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1eyedking Darkest Dungeon: The Story of the Iceberg - Review by Celerity

Saduj

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Aug 26, 2012
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2,547
Why wouldn't you ballbags publish this? Just delete the several paragraph stretch that talks about the forums and its a review.

Also, Celerity should be stripped of his current tags and they should be replaced with the Typical Modder tag. :obviously:
 

pippin

Guest
This is an Event. Publish it officially, gather the reactions, pin it on Retardo. This is gonna be great.
Wait until the DLC comes out tho.
 

Hobo Elf

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Saying that Darkest Dungeons is the biggest scam in gaming is going a bit far and shows how superficial Celerity's knowledge about the industry is. That's not to say that DD doesn't suck, but it's equally obvious that Celerity got too invested with an indie game and ended up getting his heart broken. He's like that guy who still can't move on from the summer vacation romance he had 20 years ago.
 

ERYFKRAD

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Saying that Darkest Dungeons is the biggest scam in gaming is going a bit far and shows how superficial Celerity's knowledge about the industry is. That's not to say that DD doesn't suck, but it's equally obvious that Celerity got too invested with an indie game and ended up getting his heart broken. He's like that guy who still can't move on from the summer vacation romance he had 1337 hours ago.
 

Mustawd

Guest
https://ctl.utsc.utoronto.ca/twc/sites/default/files/CritReview.pdf


Important: Avoid presenting your points in a laundry-list style. Synthesize the information as much as possible
someone is showing off their editorial skills //decided that it needed comment, not just acknowledging your agenda

When I saw some of his grammar issues I flirted with the idea of taking the review and editing to something coherent and entertaining. However, the problem is that it's mostly a stream of consciousness dump of everything Celerity dislikes about Darkest Dungeon. A review should have analysis, good or bad, and should explain to the reader what the game is and why it is receiving the recommendation of the reviewer.

Celerity's review goes off the rails in the first paragraph, and I really don't have enough facts to edit his review into something resembling sanity. Don't get me wrong; writing a review is hard, and the reaction he's getting is exactly why most people don't contribute their own (also the fact that I'm sure that 50% of the codex isn't old enough to buy a pack of cigarettes; let alone write entertaining prose).

If I was Celerity's editor I would have told him his review could have some promise if he could provide some structure for his opinion, and would link him the "How to critique" article I posted earlier.
 
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thesheeep

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So, basically, you can easily break the game by fully understanding the mechanics of it.
Well, that is probably true for most games, isn't it?
I don't see this as a big problem, really.

Just like it is true for most games that just dealing damage is a better idea than applying status effects due to status effects being too weak mostly (*caugh* PoE *caugh*).
Thinking about that, what games are actually out there where applying status effects to your enemy is worth more than dealing damage?
And I'm not talking about applying status effects as a necessity prior to dealing damage (like, you have to make a troll covered in acid/fire before you can deal damage).

The only thing coming to mind right now is completely removing the enemy from combat for a long while, enabling you to focus on other enemies.
 
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tormund

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Is Celerity butthurt over a meaningless indie game, that will be forgotten next year and with questionable mechanics still going on? Boy he should masturbate more, it is time better spent.
It certainly provided more entertainment than the great majority of indie games out there.
Not the game itself mind you, as artwork and Wayne June's ultra-high T voice were by far the best things about it. This endless autism powered drama however, more than justifies its existence...
 
Self-Ejected

Sacred82

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Can't wait to read Celerity's review of Grimoire.

I think Cleve might be a tad less diplomatic than Red Hook.
 

LizardWizard

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991
Didn't read that shit but why wasn't this posted ironically like immediately after submitted?

Yet you couldn't stop sucking Junta's cock just to give codex 'makings of a cult of classic' and blatant AOD pandering.
 

tormund

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I'm more curios about their reasons for posting it now. I doubt that Jewdex staff will get any more points from the devs regardless of what they do, short of crucifying the detestable, hateful autist.
 

Got bored and left

Guest
True to his instincts, Celerity wrote a review that takes 1337 hours to read.
 

Mustawd

Guest
True to his instincts, Celerity wrote a review that takes 1337 hours to read.

:lol:

Why is this not on the front page?

Tits or GTFO hivemind. I swear to god.


I'm more curios about their reasons for posting it now. I doubt that Jewdex staff will get any more points from the devs regardless of what they do, short of crucifying the detestable, hateful autist.

Probably because ppl started asking about it in relation to the PJ/Bubbles drama. It's not 'Tron's fault. Although, a real editor would have given Celerity some notes, but I guess they all figured he's too obsessed.


What if the game is so bad that it doesn't have any good things?


Then it's called PoE and we should be playing Dungeon Siege 3 instead.

Can't wait to read Celerity's review of Grimoire.


New autist versus old autist. Which generation will win and why?


His steam record shows that he has around 75 hours in Elminage: Gothic and he even wrote a positive review on their page which was actually coherent yet he decided to submit this autistic review on the Codex :|


Which shows that Celerity is a true codexer. Too bad he couldn't contain his hate for Red Hook enough to write something coherent.

*snek*
 

Infinitron

I post news
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The difference between "professional" and "non-professional" is like the difference between cleaning your toilet every day and cleaning it every week.

It's not the difference between shitting in a toilet and shitting your pants
 

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