Cthulhu
Prospernaut
Enormous amounts of etardnet hype surrounding the AssCreed series had always triggered my automatic bullshit detectors, which is why I steered clear from the franchise despite knowing next to nothing about its contents, but a couple of weeks ago I finally caved in and picked Assassin's Creed. The first one. The one where it all started. If I'm going to hate Ubisoft and its consoletarded jumping around crap, I might as well hate it informedly.
The game itself was entertaining in part, mostly annoying and disappointing, but the actual magnitude of its numerous shortcomings became apparent only when I picked up its sequel - AssCreed 2. Most reviewers/commentators had advised to start with ACII in the first place, and I sort of wish I had, but having said that, this is the title that Ubisoft released to great critical acclaim:
- virtually non-existent stealth system
- broken and unbalanced combat
- moronic bystander AI that doesn't detect people dropping dead in front of them
- cheating combat AI that magically homes in on your current location during pursuit
- no real story
- no real characters
- no real ending
- intrusive framing device that kills suspense and immersion by superimposing technobabble, technoglitches, and other Matrix-inspired sci fi stuff over 12th century environments
- mega-convenient excuse that allows fanboys/devs to brush off any in-universe stupidity/inconsistency by saying "the animus did it" (subsequently chimpanzeed with tremendous failure by Bioware's DAII and their unreliable narrator Varrick)
- poor and limited voice acting that will be burned into your memory no matter what you do (We must resist! We must push back! Be stronk, stronk like Salahadin!)
- simplistic and ultra-repetitive mission design
- horrible endgame sequence that dumps hordes of enemies and doesn't let you run away
Basically, the game was an utter flop in regards to everything, aside from its innovative cityscaling parkour mechanic and the "digital tourism" feature. What Ubisoft basically did, was release an incomplete demo-version under the guise of a proper installment, in order to analyze the market response. Once its success became evident, they actually made the effort to release a real game that improved upon almost every aspect, and called it a sequel. Cityscaling became faster and less annoying, a story was written, missions became varied, they added a lot of small touches like turning "blending" into an interactive process that requires planning and effort, rather than holding down one button and becoming magically inconspicuous, etc.
The animus bullshit still remains, though it's slightly less intrusive this time around. The city is still divided into gradually-unlocked quadrants, but I assume you'll still have plenty of stuff to do in previous areas throughout the game? In AssCreed1 you never had any reason to return to an older district, there were no city-wide activities, and the open-environment aspect was greatly nivelized by this.
While blending, combat and assassination techniques were improved, the one mechanic that seems to be absent from this series, is a disguise mechanic. In AC1 you kind of had the excuse of the Altair dressed in a plain white hood with a red sash, though the amount of weapons carried would certainly make "hiding in a crowd" insanely unlikely. In AC2 Ezio gets a ridiculously pimped-out outfit that's about as inconspicuous as a peacock in a lion's den. There's no way to take the game's stealth mechanic seriously with the protagonist looking like that, and the taylor shops don't provide any alternate outfits, from what I've seen. I've heard the upcoming AssCreed title offers a brand-new disguise mechanic, so I guess it took them eight games and a shitload of spin-offs to finally implement the concept of an assassin hiding among the public in plain sight by not wearing a ridiculously distinctive uniform that screams "I am an assassin".
And, of course, there's the atheistard issue. If there's any video game that happily embraces leftist-enforced PC doublethink and anti-Christian brainwashing, this is it. The first game is set during the Third Crusade, and needless to say, the crusaders are depicted as bloodthirsty invaders and pillagers. King Richard is shown to be an amoral asshole, knights converse exclusively in cartoonishly sneering barks, leaders of Knight-Teutons, Hospitallers and Templars are the main assassination targets. We even get a pointless "achievement unlocked" side-mission that involves killing 80 knight-templars with a bright red cross engraved on their chest. In fact, Templars are the main villains of the entire franchise (not Masons, Zionists or Illuminati though, that would be too telling).
We also get plenty of Muslims in the game, and what would you expect - their depiction is far, far more favorable and absconded of criticism by comparison. There's no "kill 80 saracens" side-mission, we never get to see Saladin at all, the people we assassinate on the Muslims' side are generic evil merchants/rulers, oh, and the game never mentions the tiny historical fact of the Holy Land being originally subject to a bloody conquest by Muslim hordes pouring out of Arabia which saw the mass-murder and dhimmitude of native Christian and Jewish populations, and that the Crusades were merely a half-assed attempt by Western European kingdoms/Catholic Church to take the Holy Land back. The way the game goes on, they'd have you think the Crusaders were the invaders. Muslims' depiction is not positive per se, it is merely sanitized to respect the Muslim market segments' religious/patriotic feelings on the matter. Christians get shat on, as normal (for Leftards).
Meanwhile, Jews are utterly absent from the game aside from a single David's Star on a presumed synagogue, which could just as easily have belonged to a Christian church. Never shown in person, never mentioned, never alluded to. This design choice is more than a little strange, considering the game is set in JERUSALEM AND THE KINGDOM OF JUDEA. I guess a plot to conquer the world through illicit social policies by a secretive cabal of conspirators posing as upstanding leaders of mainstream society and a nefarious mind-control device thematically connected to Adam and Eve simply don't have much in common with the Jewish arc.
And there's the framing device, which involves a random brown-looking guy called Desmond (for some reason) being kidnapped and strapped to a virtual reality device to uncover secret information for a evil templar corporation. I wonder why Templars are consistently being called "templars", considering they are secretly atheistic and plan to abolish all religion once the mind-control mcguffin is in their hands. Desmond acts remarkably upbeat and cooperative, for someone who is explicitly told he'll be killed off once Abstergo has its information. The other two characters in the modern story-arc are an obviously evil ego-maniacal doctor and his obviously affable assistant Lucy who turns out to be an Assassin-sympathizer in the end. The only thing you ever have to do as Desmond is walk from the animus to your bed and back, and have uninteresting exposition dumped all over your tits. The biggest improvement in AssCreed 2 I see so far is that you don't cut back to the modern world every time you complete an assassination, although I've only just started and may be wrong.
Needless to say, the story would have worked just as fine if the framing device was entirely removed and would probably have been much better for it, but oh well, this is Leftard-run corporations we're talking about. At least they don't shoehorn pirates and naval battles into the franchise. Oh, wait.
would not play again, but enjoy for what it is
The game itself was entertaining in part, mostly annoying and disappointing, but the actual magnitude of its numerous shortcomings became apparent only when I picked up its sequel - AssCreed 2. Most reviewers/commentators had advised to start with ACII in the first place, and I sort of wish I had, but having said that, this is the title that Ubisoft released to great critical acclaim:
- virtually non-existent stealth system
- broken and unbalanced combat
- moronic bystander AI that doesn't detect people dropping dead in front of them
- cheating combat AI that magically homes in on your current location during pursuit
- no real story
- no real characters
- no real ending
- intrusive framing device that kills suspense and immersion by superimposing technobabble, technoglitches, and other Matrix-inspired sci fi stuff over 12th century environments
- mega-convenient excuse that allows fanboys/devs to brush off any in-universe stupidity/inconsistency by saying "the animus did it" (subsequently chimpanzeed with tremendous failure by Bioware's DAII and their unreliable narrator Varrick)
- poor and limited voice acting that will be burned into your memory no matter what you do (We must resist! We must push back! Be stronk, stronk like Salahadin!)
- simplistic and ultra-repetitive mission design
- horrible endgame sequence that dumps hordes of enemies and doesn't let you run away
Basically, the game was an utter flop in regards to everything, aside from its innovative cityscaling parkour mechanic and the "digital tourism" feature. What Ubisoft basically did, was release an incomplete demo-version under the guise of a proper installment, in order to analyze the market response. Once its success became evident, they actually made the effort to release a real game that improved upon almost every aspect, and called it a sequel. Cityscaling became faster and less annoying, a story was written, missions became varied, they added a lot of small touches like turning "blending" into an interactive process that requires planning and effort, rather than holding down one button and becoming magically inconspicuous, etc.
The animus bullshit still remains, though it's slightly less intrusive this time around. The city is still divided into gradually-unlocked quadrants, but I assume you'll still have plenty of stuff to do in previous areas throughout the game? In AssCreed1 you never had any reason to return to an older district, there were no city-wide activities, and the open-environment aspect was greatly nivelized by this.
While blending, combat and assassination techniques were improved, the one mechanic that seems to be absent from this series, is a disguise mechanic. In AC1 you kind of had the excuse of the Altair dressed in a plain white hood with a red sash, though the amount of weapons carried would certainly make "hiding in a crowd" insanely unlikely. In AC2 Ezio gets a ridiculously pimped-out outfit that's about as inconspicuous as a peacock in a lion's den. There's no way to take the game's stealth mechanic seriously with the protagonist looking like that, and the taylor shops don't provide any alternate outfits, from what I've seen. I've heard the upcoming AssCreed title offers a brand-new disguise mechanic, so I guess it took them eight games and a shitload of spin-offs to finally implement the concept of an assassin hiding among the public in plain sight by not wearing a ridiculously distinctive uniform that screams "I am an assassin".
And, of course, there's the atheistard issue. If there's any video game that happily embraces leftist-enforced PC doublethink and anti-Christian brainwashing, this is it. The first game is set during the Third Crusade, and needless to say, the crusaders are depicted as bloodthirsty invaders and pillagers. King Richard is shown to be an amoral asshole, knights converse exclusively in cartoonishly sneering barks, leaders of Knight-Teutons, Hospitallers and Templars are the main assassination targets. We even get a pointless "achievement unlocked" side-mission that involves killing 80 knight-templars with a bright red cross engraved on their chest. In fact, Templars are the main villains of the entire franchise (not Masons, Zionists or Illuminati though, that would be too telling).
We also get plenty of Muslims in the game, and what would you expect - their depiction is far, far more favorable and absconded of criticism by comparison. There's no "kill 80 saracens" side-mission, we never get to see Saladin at all, the people we assassinate on the Muslims' side are generic evil merchants/rulers, oh, and the game never mentions the tiny historical fact of the Holy Land being originally subject to a bloody conquest by Muslim hordes pouring out of Arabia which saw the mass-murder and dhimmitude of native Christian and Jewish populations, and that the Crusades were merely a half-assed attempt by Western European kingdoms/Catholic Church to take the Holy Land back. The way the game goes on, they'd have you think the Crusaders were the invaders. Muslims' depiction is not positive per se, it is merely sanitized to respect the Muslim market segments' religious/patriotic feelings on the matter. Christians get shat on, as normal (for Leftards).
Meanwhile, Jews are utterly absent from the game aside from a single David's Star on a presumed synagogue, which could just as easily have belonged to a Christian church. Never shown in person, never mentioned, never alluded to. This design choice is more than a little strange, considering the game is set in JERUSALEM AND THE KINGDOM OF JUDEA. I guess a plot to conquer the world through illicit social policies by a secretive cabal of conspirators posing as upstanding leaders of mainstream society and a nefarious mind-control device thematically connected to Adam and Eve simply don't have much in common with the Jewish arc.
And there's the framing device, which involves a random brown-looking guy called Desmond (for some reason) being kidnapped and strapped to a virtual reality device to uncover secret information for a evil templar corporation. I wonder why Templars are consistently being called "templars", considering they are secretly atheistic and plan to abolish all religion once the mind-control mcguffin is in their hands. Desmond acts remarkably upbeat and cooperative, for someone who is explicitly told he'll be killed off once Abstergo has its information. The other two characters in the modern story-arc are an obviously evil ego-maniacal doctor and his obviously affable assistant Lucy who turns out to be an Assassin-sympathizer in the end. The only thing you ever have to do as Desmond is walk from the animus to your bed and back, and have uninteresting exposition dumped all over your tits. The biggest improvement in AssCreed 2 I see so far is that you don't cut back to the modern world every time you complete an assassination, although I've only just started and may be wrong.
Needless to say, the story would have worked just as fine if the framing device was entirely removed and would probably have been much better for it, but oh well, this is Leftard-run corporations we're talking about. At least they don't shoehorn pirates and naval battles into the franchise. Oh, wait.
would not play again, but enjoy for what it is
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review, looked like a bad troll attempt at first but now that I've read trough it I agree with it.
