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Oblivion by bulletpoints

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Oblivion by bulletpoints

Review - posted by Vault Dweller on Thu 20 April 2006, 00:38:36

Tags: Bethesda Softworks; Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Richard Cobbett, a journalist and a beloved son of the Codex has posted his Oblivion impressions in an easy-to-read bulletpoint format:

The Elder Scrolls: Arena (Some Relation)

* Right, I know. I’ll become a gladiator. What chance could my puny sorceress have against the best Cyrodiil has to offer?
* Oh.
* Ah.
* Erm. Look, I’ll blindfold myself if that- Oh.
* Urh...
* Three on one? Um, okay-
* Do I even need to bother showing up?
* Yes, yes, I’m a hero. Check.
* Ooh! Another ma- Oh.
* Champion? Why, thank you.
* My goodness, I’m the greatest fighter in Cyrodiil? But I’ve only been a gladiator for one day!
* I’ll take you all on! All of you, you hear!
* You! Grand Champion! You’re next!
* Oh, that’s right. I promised to help you find your heritage.
* TELEPORT WOOSH!
* Man, you’re the off-spring of a vampire?
* Yes, life sucks. I sympathise. On the plus side, unless someone fixes the game balance in the next ten seconds, it’s only going to be...oh, ten seconds longer.
* Um. Are you going to fight me?
*
* You’re just standing there crying.
* Look, I can’t say I was expecting a challenge but...do you want a tissue or something?
*
* Oh, very well. FIREBALL!
* "Unseen forces have observed your cold-blooded murder”?
* ...uh-oh
* "Spoiling the game’s surprises for people?"
* Yes sir, Mr. Dark Cloaked Guy, sir. Fast forward, people!
Sadly, that's an accurate overview of the Arena quests and the amazing "Thou shalt not be challenged!" system.

Thanks, Hazelnut!

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