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Best Oblivion interview evar!

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Best Oblivion interview evar!

Interview - posted by Vault Dweller on Tue 16 August 2005, 17:57:52

Tags: Bethesda Softworks; Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

There is a new Oblivion interview at the official site. I'll post the entire thing to preserve it for all the future generations:

Ultra-Xboxorz teh ultimate online gaming magazine bringz u a mega interview with no other than a pretty important Bethesda employee ! You'll get answers on a few of teh hottest subjects, so read on and weep !

Ultra-Xboxorz - Let's start with the PC requiremets. Just to get 'em out of the way. Can you give us a hint ?
pretty important Bethesda employee - Absolutely. They are higher than you'd expect and they are certainly higher than we'd ever admit. This doesn't mean that they're extremely high, just that they are kinda very high. But we can't really talk about it yet. Buy an Xbox 360 wink.gif

UX - So, if I understood correctly, that means the Xbox 360 version will kick major PC [censored] ?
B - Yep. You got the hidden meaning allright. You see, goin' mainstream is a wonderful thing. We milk more people of their money, while they get what they always longed for (whether they know it or not): honest to God gore. No headaches and fancy statistics. No. Only beautiful GORE.

UX - How would you describe Oblivion's graphics ? Especially the forests.
B - Oblivion's graphics are very good and the forests are really nice looking too. In fact they look so good, that I might even use the word "uber" to describe them.
UX - Really ?
B - Really.

UX - You have told us a thousand times how uber RAI will be. Would it be possible for you to repeat it once again ?
B - Sure ! RAI will be uber uber. It will give the NPCs certain goals like: torture innocent pets, get drunk and pick on the weak, steal, kill and other such activities that we at Bethesda consider to be FUN.

UX - Did the NPCs ever do anything out of the ordinary that would surprise even you, a big Beth... smart person ?
B - Well, they rarely surprise me... ahem, but they often surprise my other less intelligent colleagues... anyway, this shady character suddenly decided to steal everyone's shoes. So, the next morning people were walking around bare foot and they all caught one hell of a cold. We think that was absolutely hilarious. Even more interesting than the game's plot actually...
UX - Wow, that is really uber.
B - Yes, isn't it ? "Uber" would also be my word of choice.

UX - Now, there are lots of angry fans who want more info on the all-knowing compass. Could you clear things up for them once
and for all ?
B - I'm not sure... let me think for a second here... well, I guess it wouldn't kill me to describe it in a bit more detail... oh, well... here goes nothing: the compass is situated in the middle of the screen and it replaces your crosshair. It's actually a big red flashing arrow that has "Bethesda RULZ" written on it. You can "tell" it to point in the direction of the following goodies:
- easy kill
- secret place with hidden loot
- HEIR.
There's even an option called "stupidgamer", kinda like autoplay. It let's you sit back and watch how your character slaughters whomever needs to be slaughtered. In this mode you automatically gain invulnerability, so that you can feel like a strong, potent manly man, without ever lifting a finger. And if accidentally you miss someone, the game auto-reloads and you can perform a super-insta-kill on your helpless victim.

UX - Yeeey ! That's killer ! I think that now it's obvious to everyone that Oblivion is da best game eva.
B - Yes. Obvious.

UX - What about the merging of skills ? And what other bright ideas did you implement ?
B - LOTS. We got tired of so many words and numbers. What gamers really want is a big weapon and a crazed monster to chop in half. If we wouldn't be tied down by the damn lore, we would have also added shotguns and laser cannons just to please the little warrior inside us. Gotta rewrite that stupid lore.

UX - If it's not too much a trouble, could you tell us the real reason behind the scraping of mounted combat ?
B - OK kid. But only because I like you: we were bored and got lazy. That's the honest to God truth. But the fans will take care of that. There'll be mods and bla, bla, bla... why do you think we release our editing tools ? So that the consumer can correct our mistakes. You know, we really really hate to work on patches. After the game ships, we just want to enjoy our glory, cash and chicks in bikinis.

UX - Right. Now on to a pretty messy question: are all these improvements the result of the so-called dumbing-down for teh Xbox users ?
B - Of course. Although dumbing-down is a very accurate word. We like to avoid such clear definitions. Why not say "user-friendly" and other such nice little lies ? Hmmm ?

UX - You are like... sooo right mister. Damn those stupid PC elitist bastards! Uhm, now what about the release date...
B - ...yes ?
UX - Uhm... What is it ? The release date I mean... of the game Oblivion.
B - Ooooh, I didn't follow you there for a second. You mean the game Oblivion on which we are working at the moment ? Now I get it ! Silly me. Well, that game will ship when we have managed to place all the 9000 forks and napkins all over the land. It's a really tedious work. None of us has the time to do anything. And I mean no food, no shower and certainly no alcoholic beverages every afternoon from 3 'till next day mornin when we... but we're really not prepared to talk about it yet.

UX - Is there anything you wish to add ? You know, something for teh fans ?
B - If I must... ahem, we at Bethesda really... ahem, I mean you are the most... well... I wouldn't really like to add anything.

Thanks, un om bun

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