In Progress Degenerate, furred Genjin pause... LET'S PLAY: Goblet Grotto!

[Crooked Bee]

This is a thread where I play whatever I want as long as I want to.

It begins with Goblet Grotto.

Millionaire coolgame franchise and mystery pak founded by thecatamites & j chastain for benefit of everybody with the wonderful music by NEW VADERS and over 2000 hours of cave-based gameplay is available to play now and have all good times.

Available for Win. Available for Mac. Available for Dendy.

I'll see you... on floor 63....​

Goblet Grotto is a weird exploration-focused action-RPG. It's pretty simple to control -- tap SPACE to attack and that's it -- but there's also stuff like eating, praying and sleeping that you gotta keep an eye on. Not to mention the weird "glyph" language that has you constantly looking into the manual (by which I mean the "HOW TO WIN AT GOBLET GROTTO" html file that comes with the game) to figure out their meaning.

This game has paragraphs, just like Wasteland.

The Black Forest comprises primary forest of the Second Hemisphere. The exact dimensions and makeup of The Black Forest are unknown. The Black Forest is estimated to encompass 144,000 hectares of width and 144,000 hectares of length although the exact boundaries of this forest remain undiscovered. Each hectare contains 30 wolves. Every fifth hectare contains a village. Every ninth hectare contains a Ruin. Every twentieth hectare contains an entrance to the grotto. Every twenty-fifth hectare contains a Ziggurat forming focal point for all wolf distribution in surrounding sector. The thick sludge of the forest floor is highly prized by peasants and ascetics. The trees of the Black Forest emit a toxic gas when chopped or burnt, making them unusable for any task. This is all currently established information about The Black Forest.

The goal of the game is to collect goblets, apparently?

Anyway, we get attacked as soon as we start the game, and perish immediately.

Time to restart this shit, and proceed more carefully this time.

The pink creatures are the enemies that keep attacking us. The blue ones are NPCs, or at least I think so. We can chat 'em up or kill them -- whatever suits us, really.

The glyphs at the top of the screen translate to "Door -- Wild -- Wild -- Fear -- Blood". If I had to guess, I'd say our protagonist is afraid of being wounded (we're currently at 2 HP out of 5 or so) and is looking for a door to safety? Just my translation anyway.

The pink goblets are the thingies we should collect in order to... I dunno, really. Does that get us closer to beating the game? I suppose so, judging by the game's description, but I can't say for sure.

Also the glyphs in the last screenshot translate to "North -- North -- I can't find the exit -- Goblet". Yeah, I know. We can't find the exit.

Dang, I so much hoped to adopt a dog...

As you can see, our protagonist's icon has changed. I've just started playing this game so I'm not sure what that means but it can't be anything good, can it? We're either tired, or hungry, or some such.

We feed on the meat of the enemies we've slain, but we still remain small so I guess that wasn't what I was supposed to do...

Whatever though, as long as we're alive.

Going deeper into the catacombs sounds like a plan!

Quoth the crow, "Welcome to the catacombs!"

Enemies!

Sometimes enemies can fall off the edges, even (not in the above screenshot but you get the idea). Dynamic AI for the win!

Crocodiles bark, but we move on while collecting goblets along the way.

So far, the best way I've found to restore my HP is to have a good night's sleep.

No idea if that has any downsides, though. We'll see as we play, I guess.

Also the glyphs mean "Shouting bird -- I am completely lost -- Shouting bird"

While sleeping I open the help menu. Sounds like all dogs will lie to us!

(We kill him.)

No way!

(We kill him too.)

The folding chairs and tables are being unloaded from the truck. The temple has been cleansed and the spaghetti dinner will begin soonish

Must be the wrong paragraph.

You can never tell with this game, though.

We'll never stop seeking goblets! Which means we'll never understand.

Receiving a strange transmission.

We have no brain(s) so we're outta here.

Exciting!

Something that a fort man guards without ever being inside it?

We do hurt them though.

The glyphs say "Death - Death - I have starved to death - I have starved to death - Death"

I guess it's time for us to eat

How fantastic exactly?

The dog won't tell us.

Getting tired indeed.

See you next time. I guess.

 

[Insane Psychic]

I'm not sure I understand this..

 

[Humanity has risen!]

Looks like a very obnoxious, try-hard meta game.

 

[Thor Kaufman]

I hope you are playing this while being high.

 

[abnaxus]

Looks Prosperian enough to be entertaining.

 

[Monstrous Bat]

What is this I don't even

 

[Fafnir]

 

[Cassidy]

From merely looking at such screens from this game, I can already visualize in my mind the scarf, the glasses and the iPad its maker bring wherever he/she goes.

 

[eklektyk]

From merely looking at such screens from this game, I can already visualize in my mind the scarf, the glasses and the iPad its maker bring wherever /IT goes.

improved

 

[Crooked Bee]

Goblet Grotto Pt 2: THIS SEEMS LIKE A VALUABLE USE OF MY TIME

EXPLORING ON

(The glyphs translate to: "Hello -- Hello -- I regret everything -- I am searching for clay pot -- for clay pot!!")

That we are.

No way!

Full of wisdom, that traveller is.

Surrounded by goblet, this traveller cannot decide which one to pick up first.

We kill him to make the choice easier for him.

So, let's see what's inside the fort.

Sorry pal, but we've already convered it into a Killing Centre... by killing everyone inside, of course.

Death is the only answer.

Kill them all!

IT IS INDEED

Sounds familiar!

No sorry, I'd rather kill you instead

OH NO

How do you tell?

This Big Blood fellow sounds important.

Is it?

It is, verily.

!

Ugh.

Goblets!

Plus some kind of trapdoor. Why don't we enter it, shall we?

Ooh, fancy.

"Enjoyment"

("Hello" -- "Meaningful silence" -- "Meaningful silence" - "Hello" - "Hello")

Oh fuck!

It's a boss fight!

So long, intrepid goblet collector. We hardly knew ye.

 

[abnaxus]

This makes Hanakogames look AAA.

 

[procrastinator]

 

[lightbane]

It finally happened! At last, Bee lost her mind. That, or this game is batshit insane.

 

[Azira]

 

[Crooked Bee]

3: How does one win the race?

What I'll miss most will be collecting the goblets.

So, the ominous passage where we perished in the previous update.

We sleep to replenish our HP and run right past the Red Grogan this time.

Fuck yeah

It looks like we've found ourselves in the middle of some kind of endless race

Valuable advice.

No, the goblets are MINE

MINE ALONE

Let the race begin

So, it really is without end... or is it?

At the end, or maybe the beginning, of the track we come across a dog who hints that maybe this is a dead end and we should actually head into the opposite direction.

We can also go off the track occasionally, to more uhm rustic scenes.

Ooh a mysterious door

And we're back on track

Rule number one: pay no attention to the race.

Woo oooo

The only way forward is through this door, it seems

Where the BloodyHead lives

Oh for fuck's sake

Another boss we can't defeat

Again, though, we can run past him if we're quick enough

It's like that thing Chris Avellone was talking about

Hell yeah, we're outta here --

-- and back to the race

Supply station

Looks like an, ahem, side quest area

Hold Q, right.

(There are no quests in this game.)

(There is no journal and there are no conversation topics.)

Back to the race -- looks like the end exit is nigh!

Goblets! And enemies!

I'm dumb

On my next try I just kill them carefully one by one

Exit!

Whoa

Welcome to next level!

HELP HELP HELP HELP

 

[eric__s]

I'm a big fan of K Chastain and catamites, as well as this game, which I think is the best thing to come out in a long time. It's pretty amazing how it captures everything I love about RPGs, the exploration, the logic, the sense of progress and despair, without actually being one. I actually did about a dozen songs for Goblet Grotto but none of them were used because they were all crap.

 

[Monstrous Bat]

KKKKHHKKK DO YOU KNOKKKKHKK WHATS WITH THE YOU DESECRATED X GRAVES MESSAKKKKHHKKK WHEN YOURE KKKKKKHHKKKILLED

 

[MicoSelva]

Yes, Bee, You do need help.

 

[Crooked Bee]

The exploration is indeed pretty good! Lots of nooks and crannies and non-standard topology. Definitely the best aspect of the game so far.

I also enjoy all the parody going on in the writing, but that might be too hit and miss for many.

As for the "RPG feeling", I do believe that's intentional. After all, there is even a fake "level up" icon in Goblet Speak, which translates to "happiness":

KKKKHHKKK DO YOU KNOKKKKHKK WHATS WITH THE YOU DESECRATED X GRAVES MESSAKKKKHHKKK WHEN YOURE KKKKKKHHKKKILLED

There are occasionally graveyards with graves you can "desecrate" by attacking them (sometimes there's food to be found in there, sometimes nothing, and other times an angry ghost you have to kill).

As for why the hell that's included at all, "for the lulz" is probably as good of an answer as you can get. Not to mention that the game is pretty anti-religious in general, with the "Pray" command generally doing nothing, for example, or occasionally spawning a goblet out of nowhere.

Yes, Bee, You do need help.

I love wacky games and I cannot lie!

 

[Crooked Bee]

Speaking of exploration, I may be wrong but I do believe most of the areas in this update are entirely optional.

4: Grotto Underworld

EXPLORING ON!

In this update we go completely off the beaten path --

-- by dropping off a cliff.

That doesn't get us killed, surprisingly enough. We do now have to make our way through some kind of swamp (?), though.

What's that? Could that be...?

Yep, a goblet, half-drowned in the mud.

Looks like an exit! Or entrance, whatever.

Reading pamphlets is my favorite pastime, don't you worry pal!!

How warm, exactly?

Warm enough, I guess.

We're in some kind of maze now.

Goblet Grotto: Underworld

Yikes.

Ew.

We are the ultimate predator.

(Or smth like that.)

Shifting passages FTW.

How forbidden, exactly?

Forbidden enough for us to meet 3 crime researches here.

Cool story bro.

Footsteps?

FREE JIM PROFIT

Also that's one huge monster out there

Takes us a few hits but we do kill him (it?), though.

Sounds not unlike the Codex.

Ha. Ha.

We kill 'im anyway.

MOVING ON

Approaching GRPGD

New enemy: sentient words.

This one reads "CRIME"

This one reads "FUCK"

IS IT REALLY?

Let's find out.

Now this is really some fucked up layout.

Thanks for the hint, Sam!

We do pray.

A sooty gargoyle appears.

Yikes.

This level has a lot of fake goblets. As you collect them, your goblet counter does not go up.

EXPLORING! (Of course.)

B-but...I do collect them all the time

Aye sir

I wonder what this place is

Spooky

Isn't it?

We kill her, of course.

That's what I imagine all pentagrams do.

As she what?

Oh, yeah. I GET IT.

Pentagrams again. Ominous!

Suddenly, I get distracted and fall off the edge.

See you next time on Goblet Grotto!

 

[Monstrous Bat]

I wonder... have you been killing literally every single NPC, hostile or not, that you've encountered so far?

 

[Crooked Bee]

I wonder... have you been killing literally every single NPC, hostile or not, that you've encountered so far?

No, not really. Not all of them can even be killed (unfortunately), though most can.

By the way, some NPCs only turn hostile after you talk to them.

 

[procrastinator]

This game is a western daku souru.

 

[Crooked Bee]

This game is a western daku souru.

Indeedu.

 

[Crooked Bee]

Also, bump.