Putting the 'role' back in role-playing games since 2002.
Donate to Codex
Good Old Games
  • Welcome to rpgcodex.net, a site dedicated to discussing computer based role-playing games in a free and open fashion. We're less strict than other forums, but please refer to the rules.

    "This message is awaiting moderator approval": All new users must pass through our moderation queue before they will be able to post normally. Until your account has "passed" your posts will only be visible to yourself (and moderators) until they are approved. Give us a week to get around to approving / deleting / ignoring your mundane opinion on crap before hassling us about it. Once you have passed the moderation period (think of it as a test), you will be able to post normally, just like all the other retards.

Your best fuck-ups

Self-Ejected

Ulminati

Kamelåså!
Patron
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
20,317
Location
DiNMRK
An update to my Shadowrun campaign thingie on the previous page:

The players finally figured out who they were hunting last session when they managed to kill one of their targets and got a good look at the body. Cries of "You (magnificent) bastard!" abound. Some of the players - who didn't want to hunt their old PCs suggested turning on their Johnson. Unfortunately for the players, the (former) PC they killed actually had set money aside to hire assassins to kill whoever killed him. And the players had been caught on camera while geeking their target. So right now, the Johnson played by the former PC of Hissyfit McButthurt is the only person who can protect them from getting hunted down by killteams. And she'll only do so if they continue killing off their old PCs.

I've made tiny alterations to all the old PCs plans of course. Stuff is moved around, passwords and procedures altered slightly. If the players try to metagame solutions to the traps and safeguards they're going up against, things will blow up in their face. Sometimes quite literally.

I love being an evil GM. >:3
 

Don Peste

Arcane
Joined
Sep 15, 2008
Messages
4,277
Location
||☆||
I had to put this somewhere...

JG-Glory+Hole+Dwarven+Mine.jpg
 

Night Goat

The Immovable Autism
Patron
No Fun Allowed
Joined
May 6, 2013
Messages
1,865,441
Location
[redacted]
Codex 2013 Codex 2014
The D&D 3.5 campaign I've been playing in has been one long stream of fuck-ups, so I guess I'll start from the beginning.

It's an "open-table" campaign, meaning that anyone who wants to can just show up and play, and we're not all expected to be there for every session. The game is held at a local game store, and usually has a large group of players, of which maybe half will only show up for a week or two before disappearing forever. Aside from my character, the most consistently present are:

The Barely-There Barbarian: A barbarian who dual-wields, because I guess he wants to waste feats in order to do less damage and hit less often than a two-handed weapon user. The player doesn't pay much attention and never says anything except to describe what his character is doing, in a voice barely above a whisper. Has been absent for weeks at a time without anyone really noticing.
The Ranger Who Isn't: An elf fighter, who focuses entirely on archery due to a low constitution and consistently poor HP rolls. So, he's like a ranger, but without any useful skills. Also, the DM likes to fuck with him by having his bowstring break every time he rolls a 1.
The Healbot: a cleric who doesn't do much except cast spontaneous cure spells. Uses all his spell slots to prepare anti-caster spells like Dispel Magic and Silence, despite the fact that we've fought magic-using enemies exactly once.
The Useful Cleric: this guy's been playing D&D since before I was born, and is the only one beside myself who actually knows what he's doing.
The Useless Wizard: D&D wizards have the most versatile and useful spell set, able to turn the tide of battle with their buffs and control spells as well as having considerable out-of-combat utility. Unfortunately, this one only casts Magic Missile, Scorching Ray and Fireball. Also, he's a Biodrone.

And then there's the DM.

The DM is an old grognard who never seems to be entirely sure what edition we're playing, and makes rules up as he goes along. I've never seen him reference the books, the SRD, or any sort of paperwork, as he claims to have the whole game memorized (he doesn't). He also doesn't let us buy magic items, because apparently D&D doesn't fuck noncasters enough to begin with. The magic items he does give us tend to either be completely useless, or situationally useful and likely to backfire.

Chapter I: House of Suck

I showed up after the campaign had been going for a few months, and was told to make a character whose level was the same as the lowest character currently in the campaign. So, level 4, even though other characters were mostly 6 and 7. I chose a Conjurer wizard.

In addition to the players mentioned above, there were four other players there:

The Rotund Rogues: a pair of large individuals who played rogues; one was a very whipped man, the other his bossy and unattractive wife or girlfriend.
The Kid: a high school kid, thin and sort of effeminate. Played a sorcerer who specialized in summoning dogs.
The Other Kid, the Kid's friend. Played a ranger. Extremely ADD, wandered off to play Magic halfway through the session.

Our adventure began with a senile old man, who was nonetheless in charge of the area, sending us off to find a magic item he called "Cassandra." He was unable to give us any details about the object. So we went off to town, the rogues used Gather Information, and we ended up learning that there was a wizard who had lived in a manor nearby, and he might know something about this Cassandra.

So, we set off to the wizard's manor. Outside of it, we were attacked by two "cambions", one from the north and one from the south. The one from the north resembled a fairy dragon for some reason. It used an ability that caused the male rogue to roll on the ground laughing, completely useless. The one from the south resembled a squid, and used Evard's Black Tentacles, trapping the Kid's sorcerer. I cast Glitterdust to blind the first cambion, and Grease to trip the second. The DM made a very inappropriate remark about the greased tentacles and the Kid's character
:mhd:
and also made reference to a previous event, involving the female rogue and a greased stick.

The Useful Cleric cast Dispel Magic on the male rogue, also hitting the Useless Wizard in the blast. The DM then announced that Dispel Magic disenchanted potions and scrolls, destroying all of those carried by the Useless Wizard, including some seventh and eighth level spell scrolls that he had for some reason. Meanwhile, the Barbarian, Healbot and female rogue decided for some reason that it would be a good idea to split the party, running into the ruined manor and removing themselves from the fight.

After the rest of us had killed the cambions, the DM went off with the players whose characters had run into the house. Apparently the area inside was filled with magical darkness, where the characters were attacked by wisps for the five rounds it took for the cambions to be defeated. Wisps can only be hit by magic weapons, and none of us had any of those. When the rest of us entered the house, we were attacked by them too. It was shaping up to be a TPK, until the Useless Wizard activated the amulet he'd obtained on a previous adventure.

The amulet, apparently, was a single-use item that created an antimagic field in a 50-ft radius sphere. The DM ruled that this negated the darkness, killed the wisps (as they were inherently magical creatures), destroyed the magical traps and skeletons waiting for us upstairs - and destroyed the vast supply of scrolls and potions in the house. There was only one magic item left: a swan boat, with apparently programmed to take us to a specific destination. So, we piled into the boat and set off. Would we find honor and glory across the sea? Spoiler alert: no.
 
Joined
Apr 2, 2008
Messages
3,001
Location
Treading water, but at least it's warm
I believe I was playing a Rogue in D&D 4th edition. Being lazy and figuring we weren't going to get into any situations where alignment mattered that much, I declared myself as chaotic neutral. The rest of the party was varying levels of good.

We are wandering around looking for quests, talking to some dude in a village. He offers us a job to steal a magical gem from a prominent lord or noble in the area, which I am down for but the rest of the party is concerned about such actions being unethical or having unexpected consequences or something. However, by refusing this dude's request, we don't really have anything to do. Bored, I suggest we blackmail him by threatening to report him to the local authorities. The rest of the party is not very keen on this course of action, but didn't seem opposed if I followed it up. So I decide to return and confront him. The rest of the party kind of follows by default in a standoffish way. However, the villager's house is now locked and nobody is answering.

Undeterred and now pleased with my choice of Rogue, I announce my intention to break in. The rest of the party freaks out and walks off, leaving me alone. I go around the back and easily pick the lock and waltz in boldly... and the villager promptly shoots me with a crossbow. We are pretty low level characters, maybe 1 or 2, so he hits me for 4 damage which is probably between 1/4 and 1/2 my total health, which I found somewhat shocking. He then pleads with me not to shoot him (his crossbow had only a single bolt, so at this point he's basically unarmed), but I was annoyed, and further reasoned it was pretty illogical to take such damage with impunity. So I shoot back at him with my bow, instantly killing him.

Keep in mind this is a commoner, in a common, boring house. However, out of thoroughness, I declare my intention to search his body and household for anything useful. Of course, the GM kind of shrugs and goes "Uh, it's a common house... dude is poor... you find some string and junk I guess." At this point the rest of the table is staring at me in a combination of shock and outrage, so I halfheartedly examine the villager, to discover he is barely still alive, bleeding out. Sighing as I bend to the meta pressure of the rest of the table, I roll to attempt stabilization... natural 1. Thanks to my clumsy efforts the villager dies terribly and in much pain, as I choke him with his own blood. In the course of these heroic actions, I become covered in blood, completely botching any possibility of not informing the rest of the party about these events.

So I walk out the front door and awkwardly rejoin the party, which is immediately suspicious due to my appearance. After some questioning, I am forced to confess that yes, I did... accidentally murder a random villager. They rush in and attempt to revive the villager (I believe we had a cleric or somebody with cure light wounds or something), but of course due to my hilariously inept first aid administrations he is very much beyond saving at this point.

Bedlam ensues as the party teeters on turning me in to the local authorities versus running away in a panic or attacking me. Somehow the druid in our party decides he is going to make this all right, so we sneak the body out in a cart, barely pass a guard check, and wander out to in search of a nearby temple that is rumored to be able to raise dead. We spent the rest of the campaign performing odd quests for priests attempting to revive this random villager of essentially no consequence. Incidentally I was barred from interacting with NPCs by myself for the rest of that campaign. Good times.
 

Rahdulan

Omnibus
Patron
Joined
Oct 26, 2012
Messages
5,105
Bedlam ensues as the party teeters on turning me in to the local authorities versus running away in a panic or attacking me. Somehow the druid in our party decides he is going to make this all right, so we sneak the body out in a cart, barely pass a guard check, and wander out to in search of a nearby temple that is rumored to be able to raise dead. We spent the rest of the campaign performing odd quests for priests attempting to revive this random villager of essentially no consequence. Incidentally I was barred from interacting with NPCs by myself for the rest of that campaign. Good times.

So basically every DM's worst nightmare. :greatjob:
 

Caim

Arcane
Joined
Aug 1, 2013
Messages
15,468
Location
Dutchland
In a game of Deathwatch my Minotaur Devastator armed with a Heavy Bolter missed every single shot he fired at Doomrider, and for his effort was nearly bludgeoned to death with an unconscious Wolf Scout.

Yes, I have one of those DMs.
 

Xathrodox86

Arbiter
Joined
Oct 27, 2014
Messages
760
Location
Nuln's labyrinth
While not really mine, I was once DM'ing a game of "Thousand Thrones" for WFRP 2nd Edition. My players were in a Morr Monastery and they've decided to raid the catacombs. After putting one guard asleep and stuffing him in a sarcophagus in full armour (magic), they've set up an arcane alarm and decided to leg it. So they went further down, through the catacombs excavation. Soon it became quite obvious that there was no way they'd be able to get back, they were all crawling on their bellies and in fron of them was a stream. So what did the party's Mage do? Teleport himself through the ground, leaving his fellows on their own. But that was only the beginning.

They had no other choice than to swim through the tunnel. Which they did, and of course since no one has the "Swim" skill they had to burn a Fate Point each. Of course this, being the WFRP and TT in general, did not end there, oh no. They've managed to swim out into a cave, which acted as a base of operations for a Skaven Assassin and his 10 Gutter Runner flunkies. Now, it was explicitly stated in the campaign book that there is almost ZERO posibility for PC's to find this cave. But my players did. And they all died. They've managed to take out two Gutter Runners, before being hacked to bits by the Assassin who single handedly managed to wipe them out. Two of the PC's survived by burning their last FP and were taken prisoner.

Now here's the best part. They were so pissed off at the Mage that they've set him up by telling the Assassin where he would find him (harbour outside the castle). Which he did and managed to snipe the hapless wizard with a blow pipe. Meanwhile the two snitches tried to run away, and even managed to kill their jailer, a snigle Gutter Runner, but unfortunately ran into the returning Eshin Crew and were promptly sliced and diced. The End.

My face during that session was::troll:
 

As an Amazon Associate, rpgcodex.net earns from qualifying purchases.
Back
Top Bottom