Vapourware AURORA: The Clash of Cultures - Year 13 over

[GarfunkeL]

GLOBAL NEWS NETWORK - 16th NOVEMBER Y11

On the southern front, the 10ª DV Jabutis Alados, 11ª DV Tanques Imperiais, 15ª DV Bandeirantes Espaciais and 4º DV Força Expedicionária Brasileira suffered moderate casualties while managing zero headway.

On the western front, the Imperial Colonial Expeditionary Force, 3rd Imperial Armoured Division and Mengjiang National Army were mauled by the Kwanzanian defenders.

On the eastern front, the 11th, 12th, 13th LTA and the 21st and 22nd Mobile Infantry Battalions clashed with Kwanzanian troops and suffered very heavy casualties. 3rd Armoured Division and Wyoming National Guard had to withdraw, after suffering moderate losses, other Kwanzanian units remaining on the field.

In other news, Eisenstark launched another fuel harvester and opened a civilian mining colony on the comet Wolf.

GLOBAL NEWS NETWORK - 21st NOVEMBER Y11

On the southern front, the Imperial Army is reeling after another pointless assault against Kwanzanian defence lines ends without any results. Eight formations were mauled.

On the western front, the Celestial Army suffered similarly, though to a slightly lesser extent, with only three formations mauled.

On the eastern front, the Commonwealth Army was turned back, with insignificant losses to the Kwanzanians, while four Commonealth formations bled heavily.

In other news, Eisenstark launched another freighter.

GLOBAL NEWS NETWORK - 26th NOVEMBER Y11

On the southern front, five more formations of the Imperial forces suffered significant casualties, without any headway into Kwanzanian lines.

On the western front, the Celestials finally progressed slightly. Five formations were badly mauled but in exchange, the California National Guard lost one third of its strength and had to give way. Celestial air strikes caught the Wyoming National Guard by surprise as it was redeploying, and decimated it.

On the eastern front, the Commonwealth 12th and 14th LTA and 24th Mobile Infantry Battalion doggedly pushed through the defensive positions of 1st Infantry Division, causing and receiving grievous casualties.

In other news, Eisenstark launched a fuel harvester.

 

[GarfunkeL]

GLOBAL NEWS NETWORK - 1st DECEMBER Y11

Eisenstark launched a freighter and Yates launched a fuel harvester.

On the southern front, three more Luso-Brazilian formations were spent trying to pierce the Kwanzanian lines. Analysts are starting to wonder if the latinos are trying to commit suicide on a massive scale.

On the western front, the Chemical Warfare Battalion suffered light casualties while chasing the California National Guard, that suffered further heavy losses.

On the eastern front, the 21st, 22nd and the 24th Mobile Infantry Battalions suffered heavy losses, but so did Texas and Georgia National Guards.

At least half a million civilians have been killed in the fighting, so far, and several industrial centres have been demolished.

GLOBAL NEWS NETWORK - 6th DECEMBER Y11

On the southern front, seven formations of Luso-Brazilians continued their hammering of the Kwanzanian lines, without results.

On the western front, 3rd and 5th Imperial Armoured division attacked New York National Guard together with Mengjiang National Army and the Chemical Warfare Battalion. The Guardsmen, while suffering heavily, made the Celestials pay a much higher price.

On the eastern front, five Commonwealth formations spent themselves against Kwanzanian defences.

In other news, both Eisenstark and Yates launched new ships: the former a colony ship and the latter a freighter.

GLOBAL NEWS NETWORK - 11th DECEMBER Y11

On the southern front, the fruitless offensive continued. Six formations were bleeding dry without gaining any headway.

On the western front, the 5th Imperial Armoured Division and the Japanese Imperial Guard were badly mauled by the 2nd Armoured Division, which suffered far less.

On the eastern front, three Mobile Infantry battalions were handled roughly by the Kwanzanian defenders.

In other news, Eisenstark launched a new colony ship.

 

[Hellraiser]

Oh man, this truly is the Ultimate Doom Expansion Pack for Kwanzania.

Also an Omniventures civilian mining colony on Wolf-Harrington. Mazel tov!

 

[GarfunkeL]

Not Wolf-Harrington but Wolf. Easy to mistake the two. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/14P/Wolf instead of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/43P/Wolf–Harrington

 

[Kalin]

Holy Yehudza!!

This is some serious slaughter.

 

[GarfunkeL]

GLOBAL NEWS NETWORK - 20th DECEMBER Y11

On the southern front, Kwanzanian counter-attack caught the Luso-Brazilians by surprise and caused serious damage to four formations, while destroying the 1ª DV Libertadores. The desecrated corpse of Colonel Koshin Midori was displayed by Kwanzanian troops as evidence.

On the western front, the Celestial forces managed to encircle and destroy the Wyoming National Guard. Attempts by Kwanzanian troops to lift the encirclement caused moderate losses to 4th Imperial Armoured Division and White Russian Elite Army.

On the eastern front, a gap in Kwanzanian lines lured the 27th Assault Infantry Battalion to recklessly advance, straight into a trap. The battalion was utterly destroyed, while three other formations suffered casualties while trying to rescue it.

GLOBAL NEWS NETWORK - 25TH DECEMBER Y11

On the southern front, five Luso-Brazilian units were pushed further back as they suffered significant losses.

On the western front, New York National Guard held firm against an attack from five Celestial formations, which suffered varying casualties, from light to heavy. The 4th Imperial Armoured Division, especially, is a mere shadow of its former self.

On the eastern front, Kwanzanian artillery and airstrikes blunted Commonwealth attacks, causing serious casualties to 10th LTA and three Mobile Infantry battalions.

GLOBAL NEWS NETWORK - 30th DECEMBER Y11

On the southern front, three Imperial units were decimated and thrown back, and the 5º DV Força Expedicionária Portuguesa was eradicated.

On the western front, 3rd Imperial Armoured Division and Imperial Vietnamese Guard suffered moderate losses as they boxed in the Kwanzanian 2nd Armoured Division, which lost over half of its fighting vehicles trying to break out. Georgia National Guard suffered a bloody nose while trying to relieve them, losing a third of its manpower.

On the eastern front, Commonwealth forces were pushed back to their transports, as the Kwanzanian counter-attack overran 25th Mobile Infantry battalion. Only the skilful delaying actions of the 10th LTA saved the unit from complete destruction.

In other news, Eisenstark launched several new ships - space liners and freighters.

 

[GarfunkeL]

I'll write this here because it's something that everyone needs to know. The ground attack mechanics in Aurora are woefully under-developed. Basically, what happens is that all attacker units capable of attacking and all defender units capable of defending are lined up, their values added together, a random number introduced to the mix, and then damage is assigned to one side or both - randomly affecting a unit(s). There is no tactical or strategic movement or anything, pure math. All the other stuff I've added myself, as pure fluff.

Now, the problem comes when multiple races attack a single one. The attackers are not treated as one and the defender does not have to split its troops. This means, that in the case of Kwanzania here, each attacker faces all of Kwanzanian defending units every round of ground combat. This pretty much negates the most important reason for joint ground attacks. It wasn't quite as clear with the Boerestaat as the sides were far more equal, but here, thanks to a horde of Kwanzanian GAR units, it shows.

 

[yeye]

 

[Kalin]

That would have been good to know before.

This freedum thing might take a while to implement.

 

[The Brazilian Slaughter]

Did we just get beat by a leaderless country? Is there a emoticon that can show my flabbergasting and frustration?
Holy fuck, one of my officers even got machete raped! Is there no end to the insane indignities of the kwa?


KWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS!!!

 

[Cassidy]

Theme

The Jerusalem Post

Exclusive Interview with Joseph "Asp", commander of the New York National Guard

In his most dangerous assignment, our courageous reporter Karl Drechsler has managed to gain an exclusive interview with the still alive commander of the New York National Guard, a hardened man and true survivor, who, facing ultimately hopeless odds, has taken the burden of leading the New York national guard against a threat worse than the rising chaos all over the United States, in his own words, "the threat of foreign occupation, subjugation and destruction of the soul of this country." This is the full excerpt from the interview, as it is:

KD: First, now that we had our introductions, tell me about you, your history before everything ended in this.

JA: My name is Joseph, my nickname Asp and my last name none of your business. I was a private military contractor, started in Academi, but eventually became self-employed, and let's leave it at that.

KD: And, if it is no problem, what about family?

JA: They are all dead, all of them. Thanks to those gooks, fucking gooks. World War Two taught them nothing after all!

KD: Sorry for asking, now, because the people back home would be curious about this, what is your religion?

JA: Look at the window, see the smokes, think of the millions dead and answer it yourself.

KD: What?

JA: If an almighty one existed looking after all of us, he wouldn't deserve worship, because only an almighty asshole would let this happen.

KD: Nevermind. Now, if you don't have faith in anything, why are you even bothering?

JA: Did you forget what I told you? I am doing this for revenge. I will ensure as many Slant-eyed scumbags will die as possible, and I wish I had the access codes to those big silos all over this country.

KD: Would you really do that if you could? Cause the complete annihilation of your entire country by nuclear fire and transform almost all Far East Asia into an atomic wasteland?

JA: This country becoming a post-nuclear grave would be a better fate than becoming a bitch to those gooks, and they are asking for their annihilation, they have been for a long, long time. At least this way everyone dies instead of suffering as slaves to these fascists and jerks.

KD: What about your political ideology?

JA: I don't care what others label me with. Anarchist, Libertarian, Nihilist, they are nothing but words. I believe in myself, and after that, I believe people should have as much freedom as possible, and that includes buying and selling stuff and owning businesses, I'm no fucking commie.

KD: I see. Now, how did you become the leader of the National Guard here?

JA: After everything went to shit, this country became chaotic, there was no real leadership of the remnants of the brass, and I took over after they heard the news of me alone ambushing and slaughtering forty gooks. Yet, even if chaotic, even if the weak had nowhere to hide, it was still free in a way. Then these kikes, gooks and niggers, no offense to my homeboys, but those invading this country deserve to be called as such. They came in killing good people, yes, they are killing civilians, like they did with everyone I once cared for, and worse, these assholes. They aren't making anything better, they are only making this country even worse in the end, unless we hit the jackpot and win this war against all odds, that is.

KD: Your forces have delivered massive casualties, how did you manage to do that?

JA: TN armor, TN weapons and enough hatred to make them melt by simply gazing at them, if we could. Arrogant gooks, thinking they could take over New York with 20th century tanks. I am proud of what we achieved, even if it ends being futile in the end.

KD: Aren't you afraid of being captured?

JA: They won't take me alive, ever. And if they get close to it, they won't live enough to gloat about it.

KD: Now, supposing somehow they fail to subjugate the United States, how do you imagine order could be restored?

JA: There is no need of that. Do not believe those lying scumbags in foreign news, if I could I would put a bullet in their liar mouths, all of them, I would, to shut them up. Only in a few regions like Detroit and Cleveland those claims of machete wielding thugs and rape sprees are real, but in the majority of America the police still works, schools still work, except now there is no meddling of big government in it, like if we suddenly were like Ancient Greece, city-States instead of the bloated feds. This country has never been freer, and eventually, with the help of like-minded individuals, we will stop the worst side of such freedom, for it is the best opportunity ever of correcting over a century of mistakes, a reset. We will recreate this country as it should have always been, almost zero federal government, we will start again, live in cities, small states, genuine self-rule, but that is a nothing but a dream, unless I could cause a global communications meltdown or something like that, yet unfortunately I can neither avenge this country nor save it: chances are the survivors will be working to death in TN concentration camps to feed the war machines of the gooks, niggers and kikes.

KD: Any final messages

JA: Welcome to the human race

END

 

[Hellraiser]

 

[GarfunkeL]

GLOBAL NEWS NETWORK - COMMERCIAL UPDATE

Comparison of civilian shipping lines, 1st of January Year 12

Only companies currently active, ie possessing at least one ship, have been noted.

Country of Operation
Name - Number of ships - Total tonnage - Last Year Income - Last Dividend Time - Last Dividend Amount - Current Wealth - Current Share Price - Record Share Price

Celestial Empire of the Greater East-Asia
Miyoshi Transport Group - 7 - 295,500 - 1560 - 1st January Y11 - 914 - 3053 - 9.78 - 9.78

Omniventures Incorporated
Eisenstark Carrier Lines - 20 - 944,500 - 115 - 1st January Y11 - 0 - 42045 - 60.12 - 60.12

Polish-British Commonwealth
Yates Transport Limited - 9 - 315,700 - 996 - 1st January Y11 - 0 - 7326 - 13.00 - 12.98

Yates has specialized in fuel harvesting, augmenting that with smaller passenger and freight transportation. Aside from fuel, Yates ships operate strictly between Earth and Luna.

Eisenstark has only begun, but with a bang! Their fuel harvesting fleet equals that of Yates, and that is only a sideline to their passenger and, especially, freight transportation. Eisenstark operates regular routes Earth-Io and Earth-Van Biesbroeck.

Miyoshi is the oldest of the three. They only have a single fuel harvester, rest of the fleet being divided between passenger and freight operations. Miyoshi also is flying only between Earth and Luna.

The largest privately owned vessels are the four Eisenstark fuel harvesters at Uranus, each massing a whopping 81,850 tons!

 

[GarfunkeL]

That would have been good to know before.

This freedum thing might take a while to implement.

Yeah, sorry. I saw it happen with Boerestaat and should have mentioned it, but I didn't realize it's importance until the number started crunching with Kwanzania.

 

[GarfunkeL]

Also, game will be paused until Wednesday, so that all players can, if necessary, alter their plans due to recent events. Next full report won't be until end of Year 13.

 

[Storyfag]

That would have been good to know before.

This freedum thing might take a while to implement.

Yeah, sorry. I saw it happen with Boerestaat and should have mentioned it, but I didn't realize it's importance until the number started crunching with Kwanzania.

Maybe you should provide some kind of compensation for that game error to the invaders Peacekeeping Coalition? You know, so that we can have a proper re-enaction of 1814, and all...

 

[Kalin]

It's all good, I think, and probably better for the :sawyer: balance of the game. Plus, it definitely made it much more entertaining than a flat victory! :D

Of course, the Empire won't back down, and like the Luso-Brozilian student some pages back, Greater East Asia sure ain't afraid of no Kwan. Besides, as one of the enrichers would say, the eyes still say yes and a little struggle only makes the victory all the sweeter in the end.

 

[Kalin]

The Imperial Herald
*SPECIAL REPORT*
Prosperity-Net, Commlink and RK-Jack Broadcast

RK Droid Announcer: Welcome to the Imperial Herald, now even more free, truthful and unbiased than ever before! Foreign media outlets around the world are up to their usual tricks, spinning lies and peddling twisted half-truths about our Empire. Fortunately, we can all rest easy, for the grand liberation of Kwanzania is going exceedingly well. Hundreds of thousands of vile enemies of prosperity have been put down, and more of shall follow! Everything is proceeding according to plan!

As you can tell from the obviously truthful footage above, the entire city of Bakersfield has been completely pacified by Imperial forces. After a most thorough cleansing by the Biochemical Assault Unit, the city now serves as a major supply depot and refugee camp for the peace effort on the West Coast. With us over Co-Prosperity Net to further illuminate the situation is Prosperity Minsiter Hayama and renowned expert Matthew J. C. Barton. Over to you, gentlemen!

Prosperity Minsiter Hayama: Much obliged! After months of heavy fighting and constant restoration of peace, order and prosperity, our Imperial Army is still as strong as ever, and this I want to make clear: all rumours of "massive casualties", "decreased readiness" and so on are precisely that - uninformed opinions at best, malicious propaganda at worst! The fact that our Imperial High Command has called for a momentarily period of fortification and strategical re-deployment during the increasingly harsh Kwanza winter - in no way brought on by Greater East Asian covert weather weapons - is in no way a reflection on our ability to crush the enemy!

Matthew J. C. Barton: Right you are, Minister, and I thank you for the opportunity to be here! Now, you say the Imperial Army is still as strong as ever, but why then does High Command stop the assault? Surely, weather conditions are no problem for power-armoured Assault Infantry - years ago, the Celestial Empire claimed their new TN-soldiers could operate practically anywhere, from the hottest to the coldest regions, at the bottom of the oceans and even on distant moons and planets.

Prosperity Minsiter Hayama: Uh... W-well, old chap, that is a mighty good question! Hold on - yes - Yes! You see, as I was saying, that is because total victory is not the only duty of the Imperial Army. First and foremost comes the sacred mission "to protect and serve", no doubt familiar to all our Californian friends and allies! As the new police force in charge, we couldn't bloody well live up to that mission if we also kept charging all across the continent, could we?

Therefore, rather than to simply leave all the millions of freezing and hungry Kwanzanians behind, we dig in, hold our ground and see to it that our liberated friends receive all the help and protection they can get! Only when we are *certain* that they are completely safe from harm will we resume the offensive. I am sure the same applies to our esteemed allies, the Polish-Brits and Luso-Brazilians, who are commendably fighting the good fight along the Canadian border, the Gulf of Mexico and the East Coast!

Matthew J. C. Barton: Does this mean the Empire will repeat its strategy in Imperial China, and build a new "Great Wall", so to speak? Also, what of the Kwans who still resist the Empire and its allies? Will they remain idle and disorganised, or mount some defences? What if they construct heavy duranium bunkers? Finally, what of the rumours of Joseph "Asp" and the possible retaliation with nuclear weapons?

Prosperity Minsiter Hayama: Many good questions! First off, there will be no "Great Wall" in Kwanzania as long as there are cities, installations and persons of value to be liberated. We may be digging in to defend our positions, like in Bakersfield, or indeed, Fortress Stonekeep, the headquarters of the Interplay Mega-Corporation, but that does not mean we will sit idly by for long - far from it!

As for Kwanzanian Planetary Defence Structures, time will have to tell. Remember that our enemies are divided, and that the savages fight just as much among themselves as they do against the coalition of peace and prosperity. That said, we cannot rule out that this or that faction might construct bunker-complexes to slow down our liberation. If they do, however, they also split their forces even further, allowing us to pick them off one bunker at a time. It may take a little longer, but our victory is still ensured.

In regards to this "Asp" fellow, the Kempeitai assures us that he is a mere hologram, spawned by some unwashed basement-dwelling hacker with a grudge. Maybe his great grandfather died in the Great Unjust War, or perhaps he has some genetic defect that makes him unable to appreciate superior culture like anime and Hello Kitty. And now now, before you say anything - yes, old chap, the League claims to have spoken with him, but really, given all the things the Templars believe in, it should come as no surprise to a man of science such as yourself that they could be tricked by something as simple as holographic projection!

Finally, as for nuclear missiles, they were all made obsolete decades ago by disarmament and rapid advances in Strategic Defense Initiative Technology. The only Trans-Newtonian nuclear program we know of, and which the evil terrorists had already attempted to use against our coalition, was completely squashed by our Polish-British allies on the East Coast. Now, is it possible that this or that nation, which may not see eye to eye with our Empire on all matters, would provide Kwanza with the means to develop new TN-missiles?

We cannot rule this out, of course, but it is hard to believe that anyone would be so reckless, and even fundamentalists and communists must realise that nuclear fallout would harm their own growth and progress just as much as it would harm our own. Even more, in fact, since we currently outnumber them. Besides, I am mighty pleased to announce that the Empire is currently working on a new secret project, which will soon make all such weapons obsolete and incapable of reaching us in the first place! Once again, as always, the Empire is one step ahead! Really, I am surprised people haven't learned this undisputable fact of life.

Matthew J. C. Barton: Aaaaaand, that is all I had for today, Minister! Truthful, unbiased facts, delivered in a professional, friendly environment. This interview gets a solid five Sumitomo Smart-Link Drinking Horns™ out of four possible - and remember guys and girls, if you like my interviews, you can pledge to my section at Project Prosperity to help a brother out, it is getting harder and harder these days to get by without selling out, just like th-


[cut to advertisement]

RK Droid Announcer: Welcome back, and thank you Mr Barton! And now some more news from liberated New California Republic, where President Caen, in conjunction with Imperial and Omniventurial business partners, has just implemented an exciting new Loyalty Reward System to get lazy Kwans off their backs and out on the streets, actively helping the liberation! Every Kwanza man, woman, man-woman, woman-man and child makes a possible informant for prosperity! Are you such a Kwan? Then do your duty and reap the rewards!

Loyalty tokens can be exchanged for *highly desirable* rewards at any Interplay Mega-Corporation or Co-Prosperity station.

Possible rewards are listed below:

 

[Hellraiser]

Holy shit, the harvesters ended up being over 80k tons each? Capitalism and freedom truly make everything big, just ask 'muricans!

Also expect an Omniventures News TV broadcast soon(tm) reveal more about the progress and diversity-enrichment enabled by the invisible hand of the free market.

 

[Hellraiser]

It is now eleven o'clock, time for the Omniventures News TV SPECIAL END OF THE YEAR NEWS BULLETIN!

Channah Kravitz: Hello and welcome to our special 2020 end of the year report. First up, big news for education in the recovering from communist political and economical sabotage free Boerestaat. OmniEdu has revitalized education in the region of Kwazulu, by introducing new academical staff and equipment in the Kwazulu University it has recently taken over. Now students there can study and major in such prospective fields as T-N Engineering, Modern Capitalist Thought, Think-tank Management, Magma Diving, Gender Studies and American-Jericho Sewer Rat relations. All for an affordable tuition thanks to a competitive student loan market, costing only half of the average Prosperia mortage! Future elites of a Free and Capitalist Boerestaat will no doubt graduate from this institution, no doubt changing the free world and perhaps even the universe into a better place in the T-N Era!

Channah Kravitz: Immigrants from Texas are flocking to New Houston, the first Omniventures Inc. Deep Space Ventures colony in space, on Jupiter's moon of Io. Many were shocked by this location for a colony, seemingly inhospitable for human life. But the vast T-N mineral wealth, along with abundant geothermal energy caused by tidal forces made Io quite similar to Texas, a harsh land filled with vast wealth. The Io TN-rush has already spawned numerous jobs waiting for applicants such as Magma Divers, T-N BBQ chefs and of course Laser Rifle technicians. More on this after this news segment, when the Market Raider himself Sanjay Prateek, will interview Billy Bob Norton, New Houston sheriff and owner of IO-U-BBQ, the best BBQ joint in the outer solar system.

Channah Kravitz: Meanwhile rapid DSV expansion into space is aided by the shining star of Eisenstark. Between Io, Van Biesbroeck and Wolf, Eisenstark Clipper Freighters, Tick Fuel Harvester and Transolartic Colony Liners hurry at speeds only possible with the Menorah NTR T-N engine powered by Sorium. The impressive Tick fuel Harvesters stand at over 80 thousands tons of tonnage and gather gaseous fuel from Uranus. The clippers are said to be big enough to haul entire pre-fabricated colony domes in one piece, capable of providing living and farming space for thousands of individuals. The spacious Chilltech cryogenic suspension chambers house thousands aboard the Transolartic liners, bringing individuals to a better life in space.

DSV mining operations output continue to increase exponentially, effectively bringing the end to the T-N Crisis of Yesteryear. Many rare T-N minerals which have not been available on Earth for years are being now sent to Prosperia's Rosenberg Mass Driver, and from Prosperia's Deep Water Container Terminal to consumers and businesses around the Globe.

Channah Kravitz: In other news, the fascist Heraclitus party ruling Greece, which is called Heracs for short, makes threats targeted at Boerestaat. They demand the African territory of Gabon, which is supposedly, to quote the rogue state's official spokesman "the ancient Hellenic Colony of Tauron, which should see the enlightening rule as part of the true Heracs Hellas motherland, bringing it to its proper glory." The peacekeeping coalition aiding Mr. Venter's rebuilding effort in Boerestaat after he won June's ellection in a 76% landslide vote, has refused to comment. However one anonymous source in the Commonwealth has called the Heracs demands "rather silly". President Venter's government has only responded with a Tw@ter message saying, quote, "The Heracs regime should be running a cabaret tour, not a state." end quote. League officials have not yet made any comment, but Mega-Kebab representatives have said that quote "perhaps Athens needs a live demonstration of fire from the Kebab Cruiser fleet."

Channah Kravitz: Meanwhile in America, the front-line holds steady as the first winter snow drops. Coalition forces dig-in, but so do their opponents the diversity hating pan-sexual persecutors and communist sympathizers. The Westboro Army in particular proves to be a tough opponent, as do the various militias armed with freely available on the market power armor. Many Americans flee their troubled country into the New California Republic, emigrate to the "old country" of the PBC, choose life amongst the jungles of Great Brazil or indeed amongst the stars in far away places like New Houston on Io.

In other news, Ares Arsenal Munitions stock price quadrupled since the beginning of the war, with many civilians choosing the Helios 3c laser rifle and Sunburst Plasma Grenades as their self-defense weapons of choice.

And now for a special edition of Market Raider with Sanjay Prateek interviewing Billy Bob Norton.

SPONSORED BY:

Yes, we do OWE YOU BARBECUE!*

*at an affordable price

Sanjay Prateek: Greetings fellow raiders, the streams of 'zah are flowing from beyond the Asteroid Belt. With us today I have Billy Bob Norton, Sheriff, Entrepreneur and Pioneer.

Billy Bob Norton: Howdy partner, I quite enjoy your show. Makes me remember the good 'ol days back in texas, before all the beaners, gooks and crumpet-eaters. When everybody was looking for opportunity, strapping themselves by the bootstraps and thriving like men should.

Sanjay Prateek: So, Billy Bob, why choose Io?

Billy Bob Norton: Io is a real man's land, harsh and untamed, it's rocky bosom rich in the finest darn T-N you can imagine. Not a land for pussies, like them tea-drinkers from London, Odessa, Marocco or whatever they call their British capital. The 30 story tall landtide would eat them pretty boys whole in one bite like a hungry coyote. Them sissies wouldn't want to get their girly hair covered in hot radioactive magma.

[announcer voice]: DISCLAIMER - Billy Bob Norton's views do not reflect the view of our pro-diversity and peaceful Corporate Agenda, and should not be seen as related to Omniventures Diplomatic discourse with our allies and trade partners. We love our Polish-British friend and their tea and crumpets, as well as fish and chips, curry, bigos and traditional PBC Sobieski Vodka drank when Mancheter United scores a goal against Widzew Łódź in the Premier League finals.

Sanjay Prateek: I heard Io is more than just BBQ and magma diving for chunks of T-N. What about the rich cultural capital of New Houston?

Billy Bob Norton: Well, we've got a Free-for-All arena set up, just texan free-for-all every sunday after church. No Goergian Deathmatch or whatever Asian shit, just true blooded american shootouts. Fuck that Metalcraze sissy, he couldn't kill a limp-dicked coyote with a thermonucular warhead. Also there's church of course, many teleevangelists are moving in recently, our education system is great, schools debunk Io-warming and godless commie nonsense like the second law of thermodynamics. They teach the real deal, the hard skills needed in life, how Jesus rode a velociraptor, how to build walls to keep the Mexicans outside of our free land and how to fire laser rifles at pesky raccoons.

Sanjay Prateek: Fascinating, do you have anything else you would like to share about Io.

Billy Bob Norton: Yes, come to Io if you're a real man, we've got vendarite-laced cigarettes, velociraptor breeding ranches, glow in the dark BBQ hot sauce, guns, magma diving, even more guns and enough land and space for every man willing to give freedom and wealth to his whole family. If he ain't a sissy, celestial chinaman, commie or other rear-door lover french-kissing his girlfriend named Francis under rainbow bedsheets that is. It takes a real cowboy to live off the land when the landtide comes and magma levels rise.

 

[GarfunkeL]

Right, got internet access again, so Year 12 is now happening.

 

[Kalin]

Basic and soon to be horribru outdated overview of our activities in the Solar System.

Many minor and some very distant bodies are excluded, since nothing (aside from covert operations of pure evil) goes on there.

* denotes decent colony cost, which means the celestial body can be colonised with the help of reasonably low amounts of infrastructure. Also means the body can (eventually) be properly terraformed.

 

[GarfunkeL]

Notable events for Year 12:

All nations have had their DSTS numbers increase by 10, so the fucking game doesn't stop every time a civilian ship makes the trip to Mars or something.

Chaos spreads in Kwanzania and Prussia, as government-run industries wind down. Factories stand idle as no new production have been ordered. Similarly, workers in the orbital complexes are returning to Earth while they still can.

Miyoshi and Eisenstark launch new ships. A lot of new ships. Apparently the two corporations are having a competition which one can procure more ships in a year.

More unrest at Luna as Celestial colonists complain and protest overcrowding and lack of protection.

Some Eisenstark captains grumble that government misplanning has caused their ships to wait empty at Earth for cargo.

Civilian mining complexes established on Halley's Comet and 2008 ST291, by the USSR and the Polish-British Commonwealth, respectively.

In May, Braginsky Limited, an experimental & communal freight co-operative, launched its first freighter, bringing USSR to the highly competitive market.

We'll continue tomorrow for the other 6-months of Y12.

 

[Random Word]

Welcome, Comrades, to tonights TASS Global Report. In stellar news the wholly worker owned shipping cooperative initiated by Comrade Braginsky has launched its first vessel to supply essential goods to our colonies on Mars and Luna as well as the military training facility on Titan. Comrade Braginsky's initiative will supplement state operated shipping and help bring prosperity to us all. Class riots and labour unrest continue in the Nipponese Lunar Colony. Our intrepid reporters have observed lower class families crammed into compartments the size of closets, oxygen and water rationing while the rich engage in the disgusting opulence of traditional PBC fireplaces and private olympic swimming pools, and appalling working conditions imposed by the rush to expand the colony to accomodate the haphazard deluge of immigrants. The 'free' market crushes the worker in its mindless pursuit of exploitation once again. Foreign Minister Comrade Iosef Ivanoff has met with his counterparts in the international community to begin the Olympus Conference on Mars, and reports that despite their barbaric defense of their 'right to belligerence' negotiations with the Celestial Empire and other powers are progressing well.

In terrestrial news, the invasion of Kwanzania by the Celestial Empire, Polish-British Commonwealth, and Luso-Brasilian Star Empire has ended in disaster as the vaunted Nipponese Assault Infantry were soundly routed by Kwanzanian Militia. Once again millions of Kwanzanian labourers died needlessly, but the people of Kwanzania displayed an iron resolve and did not relent, soundly rejecting the imperialist designs of the Celestial Empire and leaving their armies broken and bloody. Comrade Iosef Ivanoff has promised material aid to the beleaguered people of Kwanzania, including medical supplies and rations of the local staples marijuana and cough medicine.

 

[GarfunkeL]

1. Welcome to the inaugural planning meeting for the Olympus Conference. The Celestial Empire has agreed to the following agenda, but we welcome additional suggestions from all potential attendees. If your nation cannot see the value of peaceful neogitation and the preservation of Sol, you are free to withdraw from the discussion. You may invite additional attendees at your discretion.
   
   The Use of Trans-Newtonian Weapons:
   • Within 100 km of Earths surface.
   • Within 1 billion km of Earths surface.
   • Within 100 million km of any inhabited stellar body.
   • Within the Solar System.
   Colonization, Mining, and Landing Rights on Celestial Bodies and their associated Satellites, if any:
   • Luna
   • Mars
   • Venus
   • Jupiter
   • Saturn
   Dispute Arbitration
   
   Penalties for Violation:
   • Sanctions
   • Armed Intervention
   
   The Soviet Union wishes to make clear its claim on the body of Titan. It is a Soviet military training facility and due to its sensitive nature we will not negotiate on this point.
   
   - Comrade Iosef Ivanoff, Minister of Foreign Affairs
   
   
2. HellraiserArcane
   
   Hellraiser, Saturday at 6:10 PMReport
   Reply
   So what exactly have you found on Titan Comrade? A few ancient corpses? Machinery pre-dating man by eons utilizing physics beyond our contemporary understanding? The recipe for "precursor" pasta bolognese with liquid methane sauce?
   
   Perhaps for the betterment of mankind Titan should be declared a de-militarized neutral zone of research open to all, just like Antarctica is now. It does after all contain unique extraterrestrial heritage.
   
   It is therefore proposed by Omniventures that Titan becomes de-militarized, open to all space-faring nations of the globe to study the remaining signs of alien presence, with the research being subject to UN oversight. You do like sharing do you not Comrade? We have no idea what these aliens left behind, it is only in our best interest that there is transparency, in case some ancient technological horrors are unleashed due to reckless excavation.
   
   As part of the effort to research these alien artifacts all nations should donate xenolinguists and other scientists to form a neutral third party (handled by GarfunkeL) that would manage only this team, ensure that ALL nations gain access to any technology uncovered inside those ruins and the equal distribution of any artifacts recovered from Titan. After which said specialists would return back to their nations of origin.
   
   Furthermore Omniventures suggests that all Gas Giants and major rocky bodies capable of being terraformed around Sol become open to all. There's plenty of room around on Luna, Venus, Mars and elsewhere. Naturally though, the sovereignty of nations to do as they fit inside their own colonies should not to be infringed upon.
   
   - Mr. Morden, Omniventures Inc. Emissary to the Olympus Conference
   
   
   
3. KalinArcane
   
   Kalin, Saturday at 8:56 PMReport
   Reply
   
   General use of Trans-Newtonian Weapons
   
   The Celestial Empire proposes the following:
   

   • That all use of TN-weaponry (whether mounted on ships, weapons platform or PDCs) is proscribed against human populations and civilian human orbital facilities, and that the use of nuclear weapons against any moon or planet containing human populations are to be outlawed.
   • Furthermore, that no civilian ships should be attacked with TN-weapons, even in the case of war between powers. The sole exception would be if civilian ships violate lawful blockades.

   As long as these conditions are met, the Empire sees no issue with weapons being fired in this or that proximity of planets or the Solar System as a whole as it would infringe on its right of belligerence and self-defence.
   
   
   Colonization, Mining, and Landing Rights on Celestial Bodies
   
   Much like Omniventures Inc and the Eternal League of God, the Empire believes in predominantly open utilisation of assets according to the sacred principles of free competition. However, it also recognises the need for naval bases, listening stations and the acquisition of pure worlds were our Yamato race can live and develop in peace, free from potentially harmful influences. As such, we propose that:
   

   • Venus, which contains the only known truly massive source of Duranium, not to mention millions of tons of other resources, should be freely utilised by all. We further believe it should be completely demilitarised, allowing no PDCs, troops or orbital military installations to interfere with its peaceful mineral excavation.
   • Luna, due to its close proximity to Earth, should be open to free utilisation by all powers.
   • Mars, which is ideal for colonisation and also contains the only currently known major source of Mercassium, should be freely utilised.
   • Io, which can (eventually) be terraformed, contains a large deposit of Vendarite, and also has a good amount of Gallicite, should be open to all.
   • All gas giants should be open to free utilisation, since sorium fuel is essential to space-faring enterprises.

   In regards to minor celestial objects such as asteroids and comets, the Empire proposes a first-come, first-serve approach, including activities undertaken by free enterprises acting on behalf of their respective powers. Sending mines or ships with asteroid mining modules to excavate objects which are already being mined by others, and without their permission to do so, would thus be tantamount to aggression.
   
   Finally, in light of its own recent gains, the Celestial Empire has no issue with the Soviet Union claiming Titan, or indeed, any other power claiming any celestial body aside from those listed above.
   
   The Celestial Empire itself would claim Ganymede, Pandora, Titania and Despina to set up military bases, listening stations and fuel depots.
   
   
   Dispute arbitration
   
   In general, the Empire feels that disputes should be settled by the respective powers who engage in them, at their own discretion and possibly with involvement of their respective allies or spheres, rather than to become a spectacle for humanity as a whole.
   
   
   Penalties for Violation
   
   The Empire believes that the powers of Earth should be free to seek compensatory appropriation of assets in response to violations of territorial integrity, mining rights and so on. It is generally against the idea of United Nations-esque intervention, but reasons that any power that violates the agreements met through this conference automatically opens itself up to lawful retribution by injured parties.
   
   
   Further participants
   
   In addition to those already present, the Empire feels that the Luso-Brazilian Star Empire and Polish-British Commonwealth should be invited to participate.
   
   - Viscount Kasamatsu Fuhito, Governor of Concordia, on behalf of His Imperial Majesty​