NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Awor Szurkrarz]

Ha, Merril's "armor" isn't even close to being the most ridiculous in the game.
I mean, just look at Isabella:

Who needs pants anyway? Arteria femoralis, here I come!

She doesn't have any armour. It's just ordinary clothes. Her opponent is unarmoured too.

 

[Pika-Cthulhu]

Ha, Merril's "armor" isn't even close to being the most ridiculous in the game.
I mean, just look at Isabella:

Who needs pants anyway? Arteria femoralis, here I come!

She doesn't have any armour. It's just ordinary clothes. Her opponent is unarmoured too.

She does have a shoulder plate (singular) and bracers, which is helpful when fighting against someone with a sword with longer reach, and has ample other soft bits to aim for. Why they even bother with clothes is beyond me, make it magical bikinis if they are going to derp out with armor, at least then they are being honest about how dumbfuck casual their audience is. Ohwait, its Grimdark....

 

[Jim Cojones]

Ha, Merril's "armor" isn't even close to being the most ridiculous in the game.
I mean, just look at Isabella:

Who needs pants anyway? Arteria femoralis, here I come!

Well, Isabella is a rogue, Merril is a mage, so what about warriors? As for warriors, DA2 has Fenris (aka Dante wannabe):

Note the exposed armpits (and feathers), and bare feet. I don't know about you, but I think exposed feet in quasy-medieval setting are just begging to be stomped on, chopped off, etc.

You've forgotten to mention a fucking chainmail apron.

 

[Stainless Veteran]

Ha, Merril's "armor" isn't even close to being the most ridiculous in the game.
I mean, just look at Isabella:

Who needs pants anyway? Arteria femoralis, here I come!

Well, Isabella is a rogue, Merril is a mage, so what about warriors? As for warriors, DA2 has Fenris (aka Dante wannabe):

Note the exposed armpits (and feathers), and bare feet. I don't know about you, but I think exposed feet in quasy-medieval setting are just begging to be stomped on, chopped off, etc.

You've forgotten to mention a fucking chainmail apron.

Shit, mate, you're right! I will amend this.

 

[Jools]

Ah, the fuckin awesome chainmail apron which I so totally love.

Even when I try make some sense of it, it doesn't, as it leaves the massive boobs exposed, therefore not actually protecting any of the upper torso (a favourite target of any martial art/combat technique).

Give us back the steel thongs!

 

[Nael]

Ah, the fuckin awesome chainmail apron which I so totally love.

Even when I try make some sense of it, it doesn't, as it leaves the massive boobs exposed, therefore not actually protecting any of the upper torso (a favourite target of any martial art/combat technique).

Give us back the steel thongs!

/img]

Actually, the apron does protect the most vital spot on a person when considering piercing and slashing wounds. If you want to kill someone with a dagger or a sword you go in through the gut and up. You should never go in straight and expect to hit the heart because of the ribs. So yeah... the apron makes sense if you have giant tits.

 

[DraQ]

*Beyte Fyr remains unimpressed by your inane shenanigans*

Actually, the bearded guy with "emo" hair might be the only character in DA2 that looks somewhat sensible, though it may because of his "WTF am I doing here? Uh, guys? Anyone?" look, which I can't help but sympathize with him for.

 

[Stainless Veteran]

Ah, the fuckin awesome chainmail apron which I so totally love.

Even when I try make some sense of it, it doesn't, as it leaves the massive boobs exposed, therefore not actually protecting any of the upper torso (a favourite target of any martial art/combat technique).

Give us back the steel thongs!

/img]

Actually, the apron does protect the most vital spot on a person when considering piercing and slashing wounds. If you want to kill someone with a dagger or a sword you go in through the gut and up. You should never go in straight and expect to hit the heart because of the ribs. So yeah... the apron makes sense if you have giant tits.

Err, but she's a woman, and females are shorter than males in DA2. I doubt that her hipster scarf is providing protection, so neck is totally exposed. It makes more sense as a target for slashing and piercing blows.

 

[Stainless Veteran]

Actually, the bearded guy with "emo" hair might be the only character in DA2 that looks somewhat sensible, though it may because of his "WTF am I doing here? Uh, guys? Anyone?" look, which I can't help but sympathize with him for.

Um, really?

Really?

 

[DraQ]

Actually, the bearded guy with "emo" hair might be the only character in DA2 that looks somewhat sensible, though it may because of his "WTF am I doing here? Uh, guys? Anyone?" look, which I can't help but sympathize with him for.

Um, really?

Really?

Oh,

He looked somewhat sympathetic and mostly 'normal' in the apron shot.
I retract my statement.

 

[Jools]

Ah, the fuckin awesome chainmail apron which I so totally love.

Even when I try make some sense of it, it doesn't, as it leaves the massive boobs exposed, therefore not actually protecting any of the upper torso (a favourite target of any martial art/combat technique).

Give us back the steel thongs!

/img]

Actually, the apron does protect the most vital spot on a person when considering piercing and slashing wounds. If you want to kill someone with a dagger or a sword you go in through the gut and up. You should never go in straight and expect to hit the heart because of the ribs. So yeah... the apron makes sense if you have giant tits.

Still, it makes no sense: yeah, leaving such a big/large/protruding target (the tits) open and vulnerable may not get the wearer a deadly injury/wound there, but any attacker would just hack/slash/pierce/hit/punch there just to cause some pain, and then while the whore is distracted/cringing because of mentioned pain, kill her with ease.

My point is, if a designer wants to make something that makes no sense in the name of sex, fine (see picture i posted), but that apron doesn't make any sense from any perspective belonging to homo sapiens.

 

[Nael]

Ah, the fuckin awesome chainmail apron which I so totally love.

Even when I try make some sense of it, it doesn't, as it leaves the massive boobs exposed, therefore not actually protecting any of the upper torso (a favourite target of any martial art/combat technique).

Give us back the steel thongs!

/img]

Actually, the apron does protect the most vital spot on a person when considering piercing and slashing wounds. If you want to kill someone with a dagger or a sword you go in through the gut and up. You should never go in straight and expect to hit the heart because of the ribs. So yeah... the apron makes sense if you have giant tits.

Still, it makes no sense: yeah, leaving such a big/large/protruding target (the tits) open and vulnerable may not get the wearer a deadly injury/wound there, but any attacker would just hack/slash/pierce/hit/punch there just to cause some pain, and then while the whore is distracted/cringing because of mentioned pain, kill her with ease.

My point is, if a designer wants to make something that makes no sense in the name of sex, fine (see picture i posted), but that apron doesn't make any sense from any perspective belonging to homo sapiens.

If you say so. The apron still makes 1000% more sense than that bikini picture you linked. Plus if you notice the tree branch on her back you would realize that she's a mage. So wearing a full suit of plate armor is likely out of the question.

Gah.. I can't believe I'm defending DA2. I just think if you have a gripe with it, pick something better than the chainmail apron that a female mage is wearing because I can point to a lot of CODEX APPROVED games that have much stupider examples of heroic attire and overall aesthetics for their characters. I'm not naming any names though...

 

[Jools]

[etc etc]If you say so. The apron still makes 1000% more sense than that bikini picture you linked.

From a "feasibility" point of view, you are absolutely right (that said, it's a chainmail apron... I mean, an apron...). But from a "will-this-merely-aesthetic-choice-give-our-fans-a-boner?" point of view (which seems to be the main drive behind any bioware design choice), the steelkini makes much more sense IMHO.

 

[DraQ]

Gah.. I can't believe I'm defending DA2. I just think if you have a gripe with it, pick something better than the chainmail apron that a female mage is wearing because I can point to a lot of CODEX APPROVED games that have much stupider examples of heroic attire and overall aesthetics for their characters. I'm not naming any names though...

I can give DA2 that - it's retarded, but still less retarded than your typical chainmail bikini.

Still, it gets negative points for actually trying and failing to be more grimdark and 'realistic' and for character design - see the one with nomable head or freak elven tatoos in general, or just plain inexcusable mook design.

 

[JarlFrank]

What happened to good old 1980's sword-and-sorcery chainmail bikinis? Those were the sexiest and also the least ridiculous. Just a chainmail bra and chainmail panties, the rest of the body is naked, except for maybe a pair of sandals. Yes, it's also impractical and useless, but it's also practically weightless and doesn't look so incredibly DERP.

There are only two ways to make female armor: make it sexy but not too impractical (too impractical is anything that looks like it'd just be in the way without offering any significant protection), or make it realistic (chainmail that covers the complete upper body can be sexy too, as can be properly shaped platemail).

Any of these COOL AND UNIQUE armour designs such as chainmail aprons or chain shirts with holes in the arms are neither sexy nor realistic, and therefore just derp. Same goes for male armors: make them look realistic, not COOL. Gigantic fucking shoulder pads are a disease that has to be purged from the world of art design.

 

[DraQ]

Same goes for male armors: make them look realistic, not COOL. Gigantic fucking shoulder pads are a disease that has to be purged from the world of art design.

*Redoran guard frowns upon your shenanigans*

 

[Black]

That was hard!

 

[Jools]

What happened to good old 1980's sword-and-sorcery chainmail bikinis? Those were the sexiest and also the least ridiculous. Just a chainmail bra and chainmail panties, the rest of the body is naked, except for maybe a pair of sandals. Yes, it's also impractical and useless, but it's also practically weightless and doesn't look so incredibly DERP.

There are only two ways to make female armor: make it sexy but not too impractical (too impractical is anything that looks like it'd just be in the way without offering any significant protection), or make it realistic (chainmail that covers the complete upper body can be sexy too, as can be properly shaped platemail).

Any of these COOL AND UNIQUE armour designs such as chainmail aprons or chain shirts with holes in the arms are neither sexy nor realistic, and therefore just derp. Same goes for male armors: make them look realistic, not COOL. Gigantic fucking shoulder pads are a disease that has to be purged from the world of art design.

My point exactly.

Anyway, a little homage to the 80-90's fantasy imaginary.

 

[Nael]

I think this conversation between JarlFrankenfurter and Jools has helped me understand the Codex a little bit more.

 

[Jools]

I think this conversation between JarlFrankenfurter and Jools has helped me understand the Codex a little bit more.

Glad to actually have helped, even if involuntarily. :D

 

[tennishero]

ah the 80s

back when you could make games for manly men
women had to half almost no clothes on
kept their mouths shut and their chests large and heaving

better times

that reminds me of the greatest cover for a video game ever made

oh my, there is so much awesome going on there i want to scream

 

[DraQ]

ah the 80s

back when you could make games for manly men
women had to half almost no clothes on

Same with men.

Good thing we have the likes of Alienslof keeping the tradition alive.

 

[commie]

Whining about female armor in fantasy settings is pointless. It's always going to be like it is because of the nature of those that imagine females wearing this type of thing in the first place: sexless, spotty, overweight nerds. For the same reason men are always hulking Conan types, or were, as now there is a real emo faggot vibe to fantasy heroes due to the Wapanese influence. For a lardarse living in a basement, the 'emo' is more psychologically attuned to their nature than the 'Conan', even though every fat fuck would prefer to be a Conan.

 

[Black]

Whining about female armor in fantasy settings is pointless. It's always going to be like it is because of the nature of those that imagine females wearing this type of thing in the first place: sexless, spotty, overweight nerds. For the same reason men are always hulking Conan types, or were, as now there is a real emo faggot vibe to fantasy heroes due to the Wapanese influence. For a lardarse living in a basement, the 'emo' is more psychologically attuned to their nature than the 'Conan', even though every fat fuck would prefer to be a Conan.

Pay attention to my posts, fag.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

*Beyte Fyr remains unimpressed by your inane shenanigans*

I wonder if she'll stay unimpressed when I shove a sword in those exposed elbows of hers.

What happened to good old 1980's sword-and-sorcery chainmail bikinis? Those were the sexiest and also the least ridiculous. Just a chainmail bra and chainmail panties, the rest of the body is naked, except for maybe a pair of sandals. Yes, it's also impractical and useless, but it's also practically weightless and doesn't look so incredibly DERP.

No. Chainmail bikini is the single most derpish thing to come out of fantasy. It's even more targeted towards prepubescent nerds than wish-fulfillment huge barbarians, which is kind of a feat in itself. Being more honest about its own retardation isn't a excuse.