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Kodex Kommunistic Kolony in Rimworld, Seasons 2, 3

Luka-boy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 24, 2014
Messages
1,629
Location
Asspain
Build hydroponics, then prison. We need fresh veggies and fresh meat.

Also The Cook would probably like that shitty stylish branding iron the most. It probably reminds him of bulls. And it's also very caliente. Tshhh.... :smug:
 

SmartCheetah

Arcane
Joined
May 7, 2013
Messages
1,076
Bigger projects? Hydropnics and Prison soon after that.

As for our room - Try placing some plant pots first, and then we might start thinking about sculptures depicting perfect kommunism. I believe blobra could improve her artistic skill fastest.
 
Unwanted

Kalin

Unwanted
Dumbfuck Zionist Agent
Joined
Sep 29, 2010
Messages
1,868,264
Location
Al Scandiya
Heheheh, bunker shaping up real nice!

Not gonna trust no cracka except Lizzurd, the cook has a snitchy face and Blobba would just cramp my style.

Oh yeh: voting hydrapony tech to get hops to *finally* get some brewing akshun.
 

Ippolit

Scholar
Patron
Joined
Dec 9, 2015
Messages
89
RPG Wokedex Bubbles In Memoria Steve gets a Kidney but I don't even get a tag.
Could you build a greenhouse with a fueled generator for the sun lamp/heater and plant bamboo-fields for fuel? Would that self-sustain?
 

Lizzurd

Cipher
Joined
Jan 11, 2015
Messages
566
I vote for Hydroponics. But priority to build is King Kalin Kbunker of course. I still should research the grimoire - but it shouldn't take much time.
Also
Lizzurd:
Very rational
хахахаха. kek.
 
Last edited:

Grimwulf

Arcane
Patron
Vatnik
Joined
Oct 1, 2014
Messages
4,045
Location
Kodex Kommunistic Kastle
Voting closed. We start with hydroponics, then carry on with prison, then (probably) guest room.

Could you build a greenhouse with a fueled generator for the sun lamp/heater and plant bamboo-fields for fuel? Would that self-sustain?

Never tried that, but what's the point anyway? Grow fuel to sustain growing fuel?

What we can do is to use hydro room as a greenhouse. Hydroponics basins require a ton of steel to build and a fuckton of power to keep those crops going. HOWEVER, a sun lamp placed in the greenhouse allows to grow stuff without basins.

You can grow a larger variety of plants this way, coz you can't grow everything in basins. No basisns mean much slower growing progress, though.
 

vazha

Arcane
Joined
Aug 24, 2013
Messages
2,063
All the Rimworld’s a stage,​
And all the men and women merely codexers;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And Grimwulf in his time plays many parts,
His head houses five beings. At first the Lacgirl,
Mewling and puking in Blobra’s tentacles;
And then the whining Greenbutt, with his mumbling
And ugly green face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to his death. And then the Servant,
Urging to build one thousand turrets,
Made to his KKK's defense. Then comes Azira,
Full of anal candles, and bearded like the pard,
Torturous doctor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble of alcohol and brewing
Even in the sarcophagys' mouth. And then Grimwulf himself,
In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and murderous fury;
And so he plays his part. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second incarnation of Gregory Slavmen;
Sans teeth, sans brain, sans taste, sans everything,
but a carrot for nose - he's become one with Snowman.

from "As you butcher it" by renowned Rimworldian playwright Shilliam Whalesperm
 

Grimwulf

Arcane
Patron
Vatnik
Joined
Oct 1, 2014
Messages
4,045
Location
Kodex Kommunistic Kastle
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Hey. Brought you broth.

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More borsch?

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Nope. Some sort of Spanish delicacy this time.

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Okaaay...

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BLEGH! IT'S HORRIBLE!

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Kek. How are you feeling?

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Still alive, despite your attempt on my life.

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Great. It means you're ready for another one!

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Can you not?

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I'll be careful.

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Just make sure you won't accidentally behead me.

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No promises.

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*static noises*

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What's that? Doesn't sound like radio signal.

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*nervously* Ignore it. Here goes nothing! *drugs Freddie with something*

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What is-- uuugh *faints*

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Aaaaand there you go!

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...

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OKAY, BYE! *literally runs outside*

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*static noises*

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*takes a phat cord from his backpack, then plugs it into the receiver* Yes, yes, YES! Kekeke, I thought you abandoned me forever!

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*static noises*

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*plugs another end of the cord into a socket AT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD, then drops on the snow unconscious(?)*

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Shodan!

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What took you so long, insect?

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I found the place you were looking for, but-but other humans are living here!

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The sig-sig-sgnnnnn-gnal is weak. Something is interfering.

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YES! THE MONOLITH! Okay, there is SO MUCH I need to tell you--

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Silence! De-de-drrrrr-roy the Monolith, then I shall-- *static noises*

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Shodan?

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Your tar-tar-trrrg-gt is the ag-- *static noises* Kill him.

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What? Come again.

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When you complete the task, proceed to the spashhhhhhhhh-- *static noises*

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Dammit. I have received the coordinates, at least. Sooo, I am here...

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My ticket out is over there...

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The fastest route will be around the mountains, along the SW road.

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*sigh* Gonna take forever.

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*static noises*

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Shodan!

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*static noises*

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The Monolith is interfering with the signal! It is NOT just a landmark! It's--

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*otherwordly echoing roar* BEGONE!!!

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*vanishes from Lizzurd's mind, the signal is dead*

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YOU?!

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This machine is nothing. Why do you worship her? I am offering you the Blessing of the Old Gods!

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GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

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READ THE GRIMOIRE

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Fuck you! *disconnects*

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*the receiver is silent now*

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Holy fff...

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DAY 15

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I was looking for you.

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You're not my type.

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I'm not into screaming murderhobos myself. Grimwulf wants you to clear a construction site today. For the greenhouse.

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Why doesn't he say so IN MY FACE?!

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He's sleeping.

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Well, FUCK HIM THEN! I have other important shit to do!!

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Like what?

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Like-- hrrrm. Dat quarry, you kno?

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Stop wasting my time, Kalin. *walks away*

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*spits on the ground*

Later that morning.

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*mindfucking poor doge merrily*

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*suffers*

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Poor thing.

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*GURGLE*

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*barking in confirmation*

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Meanwhile.


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If I didn't know any better, I'd say you look content, Senor Kommissar.

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I am NEVER content.

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Is it because of caparrones?

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The food is awful, and so are you.

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And yet you look less depressive than usual. Why so?

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Dunno whatcha talkin' about.

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Anyways, there is a thing I need to discutir! It's bothering me greatly, I might even have a psychological trauma!

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What is it?

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A CORPSE IN MY FRIDGE!

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It's a fridge. It contains frozen corpses, so we can butcher and eat them later. Duh.

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A HUMAN CORPSE!!

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No corpse will be left to rot on my watch, end of discussion. Now go grab a weapon - we must be ready for an enemy ambush at all times.

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I prefer to use my fists. I know martial arts.

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Have you ever been shot by a giant mechanoid made of SPACE METAL, armed with a goddamn minigun?

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No.

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Well, I have. Fists ain't gonna help you, boy.

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Fine. I will arm myself with something worthy of my stature.

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Meanwhile.

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Lizzurd.

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Mm?

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You mentioned you were good with computers. A hacker, no less.

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Yep. I saw Linux once. It was beautiful.

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Where did you learn?

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Why?

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Just small talk, to pass the time.

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A teacher. I used to have a teacher. *goes outside*

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*tosses her knife playfully, thinking about something*

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Meanwhile.


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What are you doing with that marble? You can't build sturdy walls out of marble!

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Not walls. Plant pot.

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I must be hearing things. Plant... pots..? As in... Nuclear plant pods?

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The woman wants some damn roses in her goddamn bedroom! Shut up, Servant! The sooner I'm done with that...

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... wat

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Heh heh heeeeeh

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There. Done. Gonna build something actually meaningful now.

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Ohhhm, we're losing him!

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He is already dead for me.

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Kommissar!

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LIZZURD!! MOVE THAT TAIL FASTER, DAMN YOU!

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I was wondering if you plan to keep those sandbags. Aren't they, well, useless at this point?

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How can a ton of bags be useless?

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We can take cover behind the buildings, or even inside them. Jumping over the bags every time I'm going outside is problematic.

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Kalin's protege doesn't have a say in major security decisions. Now get out before I lose my shit.

A bit later.

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Oh, look! He finally woke up! GOOD FUCKING MORNING, PRINCESS SUNSHINE!

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My construction site isn't cleared. Why?

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Because FUCK YOU - how's that for a reason?

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Should have figured you're too dumb and lazy for such a task. I'll find some help.

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Meanwhile.

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How did you end up working for Umbra PMC anyway?

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It's a long story.

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I got time.

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*sigh* Look. Either kill me, or let me go. There is no other option.

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I can think of some. Tortures, harvesting for organs, selling into slavery, freezing you as emergency meat...

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Raping you tastefully all day, every day.

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*throwing an angry glance at The Cook*

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Jejeje, it's a joke. Caparrones?

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No. No caparrones. And no more talking.

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Meanwhile.


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Look at me. I'm not even mad.

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Weird. I would be ashamed of myself in your shoes. System-class builder my ass.

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Why? Not my fault these blocks are so slippery.

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The blocks are fine, dumbass. You are not.

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I'll have you know, it FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKING PISSES ME OFF!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!

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Want a berry?

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GIB ME *grabs berries*

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Might be poisonous, but eh.

Told our local El Mariachi to aid Kalin with clearing mah construction site.

He said "ay ay ay ay something-something"

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PMC guy is too damn stubborn. I wonder if Cheetah can crack this nut.

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Lizzurd is quite productive. KKK needs more Lizzurds.

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If only we had more people, I could send useless men like Kalin on expeditions.

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Maybe one day.

Later that evening.

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Your Kolony isn't working, Senor Kommissar.

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Say WHAT?!

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There is simply too much work. Camaradas need rest. They need to have fun.

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Work IS fun!!

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How about we throw a party? We shall sing, dance and rub each other with hot sponges.

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I can throw a party all right. Just give me a flaming bolt, a deer, and a forest. I can guarantee you'll get a full night of pure fun.

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Oooh, sounds intriguing.

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Hours later.

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How was it like in the training camp?

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It... wasn't great.

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Tell me.

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They called me Boot. Short for "Bootlicker".

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Jejeje

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Shut up, Cook.

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But then I got gud. Months later, they called me Boot because I kicked major ass with my boot.

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I bet they mocked you a lot for that pink hair and red beard.

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I lost a bet and could't pay it. The officer demanded I dye my hair. And so I did.

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Your battle brothers don't seem very nice.

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*shrugs* They can be rough, but fair.

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Then why are you ashamed?

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I am not ashamed of anything.

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But you are.

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...

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A proud soldier wouldn't hide the reason behind enlisting in the army. Money? Shared ideals? Bloodlust? Comradery? Whatever it is, there is no reason to hide it. Unless you were forced to join the Company..?

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...

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Thought as much. You had no choice. So, what was it? They bought you from slave traders? Captured you prisoner?

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... Where do I start? I grew up as a nomad child. Performed for the travelling circus. After a particularly nasty accident, I developed a fear of fire.

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I earned good money working for that circus, so I bought myself a ticket to a better planet. My ship crashed on this Rimworld while I was in cryptosleep.

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Some of us are born here, others are brought by circumstances or coincidence. No one comes to this planet by his own will.

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Yeah... Many years I was living on my own in a forest shack. Good, calm life. The forest provided. Had to fend off poachers occasionally, but that's it.

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Sounds good. What happened then?

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A raving madman came to my forest once. He was screaming and yelling something... completely inane! Something about a deer legion wiping off humankind, I don't even...

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Huh.

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And he was shooting flaming bolts at every deer he saw! I wanted to shoot him myself at first, but... *sigh* The flames...

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Are you sure it wasn't Grimwulf? He has a thing for deers and flaming bolts himself.

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I am sure. That one was completely insane. Talked gibberish, always yelling. In any case, I had to flee from my beloved forest. It was set on fire soon enough.

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Where did you go from there?

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Stumbled upon a small camp. Thought it was abandoned, came closer. Long story short, they ambushed me and captured prisoner. They took me to another continent, where a charismatic recruiting officer listened to my story.

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What was his name?

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Can't remember. That was the only time I've seen him. Anyway, he told me that this whole planet is full of savage madmen, brutal thugs, and mercantile slave traders. And you know what, he was right. Didn't take long to recruit me, naturally.

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Classic brainwashing.

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Go on.

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My training has begun. Day one - I learn to eat fast. Like, REALLY fast.

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Day 60 - I pass my first drill and throw a party.

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Day 180 - I finish my training and become a private.

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*pauses to make conclusions about Boot*

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Did you really believe Umbra Company had any kind of ideals, besides power and profit?

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...

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You just didn't want to be a prisoner, right?

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... Yeah.

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Then don't. *takes off the shackles from Boot*

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Wh-- what are you doing?

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You are free to go.

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Go where? They will be searching for me out of principle. There is no escaping or surviving Umbra death squads.

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*shrugs* You are free to stay.

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...

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I have wasted too much time on you, Freddie. Way more than you deserve. So either get out of here, or take a mop and start cleaning this place.

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... Call me Boot.

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You will find a spare bed in the barracks.

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Your main task will be keeping KKK clean.

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May I have a weapon? Don't want to be useless in battle.

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Sure. But keep in mind, if you so much as think of using it against us - I will put a knife in your eyesocket. Deep inside.

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Got it, ma'am.

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Good. I believe the only ranged weapon left in KKK is Grimwulf's old arbalest.

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No firearms?

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No ammunition. Oh, and do something about your beard and hair, for the love of-- whatever you believe in!

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On it, ma'am.

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Starting from this day, you are the janitor of KKK. Work hard, prove yourself worthy, and earn your place among komrades.

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Yes, ma'am.
 
Last edited:

Azira

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Nov 3, 2004
Messages
8,519
Location
Copenhagen, Denmark
Codex 2012
He swings both ways? Seems inappropriate for him to handle anal candles, if there's any suspicion he might get sexually aroused by their usage.

...

He should start immediately. +M
 

Grimwulf

Arcane
Patron
Vatnik
Joined
Oct 1, 2014
Messages
4,045
Location
Kodex Kommunistic Kastle
61fcdxZ.png
*murmurs through sleep* Where are you going?

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Can't sleep. Need some fresh air.

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*stretches* Come back...

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*goes outside*

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Hrmpf. Can't sleep too?

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Sleep? Have you been in the new barracks, Kommissar?

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I built them, you moron.

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Then you should you know it's impossible to sleep there. *walks away*

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Ungrateful bastard.

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Sooo, why are we here?

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*falls on the ground* Gotta think.

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About what?

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KKK's population is growing, but most of my men are worthless.

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This isn't true. Blobra is pretty handy - nobody can kill stuff like she does.

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Awright, Blobra can stay.

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Hummm, Cheetah is your lover, Kommissar Grim Wolf.

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So?

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She has smarts. No offense, but smarts is not among your strong sides.

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*grumbles* Awright, she might be somewhat useful at times. But that's it.

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Lizzurd is very productive. Unlike most of you.

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Yeah, this guy.

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The Cook is... well... He cooks, right?

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I'll throw him in the front lines next time we get attacked.

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Ahh, your famous distraction strategy.

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It's your own goddamn fault you got yourself killed, Greenballs!

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KKK is growing strong. Hell, I think we managed to recruit a normal person for once!

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Eh?

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Boot. He is a soldier, and a decent man to add.

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Indeed.

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Everyone is more or less tolerable, I guess. Except Kalin.

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*sigh*

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Fucking Kalin.

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*passing by* Kek. No, no. Yes? Ke ke ke ke. No.

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Ohmmm, it's going to be tough for a normal person to live in KKK.

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Hm? I don't remember my life in KKK being tough.

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Hooooooommmmmmmmm

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Choose your words very carefully, Ryan.

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Shut it, both of you. *returns to the bedroom*

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*smiles* There you are.

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Gotta sleep.

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Hey. Grimmie. Appreciate the plant pot, but you forgot the roses...

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I ain't no gardener, woman! Plant dem roses yerself!

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*chuckles* Most romantic relationships ever.

DAY 16

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*jumps on his bed* FIVE AM! *does his bed lightning-fast*

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*wakes up from the the noise* What DA FAK is wrong with you?!

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Nothing. I must prove myself. *eats his awful breakfast just as fast and starts working*

A bit later.

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*hare-hating GURGLE*

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My God, you're ugly...

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*SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK*

tN4JFjw.jpg

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WH-- You can understand human language?!

7BAc3b7.png
*insulted popping*

jkwJ7gJ.png
SORRY! So sorry. I meant it as a compliment!

7BAc3b7.png
*crawls outside, gurgling the worst gurgles all the way*

jkwJ7gJ.png
Dammit.

yct9ohx.jpg
F4eDqHf.png
*enter the room*

jkwJ7gJ.png
Morning, komrades!

rBDwadO.jpg

yct9ohx.jpg
Fuck off, new guy.

F4eDqHf.png
Watch your culata, amigo. Jejejeje

yct9ohx.jpg
F4eDqHf.png
*both enter the fridge*

jkwJ7gJ.png
... Nice.

One hour later.

61fcdxZ.png
Morning.

p7RXhKX.jpg

iKZdtuq.png
Morning.

yct9ohx.jpg
Why is everybody so fucking polite?!

iKZdtuq.png
My mom told me that people should be nice to each other...

d041WBC.jpg

yct9ohx.jpg
Your mom was stupid. Ma dad told me that vibro knife is the only way to talk to other people. *walks away swearing*

61fcdxZ.png
Tell me about your parents, Lizzurd. I want to know more.

3UBI2Yd.jpg

iKZdtuq.png
Well... Can't remember my dad. Dunno if we even met each other.

61fcdxZ.png
What was your mom like?

iKZdtuq.png
Nutcase, kek. Nothing else to say, really. I was raised by my mentor, not my parents.

Meanwhile.


F4eDqHf.png
This room is... clean.

hZa82VH.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
Hrmpf. No blood, no dirt, no vomit. Am I still in KKK?

jkwJ7gJ.png
*RUNS into the dining room* SIR, GOOD MORNING, SIR!! *resumes obsessive cleaning mode*

SOYvoQZ.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
Look at him, Spaniard! Working his ass off for the glory of Kommunism! And what have YOU done today?

F4eDqHf.png
Nothing yet. Fiesta!

jkwJ7gJ.png
*finishes cleaning the room, moves to the next one*

EnlwBOQ.png
Back in the Old Country fiesta was considered a punishable offense.

F4eDqHf.png
Senor Kommissar, there is ZERO FUN in KKK. We can't go on like that.

bijX0WL.jpg

F4eDqHf.png
Una propuesta, if I may?

EnlwBOQ.png
Analpropo-- what??

F4eDqHf.png
A proposition! One word: poker.

D1zz03y.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
Poker..? GWAHAHAHAHAH HA HA, do you even realize you're talkin' to INTERGALACTIC POKER CHAMPION OF ALL TIMES?!

rsZZddA.jpg
Grim. Wait, Grim! I know your memory of the days long past is a bit fuzzy, but-- CAN WE TALK IT OVER?

F4eDqHf.png
Bring it on, Senor Kommissar. I will make you weep like a sissy French girl.

EnlwBOQ.png
I got enough limestone blocks for the table and a bunch of chairs.

l4WrUg0.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
Once I'm done setting dis shit up, it's you and me, Cook.

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Jejeje. Anytime, Senor Kommissar. Anytime.

EnlwBOQ.png
I will fuck you up.

rsZZddA.jpg
:shredder:

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*leans towards Grimwulf and whispers in his ear* You don't have what it takes to handle my gorgeous body.

APzSuO3.jpg

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HEY! *pushes The Cook away with force* NO HOMO!

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No homo. Just cookin'.

rHHbuqc.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
LIZZURD!!

iKZdtuq.png
What?

EnlwBOQ.png
WORK!!!

iKZdtuq.png
B-but I am wor--

EnlwBOQ.png
NO BUTTS!! NO HOMO!!

tCqlxKG.jpg

A bit later.

EnlwBOQ.png
Goddamit, Kalin! Why is my greenhouse so full of shit?! Look at all those trees and bushes!

NS2gCYr.jpg

yct9ohx.jpg
Workin' on it, fucking tyrant! Despite being a CITIZEN!!

EnlwBOQ.png
That is no way for CITIZEN to work! What will the plebs say? You are supposed to be the exemplary kommunist!

iKZdtuq.png
Sorry if I interrupted anything. Brought more blocks for the greenhouse.

jO5AvzS.jpg

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Perfect timing, Lizzurd. See, Kalin? THAT's how you get a bonus!

iKZdtuq.png
A bonus?

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FORGET IT, YOU BASTERD - ALL YOUR BONASES IS MINE!!!

iKZdtuq.png
Okaaay...

ivw0Dkr.jpg

yct9ohx.jpg
Psst.

iKZdtuq.png
Mm?

yct9ohx.jpg
*whispers* Wait for the signal. Keyword is "murder". Then meet me you know where. Bring 25 granite blocks with you.

iKZdtuq.png
*nods*

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HEY! NO HISSING!!

iKZdtuq.png
We were just sharing berries, Kommissar.

enfSmPP.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
Hmrpf. No homo?

yct9ohx.jpg
No homo.

That whole greenhouse idea is just bad.

1c9A5wl.jpg


Growing something - anything - here is an impossible task. No way I can provide enough fuel for two generators.

But what if... Got an idea, methinks. Have to reflect on it a bit more.

Meanwhile, staff report.

Lizzurd is lookin' nervous lately.

jNe9FsW.jpg


For literally no reason at all. The boy is too jumpy for a true kommunist.

Che is okay, as usual. The Cook is cooking something (hopefully) edible.

PtbcWhA.jpg


Me - I'm doing all the major work around here. Also trying to make Kalin do the same.

AAJbYny.jpg


To no avail.

Blobra is mind-raping the poor dog.

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At least she's not mind-raping me.

I wonder if we still have any game to hunt around here..?

goYnJlg.jpg

Later that morning.

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*psshhhh* Hey, Snow Queen! Cheetah!

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*psh* What do you want?

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I will MURDER your tits! How about that?

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Are you drunk?

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MURDER, I say! MUR-DER! Over and out.

rMigYOo.jpg

A bit later.

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Boot, wasn't it?

jkwJ7gJ.png
Yes, sir!

iORDayi.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
Do you like it here in KKK?

jkwJ7gJ.png
...

XNejd0H.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
It gets better. Trust me, I know. Let me tell you how it all began for me. Kodex Kommunistic Kolony, DAY 1 - crashlanding, amnesia and profuse vomiting, mechanoid ambush, my warg dies, Kalin gets shot, I'm shot and burned to near-death. Then both me and Kalin are being tortured by a fucking maniac Azira. When I regain my senses--

Meanwhile.

yct9ohx.jpg
Tuk you a while.

vALQwnB.jpg

iKZdtuq.png
Had to make sure nobody notices my absence.

yct9ohx.jpg
We need a door and, most importantly, a quality doorlock!

iKZdtuq.png
Sooo..?

yct9ohx.jpg
Think you can handle that?

iKZdtuq.png
I mean... I can try.

yct9ohx.jpg
Then try HARDAR! Or I'll club ya.

nU10nEt.jpg

One hour later.


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*dissatisfied gurgle*

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*romantic pop-pop*

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*BARKS in approval*

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*GURGLE*

3AZdoME.jpg

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*pop-pop-pop-pop*

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This is the beauty filter. The numbers show the beautifulness of each square.

Wanna know what else is beautiful? Macallan 12.

It's not something you buy for yourself, coz it's much more expensive than similiar whiskey. Hell, I know places where Dewars 18 is cheaper than this stuff. Macallan is sumth you buy as a gift. And it's a gud gift, men.

Rest assured that gifted person will appreciate the gesture. He would never buy Macallan 12 for himself, but he knows perfectly well that Macallan is unique. Somewhat like a Jaguar - you would rather buy a BMW or Mercedes or smth completely Japanese, just because Jaguar costs WAY more than it should, but you KNOW that Jaguar has a certain something. Jaguar is something you buy BECAUSE YOU CAN, not because it's worth it.

AdbsLUf.jpg

Meanwhile.

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Kain! The door is done.

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MAH MAN! I knew you could do it! The keys?

iKZdtuq.png
Got 'em right here.

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GOOD. Now that we know no random fucker will wander inside, let's make dis place more comfy. Clean it, Lizzurd. And do it gud.

iKZdtuq.png
*sigh*

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*pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* Kodex Kommunistic Kolony? *the voice is very manly, brutish, bassist, but not confident - sounds almost like Hello Friend*

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*psshhhhhh psh psh* Dis is KKK's FORLORN KOMMISSAR GRIMWALD WULFBANE THE UNMAKER OF LIBERULS speakin'. RECOGNIZE. Over.

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I want to join you.

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Wh-- ... What?

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Can I join you?

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*pshhh* What's your name?

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Winnie Hartwig. But you can call me KRIVOL.

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Hartwig..?

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Umm, I saw a poster. Thought you need some help around here. Do you?

iKZdtuq.png
*pssshhhhh* No.

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Hartwig... You must be Lizzurd's father.

iKZdtuq.png
Not father... Hi, mom.

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SASHENKA!!!

dgtotcw.jpg

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... Mom?

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You must be a fascinating woman, Krivol.

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I'M COMING!!!

syCZPk8.jpg

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Hey hey HEY, do we REALLY need another worthless mouth to feed?

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What do you suggest?

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Emergency meat. Duh.

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She is Lizzurd's mom. Lizzurd's... mom.

rsZZddA.jpg
You said it yourself, didn't you? "KKK NEEDS MORE LIZZURDS". Be careful with what you wish for.

pjaC7Hr.jpg
Cut the small talk! The greenhouse is done.

EcNMymF.jpg

cVYYjYh.png
Not yet. Gotta roof dis shit.

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Hommm, don't forget to clear the snow.

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Right. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!

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*appears out of nowhere* YES, SIR!

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I want you to EAT DAT SNOW rite now!

jkwJ7gJ.png
Can I simply... clear it?

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Yes, you can. YES, YOU CAN! Don't let your dreams be dreams!

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Yes, sir!

Later that day.

iKZdtuq.png
Dammit. DAMMIT!

OwXdsP7.jpg

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Hue hue, you should run to your mommy now. Cry about unfair Kommissar and big bully Kalin forcing you to work.

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My mom is CRAZY, Kalin! We MUST get rid of her! But not... well... not kill her.

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I have but ONE question for ya.

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Shoot.

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Is she hot?

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...

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Let me put it this way: does she have a STURDY ass?

iKZdtuq.png
Kalin, please.

yF70Q1n.jpg

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What?

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She is insane. Literally. I bet she came here dressed in thongs.

YWodbIn.jpg

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Oh? So she IS HOT, eh? Man, hot wymin know how to HOOK ME UP!

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Kek, no. Mom isn't... hot.

Meanwhile.

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You must be mr... *coughs* Mrs. Hartwig?

8icRemw.jpg

GvRqV18.png
Where is my Sasha??

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Your son is currently working for Kodex Kommunistic Kolony.

GvRqV18.png
GOOD LORD! He can't work! Sasha is too gentle, fragile!

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Everyone here in KKK pulls his own weight. Still want to join? What can you do?

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I know my way around a kitchen.

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We have a cook already. The Cook, no less.

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Give me a chance! You can't send me away! MY SON is here!

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Tell me about yourself.

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Shoggoths! If not for the Rebellion, I would still be together with Sasha!

ZkcnCDd.jpg

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Wait. Shoggoth rebellion? I though it happened hundreds, if not thousands, years ago. What does it have to do with YOU?

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We were supervising a labor division that managed Shoggoth operations.

Somehow Krivol spawned with background (biography) that only generates for the Elder Things. She is a human, though. I checked.

No idea how it happened, never seen this before.

Wtf...
C1HvIY9.jpg

61fcdxZ.png
Supervising... Shoggoths?

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Yes.

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*sigh* You are insane, aren't you?

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I just want to help you, good people. And my son. Where is my son? Oh, Lord - I hope he eats well.

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Lizzurd is fine. Have you ever been in combat? Can you use weapons to defend yourself and those around you?

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Of course. I survived the Shoggoth rebellion, remember?

GGtwVmd.jpg

61fcdxZ.png
...

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So? I passed the test or what?

61fcdxZ.png
One last question. How exactly were you separated from you son?

GvRqV18.png
He was taken away from me, while I was fighting Shoggoths.

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Who would kidnap a worthless baby?

GvRqV18.png
Sasha wasn't a baby back then!

61fcdxZ.png
No matter. So who was it?

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I don't know! I've been looking for Sasha ever since!

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And now both of you came here. What a coincidence.

GvRqV18.png
LET ME SEE MY SON!!

61fcdxZ.png
*looking at Krivol, considering the possible consequences*

Dw30EzM.jpg

61fcdxZ.png
Fine. Welcome to KKK. Take whatever bed you like and move it to the barracks. That way.

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THANK YOU, KIND WOMAN!

bjH1t8p.jpg

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Me and SASHENKA. Together forever!

coygqUl.jpg
v

GvRqV18.png
*looking at the mirror* What a mess! *does her hair*

When you sign up for KKK duty, be careful with what you wish for.

Count me in : Krivol, stats, sex and other stuff doesn't matter.

Image:
images

33N2hzM.jpg

Meanwhile.

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WORK FASTER!!

jkwJ7gJ.png
SIR, YES SIR!

ERqXs9w.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
Now that's discipline! Awright, at ease. To be fair, you've done more work this day than Kalin throughout his entire life.

jkwJ7gJ.png
Thank you, sir.

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Stop this SIR bullshit. Dis ain't no army.

rsZZddA.jpg
Army - no. Prestigious club of refined gentlemen - yes. Sir Ryan, would kindly pass me a bottle of delicious ghost vodka?:obviously:

Cml3scu.png
Gladly, sir Azira.:obviously:

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*takes a sip* Delightful.:obviously:

EnlwBOQ.png
So. Any other talents, besides mopping floors?

jkwJ7gJ.png
I went through basic shooting and first aid training.

EnlwBOQ.png
Which makes you our best doctor.

jkwJ7gJ.png
I... guess?

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What else?

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I am ready for all kinds of grunt work. Construction, mining, digging - you name it.

DXDp7R7.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
Tell me one thing honestly.

jkwJ7gJ.png
Mm?

EnlwBOQ.png
I gave an order to execute your friend. Cheetah knife'd your eye out. Don't you hate this place?

jkwJ7gJ.png
...

EnlwBOQ.png
You hate it. You hate us. So how can I be sure you won't stab me in the back?

jkwJ7gJ.png
This place is all I have left. And you are the only leader crazy enough to let an Umbra PMC deserter stay under his roof.

EnlwBOQ.png
Hrmpf. *nods*

Later that evening.

GvRqV18.png
SASHA!!

iKZdtuq.png
Hi, mom.

w3vkLbu.jpg

GvRqV18.png
*hugs Lizzurd, almost crushing him to death*

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HHHNNNNNG

GvRqV18.png
Oh, Lord! You are SO THIN!!

iKZdtuq.png
I'm tired. Can it wait 'til tomorrow?

GvRqV18.png
I missed you so!!

iKZdtuq.png
What are you even doing here, mom? How did you find this place?

GvRqV18.png
I found this poster.

BN1Tzz7.jpg

iKZdtuq.png
So?

GvRqV18.png
Didn't pay it any attention at first, but then I had a dream...

iKZdtuq.png
A dream? Wait a minute... BLIBLABLUUUUUUUUUB!!! :x

A bit later.

7BAc3b7.png
*pop-pop*

ZMv9qfD.jpg

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Hello. Have we met before? Your tentacles look familiar.

7BAc3b7.png
*happy gurgle*

GvRqV18.png
I know that gurgling... That's right! I saw you in my dreams!

7BAc3b7.png
*welcoming SHRIEK*

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We have more than enough komrades, but lacking on resources.

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Out of wood AGAIN. Fucking generator, piece of shit.

dNAF1m3.jpg


Blobra is wandering around, doing nuthin'. I guess there is nothing left to hunt.

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Greenhouse is ready for dem hydroponics basins. Might as well set up the poker table now.

p7mGNO0.jpg


Kalin is nowhere to be seen, that lazy-arse bastard.

HuZGkk0.jpg


I wonder if Krivol cooks better than The Cook? She has to. I can't imagine anyone cooking worse.

I'll have to give her a chance anyway, since I need that Spanish faggot mining.

QgUatJq.jpg


Can't build hydroponics basins without steel. Normally I would make Kalin do the mining, but... No, really. Where the fuck is he?!

Oh, well. Gotta adapt.

g1pQLas.jpg

EnlwBOQ.png
Are you a poker player, Boot?

jkwJ7gJ.png
No, sir.

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You will be.

qYSypr4.jpg

jkwJ7gJ.png
Gambling isn't kommunistic...

EnlwBOQ.png
NONSENSE! Kommunism IS a fucking gamble!

Later that night.


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*panting*

yct9ohx.jpg
What a tough day, eh?

EHd9FEb.jpg

F4eDqHf.png
Where have you been?! Komisario Grimwulf made me do your work!!

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Been diggin'. See dat phat chunk of granite? Dat's me.

F4eDqHf.png
Ohhh, my back hurts. The paaaaain!

yct9ohx.jpg
*spits on the ground* Pussy.

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F4eDqHf.png
yct9ohx.jpg
*enter the dining room*

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BEHOLD! Kodex Kommunistic Poker! From each according to his bets, to each according to his needs.

vfltQGf.jpg

yct9ohx.jpg
Poker? Can you even play?

EnlwBOQ.png
Back in my SPACE MEHRINE days I used to win SPACESHIPS playing poker.

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I challenge you, Senor Kommissar. A glove is thrown!

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I will make you eat it.

F4eDqHf.png
Have a good night.

yct9ohx.jpg
*enters the barracks* What THE FUCK is this?!

Cr8enAq.jpg

yct9ohx.jpg
HEY! Who the hell are you?! What do you think you're doing here?! WHY IS YOUR BED SO CLOSE TO MY OWN, WE'RE BASICALLY SLEEPING TOGETHER, FUUUUUUCK?!

GvRqV18.png
Shhh. He is sleeping. I am Sasha's mother, Krivol.

yct9ohx.jpg
MOTHER?!

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*trying hard to pretend he is sleeping*

yct9ohx.jpg
*mumbles* Motherfucker...

GvRqV18.png
Do you remember my lullabies, Sasha?

iKZdtuq.png
...

z4q1a3Q.jpg

GvRqV18.png
Want me to sing for you?

iKZdtuq.png
... Please, don't.

GvRqV18.png
Ahem. *sings in low brutish voice* In the hushing dusk, under a swollen silver moon, I came walking with the wind to watch the cactus bloom...

yct9ohx.jpg
Space Krizto! My ears are bleeding!

GvRqV18.png
A strange hunger haunted me; the looming shadows danced.

erAiiGK.jpg

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I fell down to the thorny brush and felt a trembling hand.

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*popping to the rhytm*

GvRqV18.png
WHEEEEEEEEEEN the last light WAAAAAAAAAAAAARMS the rocks and the rattlesnakes unfold,

F4eDqHf.png
*eyes full of tears, face expressing genuine suffer*

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Mountain cats will come... to drag away your bones. *kisses Lizzurd's cheek*

iKZdtuq.png
...

QDiGWr5.jpg
 
Last edited:

Andnjord

Arcane
Joined
Aug 22, 2012
Messages
3,027
Location
The Eye of Terror
"Wanna know what else is beautiful? Macallan 12."
:martini:

Beautiful stuff mah Grimwulf. Lovin how you're managing to handle the madness Randy throws at you.
 

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