Let's awaken Dragon Age: Awakening! (COMPLETED!)

[Gondolin]

OH NOES, THE DERPSPAWNS ARE DEVELOPING BRIANS!
______

Gondolin

 

[anus_pounder]

You wouldn't know it from reading the dialogue though.

 

[Codexlurker]

Thanks for the update. Looks like I avoided a bullet by not playing DA.

 

[spekkio]

This game looks BSB...
Thanks for the LP, though...

 

[lightbane]

Your selfless sacrifice to lp this turd is admirable

Will you have the will to lp the other DLCs as well?

 

[Rude Dude]

Try Witch Hunt, i heard it's great :D

 

[RK47]

This is why I'm not looking forward to DA2.
I mean, what? That's all you've got? A talking darkspawn and broken additions to the combat mechanics? No way this is good enough.

 

[DarthBehemoth]

Sorry for the late update, been busy with school and whatnot.

Last update, we found Kal'Hirol

Let's kick off with some dialouge shall we?

So, you're a Howe?

Do you have a point mage?

How clever.

It is shameful how long it took me to come up with that.

Anders may be wierd, but he does have his moments.

Quick history lesson: Dwarves all lived happily > Darkspawn appeared > Dwarves got kicked out of their homes > Dwarves are now NOT happy.

OMG! It's... Who is that?

Oh, he can still talk we should just go, leave him.

Yes, it's me. Be still and try not to talk...

This doesn't look good.

Translation: I think the meatbag means that WE SHOULD JUST GET A FUCKIN' MOVE ON!

Go on then, die already so we can get a move on.

Shut up Sigrun. His time has come :violin:

We already know this. Don't you have something usefull to say?

Considering that today's children are abominations, this sentence could have a number of different meanings:
1. We must kill all the children in the world
2. The darkspawn are baaadddd parents

Ancestors look kindly on you, borther...

Unfortunately, there's no option to tell her to fuck off and go home. Bioware likes annoy you with stupid dialouge and retarded characters.

Soon the inevitable happens, we encounter some Darkspawn

FILLER COMBAT TIME!

Kal'Hirol isn't hard, just make sure you're party stays alive.

Your typical dwarven fortress.

Our quest sends us right into a shitload of Darkspawn

But our band of heroes manages to vanquish the dark creatures crawling within Kal'Hirol...



I need to sop playing Bioware games

After suffering through the filler combat, I can imagine the legion got a little careless.

I'm sure we'll manage this time.

That's cowardly.

Fuck it. I'm not going to search for the back entrance, we'll storm the front door.

But before we can do so, we encounter giant...

woodlouses?

Are you kidding me?

Gaaah! It's trying to eat us!

But we manage to escape the giant woodlouses.

Let's see if the front door is actually guarded.

Still waiting for the traps to be activated...

And guess what, we made it to the front door without any trouble. So Sigrun's little speech was pure BULLSHIT.

Let's see if there are traps and free loot inside

Nothing yet. Could this actually be easy (for once, PLEASE!)

I guess not

EXTREME beheading.

We quickly take care of the surviving Darkspawn

NEXT UPDATE: We finish exploring Kal'Hirol

 

[DarthBehemoth]

Are those... Spirits?

What is seen, cannot be unseen.

We encounter some more dwarven spirits along the way.

These visions show us how the fortress fell to the Darkspawn.

Poor midgets

Enough talking. IT'S COMBAT TIME

Looks like the Darkspawn found us.

More crazy-midget-spirit-vision thingies

And more filler combat.

We go deeper into Kal'Hirol

And get treated to a nice cutscene!

Waitaminute? Darkspawn vs Darkspawn? Somethings not right here

Right. Time to kill some Darkspawn.

Looks like we've come across a foundry

After 20 minutes of terribad filler combat, we come across this guy.

I can't determine wether he means the Darkspawn or the DAO writers.

Are you all right?

Free Loot!

See, told ya so

You thief! What you have belongs to the dwarven people!

You tell him sister!

Hey that's... true

:twisted:

Ahem, we continue our quest

Fuck. the giant woodlouses again

And they come out of giant... Marshmallows?

WHAT... THE... SHIT!

After defeating the giant woodlouses coming out of giant marshmallows, we travel to the lower levels.

Oh, another cutscene

Maybe he just doesn't give a shit.

You're terminated, fucker

Don't make me bust you up, man.

Let me just say this. Don't underesitmate the inferno Golem. He can deal shitloads of damage and together with the lost, can take out your party pretty quick.

See what I mean?

But we take care of the Lost and his Inferno Golem.

And we go look for the broodmothers

We have to destory these chains so that the cube will crush the broodmothers

And... they're dead.

You're welcome.

One faction must think that Halo reach is the best, the other thinks it's Black Ops. There you go, mystery solved.

I noticed that too. It worries me.

Haha. True

You're strange.

Oh no. There is no escaping your destinyyyyyyyyy...

Perhaps you could consider coming with us?

Read: You're coming with us wethere you like it or not!

I think she just fired as Anders and replaced him as the party geek.

I am looking for Grey Wardens. Join us.

Of course you can, otherwise Bioware wouldn't have included this dialouge option.

You still fight Darkspawn, and die doing so.

Uhm. No?

Right. Let's go topside!

To Vigil's Keep

* * * * *

Says a sadistic Darkspawn

Calm, yes. Once I was calm

That it for now
NEXT UPDATE: Some sidequesting and we embark on our next main quest.

 

[lightbane]

Quickly, someone, put David Gaidar's face here and write THE NEW SHIT message, I'm sure the outcome will be better than the entire expansion. Still, continue your lp, I can't wait to see more of the (terrible) writing

 

[Jaedar]

Stupid X-treme options: Check

 

[Gondolin]

The Derpspawn are playing Mommy and Daddy. Who comes up with this shit?

 

[Ulminati]

...So Kal'Hirol was really just Cleves bunker? Did you loot a copy of Grimoire?

 

[anus_pounder]

I love this LP. I almost wish the OP woukd do a vanilla DA LP. :3

 

[Brother None]

Sigrun: For a moment I thought I was really about to join the Legion of the Dead.

Man this is really bugging me. Is it just me or does this line make no sense whatsoever?

Also is there any reason given to having a giant cube of death suspended from chains in the ceiling? Seems an odd thing to have.

 

[DarthBehemoth]

I love this LP. I almost wish the OP woukd do a vanilla DA LP. :3

Thank you. I guess I could do the DA 2 LP

Also is there any reason given to having a giant cube of death suspended from chains in the ceiling? Seems an odd thing to have.

Bioware games are full of this kind of shit

 

[racofer]

 

[anus_pounder]

 

[kazgar]

sounds like there's all some crazy plot which DarthBehemoth is probably (sensibly) ignoring.

also: multiplemonsterboobs!

 

[DarthBehemoth]

sounds like there's all some crazy plot which DarthBehemoth is probably (sensibly) ignoring.

You mean the plot where we have to save the world from the evil menace?

If you played one Bioware game/DLC/expansion, you played them all.

 

[DarthBehemoth]

Time to finish some stuff at the Keep

I can spare eighty sovereigns. This had better be worth it.

It will be, Warden. Good luck to anyone who tries to breach these walls. Ha!

Whateva...

More stuff for us to do!

But before we talk to Varel. Oghren wants to talk.
:/
I hope it's not THE talk.

Talk? Am I in trouble now?

Look when two midgets love each other...

Phew. that was close

On second thought. I'd rather explain midget love

This is a Grey Warden thing? Why didn't anyone tell me?

Quick... must... find way to... exit conversation!

Is the widdle Oghren having nightmares? Aww..

This will do

My thoughts exactly friend!

Can't my companions shut up for like 5 min?

Strange question to ask out of the blue.

It is? You've never thought about it? Does nobody ever leave the Wardens?

If Bioware allowed us to be something else but nooo. We had to be a Grey Warden

You can leave. But you'll be tainted forever.

He got that right. It why you're a Jedi in KOTOR and Shepard in Mass Effect. It's Biowarestiny

Shut up about the Circle. I completed your sidequest, you're free.

I had to ask...

Seven escape attemps?

Lalala alll I'm hearing is FAILURE

Fuck you. I'm not going to buy a freakin cat

Miss your little kitty do you?

I can never turn down these kind of dialouge options.

Poor dialouge writer

I can't believe you called him that.

Whoever wrote this dialouge probably did Fallout 3 too.

After the most retarded conversation in RPG history, our codexer talks to Varel

We're gonna decide who lives and dies? Count me in :twisted:

Hey now. That's a bit harsh.

What say you, Alec?

Oh, don't try that. We know all about the ol' 'wife and kids' guilt trick.

Still. Hanging is a bit EXTREME

I am not without mercy. Flog him instead.

Don't get used to it.

I agree. (and I am eager to kill)

I knew it. It’s the wife and kids thing again.

Fuck you. Time to die.

You tell me.

Desertion cannot be tolerated. The penalty is death.

The next matter is of a civil nature.

She probably slept with him.

This is interesting...

Arl Howe was a traitor. Ser Derren keeps his holding

Fuck you and mrs. Ugly Bitch

This session of the arling's court is over.

Right, one last thing before we go...

There are Darkspawn still about?

Yeah. We know him:

With what? Their bare hands. BULLSHIT

Sounds like it's Darkspawn killing time!

* * * *

Have the men clear the rubble.

Time to clear the Keep

What's this?

Aww... Poor old doggie

Smells like a search-and-rescue sidequest

Soon the inevitable happens...
We encounter some Darkspawn

Looks like the prisoners are trapped.

Still, we're not completely stupid.

What's in it for me?

Eww... Get away from me you poor people!

Oh fine. Get out of here

Adria!

Adria

I second that.

Which one. The one in which we rape lotsa children or kill lotsa Darkspawn?

It's what we do

Not that midget again...

Shut up and fix it, you damn midget.

Keep talking like that and YOU are not gonna last one minute.

Of courz they do!

Would this cave-in stop them if they return?

Pretty please?

Oh noes!

Let me know as soon as you clear the passage.

That's it for now!

 

[Gondolin]

Gods, the dialogs are fuckin' awful!

 

[Multiple Sarcasm]

Let me guess: she'd activated a Talent that sends opponents to the floor laughing uncontrollably.

 

[anus_pounder]

Jesus Christ.

 

[lightbane]

True GOTY material... And the sheeple still believe DA2 will be better? That this game is a spiritual sequel of BG??