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Let's press the button of awesome - Stolen memos found

Should Bethany accompany Hawke to the Deep Roads?

  • Yes

    Votes: 2 66.7%
  • No

    Votes: 1 33.3%

  • Total voters
    3

Twinkle

Liturgist
Joined
Sep 14, 2009
Messages
1,426
Location
Lands of Entitlement
dragon-age-2-dg5.jpg


I'm pretty sure many of you want to experience the greatness the best RPG since New Vegas without the risk of getting dirty. Don't worry, for I've got you covered, my prestigious Codexers. Note that this LP is very accurate and straightforward - now matter how I feel about it I'll present the game's writing accurately word for word.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PROLOGUE
Part 1 - Stop the lies! (this post).
Part 2 - Start the truths!
Part 3 - The Arrival

ACT I: KNEE-DEEP IN THE DERP

1.1. Call of Duty
1.2. Why do you lie?
1.3. Smexy nom noms
1.4. Gay Warden
1.5. Sex sails
1.6. Devil May Cry
1.7. Pretty prince
1.8. Wayward Children
1.9. No, just no!
1.10. A t(y)ranny of choice
1.11. Decimation
1.12. Sheparding wolves
1.13. Shortest update ever
1.14. I want to kill a dragon
1.15. Ready for a good deflowering
1.16. Deep and hard, I
1.17. Deep and hard, II

ACT 2: I WANT TO BE A CHAMPION

2.1 Feels good, man
2.2 Felicitate me!
2.3. Death of a templar
2.4. Bros don't shoot bros in cold bold
2.5. Gas Attack
2.6. Strange buttfellows
2.7. Dumping down
2.8. Emotional elf
2.9. Attack of the fanboys
2.10 And your mother too!
2.11. Conversion failure
2.12. Slippery slut
2.13. Intimidation check (featuring Adam Jensen)
2.14. Fool's gold
2.15. The boring pit
2.16. The exorcist
2.17. Urban Chaos, I
2.18. Urban Chaos, II

PART 1 - STOP THE LIES

Let's go.

da2lp1-a1.jpg


I assume that you all know that only three classes are available. Just like in the best RPG since Arcanum.

da2lp1-a2.jpg


The beginning. Soldiers wearing strange eye insignia are dragging an unconscious dwarf.

da2lp1-a3.jpg

da2lp1-a4.jpg

da2lp1-a5.jpg

da2lp1-a6.jpg

da2lp1-a7.jpg


They throw a dwarf into a chair. The interrogation begins.

da2lp1-a8.jpg


Unsurprisingly, the interrogator is a woman with dark make-up and mean attitude.

face-varric.jpg
I've had gentler invitations.

face-cassandra.jpg
I am Cassandra Pentaghast, Seeker of the Chantry.

face-varric.jpg
And just... what are you seeking?

face-cassandra.jpg
The Champion

face-varric.jpg
Which one?

face-cassandra.jpg
You know exactly why I'm here!

She goes EXTREME on a dwarf.

da2lp1-a9.jpg


face-cassandra.jpg
Time to start talking, dwarf. They tell me you're good at it.

face-varric.jpg
What do you want to know?

face-cassandra.jpg
Everything. Start at the beginning.


And let the fanfic begin!

da2lp1-b0.jpg

da2lp1-b1.jpg


Somewhere at the poop mountain.

da2lp1-b2.jpg


We encounter new and redesigned darkspawn

da2lp1-b3.jpg


You don't even need to press any buttons while Hawke and his sis turn them into goo.

da2lp1-b4.jpg

da2lp1-b5.jpg


Coup de grace.

da2lp1-b6.jpg


face-fakebethany.jpg
Scouts.

da2lp1-b7.jpg


face-fakebethany.jpg
We will have to fight them sooner of later.

face-fakehawke.jpg
Then we make our stand here. Prepare yourself.

da2lp1-b8.jpg


At last the control is in our hands. Going to test the infamous Button theory immediately.

111111111111111111111111111111111

da2lp1-b9.jpg


222222222222222222222222222222222

da2lp1-c0.jpg


So far the game definitely delivers promised experience. :thumbsup:

da2lp1-c1.jpg


face-fakebethany.jpg
We can't keep this up forever.

face-fakehawke.jpg
We'll take the bastards down with us.

face-fakebethany.jpg
Here they come. Shall I deal with them?

da2lp1-c2.jpg

da2lp1-c3.jpg


face-fakehawke.jpg
Allow me.


OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

da2lp1-c4.jpg

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We received even more awesome buttons. 333333333333333333333333333 aka whirlwind is really cool.

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da2lp1-c7.jpg

da2lp1-c8.jpg


Big baddie wants it.

da2lp1-c9.jpg

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I bash number keys randomly, but the ogre is fat, so getting awesome result requires some time.

da2lp1-d1.jpg

da2lp1-d2.jpg


da2lp1-d3.jpg


Your boobs could use some tessellation, sis. :smug:

face-fakebethany.jpg
There's no end to them.


Who cares? You can't die in the tutorial. :)

da2lp1-d4.jpg

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Sup, lil faggets. Think you can roar? EAT THIS.

da2lp1-d6.jpg


Dragons are overpowered . They even get proper tactical view. :M

da2lp1-d7.jpg


And then dwarf's power fantasies are shattered.

da2lp1-d8.jpg


face-cassandra.jpg
Bullshit. That's not what really happened!

face-varric.jpg
Does that not match the story you've heard, Seeker?

face-cassandra.jpg
I'm not interested in stories. I came to hear the truth.

face-varric.jpg
What makes you think I know the truth?

face-cassandra.jpg
Don't lie to me! You knew him even before he became the Champion!

face-varric.jpg
Even if I did, I don't know where he is now.

face-cassandra.jpg
Do you have any idea what's at stake here?

face-varric.jpg
Let me guess: your precious Chantry's fallen to pieces and put the entire world on the brink of war?

face-varric.jpg
And you need the one person who could help you put it back together.

face-cassandra.jpg
The Champion was at the heart of it when it all began.

face-cassandra.jpg
If you can't point me to him, tell me everything you know.

face-varric.jpg
You aren't worried I'll just make it up as I go?

face-cassandra.jpg
Not at all.

face-varric.jpg
You'll need to hear the whole story.


You, my friends, probably too. But first I must refill my stamina bar.
 

Kz3r0

Arcane
Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
27,012
So far seems the grim-dark version of dynasty warriors, and the dwarf looks like an old fag prostitute.
Keep up, for Codexia.
:salute:
 
Self-Ejected

Jack

█▓▒░
Patron
Joined
May 5, 2010
Messages
4,900
Location
Yondo
Insert Title Here
Good job so far, o brave one. Let's hope that it isn't as bad as expected, for your sanity's sake.
 
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
2,815
Location
Third Reich from the Sun
Thank you for taking this heavy burden upon yourself and playing this game so we don't have to :salute:

Just one thing....
da2lp1b2.jpg

Are you sure you got the right game? It looks more like Morrowind than a game released in 2011... :lol:
 

KalosKagathos

Learned
Joined
Jan 4, 2010
Messages
1,988
Location
Russia
So when is the interrogator going to stop fucking around and ask about what she's really interested in: the Halbech missiles?
 

Grunker

RPG Codex Ghost
Patron
Joined
Oct 19, 2009
Messages
27,385
Location
Copenhagen
KalosKagathos said:
So when is the interrogator going to stop fucking around and ask about what she's really interested in: the Halbech missiles?

:lol:

Y'know that was actually pretty funny...
 
Joined
Dec 31, 2009
Messages
6,933
da2lp1d5.jpg


When playing the demo, this was when I understood it was derp.

I mean, look at that armor. Is that a several inches thick iron spike bouncing up and down on their chest? Why? For the lulz?
 

janjetina

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
14,231
Location
Zagreb, Croatia
Torment: Tides of Numenera
Why are the man and the woman in Mordor and how did they pass through the Black gate? Is the dwarf wearing one of the Seven dwarven rings on the chain around his neck? How can a beardless dwarf possess a Ring of Power?
 

RK47

collides like two planets pulled by gravity
Patron
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
Messages
28,396
Location
Not Here
Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
........guys spoilers . :lol:

some guy in another forum said:
only thing i dun like is the story
is a flashback zzz

oh and something for u guys who haven't started
if u wanna be mage, your sister will die
if u dun be mage, your brother will die
 
Self-Ejected

Ulminati

Kamelåså!
Patron
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
20,317
Location
DiNMRK
yoda_proceed.jpg


Looking forward to seeing if the PC version has the infinite XP glitch too. (WONDER OF WONDERS!)


RK47 said:
........guys spoilers . :lol:

some guy in another forum said:
only thing i dun like is the story
is a flashback zzz

oh and something for u guys who haven't started
if u wanna be mage, your sister will die
if u dun be mage, your brother will die


So basically we're not allowed to be mages unless we want the best tits in the game to disappear? Bioware weren't kidding when they promised us tough choices.
 

Crooked Bee

(no longer) a wide-wandering bee
Patron
Joined
Jan 27, 2010
Messages
15,048
Location
In quarantine
Codex 2013 Codex 2014 PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Codex 2016 - The Age of Grimoire MCA Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 BattleTech Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire
Playing this now. Amusingly enough, Kirkwall looks like a very JRPG-ish town, straight out of The Last Remnant or something.
 

Peter

Arcane
Joined
Jun 11, 2009
Messages
1,570
Look at all that blood. Clearly this game is aimed at a very mature audience.

Too mature for me. :(
 

DraQ

Arcane
Joined
Oct 24, 2007
Messages
32,828
Location
Chrząszczyżewoszyce, powiat Łękołody
herostratus said:
da2lp1d5.jpg


When playing the demo, this was when I understood it was derp.

I mean, look at that armor. Is that a several inches thick iron spike bouncing up and down on their chest? Why? For the lulz?

It's there because they are so evil they can kill with hugs.
:smug:


Ok, from what I've seen here the game overflows with derp. It has derp armour (looking as if someone tried to rip off Divinity 2 without being aware of such concepts as art direction or art style), derp weapons, derp landscapes, derp wheel (guess what you will say minigame), derp spawn and, from the looks of it, derp combat. It also has a dwarf that is so flamboyantly faggy that it triggers my instinctive revulsion even though I have absolutely nothing against gays both IRL and in games (as long as they are done sensibly). Hell, I bet he'd trigger revulsion in Jaesun too (Jaesun, bro, report!).

Hmm... Maybe it's not so much fagginess (which has never bothered me), but that he is a fucking metrosexual (which has always filled me with rage).
A DWARVEN metrosexual.
:x

Still, from the looks of it it might be slightly better than vanilla oblivious.
Or maybe it's just an aftereffct of seeing a dragon with proper tactical view? :?
 

Jaedar

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Aug 5, 2009
Messages
9,837
Project: Eternity Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 Pathfinder: Kingmaker
Nice LP, will read this. A tip though: You don't need both the portrait and the name for the dialogue, just the portrait is preferable.
:thumbsup:

Also there's a fun game you can play with this LP. Try to pair the dialogue wheel option with what hawke says.
da2lp1c1.jpg

Hawke said:
We'll take the bastards down with us.
 

Erebus

Arcane
Joined
Jul 12, 2008
Messages
4,763
I expect this LP to redefine the word "awesome" !

It's a minor thing, but I find the pics slightly too large.
 

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