NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Jaesun]

 

[RK47]

New Studio, new cow to milk till it dies.
Same dairy farm.
EA.
Its Sins Against Games

 

[Clockwork Knight]

The game takes place in a big open world, with lots of people and maybe even animals living in it. That sounds like it should be a paradise, but it’s not — a Bad Thing has happened and Main Character is right in the thick of it. Or maybe he’s the only one who can stop it? The story in Ubisoft Game is a bit uncompelling, but that’s okay, because there’s just so much to see and do.

I also miss those games where nothing interesting happens while you observe this nothingness from the sidelines.

 

[Luzur]

Spoiler

RK47


Also they replaced the fists with a pillow

 

[Ninja Destroyer]

Weeaboo degeneracy knows no bonduaries.
Kill it with fire.

 

[Infinitron]

OK, this was kind of funny. Graham Smith of RPS' fantasy E3 prediction:

The whole event would be sixty hours long, the doors locked so no one could escape. Six hours alone would be devoted solely to Skyrim mods. Day two would begin with an elaborately choreographed breakdance fight between Mark Rein and Cevat Yerli. Every few hours, Peter Molyneux would fly above the crowd on Santa’s sleigh, throwing gift-wrapped presents to everyone below. The boxes would be empty.

Then, when all seemed finally finished – when the staffs of Gamespot and IGN had started eating each other, when a barter economy had been founded based around free USB sticks with press assets on them – Gabe Newell would step out on stage. The rabble in the audience would briefly stop and fall silent.

Gabe wouldn’t say anything. He’d simply stand there. A minute would pass, then two, and then a button attached to a podium would be wheeled out in front of him by previously unseen lackeys. He’d raise his arm high into the air and then slam it down onto the button. Screens behind would start to flash, so bright and quickly it would take a moment for anyone to read the words they were displaying.

“HALF-LIFE 3 IS OUT NOW.”

No trailer, no hype, no more waiting: just instantly available to buy and play via Steam at that very moment. Mad with hunger, thirst and the need to bathe, the assembled press and unfortunate onlookers would start to frenzy. Hugging, crying, screaming, fighting for no reason.

When the rabble again started to die down, a few people would notice that Gabe hadn’t moved. He’s still up on stage, still standing in place, still without having spoken. Only now there’s a second button in front of him attached to a separate podium no one noticed being wheeled on. Gabe’s hand goes up, Gabe’s hand smashes down.

“HALF-LIFE 4 IS OUT NOW.”

The screens are flashing again, and a few people start to cheer and clap. Some people look pretty confused, but they go with it. Hey, it’s great.

Meanwhile, six more buttons are wheeled out on stage. One by one, Gabe hits them. HALF-LIFES 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 AND 10 ARE OUT NOW. Some people in the crowd are laughing, but there’s a wave of real fear spreading across the group. More buttons keep being wheeled out. They now line the stage, and Gabe is running down the rows slamming them one by one. When he finally reaches the last button he stops.

He turns towards the audience and opens his mouth as if to finally speak, but his lips stretch beyond their natural limit, his jaw pops off with an audible snap, and his beard ignites into flames. Games start flying out of his mouth into the audience. Tens of games, hundreds of games, thousands of games. Some are more Half-Life sequels, but there’s others that are train simulators and hidden-object games, games about walking around and games about shooting men, games about racing cars and games about breeding horses. People are screaming, running for cover.

A booming voice resonates across the room, coming from everywhere and nowhere. It screams.

YOU DON’T NEED E3. YOU ALREADY HAVE SO MANY WONDERFUL GAMES TO EXPLORE.

No one escapes.

 

[Ninjerk]

 

[WhiskeyWolf]

/v/ does those E3 predictions better.

 

[Drew]

/v/ does those E3 predictions better.

sony - shit
microsoft - shit
nintendo - colorful shit
ubisoft - open world shit
activision - call of shit

I sure love /v/'s predictions for their inevitable correctness, if lack of creativity.

 

[Jaesun]

 

[DreadMessiah]

While everything is shit, it really needs to be stated what type of shit since not all shit is the same. I feel very enlightened now. Totally couldn't have figured that out on my own and needed others to think for me.

 

[Astral Rag]

I don't even.

 

[Tytus]

Free to Pay

 

[Modron]

Call me when they surpass that train simulator in dlc costs.

 

[argan]

Wat...they charge up to 100$ for just a weapon pack and not even the game itself?

 

[H-K]

Wat...they charge up to 100$ for just a weapon pack and not even the game itself?

But the game is free

 

[Clockwork Knight]

Heh, "DLC OVERLOAD". Complete with golden gun skins for all your thug needs. A few years ago, this would look like a wonderful april 1st joke.

 

[Scroo]

I actually just checked if this is real, I thought it was a parody.

I was so naive

 

[Darth Roxor]

Try it. It's free!

 

[Whisky]

Wat...they charge up to 100$ for just a weapon pack and not even the game itself?

Of course not, what kind of awful monster do you take them for?

It's 99 Euros.

 

[CSM]

Oh Luigi.

 

[Cazzeris]

Spoiler

I made it myself.

 

[FeelTheRads]

In this particular instance Todd somehow manages to be more terrifying than Pete. Those cold dead eyes promise a much deeper pain than any psycho smile could.

 

[Ninjerk]

"Hey, violence is funny - let's all just own up to it! Violence done well is fucking hilarious." -Todd Howard

 

[Infinitron]

Notch declares war on "F2P" Minecraft servers: http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2014/06/07/minecraft-paid-servers/

Love the reactions from butthurt server owners: https://twitter.com/notch/statuses/474869769301409792