NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Clockwork Knight]

A challenger appears.



--

I really need to stop using the Steam forums, can't be good for my blood pressure.

http://steamcommunity.com/app/48240/discussions/0/648814844894583566/

I won't buy because of Uplay. I am aware of both sides to this argument. This is my opinion and my vote with my money. I do not need multiple useless bloatware programs to play a single game. I like Steam, I use Steam, if you sell your game on steam and would like me to buy it, then have it playable just on Steam.
This is my opinion, I don't expect you to agree, or even read it. However I choose to voice it.

Go play console if you can't handle basic pc troubleshooting.
Uplay isn't perfect, but certainly not the malware some people try to make others believe it is.
Kids these days, no patience.

PC gaming is about games with three layers of DRM. If you can't appreciate that, you should stick to those inferior consoles where the game simply runs when you insert the disk.

 

[Baron Dupek]

That was the gayest thing I have ever seen. It was more gayer than this.

How about this

PC gaming is about games with three layers of DRM. If you can't appreciate that, you should stick to those inferior consoles where the game simply runs when you insert the disk.

Yeah, except dowloading shitload of data (because why polishing game when you can force people to download later...
That was propably the only good thing in consoles, from my slight experience with consoles. You got buginfested game - you're deadmeat.

I really need to stop using the Steam forums, can't be good for my blood pressure.

Sounds like my visit on neoGAF. Escepially BF4 threads ("nah, now it's cool gaem, there is no significant bugs right now so I buy day1 all DLCs and BF5 coz I'm sure DICE and EA listening their community so they release polished games later.")
Hardocre gaemz forum, my ass....

 

[dunno lah]

How bad can these guys get, huh?

 

[Hirato]

So I heard you like terrible fanfics.
This masterpiece abhorrent abortion just appeared on the minetest forum - an open source clone inspired by minecraft and friends.

https://forum.minetest.net/viewtopic.php?id=8202

Ladies and their Incentives Part 1

Welcome and this is the 1st installment of my Minetest Fan Fiction.
After asking many questions about the matter:https://forum.minetest.net/viewtopic.php?id=8178
I've finally finished on Chapter 1
Please read the Prologue about this story:https://forum.minetest.net/viewtopic.php?id=8160
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: THIS FANFICTION MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT CONTENT OR SEXUAL THEMES NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN. PLEASE LEAVE IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 PLEASE LEAVE NOW!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

minetest 0.4.9

***Lady_Amelia joined the game
***Constantine joined the game

<Lady_Amelia> Somebody help me!
<Constantine> Hmmm?
<Lady_Amelia> Are you an admin?
<Constantine> Yes, What do you want?

This is Constantine, the 3rd Moderator, he helps newbies just like me. They guide newplayers and show

them around the place. He'd be the first one I'll pick to get me closer to SiroG_BriS, he's kinder then the

rest.

<Lady_Amelia> I fell into this hole. It lead me to an underground cavern filled with water.
<Constantine> How many blocks deep are you in?
<Lady_Amelia> I dunno. How do I find out?
<Constantine> Press F5.
<Constantine> Now. How far are you in?
<Lady_Amelia> -125 blocks. I think.
<Lady_Amelia> Now how do I get out?
<Constantine> I'll just fly to you and help you get out.
<Constantine> Just give me a min.....

So, I met him. Nothing too special, his skin was like any default, but his armor got my attention sooo bad.

When he wields his pick axe, OMG he looks so sexy! All shiny and buff pixelated arms.
<Constantine> There, better?
<Lady_Amelia> .....uhhh yeah, thanks. BTW we haven't met before?
<Constantine> Since we're talking right now. This is our first time meeting.
<Constantine> Do you need help with anything.
<Lady_Amelia> Actually, I need some wood to make sticks.
<Lady_Amelia> I hope you don't mind.
<Constantine> I don't.
<Lady_Amelia> Alright then. Is yours hard?
<Constantine> What?
<Lady_Amelia> what? o-oh nothing.....

From time to time, me and Constantine would hang out near his house, go out and see the ocean and use

the boats mod, and go out and ride ostriches. Until one day, we went mining.

<Constantine> Is it your first time mining?
<Lady_Amelia> Yeah...I was kinda relying on wood, but now I need something stronger.
<Constantine> If you need something stronger, there's stone, iron and various minerals you can find

underground.
<Constantine> Also, there are diamonds. I know women love diamonds.
<Lady_Amelia> That is so typical for men like you.
<Constantine> Heh. Sorry 'bout that.
<Constantine> Would you like some company when you mine?
<Lady_Amelia> I would LOVE that.

Sometime later, night fell uopn us and we forgot about time.

<Lady_Amelia> What is this grey looking ones?
<Constantine> Those are gravel, they're like sand but "greyier"
<Lady_Amelia> Look! I mined one!
<Constantine> wait.....NOOOOOOO!

Gravel started to fall uopn us, we went the other direction and the gravel filled the exit so quick.

<Constantine> NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE
<Lady_Amelia> Sorry, I didn't know it would cave in on us like that!
<Lady_Amelia> Can't you use your pickaxe?
<Constantine> Even if I did, the gravel is too thick to mine
<Constantine> It would break my pickaxe. I'm gonna put up a torch
<Lady_Amelia> Looks like we'll be stuck here for a while.
<Constantine> Hopefully HDR will be online to help us.
<Lady_Amelia> Who's HDR?
<Constantine> He's the 2nd Moderator here in this server. but he's a tad rowdy.
*Lady_Amelia bites her lower lip with a smile
<Constantine> What is that grin on your face?
<Lady_Amelia> I think I found a way to pass the time and to make it up to you.
<Constantine> And how are you going to do that?
<Lady_Amelia> with a little fun.
*Lady_Amelia looks at Constantine's pants
<Constantine> wha....no..NO!
<Constantine> I don't need that kind of fun!
<Lady_Amelia> Oh come on! You have get stressed sometime from keeping the server friendly.
<Lady_Amelia> There are no children online right now.
<Constantine> I don't feel comfortable.
<Lady_Amelia> Just close your eyes and let me do the work.
*Lady_Amelia grabs Constantine's crotch
<Constantine> Whoa! You've got a tight grip. Your hands feel warm.
<Lady_Amelia> Do you want me to take it slow?
<Constantine> Please...
<Constantine> Ohhh Myy Gooodd!
<Lady_Amelia> Its too big!
<Constantine> Just try to keep it in. Can you try to go in deeper?
<Lady_Amelia> I'll try...
<Constantine> I think I'm going to........
<Constantine> ngghhhAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
<Lady_Amelia> EEUUUGHHYYHHH!
<Lady_Amelia> Its so much!
<Constantine> Sorry 'bout that.

I just got closer to Constantine than anyone else here on the server. Hopefully he'll start to open up to me

about the other Moderators, and especially the big cheese.
Just a few minutes later we heard 3 loud explosions.

BOOOOOOM BAM BGOOOOOOOOO

<HDR> Yo Homies!
<HDR> Huh? Constantine?
<HDR> Who's the pretty lady and what happened?
<Constantine> Amelia and I were off mining when gravel started to cave in on the exit. My pickaxe can't go

through that thick layer of gravel.
<HDR> Next time bring yer TNT next time and stop being an asre-bandit.
<Constantine> Shut up, oh yeah, Amelia this is HDR.
<Constantine> I'm sorry for his erratic behavior.
<HDR> Don't you mean "erotic" behavior?
<HDR> And who are you? Miss?
<Lady_Amelia> Amelia, Lady_Amelia
<Lady_Amelia> Anyways I have to go.
<Lady_Amelia> sorry.
<Constantine> WAI-
***Lady_Amelia left the game.
<HDR> Dude, you suck when it comes to ladies.
<HDR> I'll do the seducing here thank you very much.
<HDR> LATER BRAH.
***HDR left the game.
<Constantine> Wait. Did they just ditched me?
<Constantine> Meh.
***Constantine left the game.
***Chapter shutting down...

7/10 - Better writing than Square-Enix.

 

[CSM]

whats the point?

Appearing on gaming websites across the globe for doing something silly with a lot of money.

 

[warpig]

You're prabably are familiar with this, but I just stumbled upon it and it made me smile.

Bestaility, such an ugly word. It's a perfectry normal, natural thing to want to screw a lizard (or whatever the fuck turians are).

What a goldmine! Normally I would suspect trolling, but I visited the Bioware forums a couple of times.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

Bestaility, such an ugly word. It's a perfectry normal, natural thing to want to screw a lizard (or whatever the fuck turians are).

Birds.

Mass Effectoful Boyfriend

 

[DraQ]

Bestaility, such an ugly word. It's a perfectry normal, natural thing to want to screw a lizard (or whatever the fuck turians are).

Birds.

Mass Effectoful Boyfriend

Relevant.

Spoiler

No, really.

Spoiler

 

[felipepepe]

Reminds me of this:

 

[Clockwork Knight]

That image is flawed. If DA3 were to be developed by japs, it would have good gameplay.

 

[Excidium]

I think the captions are actually from the anime

 

[DraQ]

I think the captions are actually from the anime

Both alternatives are equally sad, albeit for different reasons.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/28196449/

..Well, someone made a rather terrible decision last session.
Long story short, we're under a makeshift hospital that's apparently a front for death god cultists or some shit. After walking into a dark room with a sturdy glass floor and DOZENS OF ZOMBIES beneath, we hauled ass to the next room, which was full of cultists.
About midway through that fight, not one, not two, but THREE summoned skull creatures have latched onto our druid, who has been enlarged. His brilliant plan to get them off is to headbutt the wall. He manages to fuck up his rolls magnificently, and not only breaks the wall down, but falls onto the glass and knocks himself unconscious. Bear in mind that while enlarged he weighs about 2000 pounds.
So while the floor is slowly breaking around him, most of the party is preoccupied fighting satans in the other room. Ultimately, it's up to the guy who just finished missing and beaning our sorcerer after losing his grip on his flail to save the druid. His flawlessly thought out idea was to tie up the druid's legs with rope and pull him away.
Needless to say, he can't move him an inch, and he only just narrowly avoids being pulled down along with the druid as the floor shatters. With all the thick glass shards and the druid's massive body, a bunch of the zombies were instantly smashed. But he was still stuck down there alone and unconscious, and some asshole had tied his legs together.

 

[Jaesun]

I'm still sad I didn't get to romance Vega.

 

[Infinitron]

Codex gets weird shit in the mail:

You lot keen on our film:



From: Guest

 

[Curious_Tongue]

If the seat was comfier, this would be an awesome setup.

 

[felipepepe]

I think the captions are actually from the anime

Yeah, they are.
Now, just how would we know about this?

 

[FuelBlooded]

This is the best thread ever.

 

[Multiple Sarcasm]

http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/28196449/

Spoiler

>I play a crazy paranoid Sorcerer.
>Carry around an Empty Tome with me always
>Unmarked, no title, no arcane symbol
>Tell the party that every night I pull out a marker and begin to channel magical energy into it.
>Tell the DM in secret that I'm expending my remaining spells to fill the pages with explosive runes.
>He just think that I'm preparing "Paper Bombs" Naruto Style
>Actually preparing the Legendary Flip-book of Explosive Runes
>Store the Book in a pouch on my side.
>Literally three days after I finish all 300-pages
>Players see me not taking the book out anymore and get curious.
>Tell them it's none of their business
>The Rogue thinks its a good idea to grab my book from me.
>So I stab the fucker with a dagger for his own protection and accidentally get a crit, grab the book, and tell him it's for his own safety
>Everyone around the table is shocked at this.
>I head to my tent and fall asleep.
>The party forms a small conspiracy to try to find out what secrets I'm keeping in the book. And to kill me if I'm planning anything evil.
>Rogue sneaks in and steals my Explosive Tome
>Entire time I'm OOC saying no.
>The party groups around the other side of the camp to see whats inside. Huddled right over the rogue who has the tome.
>At this point I'm almost yelling at them telling them they shouldn't open the book.
>These exact words came out of the Rogue's mouth: "Alright. I open the book. Flip through all the pages just to get a glimpse what's in there"
>DM: "How much damage was that?"
>Me, as I have my face in my hands: "Eighteen"
>DM: Whew, alright that wasn't much but it would knock the rogue unconciou-
>Me: "Eighteen Thousand"
>DM: "What?"
>Me: "Eighteen thousand d6. There were 300 Explosive runes in there, they each do 6d6 in a ten-foot radius"
>DM: "Alright. Looks like it's time to take a break for the night. You guys are going to need to roll new character sheets. No Sorcerers."

Needless to say, I wasn't invited to the next game.

I remember doing shit like this a few times (in oWoD, of all settings). Those would be ass things to do to sensible people, but goddamn it was fun watching tryhard grimdarks dig their own graves. Still, not nice, I know.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

>These exact words came out of the Rogue's mouth: "Alright. I open the book. Flip through all the pages just to get a glimpse what's in there"

The first thing he does with the creepy magical artifact is to rub it all over himself like a cock? Getting an arcane atomic bomb to the face was too easy on him.

If the seat was comfier, this would be an awesome setup.

The TV also needs to be on a table or something, unless you enjoy neck pains.

 

[Infinitron]

More Dungeon Lords:

 

[Luzur]

How bad can these guys get, huh?

well, he "had heard that Duke Nukem had strippers in it" so...

 

[Whisky]

Bestaility, such an ugly word. It's a perfectry normal, natural thing to want to screw a lizard (or whatever the fuck turians are).

Birds.

Mass Effectoful Boyfriend

Everyone is scaly (Carapacey?) for Garrus.

 

[DraQ]

http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/28196449/

Spoiler

>I play a crazy paranoid Sorcerer.
>Carry around an Empty Tome with me always
>Unmarked, no title, no arcane symbol
>Tell the party that every night I pull out a marker and begin to channel magical energy into it.
>Tell the DM in secret that I'm expending my remaining spells to fill the pages with explosive runes.
>He just think that I'm preparing "Paper Bombs" Naruto Style
>Actually preparing the Legendary Flip-book of Explosive Runes
>Store the Book in a pouch on my side.
>Literally three days after I finish all 300-pages
>Players see me not taking the book out anymore and get curious.
>Tell them it's none of their business
>The Rogue thinks its a good idea to grab my book from me.
>So I stab the fucker with a dagger for his own protection and accidentally get a crit, grab the book, and tell him it's for his own safety
>Everyone around the table is shocked at this.
>I head to my tent and fall asleep.
>The party forms a small conspiracy to try to find out what secrets I'm keeping in the book. And to kill me if I'm planning anything evil.
>Rogue sneaks in and steals my Explosive Tome
>Entire time I'm OOC saying no.
>The party groups around the other side of the camp to see whats inside. Huddled right over the rogue who has the tome.
>At this point I'm almost yelling at them telling them they shouldn't open the book.
>These exact words came out of the Rogue's mouth: "Alright. I open the book. Flip through all the pages just to get a glimpse what's in there"
>DM: "How much damage was that?"
>Me, as I have my face in my hands: "Eighteen"
>DM: Whew, alright that wasn't much but it would knock the rogue unconciou-
>Me: "Eighteen Thousand"
>DM: "What?"
>Me: "Eighteen thousand d6. There were 300 Explosive runes in there, they each do 6d6 in a ten-foot radius"
>DM: "Alright. Looks like it's time to take a break for the night. You guys are going to need to roll new character sheets. No Sorcerers."

Needless to say, I wasn't invited to the next game.

I remember doing shit like this a few times (in oWoD, of all settings). Those would be ass things to do to sensible people, but goddamn it was fun watching tryhard grimdarks dig their own graves. Still, not nice, I know.

Sniff.
That's... Beautiful.

Ass-Burger

Though wouldn't the first rune blast the remainder of the tome to shreds when going off?
What are the rules for Explosive Runes when their carrier item gets destroyed?

I also wonder what would be the best, non-suicidal use of such flipbook? Getting an undead/summoned/controlled servant flip through all of it right in front of powerful enemies?

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Though wouldn't the first rune blast the remainder of the tome to shreds when going off?
What are the rules for Explosive Runes when their carrier item gets destroyed?

I also wonder what would be the best, non-suicidal use of such flipbook? Getting an undead/summoned/controlled servant flip through all of it right in front of powerful enemies?[/spoiler]

Spoiler

Carefully tear a few off, put them together, drop them conspicuously while fleeing, just leaving it lying in an army camp, with a DO NOT READ warning. Possibilities are there but it looks like more trouble than it's worth.