raid against Castle Furias, the five Imperial Sceptres have been liberated at long last, whereas every single Hazat noble in sight has been burnt at the stake! May this joyous day serve as both a reinvigorating reminder of Orthodox virtues and a clear warning to enemies of righteousness for time immemorial.

Strengthened by the divine blessings bestowed upon our forces, the holy crusade continues with utmost rigour. House Hawkwood will not rest until every last Hazat heretic has been purged from existence.

 

[Kalin]

Sup, Dayyālu!

:D