WetWorks
Arcane
Avast!, Ye landlubbers, here be wetworks1 own lets play of Sid Meiers Pirates.
In this LP i shall plunder and rape (and possibly be raped in a Port Royale cell) my way through the carribean in this strategic/arcade game.
I will of course Ironman it.
You probably know this game in one version or another, but for those who do not, let me sum up real quick:
Command ship on carribean map, attack ships, plunder, return to port, trade goods, hire crew, visit governor, get gear, get news,
dance the night away with the governors daughter, reapir/upgrade/sell ships. Rinse and repeat, though there is more options and more depth
as you shall see.
Plunder and rape begins with a story (doesnt rape always begin with a story?), and in this case the story is of a young lad in a happy home,
who has his life shattered by a cruel eyepatched villian with some name or other. The villian cruelly captures and kidnaps the protagonists family.
As the kid grows into man, so does his need for vengeance, and this is where we begin.
Let us meet our hero, the dashing rogue by the name of Neckbeard:
As you can see, i have chosen to play on the next highest level of difficulty because i am a great big pussy*
I choose medicine, so as to give Necbeard some staying power, and postpone the effects of age.
(*Actually i did start up on the hardest and got brutally raped in my very first duel, so i chickened out.)
BTW, heres a closeup of our handsome swashbuckler, sure to set loins ablaze:
I choose the dutch, for no particular reason other than general hatred of the english. They're all wankers.
In the end is the choices in game that matters most.
During a harsh and cruel journey they make Necbeard swab the decks, for this cruel, cruel act against his person, he immediatly instigates mutiny,
and takes over the ship. A privateer is now born, who shall carve out his name in the carribean.
(quick note: I kinda fucked up on the fraps hotkey, and as a result all map shots are worthless.
Also, being new to this whole LP thing i kinda forgot a few shots along the way.)
We begin our journey in the Dutch port of St. Martin which is in the mideast of the map:
Necbeard visits the governor and is informed of the dutch war against the english and spanish, and receives a letter of marque, which lets
Neckbeard and his crew engage in piracy for the good of the dutch cause.
Then, with dry throat he visits the local tavern accompanied by his trusty navigator:
Lets get something to drink, Liberal.
Are they christian here?
Yeah, more or less all europeans were christian at that ti.. i mean we are all christians in this day and age.
European? Like Georgia?
: Where the hell is Georgia?
East of the black sea, lies my beloved Georgia.
Wait isnt that the Ottoman empire?
No, Georgia is north of that.
North of the Ottoman empire? Isnt that Russia?
NO IT IS NOT! Georgia is an independant nation, with its own distincti...
Shut the fuck up Liberal! Im trying to score the barwench.
After much fun in the tavern, the revenge (as the ship is aptly named) leaves port and enter the hot and treacherous waters of the carribean.
So where to, oh great Captain Neckbeard.
Southward my trusty fool! We are going to pillage and slaughter some english!
Why the english?
Because they are all wankers.
Soon a merchantman flying the english flag is spotted on the horizon, and the revenge moves to intercept.
A brief naval battle ensues, in which the revenge takes little damage, soon the Revenge boards the merchantman, the crew with murder in their eyes.
During the fighting Neckbeard crosses paths with the captain of the merchantman:
Oi blighter! Ill rip yi ams uf an' shuv im ap yir arrrrse!
yeah, yeah, tell it to the sharks.
Having deposed of the english ape, Neckbeard plunders the ship for a pretty penny and some sugar (screenshot missing).
Yeah! We are rich, Boss! RIIICH! Just as rich as the the dazzling georgian landscape.
Wait! Were the fuck were you during the battle? I didnt see you anywhere?
I was praying for God to grant us victory, and he answered. Without me, oh and god, we would have surely lost.
You little weasel. Pray on your own time, you damned goatherder. On this ship we all fight, got that?
Boss, i must protest! Our lord and saviour mu...
Shut the fuck up liberal! Im watching our crew sodomize the prisoners.
Having sold our plunder, we find ourself further south, near the french port of Montserrat. Another english merchantman is spotted and engaged.
We duel another filthy english ape.
Oh dearie, dont hurt us old chap. We will do anything you say, and i mean ANYTHING!
Resisting capture eh? Then ye shall pay the ultimate price.
Aaaargh! Im fading... like a candle in the..
*STAB*
The spoils are somewhat meagre.
Later at sea:
LIBERAL! Were the fuck were you during this battle?
I can explain Boss! I was knocked out by that last barrage of cannons.
Hmmm. I guess thats reasonable, better shape up though.
Will do Boss! Speaking of shape did you know that Sharon Stone recently visited Georgia? She was seen parading the mighty streets
of our splendid capital and she seemed to be thoroughly enjoy...
Shut the fuck up Liberal! Im trying to watch the crew sodomize that english captains corpse.
Is it me or is that corpse smiling?
After our battle we suddenly find ourselves being chased by a french pirate hunter. Apparently the French and the british have a treaty,
but after a long chase they give up (screenshot missing).
We visit the local spanish port which is located along the south american coast, with the intent of selling goods and the captured ship, but
sadly they dont like us.
NOOOOOO!!! We are not heretics, we are good christians! I polish my cross every day!
Yeah, me and the crew have heard all that "polishing" you do at night.
In the spanish port we hear rumours about an indian ship carrying loads of gold. We try to intercept, but it is too fast.
Somewhat demoralized the crew then suddenly notices their biggest prize yet: An unescorted spanish Treasure ship. The crews blood boils with
anticipation and the cannons are readied. It is a daunting task though, the Spaniards have triple the amount of crew and almost
double amount of cannons, but Neckbeard is certain he shall be victorious.
The plan is to get in close enough to fire some anti personnel grapeshots at the treasure ship, so as to diminish resistance.
The plan starts off slowly with a few rounds hitting from both sides. The navigation is somewhat hindered by a strong westward wind, and
we suddenly find us on the receiving end of a volley of chained shots, doing severe damage to the sails, reducing our speed.
Along the way we get a good number of grape shots fired, killing many spaniards, but as we are hit with another round of chain shots, the ship is
severely damaged.
The mast is gone and we are almost dead in the water. The brutal and unjust spaniards continue firing
round shots on us, damaging us further and the loss of the revenge seems almost inevitable.
Nooooooo! My Ship. My beautiful ship!!!
You son of a bitch! You brought us to this! I'm taking over this ship! Seize him men!
Is this the end of the intrepid Captain Necbeard and his untrustworthy dog?
Will the revenge be blown to smithereens by the swarthy spaniards?
Will Liberal be Captain Liberal now?
Stay tuned for part 2!
In this LP i shall plunder and rape (and possibly be raped in a Port Royale cell) my way through the carribean in this strategic/arcade game.
I will of course Ironman it.
You probably know this game in one version or another, but for those who do not, let me sum up real quick:
Command ship on carribean map, attack ships, plunder, return to port, trade goods, hire crew, visit governor, get gear, get news,
dance the night away with the governors daughter, reapir/upgrade/sell ships. Rinse and repeat, though there is more options and more depth
as you shall see.
Plunder and rape begins with a story (doesnt rape always begin with a story?), and in this case the story is of a young lad in a happy home,
who has his life shattered by a cruel eyepatched villian with some name or other. The villian cruelly captures and kidnaps the protagonists family.
As the kid grows into man, so does his need for vengeance, and this is where we begin.
Let us meet our hero, the dashing rogue by the name of Neckbeard:
As you can see, i have chosen to play on the next highest level of difficulty because i am a great big pussy*
I choose medicine, so as to give Necbeard some staying power, and postpone the effects of age.
(*Actually i did start up on the hardest and got brutally raped in my very first duel, so i chickened out.)
BTW, heres a closeup of our handsome swashbuckler, sure to set loins ablaze:
I choose the dutch, for no particular reason other than general hatred of the english. They're all wankers.
In the end is the choices in game that matters most.
During a harsh and cruel journey they make Necbeard swab the decks, for this cruel, cruel act against his person, he immediatly instigates mutiny,
and takes over the ship. A privateer is now born, who shall carve out his name in the carribean.
(quick note: I kinda fucked up on the fraps hotkey, and as a result all map shots are worthless.
Also, being new to this whole LP thing i kinda forgot a few shots along the way.)
We begin our journey in the Dutch port of St. Martin which is in the mideast of the map:
Necbeard visits the governor and is informed of the dutch war against the english and spanish, and receives a letter of marque, which lets
Neckbeard and his crew engage in piracy for the good of the dutch cause.
Then, with dry throat he visits the local tavern accompanied by his trusty navigator:
After much fun in the tavern, the revenge (as the ship is aptly named) leaves port and enter the hot and treacherous waters of the carribean.
Soon a merchantman flying the english flag is spotted on the horizon, and the revenge moves to intercept.
A brief naval battle ensues, in which the revenge takes little damage, soon the Revenge boards the merchantman, the crew with murder in their eyes.
During the fighting Neckbeard crosses paths with the captain of the merchantman:
Having deposed of the english ape, Neckbeard plunders the ship for a pretty penny and some sugar (screenshot missing).
Having sold our plunder, we find ourself further south, near the french port of Montserrat. Another english merchantman is spotted and engaged.
We duel another filthy english ape.
The spoils are somewhat meagre.
Later at sea:
of our splendid capital and she seemed to be thoroughly enjoy...
After our battle we suddenly find ourselves being chased by a french pirate hunter. Apparently the French and the british have a treaty,
but after a long chase they give up (screenshot missing).
We visit the local spanish port which is located along the south american coast, with the intent of selling goods and the captured ship, but
sadly they dont like us.
In the spanish port we hear rumours about an indian ship carrying loads of gold. We try to intercept, but it is too fast.
Somewhat demoralized the crew then suddenly notices their biggest prize yet: An unescorted spanish Treasure ship. The crews blood boils with
anticipation and the cannons are readied. It is a daunting task though, the Spaniards have triple the amount of crew and almost
double amount of cannons, but Neckbeard is certain he shall be victorious.
The plan is to get in close enough to fire some anti personnel grapeshots at the treasure ship, so as to diminish resistance.
The plan starts off slowly with a few rounds hitting from both sides. The navigation is somewhat hindered by a strong westward wind, and
we suddenly find us on the receiving end of a volley of chained shots, doing severe damage to the sails, reducing our speed.
Along the way we get a good number of grape shots fired, killing many spaniards, but as we are hit with another round of chain shots, the ship is
severely damaged.
The mast is gone and we are almost dead in the water. The brutal and unjust spaniards continue firing
round shots on us, damaging us further and the loss of the revenge seems almost inevitable.
Is this the end of the intrepid Captain Necbeard and his untrustworthy dog?
Will the revenge be blown to smithereens by the swarthy spaniards?
Will Liberal be Captain Liberal now?
Stay tuned for part 2!