Recruit everyone. Kommunism is a blessing, as they'll all learn to see. Eventually.
The many voices inside my head have more or less agreed on recruiting Ryan and Ian.
What the... Raider bitch shot me up and tried to haul my bleedin' ass to tranny mansion, and now you guys want to be merciful! I vote execute and keep the body in the freezer, should be useful for backup meat and emergency rec time.
Give peace a chance, Kalin. We need a woman's hand here in the Kolony.
Yeah, right. A woman named Ian. I bet she has a strong hand.
Plus, I need someone to exercise that medicine skill on.
Speaking of which. I say use Dreaad to recruit Ryan, they're both better doctors than Azira so maybe they can cure this infection shit.
I'll go ask Dreaad what he thinks. Cheer up, Kalin!
Yo, Dreaad! DREAAD! Are you sleeping or something?
*swearing like a tru slav*
You sound just like my grandma.
*nostalgic sigh* So, what do you think we should do about the prisoners?
You mean guests? In the guest room?
Huh? GWA HA HA, you thought they were guests? It's a prison, Dreaad. They are prisoners.
But... Whatever. I suggest we exile the crazy woman. We might need the food for someone more useful. As to Ryan, us empaths should stick together.
Two votes for recruiting Ian; one for execution; one for exile. It's decided then. We recruit them both.
Bad idea, but you're the general. Also, since you're here, Grimwulf.
*mumbles* In the middle of the night for some reason... AHEM. Can I have a bed?
Sleep, Dreaad. Tomorrow will be a hard day, and we can talk another time. Don't mind me cooking here.
Don't mind? But the smell is so bad...
3rd of Winter, 5500
DREAAD, I see you are awake! Good morning, komrade!
Forget what I said about the smell. The taste is
even worse.
You are eating prisoner's food, Dreaad.
Do you make it so bad on purpose?
Aye. What of it?
But... why?
Chattin' time is over, back to work! Aren't you supposed to feed the prisoners?
A bit later.
In and out. No need to talk to her. Just give her food and...
*Inhales* Here goes...
DREAAD!!
Shit!
*closes the door, runs away*
*panting* First attempt failed. No big deal. Need to collect myself... Hey, that's a strange grave. "Servant. Born
nobody cares when - Died on 5th of Fall, 5500". The bastards didn't even write his name on the tombstone. He died as a servant!
A servant! Alright, that's it - I ain't gonna tolerate this shit. I must recruit Ryan asap. We can take over this colony no problem with our social skills, a good Kommunist Kolony needs visionary leaders! We use the existing division between original 3 colonists to take control of the whole operation MWAHAHAhahahaha....xaxaxaxa....
:russia:
Meanwhile.
*psshhh* Grimwulf, today's batch tastes especially foul.
*pshhh* Stop eating prisoner's food, dammit!
How am I supposed to know which food is goo-- I mean,
tolerable and which is not?
If it smells bad, I made it for prisoners.
... Everything you cook smells equally bad, Grimwulf.
Family recipe.
What's that? Think you can match my snowman? Give it your best shot. I'll go get some sleep in the meantime.
Err, Kalin asked me to... Well, I tried.
KALIN! I hope I didn't wake you up, buddy. Don't mind me.
I asked Azira to hang around and make sure nobody disturbes my sleep. I NEED TO REST, GRIMWULF! I'm suffering from fookin' infection!
Then why are you screaming like a madman? Go ahead and rest. Jeez.
Later that morning.
Seriously, Kalin, stop being such a crybaby. You call this an infection?
It hurts; it might kill me; and you are giving me YELLOW SNOWBALLS instead of ANTIBIOTICS! YES, I CALL IT AN INFECTION!
Look, we might have ran out of proper medicine. Eating yellow snowballs is how ancient slavs cured everything.
What do you mean "ran out"? And why are they yellow anyway?
Ancient slav secret. Alright, next treatment after 12 hours! Get some rest.
I will, as soon as Grimwulf goes away.
A bit later.
Ok. Second attempt. I can do it.
*inhales, opens the door*
YOU CAME BACK FOR ME, LOVE!!
Nope! Nope!
*throws food at Ian, misses, runs away*
WAIT! DREAAD!!
*starts crying*
Uhhh, are you going to eat it?
There is a hole inside me. No amount of food can ever fill it...
My hole is smaller, so if you don't mind...
*nom nom* Tell me about yourself, Ian. Maybe it will distract you from your... condition.
I am a woman in love.
You were born here, on this planet?
Yes, I grew up on a... farm of sorts.
But that was a long time ago. I've had a lot of jobs, doing my best to earn a decent living for me and my love.
AND THAT'S HOW YOU REPAY ME, DREAAD! YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART!!
I doubt he can hear you. Uuuurrrgghh. That meat was foul.
Oh, he can hear me at any distance. We have a special connection between us. I just know it.
And I KNOW FOR SURE we'll be together one day.
Aww. That's so sweet.
You look like an orc, Ryan. And smell the same.
Uh. Okay.
Shh, SHHH! Someone's coming... DREAAD!
NO, STOP, PLEASE! Be quite, just give me a minute! Ryan, listen to me.
This place is bad. I know. I would even volunteer to live here in this room, being a prisoner like you. If not for... you know.
You look so thin and tired. Do they provide enough food for you, love? If not, you can take my meals for yourself - I'll be fine, I promise!
Blyad! Ian, be silent for one minute!
I don't feel so well.
As I was saying, Ryan, I cannot stay here with you. But YOU can join ME! Let's go out there and make this place our new home! Together we can deal with those grognards. You and I, as a team, can ma--
BAAAARF
Ewwwww
OPA OPA, BLYAD! Wait, did you eat Ian's breakfast?
What do you mean, kitty? You've made a breakfast just for me? Aww.
BAAAAAAAAAARF!! I agree! Just take me to the fresh air! Oh, gawd... BARF
Meanwhile.
Kalin, just face the facts: I am your only friend here.
You gotta be shittin' me.
The new guys? Hate you. Azira? Thinks you're ugly as fuck.
I've lost count of how many times you've shot me. YOU! SHOT ME!
Ah, come on. Azira shot you once as well, remember? When you two were ambushing that enemy spy. You're just so shootable, Kalin. Like a magnet for bullets.
You don't let me sleep!
Wrong. I only keep you alert.
You're cooking poisonous shit!
HEY, if you can make dog testicles taste good - go ahead and do it! And I will sleep all day doing nothing, coz I'm recovering from "infection". My ass.
Fuck you, Grimwulf... But maybe you're right.
I'm always right. Don't go anywhere, I'll be back in a moment.
Hm? What are you doing? Grimwulf? HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!
A brand new granite bed. Ryan gotta sleep somewhere, right?
FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Umm, mr. Grim Wolf?
Just call me Grimwulf. We're friends now!
Ok, Grimwulf. So where do I sleep?
... Actually, let it be Kommissar Grim. Yes, that's more fitting. You will sleep in the House of Edgelords - I made a granite bed just for you. Heard you like sleeping on granite.
B-but--
Gotta run! Keep cutting those stone blocks, komrade!
Dreaad, I don't like being free.
Patience, my friend. The cogs are set in motion. Just follow my Master Plan, and we shall live in the greatest Kommie Paradise in the Universe!
What's the next step in your Master Plan?
To get rid of Kalin. If the infection won't kill him, then one of those ancient cryo caskets will. ХАХАХАХАХА... ха ха. Meanwhile you can talk to Ian. Try to seduce her.
Uh? Why?
It will make my-- I mean,
our lives easier.
Later that day.
And that's why the ladies used to call me The Hulk. Get it? Green, muscular?
I will call you Shrek.
I don't have a chance, do I?
My heart belongs to another man.
Oh, Dreaady... Where are you...
Azira, I've just remembered a song about you!
*sings* ЧЕРНЫЙ БУМЕР, ЧЕРНЫЙ БУМЕР, СТОП СИГНАЛЬНЫЕ ОГНИ!
Err, kartoshka? I don't speak slav.
How r u in general, bruh?
You know. Working.
You should try it sometime. You might even like it, you never know.
Later that evening.
Time for a third attempt. If she dies of starvation, everyone will blame Dreaad.
*sigh* Azira?
What?
That's a familiar helmet you're wearing.
Took it off that maori who was chasing you.
Right! I knew I saw it somewhere.
I'm a valuable member of this community. We don't want anything bad to happen to me. Besides, it's pretty warm.
I'll be on my way. Our prisoner needs to eat. I hope she's sleeping...
One hour later.
Hey, Kalin.
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR, leave me the fuck alone!
I've brought food! Double-checked it with Grimwulf. He said he's
"78% sure this batch is edible".
Previosuly I thought Grimwulf was snoring like a dying mammoth. But his guy
RYAN over here? Last time I heard something like this was in Warcraft XLVIII: Orcish Rebellion.
Ah, a good game that one. A pity they turned the franchise into casul MMO nonsense for kids. Again.
I can hear you.
NO!
I can hear
YOU! I need to have a serious talk with Grimwulf about private rooms. Can't take it anymore.
Let's look at that infection, shall we?
Good news! You seem to be recovering!
Just put me in a cryo casket. Please.
Later that night.
*mumbles to himself*
Through days dark and stormy where great Lenin lead us
Our eyes saw the bright Sun of freedom above
and Stalin our leader with faith in the people,
Inspired us to build up the land that we love.
Hm. If I replace
Lenin with
Grimwulf, and
Stalin with, let's say...
Grimwulf, then it will make a gret Anthem for the Kolony! I'm such a glorious leader. Good night, Dreaad!
*swearing incoherently*
See you tomorrow, bud.
*walks to the barracks, whistling the new Anthem* Good night, men! You're sleeping?
GOOD NIGHT, MEN!!
Mmmmm... What time is it?
Time to sleep, Ryan. If you have troubles falling asleep, ask Kalin to make you a head massage with his feet. I mean, you're basically using his feet as a pillow, so why not?
We should have built houses before starting that good for nothing town hall. This is fucking surreal.
Also, I'm not Ryan.
Hm? Who are you then?
Hello friend. I AM HELLO FRIEND! CALL ME HELLO FRIEND, PLEASE! I grew up in a place where HELLO FRIEND is a normal name! HELLO FRIEND!
Why didn't you say so before?
don't you forget it
