第三章: 話說天下大勢，分久必合，合久必分
(At a secret meeting place)
Werrcome, genterumen. I trust you are arr werr?
Me and my brothers are all well, praise Allah! Tell me: how is our sworn brother, general Chiang?
Suffering horriburi, as you might expect, at the hands of baby-eating Communists.
They wouldn't dare! The Godless infidels will taste our steel! Elder Brother may have fallen into the hands of traitors, but the bonds that unite us Hui with him are unbreakable. We will not fail in our mission to rescue him.
That wirr nottu be easy. The best you can do is purovide us with the assurance that you wirr be on the rightu side when the time comes. Heiru Hitteru! Heiru Hirohito!
Heil Hitler! Heil Hirohito! Allahu Akbar!
(Meanwhile)
Time is of the essence. If the Ma clique aligns with the Axis, our cause is as good as lost.
Yes. I have ordered Zhou Enlai to surround their lands and await further orders, he should be reporting to us any minute now.
Comrade! Our encirclement of the Ma Clique territory is now complete, and the People's Liberation Army is ready to advance at a moment's notice.
Attack along the whole line! The feudal-militaristic oppression of these rebellious Hui have been a thorn in China's side for too long, and their liquidation is imperative for any progress to be possible.
The vaunted martial prowess of the Muslims cannot contain the push of the People united, as they are sent reeling back along the entire line.
Curses, the infidels are attacking! Quick, brother, go to the Japanese and tell them they must make good on their promise. They cannot let us down.
I shall return with the good news you await, insha'Allah.
(Later)
Arrow me to extend my sincerest feerings towards you and your peoperu in their moment of harduship. Unfortunatery, I fear we cannot come to your assistance, at reast not yet. When the time is right. When the moment is ripe. At the appropriate juncture. Tokyo wasn't buirt in a day, you know?
Speak plainly, infidel! Will you come to our aid or not? Will you keep your word?
You have our morar support. My hands are bound. That is arr I can give you, for now. I wirr pread in your favor with the Emperoru.
什么？呸！你认为你是谁？Oaths are a sacred thing for us Hui, but so far, you have given us nothing but empty words! No matter, we will fight on without you. [
leaves]
くそ! Foired again! We wirr have to seeku new usefur idiots to herp us surround the Communists...
The Ma clique has jumped the shark and joined the Axis! Everything seems calm on the Japanese front, however. What do you make of this?
The Japanese will not go to war over a few bandit lords. It looks like they are willing to sacrifice their pawn, for now.
That will teach those traitors not to deal with fascists. Carry on with the offensive! Get ready to storm their main stronghold!
Brothers, all is lost. The perfidious Japanese infidels have abandoned us to our fate, and now the Reds await at the gates, ready to defile the Mosques of Xining and tear down her Minarets. We have no choice, for now, other than to disperse. Perhaps the time will come, in the future, when we Hui can reclaim the land as ours.
Brother!
Brother!
Enough. Scatter throughout the countryside with your followers, and give the Communists no peace. Terrorize the peasants and take their grain. Let there be no peace for those who oppose the will of Allah!
Another bastion of feudalism is gone! They say that 三個臭皮匠, 賽過一個諸葛亮, but what can these two remaining lowly bandits do against us?
Congratulations on your victory, Comrade. However, I'm afraid you must carry on without me, at least for the time being. I have pressing matters to attend to in Moscow.
In Moscow? What for?
Meta-game information, as it were. It's all for the good of the Cause.
I still cannot fathom what you mean by "meta-game information", but so be it. Leave if you must.
Comrade Chairman! Comrade Chairman!
What is it?
The prisoners -- they have escaped! The prison compound where they were kept was breached in a surprise attack. Only the two VIP prisoners were extracted. I suspect a foreign power is at work here.
Undoubtedly. What's going on here? Anyhow, we should move on. Our next target is the Guangxi clique. I fancy Cantonese for dinner!
(Meanwhile, in London)
I say, jolly good of you to come, Chiang old chap. I hope the bolshies weren't too rough on you?
My savior! I am eternally indebted to you! And to think I thought the laowai were the greatest scourge of China. How wrong I was! The Communists are far, far worse. Do you know they kept me on a strict diet composed exclusively by peanuts? You must help me recover my country!
Peanuts? How bizarre. Anyhow, you're safe here, old boy. Now, you know we can't be too rash about this. The public has no stomach for war, don't you know.
Can't you see? The Reds are taking over the world! No place is safe from them. You must do something!
Hmmyes, that is a bit of a bother. I expected the bolshie regime in Russia to collapse after 10 years. Now it turns out they are not only thriving, but they are spreading their "revolution" as well! We can't afford to appear weak before the proles. Hitler is one thing, but allowing the riff raff to seize power is quite another. I'll tell you what, Chiang old bean, we'll send an ultimatum to those Reds. They won't dare take one step further. It will be "peace in our time", eh wot?
But what about China? Surely you know that Mao has a new advisor. A Georgian with a chauffeur's cap.
What, Stalin? But that's impossible, old boy. Joe Stalin's in Moscow. What ever would he be doing over there? Now, now, you must have confused him with someone else. I'm sure foreigners all look alike to you, eh wot? I'm awfully busy now and I'm afraid I must get back to work. Toodle-pip!
[To himself:]
What if Stalin really is behind this? We can't be too cautious with Reds. I'm starting to see bolsheviks everywhere. I'm going to fire my butler first thing when I get back home. And the cook. Can't afford to be surrounded by bloodthirsty communists, can I?
(Back in China)
Let's hear your report on the operations, comrade Zhou.
Comrade chairman, our operations have met with unprecedented success. Entire pockets of bandit troops have been encircled and are surrendering in droves. It won't be long before we have taken their main stronghold.
'sup, bitches.
Back already? What have you been up to?
Nothing much. Invaded Poland.
What?!? But surely you know the imperialists have guaranteed the independence of Potatoland. What if the imperialists decide to LARP the burning of the Summer Palace?
Relax, China's a long way from the imperialists. Just make sure you secure all of the main ports and capture any Western concessions and you should be fine. Besides, it won't be long before the fascists and the imperialists will be at each other's throats. Capitalism will implode in a great internal conflict. We'll just march in and do the mopping up up after that. Besides, I had to beat Hitler to the punch.
Another of your precognitions?
Of course.
If you say so...
It was not long before the People's Liberation Army had completed its conquest of the Guangxi clique territory. Two years of fighting had moulded it from a motley array of enthusiastic workers and peasants into a formidable and battle-hardened fighting force.
Meanwhile, foreign concessions were seized in an attempt to shield the coastline against any Western attempts at a naval invasion.
Now, only the Yunnan clique stands in the way of Unification. Attack!
The reputation of the People's Liberation Army preceded it. Entire divisions of bandits were routed without firing a shot.
The Imperialists, furthermore, were foiled in their attempts at a naval invasion. Apart from harassment raids by the French airforce based in Indochina, the People's Liberation Army advanced unchallenged.
At last, the country, long-divided, has been reunited under Socialism. The forces of history are unstoppable. What can the imperialists do now but quake in their boots?
That is not all. Great strides are being made in industry and the development of the productive forces of the country. As it has been with the Soviet Union, so it is with China: Socialism In One country is possible! We have leaped from an Agrarian society to Communism without passing through capitalism! Suck it, Trotsky!
But the events that would unfold in the coming months would prove all the more dramatic, as the long-expected cannibalistic war between fascism and finance capitalism finally erupted...
A country long divided is once again united, born through struggle in turbulent times. As the the imperialists leap at each others' throats, the world awaits with bated breath. A three-way war has erupted in which Communism must emerge victorious, or else the world will collapse into barbarism and destruction on an unprecedented scale. Will the cruel Japanese fascists get their comeuppance at the hands of the reborn People's Republic of China? Will the rest of Asia be freed from the clutches of imperialism? Will the monstrous cannibal state of Germany be tamed by the Soviet Union? Find out in our next installment!
Heres hoping this survives. Finally an LP not focused on fucking Europe.
