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Kodex Kommunistic Kolony in Rimworld, Seasons 2, 3

Joined
Jul 11, 2010
Messages
3,212
Location
Vostroya
Can you also recruit somebody from those two caravans?

Nope. Unless we attack them and capture prisoners.

Speakking of prisoners - we r totally gonna recruit the new guy.

HaqpVky.jpg

As soon as I sober up a little. Hang on
Given KKKolny's luck, he'll surely will die of infection. :negative:
Great update, the plot thiccens! I wonder if there are not only werewolfs, but wererats too now. (Never played with that mod).
Say, Grimwulf , what mods do you use for food and clothing variety?
 

SmartCheetah

Arcane
Joined
May 7, 2013
Messages
1,076
23 years old hobo. Everything seems perfectly fine.

Anyway, If I could, I'd name that dog after someone who have followed all the seasons and possibly died in vein. If there is no better ideas, name him ERYFKRAD , The Brazilian Slaughter or after some other fellow from FOnline times(provided that I have anything to say in this matter)
Husky mutant from No-Mutants-Allowed? yespls.
Also, we should seriously name some animal after Prosper. I'd say that boomrat is a good thing for this, but I don't know if any boomrat will come close to this colony any time soon. Or maybe a female muffallo? Colony "prospering" on Prosper's milk. That would be fucking hilarious.
:prosper:
 

Grimwulf

Arcane
Patron
Vatnik
Joined
Oct 1, 2014
Messages
4,045
Location
Kodex Kommunistic Kastle
Say, Grimwulf , what mods do you use for food and clothing variety?

Vegetable Garden and Medieval Times add food variety.

Clothing - holy hell, that will be a long list. Each faction mod adds new clothes, a lot of content mods do the same, then again - Medieval Times. FashionRIMsta is a major one too.

I fucked up mildly with SAS Black Kit mod. Thought it would be great to have more CE-compatible gear. Now everybody has a SAS ghostmask, even medieval dudes. Ffs.

Anyway, If I could, I'd name that dog after someone who have followed all the seasons and possibly died in vein. If there is no better ideas, name him ERYFKRAD , The Brazilian Slaughter or after some other fellow from FOnline times(provided that I have anything to say in this matter)

Of course you have a say in this matter! You've spent everything on that dog - at least give him a name now.

CZq6Zdq.jpg
 
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Unwanted

Kalin

Unwanted
Dumbfuck Zionist Agent
Joined
Sep 29, 2010
Messages
1,868,264
Location
Al Scandiya
Calling dibs on dat steel club! Superior quality means superior side weapon for Papa Kalin.

Not likin this Cheetos business either, that was some haxxor charm trick. Must be innate womin racial ability.

Oh yeah, that was some fine detective work though. Proffeshunal investigashun, case closed. :salute:
 

Grimwulf

Arcane
Patron
Vatnik
Joined
Oct 1, 2014
Messages
4,045
Location
Kodex Kommunistic Kastle
Writers of this season have some kind of crush on Cheetah.
Not likin this Cheetos business either

Teh Story evolves around people doing things / talking to each other. Cheetah is being more active than other komrades lately. Grimwulf, for comparisson, spends most of his time alone in the fridge, butchering lazor'd animals. I can always come up with inane dialogues between Grimwulf and his split personalities, but this is growing old.

As for her generic unique character - gimme a fucking break. It's hard enough to rp Grimwulf/Cheetah relationship, and SUDDEN AFFECTION between Kalin/Cheetah after a long conversation about religion. RELIGION. Fuck's sake!

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Simple personalities allow faster write-ups. Faster write-ups allow more frequent updates.

Other komrades will have their char development as soon as something remarkable happens. Have some goddamn patience! :argh:

Calling dibs on dat steel club! Superior quality means superior side weapon for Papa Kalin.

Screenshot'd the next day already. You'll get your club on Day 8 (provided you survive Day 7).
 
Unwanted

Kalin

Unwanted
Dumbfuck Zionist Agent
Joined
Sep 29, 2010
Messages
1,868,264
Location
Al Scandiya
Show Spoiler
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Where's ma Trotsky? :rpgcodex:

Found him:

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GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!

Man, I wonder how the writers of this show will justify the incoming cucking of Grimwulf. Cheetah will end up with Kalin. I know it, I've seen leaks on 4chan.

Yep, seems inevitable. Bitches like manly men.

Problem is, I like my womins being actual wimmin.

It ain't easy.

You'll get your club on Day 8 (provided you survive Day 7).

Yeah now you wanna kill me to keep my bonus AND avoid getting cucked, all makes sense now, a real scheming King David aren't ya? Because why else do I hafta mine out a fuckin mountain to seal that shitty escape tunnel? I mean Space Krizto! Just slap up a ballista or something, or trap the area real gud. OR let blipblop patrol there with the ITZ layzor. Anything!

But ooooh no, not on Grimwulf's watch. Gotta send the Space Cop out there to hack dem rocks and make em fall on his skull. I swear...
 
Joined
Jul 11, 2010
Messages
3,212
Location
Vostroya
Writers of this season have some kind of crush on Cheetah.
Not likin this Cheetos business either

Teh Story evolves around people doing things / talking to each other. Cheetah is being more active than other komrades lately. Grimwulf, for comparisson, spends most of his time alone in the fridge, butchering lazor'd animals. I can always come up with inane dialogues between Grimwulf and his split personalities, but this is growing old.

As for her generic unique character - gimme a fucking break. It's hard enough to rp Grimwulf/Cheetah relationship, and SUDDEN AFFECTION between Kalin/Cheetah after a long conversation about religion. RELIGION. Fuck's sake!

cNAVnpU.jpg

Simple personalities allow faster write-ups. Faster write-ups allow more frequent updates.

Other komrades will have their char development as soon as something remarkable happens. Have some goddamn patience! :argh:

Calling dibs on dat steel club! Superior quality means superior side weapon for Papa Kalin.

Screenshot'd the next day already. You'll get your club on Day 8 (provided you survive Day 7).
I, for one, really like Cheetah's character. And, trying to make a Let's Play of Rimworld myself, I was truly surprised when I finally understood just how much work goes into each update. I thing that the people who hadn't played the game sometimes don't understand that you basically are GMing the whole thing like a tabletop RPG (btw, if you ever will GM on any system in Roll20 or Discord or whatever - sign me in).
Rimworld is an interesting, even a great game, but even with mods - it's not a Dorf Fortress, it cannot generate intricate plots as of itself (althogh fucking Toady would rather calculate vomit spatter and toxicity and homosexual animals rather that fix the interface, or various bugs, or make a realistic and concise goals, oh well). Anyway, thanks for your work! Glory be to Kommunism!
 

vazha

Arcane
Joined
Aug 24, 2013
Messages
2,063
Dont really like the Cheetahdrama as well. KKK needs moar hilarity, less sense and not some Corleone-wannabe lass scheming her way around!
 
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InD_ImaginE

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Aug 23, 2015
Messages
5,365
Pathfinder: Wrath
Thing is you can't really make 3 season out of senseless hijinks as well. The cycle of getting drunk, comedy, and get slaughtered during invasion can only sustain an LP so much. Heck at one point the getting drunk joke will get old if you repeat it every another episode. You are doing a great job grimwulf, keep at it.
 

SmartCheetah

Arcane
Joined
May 7, 2013
Messages
1,076
Don't worry, she will eventually get hit in the head and turn retarded. That's my guess!
Also, thing are looking pretty solid now, we'll see what will happen after few raids or with more colonists.

Keep it up Grimwulf!
 

Grimwulf

Arcane
Patron
Vatnik
Joined
Oct 1, 2014
Messages
4,045
Location
Kodex Kommunistic Kastle
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Dinner time!

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This smells repulsive!

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And tastes even worse. But hey, you are a savage! Your people eat feces for desert. Right?

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Riiight...

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Yuuurgh! This IS feces!

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Ke ke ke. *goes back to his bed*

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*flaps her wings, gurgling anxiously*

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Don't hurt me!

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*crawls outside, popping at Lizzurd*

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Weirdo. *falls on his bed* Sleep... Finally...

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Hnnng. Senor! SENOR!!! IT HUUUURTS!

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RRRRRRAGH! Shut him the fuck up, Lizzurd! I'm trying to sleep!

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Me too. *sigh*

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Muchas gracias, Senor.

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Call me Lizzurd.

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I'm Trobo. A pleasure to be here. Apart from being shot multiple times, almost burned alive, and left to sleep on the ground, that is.

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These mushrooms should help fighting infection.

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Сhampignons..?

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Yes? I actually have no idea what I'm doing.

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*falls on his bed* At last...

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*moans* Senor... SENOOOOOOR!!!

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*picks up a club and throws it at Lizzurd, hits Lacgirl instead*

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*whines*

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You deserved it too. I TOLD YOU TO SHUT HIM UP!

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*mumbles through sleep* You gotta be kiddin' me...

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The PAAAAAAAIN!

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Alright, alright! I'll give you real medicine this time!

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Just SHUT UP!

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You are so kind. Even your eyes are shining with goodwill!

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*grins* Yeeaaaah.

DAY 7

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*howls*

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WOLF! KILL THE WOLF! *releases a flaming bolt from his crossbow*

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Hera! Hera! *tries to lead muffalos away*

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Lincoln, slay the beast! L-Lincoln..?

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*grabs the arctic wolf's throat and growls*

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*growls back*

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RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA *growling becomes absolutely feral as Lincoln transforms*

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I'll be damned.

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*breaks the neck of arctic wolf and throw its burning body away*

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Bearer of the Curse!

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Monster!

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*growling voice* Look at yourrrrselves.

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He speaks??

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I can contrrrrol it.

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What. The FUCK. Is this shit?!

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Everything's under control, my good man!

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Then why is my Kolony ON FIRE?! And who is this furry fucker?!

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GRRRRRR

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It's, ummm. Heh-heh, well... You see...

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*grumbles* Goddamn liberul cunts makin' fuck knows what everywhere they go.

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Hello, Kommissar. *puffs his pipe* Don't mind this tragic incident. It's over now.

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Your face is tragic. Wait, is this my new husky?!

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No, of course not! This one's mine. Just leave her to die - she is worthless now.

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*looks in husky's terrified eyes for a moment*

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The weak become prrrrey. This is only naturrrral.

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Reminds me of that time we left Champion suffering in agony. Remember Champ? One would say that he died because of our weakness. Took one for the team, that glorious beast.

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...

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Come on, Grim. Help this poor sucker in memory of Champ.

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*lifts the wounded dog from the ground*

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Hey!

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Shuddup before I rip your tongue and stick it in Lizzurd's ass!

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I wouldn't want that... I think. Anyhow, our vegetable is gone. Again.

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She will be back. Probably goin' through another genocidal rampage.

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All for a good cause.

One hour later.

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*KKK's husky is standing by Grimwulf's side and watching as he struggles to heal the wounded husky of Leif*

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What are you lookin' at? Shoo! Out!

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*observing calmly*

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I hate dogs.

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Hommm, no, you don't.

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I hate everyhing.

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Power and defences - when?

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Right after I finish Kommissar's mansion.

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Seriously?

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A content Kommissar is the key to progress.

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*yawns* Talking to the ghosts again?

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*wakes up mumbling* Fucking schizophrenic.

Later that morning.

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*places another beacon-like object inside a ruined building*

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Come on... *tuning some sort of a receiver(?)* Still nothing? Need to make the signal stronger somehow... hmm...

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What if..? Yes. No. Although...

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Meanwhile.

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There! Now fuck off!

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*goes outside* HEY! Now you listen to me, fuckers!

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No need to be rude, good Kommissar.

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I'll show you RUDE by pulling your spine outta your ass WITH MY BARE FIST!

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That was uncalled for...

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Your face is uncalled for! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Coming here without invitation, making a fucking WARZONE out of this place?! WHAT IS THIS SHIT?!

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The wolf came out of nowhere, attacking my merchandise!

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I want you - ALL OF YOU - to get the fuck out before nightfall!

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... As you say.

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GOOD! Gotta make me a snowman.

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*everyone's silently watching Grimwulf making snowman*

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Pum purum pum pum.

Meanwhile.

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*kicking and bashing the wall*

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Hhhhnnnngh! *the wall finally falls apart*

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Borsch time. *consumes the foul liquid, barely holding it inside* Blegh! Shit! I would rather eat raw meat. *places yet another beacon-like object inside the building*

One hour later.

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*trips over giant turtle and falls* FUCK!!!

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GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! What ARE you even?!

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*psshhh* KALIN, you son of a crook! I need more blocks! Granite blocks!

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*psshhh* LIZZURD, you sorry jackal! I need more blocks! Granite blocks!

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*psshhh* Ummm... Trobo! You... infected... jerk! I need more blocks! Granite blocks!

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Nice try, Kalin. If I don't get enough blocks for mah private quarters 'til evening, your bonus is history.

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MA BONAS!!! :x

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Now is the perfect time to show your abilities. And maybe, just maybe, I will satisfy your needs.

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Cheetah!

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Shhh. Do you know that man? *points to Lincoln*

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*packing stuff in the distance*

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The werewolf guy? What of him?

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Did you see him transform?

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Aye, his face resembled a cross between a very angry pekingese and Kalin's withered balls. He sounded funny too.

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He was speaking? In wolf form?

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Eh, not really a wolf. Just a big hairy brick-faced motherfucker. Your regular slav person.

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Fascinating.

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I hafta get back to work. AND SO DO YOU!

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Just a moment, Grim. I'll catch up later.

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Stupid lazy-butt wymin. *goes away grumbling*

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Psst. Kalin.

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What? I have places to be!

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Be quiet. It's him. Lincoln.

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The stalker guy?

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He's not aware that he had been compromised. I did my best to maintain the act. As far as he knows, I don't have a clue about the whole stalking business.

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You sure it's him?

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Totally. I wonder how he got enlisted in Leif's caravan...

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What are we waiting for? Let's get this over with.

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Apparently, you never fought a werewolf.

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Bitch, I killed deers! Hundreds upon hundreds of deers!

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Murder is art, Kalin. You have a lot to learn. Lucky for you, I am willing to teach. *sinister smile*

Meanwhile.


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Noooo, please! TORTURE ME, POKE MY EYES, CUT MY PENIS - BUT NOT THIS! NOT THIS AGAIN!!!

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DRINK IT UP!!!

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*choking and crying*

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Atta boy. Ever considered enlisting in kommunist ranks?

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Will I get decent food if I do?

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What's wrong with borsch?

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Wh-- I--

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This poor savage. So happy I'm dead right now.

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While you r thinkin' how to compliment my incredible cuisine... *psh psshhhh* Cheetah, need ya ta talk some senses into our new recruit. Over.

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*psshhh* Coming. Over.

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Busy day?

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Your regular day in KKK.

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About that slave trading permission... It's not really a regular thing. Just occasionally. I knew you wouldn't mind if I make a tiny bit of profit by making these lands safer.

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You broke the rules and got away with it, Leif. People are making conclusions. It's bad for the business.

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I'm sorry, I really am. Hence the generous compensation for reclaiming my slave. If I can do something regarding your... reputation--

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Don't worry. I will handle it my way.

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So... Are we square?

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Tell me about this man. *tilts her head towards Lincoln*

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Lincoln? Yes, he surprised us all today. Who would have thought he is a werewolf?

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How long you've been travelling together?

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Two days, actually. We met him few miles from here. He offered his service for a very modest pay. Considering his gear and constitution, he would become my best guard! AND he is a werewolf! A bargain to die for.

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You realize werewolves are uncontrollable in the beast form?

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Lincoln is different, obviously! We had a little chat after the incident. He told me the secret of keeping his beast under control. However, he specifically requested I keep that secret safe...

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Surely it will be safe with me. Don't you trust me anymore?

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... Ahh, what the heck! You are like family to me! *whispers* See the flask hanging on his belt? A special tea to keep his mind stable during transformations.

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A tea, you say? How peculiar...

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*psshhh* CHEETAH, GODDAMIT!

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I have to go. Your other savage requires my attention. See you later, Leif.

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*stands startled while Cheetah is closing the workshop door behind her* Other savage..?

Meanwhile.

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*salivates profusely*

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Want your share? You have to deserve it first.

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*nuzzles Grimwulf*

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Off with you! Stupid dog.

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Just give him a damn piece, Grim. Look at this adorable bastard!

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No.

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Well, I tried. *grabs his bottle of ghost vodka*

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*whines*

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Want your hard-earned money wasted on useless garbage? Let the woman make financial decisions! Fark's sake.

A bit later.


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How are you faring, beautiful Senorita?

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Don't waste your breath on flattery, tribesman.

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I mean that sincerely.

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Where did you learn our language?

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Local tribe school. I was the only student. And teacher. No, scratch that - the GODS bestowed forbidden knowledge upon me! I am the CHOSEN ONE!

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*pulls her knife*

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It's the borsch! It makes my mind fuzzy! I don't remember my past, oh woe!

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This is pointless.

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Any luck?

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I'm not good with savages, Grim. And this one in particular is insane.

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Just do your magic!

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I can torture him to death, if that's what you want.

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Do I have a say?

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No.

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What are you suggesting? WE NEED MORE PPL, DAMMIT!

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Give it time. His wounds will heal, his stress will overpass, hell - he might even get used to that broth of yours.

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Please, no more broth!

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Hrmpf. Keep trying, Cheetah.

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Actually, I have urgent matters to deal with--

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KEEP TRYING, I SAY!

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... Fine.

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*walks outside*

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*pop-pop*

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No loitering, Bernardo. WORK!

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*tired popping*

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You'll never get ice cream OR vodka with this kind of attitude!

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*crawls inside the barracks gurgling in protest*

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*sleeping merrily*

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Wake up.

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Hmmm hm hm...

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Wake up! *kicks Lizzurd from his bed*

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OUCH! What was that for?!

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The sun is still high.

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Give me a break! I haven't slept all night! Been tending to that bearded hobo next door!

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*gurgle-murgle*

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KKK is out of granite blocks. And I'm out of patience.

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Hate.

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Later that day.


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I'm in great pain. Somebody hug me, please.

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What is wrong with you?

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Cuts, burns, gunshot wounds, infection, blood lo--

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You aren't right in the head - that's what I mean. Have you always been like that?

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I just want a hug...

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I can give you a hug.

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Let's hug together! Create a bond between all three of us!

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Yay! *hugs Trobo*

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My pain is subsiding! Senorita! Hugs!

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*sigh* I'm so done...

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Meanwhile.

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*guuuuurgle*

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*watching Bliblablubb cautiously*

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*MINDFUCKING THE HUSKY gently*

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*overwhelmed*

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*throws a pice of meat at the dog*

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*feels miserable*

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*long, explanatory pop-pop-speech*

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*barks for no reason*

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*projects an image of Cheetah inside husky's mind*

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*feels a strong urge to PROTECT*

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Later that day.


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What's wrong with him?

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Jay? JAY! He is unconscious.

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Too bad we don't have any doctors...

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His death will serve a greater purpose.

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We can't simply let him die. Can we..?

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He can no longer pull his weight, so...

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*drags Jay inside the building without uttering a word*

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See, Grim? She is not a bad person, after all.

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Don't interrupt me, alco-ghost! Me buildin'.

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Your mansion project is a tad too much, don't you think?

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A tad? THIS ABOMINATION HAS ENOUGH SPACE FOR ENTIRE KKK TO LIVE IN!

Meanwhile.


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The infection is healing just fine. I mean, I am not a doctor, but hey! You're smiling!

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It's because I am happy to be alive! Haha, how lucky I am to be shot by Grimwulf and Cheetah! Imagine what would happen if that laser beam found his way to my gorgeous body!

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I doubt we would be chatting.

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*enters the workshop* Lizzurd. Jay is in the fridge - go fix him.

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You are not in charge here.

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Fine, then don't. It's emergency meat anyways.

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Emegency meat?

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*shrugs* Kalin's idea.

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You mean... Oh, shi-- *rushes towards Jay*

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Meanwhile.

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ENOUGH! *tries to prevent a fight between fishfolk and medieval traders*

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Hooommmm, that might escalade quickly, Kommissar Grim Wolf.

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They can kill each other for all I care.

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Kommissar. A word?

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Whaddya want?

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This man you're burying used to be my slave.

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Right. You're the one who should do the diggin'. *hands the shovel to Leif*

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This is not what I meant, but... *takes the shovel with a sigh* My second slave is still alive... *digging with noticable effort* Your komrade Cheetah kindly allowed me to reclaim him... for a hefty sum...

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The cripple speaking gibberish? Aye, I know. You third slave stays with us.

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That's the thing, Kommissar! That's exactly the thing I wanted to tell you! *finishes the grave*

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There is no third slave.

Meanwhile.

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No, no, no, no, NOOOOO!!!

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*vomits like a volcano*

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BAD DOG! Bad... dog... *weeps*

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Later that evening.

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GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!

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I am not even surprised at this point.

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FUCKING STONE BLOCKS - WHY U NOT OBEY?!

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Is he always like that?

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Yes. Our leader is a bit crazy.

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Why do you follow his lead then?

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What can I say? I am but a simple woman in love.

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LINCOLN! We are leaving!

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Farewell, Abigal. I'm glad our friendship lives on.

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Goodbye, Leif. I won't forget your... generosity.

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Hah hah, I know! You never forget a thing!

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*murmurs* Exactly.

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I hope we see each other again. Soon.

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Goodbye, Lincoln. May the night treat you well.

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*turns around, about to leave*

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*snatches the tea flask with cat-like speed*

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*leaves with Leif's caravan*

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Well, Ms. Murphy...

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You have dissapointed me, Dutchie. I've invested a lot in your caravan business.

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... My time draws near. The Sea is calling my name.

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Then what are you doing here?

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*remains silent for a while, then nods and takes his leave*

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Farewell, Ms. Murphy.

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*ignores BigVee*

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*roars* ARE THEY FINALLY GONE?!

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*screams back* YES-- shit. ALMOST!

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Really?

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*sigh* At least we won't starve.

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*psshhhh* Lizzurd.

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*psh psh* Lizzurd!

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Hmhmhmhmhmhm *psh* Wha..?

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Good job with Jay.

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Thanks..?

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More emergency meat waiting for you in the fridge.

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... Wh-- Have mercy on poor Lizzurd!

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Not giving orders, mind you. Just saying. Over.

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:negative:

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Promise me one thing, after I am don--

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*leaves the fridge and closes the door*

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Gorgeous Senorita is back!

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You smell like vomit.

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You smell like an Angel!

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Meanwhile.


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The fuck u'r doin'?

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Treating my patients?

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By spilling borsch on top of the wounds? That's some Azira-level medical skillz.

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Psst. I'm just trying to get rid of borsch.

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So we can get start eating EMERGENCY MEAT? Good plan, lizard boy! I underrestimated you. *picks a bowl of borsch and joins Lizzurd* DA SPACE COP SLASH SPACE DOCTUR KALIN IS HERE!

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Yippie! Partners 4 life!

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Later that night.

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BED TIME, EVERYONE! All komrades are to fall asleep effective immidiately! I have great plans for tomorrow.

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*lies on her bed smiling*

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What are you smiling about, maniacal bitch?

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It's full moon tonight.

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So?

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*murmurs a song* Weeeeigh heeeeigh and up she rises, early in the morning.



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M-my flask!

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What's wrong, Lincoln?

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MY FLASK IS GONE!

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Lincoln..?

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RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *transforms*

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STAY AWAY FROM HIM!

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*transformation doesn't stop, GROWLING becomes DEAFENING*

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God help us... RUN, MILORD! RUN!!!

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*runs for his life*

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*INFERNAL HOWL*

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*draws his sword* SLAY THE UNHOLY BEAST!

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URGAHER REY!!! KORLES VARUNCHAK!!!

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AAAAAAAA!!! *lunges at Lincoln, as fire and chaos unleashes*

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*watching the full moon with a smile on her face*

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Last edited:

Grimwulf

Arcane
Patron
Vatnik
Joined
Oct 1, 2014
Messages
4,045
Location
Kodex Kommunistic Kastle
Further updates coming next week, coz old Grimwulf needs his sleep.

Kalin gonna hate, Blobra gonna shriek, Cheetah gonna cheat, Lizzurd-- eh, who knows what's Lizzurd up to.

And Grimwulf WILL LEAD THEM ALL TO GLORY, because he fffkin' can!

Thing is you can't really make 3 season out of senseless hijinks as well. The cycle of getting drunk, comedy, and get slaughtered during invasion can only sustain an LP so much. Heck at one point the getting drunk joke will get old if you repeat it every another episode.

Yes. This.

Are we done complaining about the plot? GOOD.

Because why else do I hafta mine out a fuckin mountain to seal that shitty escape tunnel?

Completely forgot to mention, tunnel collapse is cancelled, or rather left as a last resort option. I have a CUNNING PLAN of making a minified Grim Curtain in that tunnel.

3zaZ0U6.jpg

Say what you will, but Grimwulf is a farkin' genius.
 

vazha

Arcane
Joined
Aug 24, 2013
Messages
2,063
What an update!
How about a codex fundraiser for KKK, so that Grimwulf can enjoy some much deserved vacation (somewhere in Kamchatka) and provide us with updates on everyday basis? I've never pledged to D2, PoE or anysuch shit, but I'd gladly givve mah hard-earned shekels for this, cause this is pure Gold!
 

Luka-boy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 24, 2014
Messages
1,629
Location
Asspain
v0drvYV.png


- 1st Mental Log, Agent Iglesias, Codename "The Cook", Operation Democracy Is A Dish Best Served Cold

Just as planned, these Comunistas don't have a clue I'm not a Salvaje. My training and wits make me completely undistinguishable from one of those uncultured pawns. Can you believe one of them didn't even notice I actually wasn't his Hermano when I joined their raid? Saved me from snapping another neck and hiding another smelly corpse.

Phase two of the plan starts now. I'll just play hard to get for a while before joining their ranks. This way they have to waste manpower and their dwindling resources on me. In the meantime I'm already using my good looks and natural charm to befriend, perhaps even seduce, two of them; A guy who's clearly a homosexual and a staunch Comunista, and a fine-looking Señorita who seems to be into me already.

My instinct tells me this mission will be a cakewalk for an elite operative like myself and this Comunista den should fall as easily like a Jenga tower (It probably would fall on its own given time) just like the other ones we've dealt with in the past, but orders are orders and Camarada Grimwulf has proven he's a rather resourceful and clever enemy of Freedom, so I have to remain vigilant and follow the plan. Such a mastermind can't be let to his own devices.

In fact, I think he's the only one that might suspect I'm not a simple Salvaje. He has ordered his minions to feed me some foul-tasting stews, clearly stuffed with all kinds of drugs. Joke's on him; My training back at the academy is proving its worth and none of these drugs are working on me. Though nothing during those harsh months of training and conditioning, nor even my experience in missions under utterly miserable conditions like Operation Declined Fallout or Operation Planetscape Atumanera, could have prepared me for that god-awful taste...

Well, I just have to endure this for a little while longer, then join them and I'll be able to finally get a nice meal after a few weeks eating field rations and pemmican. Comunistas are known for their (inferior) industry and agriculture, so they should have tons of fresh veggies and canned meats. I'll just play dumb or say some missionaries taught me some recipes and cook them something fancy to fill my stomach like I deserve and earn their trust. I can't wait to be able to trim my beard and get rid of all this dirt and dog vomit too. Chico this one will be easy as pie, jejejeje...

*sees Lizzurd entering the room*

"Ay! The pain, Señor Lizzurd! It hurts so much!"
 

Bliblablubb

Arcane
Joined
Mar 1, 2014
Messages
2,925
Location
Copium Den
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*loud bonechilling shriek* ["Mah... mah vodka is gone!"]

Stealing vodka, the life essence of KKKommunism, is a major crime. I demand swift and severe punishment!

Sadly, the vodka case investigashun has shown us what everyone already knew: Kalinski is beyond useless. The KKKommissar was right. He always is. :salute:

At least there was a (minor) attack, I was starting to feel almost as useless as Kalin already. :(

You know, I did bring Azira's anal candles with me for SCIENCE purposes. I will happily give them to our doctor with comparable skill anyone with two hands in need if it helps the cause.


Inb4 Cheetos and Kalinski get it on, creating an love tirangle of chaos.
 
Unwanted

Kalin

Unwanted
Dumbfuck Zionist Agent
Joined
Sep 29, 2010
Messages
1,868,264
Location
Al Scandiya
I have a CUNNING PLAN of making a minified Grim Curtain in that tunnel.

3zaZ0U6.jpg

Man, I hate to say it, but that plan rite there... It's fricking brilliant.

Why didn't I think of that? Uh, well.. Too busy solving space crime, das why!

Pity we ain't got shit for turrets tho. Guess Blippy can zap zap for a while.

Speakin of which, when is that layzor breaking down? Won't last forever rite?
 

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